Chapter Four
Emotions Unleashed
"I want Fox back." Theresa repeated tearfully as she clutched Fox's shirt close to her chest. Ethan looked down and shifted his feet uncomfortably as he tried to find the right words to console his ex-fiancée. Unable to construct a plausible sentence, Ethan resorted to watching Theresa with a concentrated gaze. Theresa frowned as she stared Ethan. His blues eyes were no longer comforting to her. Years ago she could have lost herself in his gaze, but now all Theresa could register was Ethan's betrayal and his inability to be a man.
Theresa shot Ethan a look of disgust as she thought of how weak Ethan really was. She no longer bought into the false bravado he tried to display in front of everyone. Ethan was not her knight in shining armor. He was the coward that ran away as soon as danger was imminent.
"Go away." Theresa mumbled.
Ethan cleared his throat. Theresa glared at him as he refused to fulfill to her request. Defiantly he crossed his arms and shook his head in a firm no.
"Why are you still here?" Theresa asked icily. "I asked you to leave."
"No you didn't." Ethan said. "You told me to leave."
"Asked, told, who gives a damn?" Theresa said- her tempter already flaring. "I want you out. Now."
"No." Ethan refused.
Theresa laughed bitterly. "Should I go get Gwen? I'm sure if she told you to leave you'd obey her request immediately."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Ethan asked offended.
"Quite simply Ethan- you're Gwen's little bitch."
Theresa watch anger settle in Ethan's features. She knew she touched a nerve, but she could have cared less. Theresa was giving Ethan exactly what he deserved. Theresa did not care about Ethan Winthrop, for he was no longer a prominent figure in her life. The only man she really cared for was gone.
"I don't appreciate the way you're speaking to me." Ethan said through clenched teeth. Theresa watched red creep into Ethan's face.
"I'll speak to you the way I wish." Theresa retorted. "I don't have anymore respect for you Ethan. Gwen orders you around. She wears the pants in your relationship. I bet she even told you to adopt my son. And look at you now. You are adopting my baby boy. You hear that Ethan?" Theresa said standing up with her voice rising and trembling with anger. "Ethan Martin is my child, but you're taking him away from me to avenge Sarah's death. I know it."
Ethan remained silent and looked away. "You see?" Theresa said quietly. "You know I'm right."
"You don't understand Theresa." Ethan mumbled. "You just don't know."
"I completely understand, Ethan. I lost my little boy, and a man that helped me love again. I never got to tell him how I felt. He died without knowing how much I cared for him. Do you know how much that kills me inside Ethan? It feels like acid has been poured over my heart. It's seeping through me slowly disintegrating every tendon, every nerve. I feel dead inside. My soul's been poisoned with inescapable regret. Do you know how many times a day I wish for Fox to come back? Do you know how many times I've wished I've had the power to go back in time, so that I could get that one chance to tell Fox how I really felt?" Theresa paused breathing heavily. She began shaking her head. "No Ethan, the only one who doesn't understand is you."
"I know it hurts~" Ethan began vainly.
"Of course it hurts Ethan!" Theresa cried as tears filled her eyes. "I loved Fox. I still love him. He understood. He knew me. He cared about me."
"I do too." Ethan whispered.
"Like hell you do, Ethan." Theresa spat. "You don't care about me. If you did you would have enough sense to stand up to Gwen and not take my child away from me. If you did truly care about me, you would have been by my side helping me. But you weren't there. Fox was. Fox has done more for me than you ever have." Theresa lifted the shirt. "And now he's gone." She added. "Gone."
"But I'm here." Ethan offered.
"I don't want you!" Theresa cried. "See Ethan? You don't understand. It's Fox that I want!"
Ethan sighed heavily. "I give up." He mumbled as he once again left Theresa vulnerable to the darkness.
