BAN: Don't own don't sue... okay I know for sure this isn't betta'd but I
don't know I don't like having fics that just sit there and not get posted
so here you are!
I Wonder Chapter 3 Dealing?
Back at the bike Harry rode it like normal. There was a car following him. Just in case they were Death Eaters he didn't want to take that chance that they knew he was, The Harry Potter. He was hoping that if he rode for long enough they would think that he was a normal muggle.
No luck. After an hour of riding on the streets Harry gave up pulling into a deserted alleyway that was littered with trash. He roared into the air, as the black mustang followed him into the alleyway. "12 Grimuald place." Harry yelled, then added. "Hurry." Looking down again he saw the car transform into four brooms. Seconds later he couldn't see them any more. Pushing on the gas a little more the bike went faster than he thought it could. Reading the gage it said, 'fast. But not the fastest.' Smiling at that Harry almost feel out of the seat when he noticed that it wasn't sunny anymore. Taking off the glasses he could now tell that it was oh so very dark.
'Must have been there longer than I thought.' Harry said to himself examining the glasses in his hands. They looked like regular ones. Except when he had them on he didn't need to wear his other glasses they were perfect to his eyesight. He shoved them back on. It was so much easier to see with them on.
Landing in the alleyway next to HQ, he parked the bike. He wouldn't be surprised if Remus hadn't sent out a search party for him. Or he would come bursting out of the house at the noise the bike made while ridding it.
Walking up to the front doors he knocked twice. Waiting a few moments Remus' face popped out as it opened. "Harry!" Grabbing his arm Remus hauled Harry inside. Slamming the door shut, Harry winced inwardly at the look on Remus' face. He couldn't really name it, it was a mix of feelings, hurt, betrayal, anger, worry? He couldn't tell.
"Where the hell were you! Do you have any idea how worried I've been?!" Remus shouted. Trying to turn away Remus grabbed his shoulder hard. "Harry answer me!" Harry adverted his gave away from Remus, noticing that any one in the house was standing at the doorway's watching.
Shrugging out of Remus grip Harry bounded up the stairs, shoving past Ginny sending her to the floor. "Harry!" Remus yelled after him, helping Ginny up he pounded at Harry's door. "Harry... We need to talk. You can't keep avoiding me!" There were sounds of multiple smashing noises inside.
"Relay?" Harry asked. "Watch me!" There was more smashing inside. Wincing slightly, at the noise Remus took out his want and whispered a spell and the door swung open. "Get out." Harry pleaded from the left and farthest side of the now demolished room. The dresser drawers were hanging open their contents thrown about the room, three lamps laying on the floor in pieces, the desk on its side, ink paper, and books thrown about the room, and the bed surprisingly untouched... "Please just leave." Remus walked over to the closet and pulled open the door. Harry was revealed, hugging his knees to his chest and his head resting on them.
"We have to talk." Remus' heart broke to see Harry like this. Shaking his head Harry looked up at his old professor, who hadn't noticed it before that Harry looked worse than he did earlier that day, his eyes were blood shot and puffy and his cheeks were raw.
"Leave please..." Harry tried again.
"No Harry. You need to talk about this Don't shake your head at me young man. We where do you get off just leaving like that. Sirius wasn't the only one who loves you." Remus almost sounded as if he was pleading with Harry to talk to him. "Where did you go today?"
Harry closed his eyes and banged his head against the wall behind him. "I went to the Department of Mysteries." Remus make a gasping noise. "I went to go see Sirius." Pausing Harry took off the sunglasses and fiddled with them. "I went to where you can talk to the people who had gone threw the veil. Sirius was in there. He said that he couldn't' come out because he was now the Black side of Sirius. The side of him that would have killed me. For being James Potter son. Taking a shaky breath he went on. "He... he said that I was the only one that was still holding him back from moving on. He said that my parents were waiting there on the other side for him. He told me to let him go and to move on... he said..."Harry looked up at Remus with pleading eyes. "He said that you'd help me." Remus sat down across from the boy he loved so much.
