Chapter 3

Hanging On

Theresa gripped the steering wheel tightly as she tried to focus her concentration on the road. Pilar made frequent protests before Theresa left, for she felt that her daughter should not be driving in her obviously distressed state. However, Theresa was insistent, and Pilar reluctantly backed off. As Theresa drove closer to her destination, she became more anxious. Her nerves were frayed while her heart was still heavy with grief. When she arrived in front of the Crane Mansion, Theresa remained in her car with her body still poised in driving position.

Theresa still could not believe that Julian extended an invitation for her to come to the Crane mansion. Theresa was wary the minute he personally called her, and as she got out of the car, Theresa silently noted to keep her guard up. There was no way that she was going to let Julian hurt her more than he already did. It was enough that he allowed Rebecca to take custody of Ethan Martin. There was only so much Theresa could take, but she was still hanging on.

Just barely.

Theresa walked up to the front steps and gazed at the doors. Memories of her time spent with Fox in the mansion haunted her as she rang the doorbell. A Crane maid that Theresa did not recognize answered the door. After they exchanged brief eye contact, Theresa followed the maid into the living room. The maid motioned for Theresa to have a seat and quietly mentioned that Julian was coming down in a few minutes.

When the maid left the room, Theresa took a deep breath. She squeezed her eyes shut in an attempt to somehow close off her mind to any memories invading her thoughts. However, Theresa's attempts were in vain. The memory of Fox surrounded her and enveloped her in a sea of sorrowful reminiscence.

A single tear escaped out of the corner of her eye and slowly made a thin watery path down her cheek. Theresa did not even bother to wipe the tears away anymore. They would keep coming.

There was nothing Theresa could do to stop them from coming.

Theresa blinked rapidly as a fresh well of tears gathered in her eyes. She became aware of someone standing in the doorway and slightly turned her head. "Aren't you coming in?" She asked in an eerily cold tone.

Theresa heard Julian clear his throat nervously. "I suppose you're wondering why I invited you here." He said quietly.

Theresa heard his footsteps as he made his way towards the couch and only nodded once to confirm his assumption.

"I know you're hurting terribly, Theresa." Julian said in a slightly sympathetic tone.

"You don't know anything." Theresa snapped as she stared Julian down with a look of anger.

Julian looked into Theresa's teary and anger-filled eyes. He saw the pain and knew she was trying to conceal it.  "You can let go of that façade, Theresa. It isn't doing any good. I know you're hurting. You just don't want to show it in front of me because you hate me."

"I wouldn't say hate." Theresa said. "I prefer loathe."

"I suppose I deserve that." Julian said sitting down in a chair near the couch. He leaned back and watched Theresa. She found the silence disconcerting.

"Why did you call Julian?" She asked impatiently.

"Fox." Julian said simply. The one syllable nickname rang in Theresa's ears. She bent her head and clenched her fists. "Don't cry," She silently told herself, but it was of no use. The tears came, and Theresa did not bother to wipe them away.

"Here." Julian said handing Theresa a handkerchief. "I know you and Fox were close, and you obviously care a great deal for him."

"I loved him." Theresa whispered.

"Look, Theresa. You're free to go to his room if you want. That's why I invited you here. I thought that maybe it would help you."

Theresa looked at Julian warily. "What's the catch?"

"Catch?" Julian asked baffled by Theresa's question.

"Why are you being so nice to me?"

"You lost the love of your life, and I kind-of know what that's like."

"Yeah right." Theresa scoffed. "Who was the love of your life? Ivy? Rebecca?"

"Neither." Julian said. "But it doesn't matter. You can go to Fox's room. If there's anything in there that you would like to keep, feel free to take it."

Theresa stood up and looked at Julian. "Thank you." She mumbled as she walked past him. Just as she was about to climb the stairs Theresa looked up to find Rebecca standing before her with her arms crossed in a huff. "What are you doing here?" She asked. "You're banned from the grounds. I'm calling security!"

"Leave her alone Rebecca," Julian said in a tired voice as he walked up behind Theresa.

Rebecca narrowed her eyes. "I hope you're not behind this pookie."

Julian sighed. "Rebecca, just drop it."

"No, I am not going to drop it." Rebecca said. "I want her gone. Out. Now!" She demanded. "I should have little miss Tacosita escorted off to jail this very minute!"

"Rebecca! For God sakes shut the hell up and leave Theresa alone." Julian said obviously irritated. "She's gone through enough."

Rebecca and Theresa exchanged glares. "Where is she going?" Rebecca asked.

"Fox's room." Julian said. "Now let her pass."

Rebecca reluctantly stepped to the side. "I'm watching you." She said in a low voice. "You better watch it you little~"

"Rebecca~for the love of God!" Julian cried exasperatingly.

Theresa walked past Rebecca and up the stairs. She was tired of bickering with Rebecca. Enough was enough.

As Theresa walked the familiar hallways, she could hear Fox's voice in her head.

"Hey, where's that ol' Theresa fightin' spirit, huh?"

Theresa stood outside Fox's bedroom door. With an unsteady palm she reached out and turned the knob. The creak of the doorway echoed in the large empty room. Theresa did not even bother to switch on the lights. Darkness was becoming a common companion. Theresa looked over to the unmade bed. The covers were carelessly hanging off of the side.

Theresa stood beside the bed and looked at the pillow. It still contained the indentation of Fox's head. Theresa caressed it softly as tears blurred her vision.

"Why does it feel like you're still here? You can't be gone." Theresa whispered as tears moistened her lips.

One of Fox's shirts hung on the back of a chair. Theresa picked it up and realized that it was the same shirt he wore in L.A. during the dance contest. Theresa picked up the shirt and hugged it tightly against her. She vainly tried to imagine his comforting embrace surrounding her, but it was not the same. Theresa still felt unprotected, uncomforted.

Theresa looked around the room. It was as if it were waiting for him to return. "I'm waiting for you to return to me." Theresa thought sadly. "I wish you would come back."

Theresa closed her eyes and bent her head. She heard the faint sound of footsteps behind her. Theresa lifted her head and half-expected Fox to be standing right behind her.

"Theresa." She heard someone say softly.

Theresa's eyes opened wide. It sounded like Fox.

Theresa spun around. "Oh." She said disappointingly. Her mind was playing tricks on her. She heard Fox's voice because she wanted to hear it.

Although Theresa knew that Fox was never coming back, she could still not accept that he was gone. Deep down it did not feel as if he were gone, but the reality was that he was buried eight feet under the ground.

"Are you okay?" Ethan asked with a concerned look on his face.

"No." Theresa said sitting on the bed. "I need him Ethan. I want Fox back."