Theresa's shoulders sagged as she sat on Fox's bed. Still clutching his shirt, Theresa laid her head upon his pillow. Her nose detected his familiar scent. Theresa felt as though he surrounded her. Theresa closed her eyes as she breathed in and out slowly. Her whole body ached to be held by Fox's comforting embrace. "If only you were here." Theresa thought sadly. "If only I could tell you how much I love you."
Theresa stood up slowly and walked to the desk on the opposite side of the room. She looked through the drawers and found empty sheets of paper. Theresa reached for a pen and began writing. Writing was the only thing that could aid in consoling her.
My dearest Fox,
I still can't accept that you're gone. I can't accept the idea that your body is buried underneath the ground. I can't accept that I'll never see your handsome face, your friendly smile, or your gorgeous eyes. There are a lot of things that I can't accept right now.
Our relationship began as friends and it has stayed that way from the beginning. You've always been so good to me, Fox. I still laugh thinking about the night we first met. You scared me to death that night when I woke up to find you standing there shirtless. Despite our odd first meeting, you became a good friend. I've never forgotten what you told me that day of Miguel's wedding. "Keep it up, even if you have to fake it sometimes."
Truth be told, I've never forgotten anything since that night we met.
Memories have been flooding my mind endlessly. All I can think about is you, and the fact that I never expressed my love for you.
I suppose my love for you has always been hidden deep within me. And for so long I remained oblivious to it.
I know hearing me speak of Ethan perturbed you and I regret ever uttering his name, or obsessing about him the way I did. I acted like a complete fool, but you still put up with me. You didn't leave me or abandon the way Ethan has.
I feel so alone Fox. I know my family has been trying to console me, but it's not enough to combat the regret and pain that has come over me. My life's falling apart. It's spiraling down to nothing.
You've always had this amazing unexplainable way of consoling me. Somehow you completely understand me. You know me better than some of the others have.
The sad thing about it is~
Theresa's vision blurred. She could not bring herself to write down the words that plagued her every minute of every day. "You're gone." Theresa whispered as the pen slipped from her fingers.
"I want Fox back." Theresa repeated tearfully as she clutched Fox's shirt close to her chest. Ethan looked down and shifted his feet uncomfortably as he tried to find the right words to console his ex-fiancée. Unable to construct a plausible sentence, Ethan resorted to watching Theresa with a concentrated gaze. Theresa frowned as she stared Ethan. His blues eyes were no longer comforting to her. Years ago she could have lost herself in his gaze, but now all Theresa could register was Ethan's betrayal and his inability to be a man.
Theresa shot Ethan a look of disgust as she thought of how weak Ethan really was. She no longer bought into the false bravado he tried to display in front of everyone. Ethan was not her knight in shining armor. He was the coward that ran away as soon as danger was imminent.
"Go away." Theresa mumbled.
Ethan cleared his throat. Theresa glared at him as he refused to fulfill to her request. Defiantly he crossed his arms and shook his head in a firm no.
"Why are you still here?" Theresa asked icily. "I asked you to leave."
"No you didn't." Ethan said. "You told me to leave."
"Asked, told, who gives a damn?" Theresa said- her tempter already flaring. "I want you out. Now."
"No." Ethan refused.
Theresa laughed bitterly. "Should I go get Gwen? I'm sure if she told you to leave you'd obey her request immediately."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Ethan asked offended.
"Quite simply Ethan- you're Gwen's little bitch."
Theresa watch anger settle in Ethan's features. She knew she touched a nerve, but she could have cared less. Theresa was giving Ethan exactly what he deserved. Theresa did not care about Ethan Winthrop, for he was no longer a prominent figure in her life. The only man she really cared for was gone.
"I don't appreciate the way you're speaking to me." Ethan said through clenched teeth. Theresa watched red creep into Ethan's face.