"So I'm here now. I'm letting him go. I'm not holding back any more. But he's gone! I... I knew he was already gone from that night but I was still hoping, just a little that if I got sick enough than he would have to come back and save me. He never came. You and Tonks and every one came. "A single tear tolled down Harry's cheek
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for the way I've acted. None of you... especially you didn't' deserve this from me. I don't know what to do. I don't want to love anyone anymore. I don't want to care about anyone anymore! I loose every one that I've ever loved. I know how Mrs. Weasley looks at me when I'm talking to Finny or Ron. She doesn't trust me. I don't blame her." Shaking his head he laughed. "I'm amazed that Ron still talks to me. If I were him I'd hates me"
Running his hands threw his hair Remus thought for a moment then answered. "harry...I don't' know what to say. No one holds it against you for the way you've been acting. We all have lost someone close to us. We understand what you're going threw."
Harry shook his head anger flashing threw his eyes. "No you couldn't you all didn't lead that person to their deaths. You all think of course there was some way you could have saved them! But I did. I hade two things that could have saved him, that should have saved him. One: I could have tried harder when I was working with Snape. B: I could have opened that blasted mirror that he gave me at Christmas. If I had only opened it I would have saved him!" Harry got up walking through the room kicking things out of the way. Demolishing thing that were in his way. "You all didn't have you of your dreams ripped away from you. Right before your eyes! In a matter of seconds. You all have a home. Where people love you. I never got that. Sirius was the first that could have actually taken me away. To somewhere that people loved me. He was the first person ever that told me they loved me. The Dursley's never had." Remus looked shocked. He knew the Dursley's didn't like Harry but all kids had to have been told that they were loved. "Sirius was the first person that actually meant it in a fatherly way. The only one who has ever meant it.
"All of it. All of those wonderful things I could have had were ripped away by myself. I did it to myself. All for it. If I didn't listen to Kreacher Sirius would still be here." Remus held up his hand for Harry to stop talking.
"Wait what do you mean... If you didn't listen to Kreacher?" Remus asked running his hands threw his hair again.
Sighing Harry continued. "In my O.W.L.'s I had this dream I was Voldemort and I was torturing Sirius. They took me to the hospital wing I got out and I went with Ron to Umbrige's office. I fire called Sirius Kreacher answered. He said that you were all gone and that Sirius was never coming back from the Department of Mysteries.
Remus looked aghast. "Kreacher did this?" Harry nodded his head. "Oh god Harry." Finally Remus understood what Harry was talking about and why he was blaming it all on himself. "You can't blame his death on yourself." Harry slammed his fist into the wall.
Trying to pull it out Harry yelled, "It is my fault! You don't understand Sirius gave me the mirror for Christmas. Well I didn't open it until it was too late. So if only I had opened it he would still be here". Finally Harry gave a tug and his hand come out covered in scrapes and blood. "No one understands. No one can understand."
"Harry.." Remus stopped. He really didn't know what to tell Harry. Walking over to the shaking boy he hugged him with all his might. Harry tensing for a moment returned the hug crying into Remus neck. "I'm so sorry. Remus pulled Harry over to his bed and laid him down. Prying Harry's hands open from around his neck, he let Harry sleep. Watching him for a few minutes Remus left the room. Harry didn't make a sound all that night, he didn't even move 'till noon the next day when some one knocked on his door. "Go away!" Harry yelled rolling over under his covers.
"Sorry no can do Harry." Ron said as he pushed open the door. Shutting up with his foot He walked over to Harry's bed. Putting down the trey of food he was caring. He righted the side table and placed the food on it.
"Go away." Harry said again pulling the pillow over his head. Ron laughed. "Mate you've been sleeping since nine last night. It's noon now." Harry groaned, and finally got up. He walked to the bathroom again kicking things out of his way.
"Remind me to put this under the door for now on." Harry asked as he walked back into the room brushing his teeth. He jammed a chair under the doorknob. Ron nodded his head marveling the simplicity of it. Harry walked back into the bathroom spit and rinsed his mouth and face and joined Ron sitting on his bed.
"So...for lunch we have." Ron took the cover off the plate. "Tuna Sandwiches." Harry made a sound. Ron put the lid back over the top of it.
"That doesn't look very good..." Harry said looking at it again. "Who made it?"
Ron looked at the door quickly and lowering his voice he whispered "Mundungus I think." Ron shivered slightly.
"Um... I'll pass..." Harry sat back against his headboards. They sat there for a couple of minutes no saying anything. Harry broke the silence. "Place is a bit of a mess." Harry laughed.
"Yah but you've seen my room back at the burrow..." Ron commented smiling. "I have a couple of questions to ask you." Ron said nervously looking at the floor.
"Well go on then ask them." Harry replied getting up and starting to clean up his room a little bit. 'I'll have to ask Sirius so help me later....' Harry paused in mid thought shaking his head. 'Sirius is gone. You'll ask some one else or you'll do it yourself.'
"Not to bring the up or anything... but what are you going to do about Kreacher?" Ron asked joining Harry in cleaning up the room. Harry shook his head folding a black shirt.
"I don't know. I might... no I really don't know yet. I want kill him. Or do something to that extent and then before he's dead take down all of the heads in the halls. Then kill him... Something in that order.
Ron shivered. "Just one thing. When you do... I want to help." Harry nodded his head. "Okay well that was only the first thing.." Harry make a groaning sound followed by laughter. "Okay well I saw that bike down stairs... I just sat there admiring it. Do you know who's it is?"
Sitting on the floor laughing Harry looked up at Ron who looked confused. "It's mine. Sirius gave it to me." Ron looked dumbstruck. He shook his head. "Yes it is really mine. Do you want to go for a ride?" Harry asked standing up again. Ron nodded his head enthusiastically. As Harry went over to the bed and pulled out a key chain, Ron asked another question. "I sort of over herd you and Remus last night. I don't hate you mate. I don't envy you either. You made a mistake that cost someone's life. It might have been a big mistake but everyone makes them. And sorry to say... but your stuck with me!" Ron said Harry looked at him for a moment then held up eight keys that he pulled out from under the mattress, with an old piece of parchment. Looking at it Harry whispered three words and it became alive. The same way the Marauders map did. Except this one was called. Padfoot's map.
Pulling the chair away Harry opened the door. Instead of taking the right to go down stairs he took a left. And went further upstairs. "Where are we going?" Ron asked as they stopped in front of the attic door. No one could open the door... except Harry who had the key to it.
Harry had found a note that had a map of the whole house. This door had two names: Padfoot's Lair, and the Attic. Unlocking the door Harry let Ron in first, the followed locking the door again.
"This was Sirius' room. His parents didn't want him anywhere near the rest of the family so he was either sent up here or down in the basement. Neither any one can open except me cause I have the keys to both." Ron looked around in wonder. The room was covered in quidditch posters, and pictures of the Marauders and a picture of every girl that Sirius had ever dated. Sirius' trunk was at the end of his bed. Harry walked over to the closet and pulled the door open. All of Sirius' old school robes were in there, along with some of the nicer things he had ever worn. Pulling out another biker jacket he tossed it to Ron. On the back of it, it read 'Prongs.'
"You can ware my dad's old one." Harry also threw Ron a helmet, with a picture of a Stag on it. Well let's go. Harry said sliding a large picture of the Marauders out of the way. Shoving open the door it was blocking reveled a slide.
"Are we going down that?" Ron asked worriedly as he looked down what he could see.
"Yes. Unless you don't want to go on the ride." Ron sat at the edge and flew down the slide. Slamming the door shut Harry followed suit.
Ending at the bottom Harry stood up and looked at Ron who was looking like he was going to try going up the slide to do it again. "Don't even think about it." Ron shrugged and stared around the room. It was, well the only way you can describe it is by calling it 'The Marauders Heaven.' Or at least that's what the map called it.
"This place is awesome!" Ron exclaimed turning around in a circle staring at the every little thing that was in the room. Anything and every thing the Marauders had done together was in this room. Looking at a set of dresser drawers Ron picked 10 gold rings. "What are these for?" Harry walked over to where Ron was standing.