"I'll speak to you the way I wish." Theresa retorted. "I don't have anymore respect for you Ethan. Gwen orders you around. She wears the pants in your relationship. I bet she even told you to adopt my son. And look at you now. You are adopting my baby boy. You hear that Ethan?" Theresa said standing up with her voice rising and trembling with anger. "Ethan Martin is my child, but you're taking him away from me to avenge Sarah's death. I know it."
Ethan remained silent and looked away. "You see?" Theresa said quietly. "You know I'm right."
"You don't understand Theresa." Ethan mumbled. "You just don't know."
"I completely understand, Ethan. I lost my little boy, and a man that helped me love again. I never got to tell him how I felt. He died without knowing how much I cared for him. Do you know how much that kills me inside Ethan? It feels like acid has been poured over my heart. It's seeping through me slowly disintegrating every tendon, every nerve. I feel dead inside. My soul's been poisoned with inescapable regret. Do you know how many times a day I wish for Fox to come back? Do you know how many times I've wished I've had the power to go back in time, so that I could get that one chance to tell Fox how I really felt?" Theresa paused breathing heavily. She began shaking her head. "No Ethan, the only one who doesn't understand is you."
"I know it hurts~" Ethan began vainly.
"Of course it hurts Ethan!" Theresa cried as tears filled her eyes. "I loved Fox. I still love him. He understood. He knew me. He cared about me."
"I do too." Ethan whispered.
"Like hell you do, Ethan." Theresa spat. "You don't care about me. If you did you would have enough sense to stand up to Gwen and not take my child away from me. If you did truly care about me, you would have been by my side helping me. But you weren't there. Fox was. Fox has done more for me than you ever have." Theresa lifted the shirt. "And now he's gone." She added. "Gone."
"But I'm here." Ethan offered.
"I don't want you!" Theresa cried. "See Ethan? You don't understand. It's Fox that I want!"
Ethan sighed heavily. "I give up." He mumbled as he once again left Theresa vulnerable to the darkness.
Theresa's shoulders sagged as she sat on Fox's bed. Still clutching his shirt, Theresa laid her head upon his pillow. Her nose detected his familiar scent. Theresa felt as though he surrounded her. Theresa closed her eyes as she breathed in and out slowly. Her whole body ached to be held by Fox's comforting embrace. "If only you were here." Theresa thought sadly. "If only I could tell you how much I love you."
Theresa stood up slowly and walked to the desk on the opposite side of the room. She looked through the drawers and found empty sheets of paper. Theresa reached for a pen and began writing. Writing was the only thing that could aid in consoling her.
My dearest Fox,
I still can't accept that you're gone. I can't accept the idea that your body is buried underneath the ground. I can't accept that I'll never see your handsome face, your friendly smile, or your gorgeous eyes. There are a lot of things that I can't accept right now.
Our relationship began as friends and it has stayed that way from the beginning. You've always been so good to me, Fox. I still laugh thinking about the night we first met. You scared me to death that night when I woke up to find you standing there shirtless. Despite our odd first meeting, you became a good friend. I've never forgotten what you told me that day of Miguel's wedding. "Keep it up, even if you have to fake it sometimes."
Truth be told, I've never forgotten anything since that night we met.
Memories have been flooding my mind endlessly. All I can think about is you, and the fact that I never expressed my love for you.
I suppose my love for you has always been hidden deep within me. And for so long I remained oblivious to it.
I know hearing me speak of Ethan perturbed you and I regret ever uttering his name, or obsessing about him the way I did. I acted like a complete fool, but you still put up with me. You didn't leave me or abandon the way Ethan has.
I feel so alone Fox. I know my family has been trying to console me, but it's not enough to combat the regret and pain that has come over me. My life's falling apart. It's spiraling down to nothing.
You've always had this amazing unexplainable way of consoling me. Somehow you completely understand me. You know me better than some of the others have.
The sad thing about it is~
Theresa's vision blurred. She could not bring herself to write down the words that plagued her every minute of every day. "You're gone." Theresa whispered as the pen slipped from her fingers.