"These three." Harry picked up there of them. Selecting two of them, "These were my parents wedding rings." Picking up the third, Harry explained "This was his Marauders ring. Each of them had one. The last to were for Sirius fiancée. He never got a chance to ask her before he was sent to Azkaban." Ron shivered.
"What was her name? Do you know?" Harry nodded his head.
"Ileana Riddle. She was Voldemort's twin sister. Voldemort didn't know she existed until Wormtail told him. He tried to kill her before he went after me and my family. But she got away. No one knows what happened to her." Harry explained, noticing Ron's look, "She wasn't evil, like her brother. She was the good side if that makes any sense. In Sirius' diary he explained her as a 'Pure Angel.' Here this is what she looked like." Harry pulled open the first drawer and pulled out an old photography, of a woman with ebony hair slightly curly hugging the younger version of Sirius.
"Wow. She was hot!" Ron laughed. Harry put the picture back into the drawer.
"Yah she was pretty. I sort of remember her... though not really. Come one lets go." Ron put down the rings and followed Harry out another door. This one didn't lead to another room or a slide. It simply led to the out side. Exactly where Harry had left his bike.
"Okay then..." Harry quickly gave Ron the low down on the bike. Getting on Ron sat behind Harry who put on the glass' and the jacket. Ron followed suit. "You might want to hold on." Harry advised and he started the bike. As soon and he felt Ron holding onto the side rails that he had put up, he pulled on the handle bars shooting them into the air.
"Where are we going?" Ron asked excitedly. I really didn't care. He just wanted to stay on the bike.
"Diagon Alley. Sadly we have to do some shopping for people at HQ, then we should go see how the twins are doing. I have to ask them some stuff." Harry replied. Ron was amazed even though the bike was making a lot of noise he could hear Harry just fine threw the helmet.
Staring around bellow them mostly Ron asked, "How do you know all this stuff? About the bike, about the rooms? I don't get it." He could hear Harry laughing in front of him.
"Well as far as the rooms are concerned I was looking around my room and I found this letter to me. I don't think Padfoot wanted me to get it unless something happened. I guess he knew if something bad happened I'd tare apart my room. And I did so if found it, it had a bunch of keys in it and a map and a couple of other things. Mostly the keys and where they went. Like in Sirius's room I found his diary so I've been reading things out of that. And in his trunk I've found a ton of letters to my mum and dad, and to Remus and Wormtail." Harry explained as the bike took a sharp turn. "And this bike. It's hard to explain really. I was sitting on it yesterday and I just rested my head and the handlebars and I just sort of flashed to my past.
"It was kind of odd. It was of Sirius and me when I was a baby. We were flying threw the air. And I tried to reach up to him and I flashed out. I kinda wished that I didn't try to move because everything at that moment, everything that I was feeling just sort of vanished. It was really weird and kind of perfect." Harry finished.
"Wow." Ron sighed. Looking down again Ron noticed that they were getting lower. "We're here already? This has got to be a joke." Ron yelled and hopped off the bike. Harry got off and pressed a button and the bike shrunk into his hand. A chain appeared looped into one of the tiers and Harry out it on. Ron watched amazed as his and Harry's helmets shrunk with it and then flashed out and then onto the necklace. "Wicked." Was all that Ron could come up with.
"I didn't know that would happen." Harry laughed as he opened the door to the Leaky Caldron. Tom greeted them at the bar.
"Hello there. Can I get you something?" He asked glancing them up and down. Harry shook his head and promptly left the bar. Ron tapped on the bricks and they entered the Diagon Alley. "Hey Ron... don't call me Harry okay. I don't want any one to know I'm here. They always get so..."Harry shrugged. "Just odd if I'm around."
"Sure mate... what do I can you?" Ron asked as they entered Girngotts.
"I don't know... um..."Harry thought for a moment. "Just call me James." Ron looked at Harry for a moment until they got to an open goblin. "I'd like to make a withdrawl." The goblin nodded his head. Ron and Harry followed him down to the carts and got in. "We need to make three stops. First would b vault..."Harry looked at Sirius' vault key. "Vault 198." The goblin let go of the break, they went soaring down... until they reached vault 198
"Vault 198." The goblin said as Harry got out of the cart. The goblin opened the vault and Harry could hear Ron choaking behind him. The walls were completely full of gold.
Stammering Harry asked, "Excuse me please. How much money is in this vault?" The goblin stepted inside and read off an number.
"9million gallenons, 760 sickles, and 990 sickles." Harry nodded and got back to the cart giving the next's vaults number. It would be hi's parents' vaults... well same key for a vault that separated 3 little vaults inside. "Vault 760" Harry and Ron again got out of the cart.
"How much did Lily and James Potter have saved up? On there own?" The goblin read the number again.
"60million galleons, 760 sickles, and 990 sickles." Harry this time choked a little.
"How much does the Potter family excluding Harry Potters, and Lily and James Potters, accounts?" Ron asked. He knew that's what Harry was going to ask once he got over the shock of how much money he had.
"Five thousand eight million galleons, 760 sickles, and 990 sickles." The goblin replied.
"How much with out Harry Potter, James and Lily Potters, and the Potter's family does Lily Evans have?" Harry asked staring wide eyed at all the gold that was in there.
"85million galleons, 760 sickles, and 990 sickles."
"Thank you." Harry got into the cart with Ron. The goblin shut the door. "No can you please take us to Harry Potters Vault?" Harry showed the goblin his key for the third time.
At his vault, Harry was handed two sacks. He filled both with just galleons. "Thank you. Can you please take us up top." Ron requested only just a bit shakily. The goblin nodded his head.
"DEAR GOD JAMES!!" Ron yelled as they left Gringotts both holding on to one another, to keep from falling down the steps. "That more than a hundred million galleons!" Ron cried. "I had no..."Harry pause and held his stomach. "I think im going to be sick." Harry wretched into a dumpster, making a few people look his way.
"You okay mate?" Ron asked worriedly the way his mum had when he was sick.
Harry nodded his head. "yah... It's just that at the Dursley's said I wasn't worth anything... all that money... dear god... that was scary..."Harry said as they walked into the story right next door not carrying what was in there. At this moment Harry couldn't find anything that would make him come down from his own little high chair. He, if he wanted to could buy the whole broom making industry if he wanted to.
4 brooms, 2 new all kitchen re-models, 20 new books, 4 new wardrobes, 20 pairs of sunglass' (the kind that he had) and 2 snow cones later. Harry and Ron made there way threw Diagon alley buying what ever they wanted. Finally coming to a stop in front of The Wizard Weasley Wizes shop. Luckily seeing how much stuff they had bought all of the cashiers had shrunk everything so they could carry it in their pockets.
"Oi! Fred! George!" Ron yelled threw the shop. Making their way to the back of the shop and up stairs they found the Managers office. Harry knocked on the door and barged in. The twins looked up from the paper work they were doing.
"Hey Ronikens, Harry?" George jumped up from his chair. "What can we do for you guys?" George asked sitting on his desk opposite a rather nice couch. "Have a seat."
Fred sat next to George on the desk. "Nothing we just wanted to stop by and say Hi." Harry laughed. Ron plopped down on the red couch.
"So... Harry how have you been?" Fred asked apparently trying to make polite conversation.
Harry shifted nervously. "Fine." He answered simply
George shook his head. He apparently didn't like that answer. "Try again... something a bit more explanatory..." Crossing his arms in front of his chest Harry averted his gaze to the floor.
"I. Am. Fine." Harry said slowly enunciating each word slowly. Fred scoffed.
"Ron, our new clerk... Anna is her name... she needs some help out back... in the store room can you go help her. We have to discuss something with Harry. He'll come out shortly to help you and Anna." George said opening the door for Ron. Harry nodded his head and smiled as George locked and sound proofed the room.
"Okay we have two things we have to discuss with you. The first...mum said you aren't eating... she thought that maybe if we talked to you and told her what the problem was than she or us could help." Fred explained. Shaking his head Harry cracked his knuckles nervously.
"I really rather not..."Harry said looking at the door back to the twins he sighed. "But. Since I'm stuck in here I can't use my wand I guess I'll have to." The twins nodded their red heads simultaneously.
None of them said anything for a few minutes. Finally what seemed like forever Fred broke the silence. "Look Harry we know this is harder for you than it is for us but mum will kill us if we don't tell her what's up..."Looking at George smiled. "I like living. We have a good business." Harry fiddled with his hands.
Slouching back into the couch Harry looked at the twins. "I already told Remus what's up." The twins didn't look convinced. "Fine, fine if it will get every one of my bloody back then I'll talk." Harry looked at the door again than at the windows. 'No way of escape.' Harry thought to himself.
"I haven't been eating because..." Harry looked at his hands they had just became very interesting. "Because I blame his death on me. I can't bare the fact that I'm living when I deserved what he got. He didn't kill anyone. I did. I almost got your little sister and brother killed. Oh wait lets not forget about My mum and Dad, and Cedric. I was hopping that if I got sick enough that Sirius would have to come back and save me." Pausing Harry took a shaky breath. "He never came. Day after day no one ever came. Then finally Remus and Tonks and every one came. Not Sirius."
Fred glanced nervously at George before he asked his question. "Bit that still doesn't really explain why you aren't eathing. I mean it does if you were at your Aunt and Uncles house but why not now?"
Laughing Harry shook his head. "Why don't any of you understand?!" he yelled the Twins shifted nervously. "I really haven't eaten anything since I got to HQ Starving yourself for almost a month and a half, with people you live with not giving a damn that their own nephew was killing himself before their eyes." Tears feel out of Harry's eyes. He couldn't hold it in anymore. He couldn't. Everytime he talked to anyone all of the secrets he'd been forced to keep about himself. It got harder and harder for him to hold it in, he couldn't anymore. He had almost burst last night when he was talking to Remus... but he didn't have the energy. He had it now.
"They've been routing on anyone to kill me. Anything to get the 'freak' away form them, to get rid of the abnormality out of their house. So none of the neighbors could know about me. Yes Dumbledor was tight. To keep me locked away from the Wizarding world. This is what I've deserved my whole life." At the end of every sentence Harry would rub at his eyes, furiously.
"Now Harry calm down." Fred began, worried how hard Harry was rubbing and how red his face was getting.
Leaping to his feet Harry kicked a box out of the way not caring what was in it. "No! Don't 'Calm down Harry' me. I'm the savior of the goddamn Wizarding world! I can do what I want! Every one is depending on me. Don't I get a say about what goes on in my life?!" Harry asked.
"Not once has anyone in my entire life ever asked how I thought or felt! No one. If I was to die right here right now no one would miss me the orphan boy with no family. They would only moss Potter. The savior of the fucking Wizarding world." Holding up his hand Harry smiled sniffling. "Yes there would be one person who gave a damn about me. My first grade teacher, Mrs. Thomson, she wanted to get me away from the Dursley's. Just once did she see bruises covering my back. She actually cared that I was getting hit all the time. She tried. I remember how she had cried and told me how sorry she was that the Dursley's had paid her half a million pounds, so she wouldn't tell any one anything. They also got her fired and as far away from me as they could. They broke my left arm twice in return the money I cost them. Once it healed they would break it again. I had to tell everyone that I kept falling out of trees. I had to always keep a secret about how I was feeling. Always!
"It's never stopped. I lived in a cupboard under the stairs. I was their slave. 'Cook breakfast boy!' 'Boy get up you have chores to do.' 'Boy weed the garden. I don't care that you got bitten by a centipede.'" Harry mimicked his Aunt and Uncle's voices. Fred cautiously leaned over to make sure that all of what Harry was saying was still being what was written down. He handed Harry some tissues.
Harry now decided to go off on another rant. "I really do deserve this though. If it weren't for me Lily and James Potter would still be alive. If it weren't for me Sirius would still be alive, even if he was in Azkaban. Cedric would still be with his parents, he was only what sixteen?" Harry collapsed on the floor next to the door.
"Everything is my fault!" Harry pounded his head against the wall. "Why couldn't I just go up to Voldemort right now and just kill him. Or even better yet have him kill me?"
"Because you have people who love you! People who are holding you back!" Ron screamed entering through the fire. "God damn you. People care about you! Why can't you understand that you bloody bastard?!"
"No... stop it! Just stop caring about me. Please just don't care. Just ignore me! Every one else has until I was eleven."
"Harry people care about you. And love you. Just Harry part." Ron yelled thanking god that the room was sound poof.
Harry got up and walked toward Ron. "No one cares about me. No one ever has!"
"Yes they do!"
"No they don't. No one does. I'm a freak," Harry started flicking off a finger at each name. "A disease, a disgrace, a murderer, a killer, an orphan, wonder boy, the boy who f..."Harry didn't have a chance to finish what he was saying. Ron had slugged him sending him sprawling onto the floor. Harry got up thought and hit Ron back.
"Damn it Harry why can't you just stay down?!" Ron asked as he sucker punched him in the gut. Harry doubled over in pain. He got up and tried to swing at Ron, who ducked and tripped Harry sending him into rows of counters. The one he hit falling on top of him. He didn't get up or move.
Turning starch white Ron turned to the Twins. "Go get Remus and Mum quick." George vanished with soft pop. Looking at Fred, Ron felt tears come out of his eyes. "I didn't mean to...Oh god... what have I done?" Ron asked hugging Fred, who tried to soothe his distraught younger brother.
I Wonder Chapter 3 Dealing?
Back at the bike Harry rode it like normal. There was a car following him. Just in case they were Death Eaters he didn't want to take that chance that they knew he was, The Harry Potter. He was hoping that if he rode for long enough they would think that he was a normal muggle.
No luck. After an hour of riding on the streets Harry gave up pulling into a deserted alleyway that was littered with trash. He roared into the air, as the black mustang followed him into the alleyway. "12 Grimuald place." Harry yelled, then added. "Hurry." Looking down again he saw the car transform into four brooms. Seconds later he couldn't see them any more. Pushing on the gas a little more the bike went faster than he thought it could. Reading the gage it said, 'fast. But not the fastest.' Smiling at that Harry almost feel out of the seat when he noticed that it wasn't sunny anymore. Taking off the glasses he could now tell that it was oh so very dark.
'Must have been there longer than I thought.' Harry said to himself examining the glasses in his hands. They looked like regular ones. Except when he had them on he didn't need to wear his other glasses they were perfect to his eyesight. He shoved them back on. It was so much easier to see with them on.
Landing in the alleyway next to HQ, he parked the bike. He wouldn't be surprised if Remus hadn't sent out a search party for him. Or he would come bursting out of the house at the noise the bike made while ridding it.
Walking up to the front doors he knocked twice. Waiting a few moments Remus' face popped out as it opened. "Harry!" Grabbing his arm Remus hauled Harry inside. Slamming the door shut, Harry winced inwardly at the look on Remus' face. He couldn't really name it, it was a mix of feelings, hurt, betrayal, anger, worry? He couldn't tell.
"Where the hell were you! Do you have any idea how worried I've been?!" Remus shouted. Trying to turn away Remus grabbed his shoulder hard. "Harry answer me!" Harry adverted his gave away from Remus, noticing that any one in the house was standing at the doorway's watching.
Shrugging out of Remus grip Harry bounded up the stairs, shoving past Ginny sending her to the floor. "Harry!" Remus yelled after him, helping Ginny up he pounded at Harry's door. "Harry... We need to talk. You can't keep avoiding me!" There were sounds of multiple smashing noises inside.
"Relay?" Harry asked. "Watch me!" There was more smashing inside. Wincing slightly, at the noise Remus took out his want and whispered a spell and the door swung open. "Get out." Harry pleaded from the left and farthest side of the now demolished room. The dresser drawers were hanging open their contents thrown about the room, three lamps laying on the floor in pieces, the desk on its side, ink paper, and books thrown about the room, and the bed surprisingly untouched... "Please just leave." Remus walked over to the closet and pulled open the door. Harry was revealed, hugging his knees to his chest and his head resting on them.
"We have to talk." Remus' heart broke to see Harry like this. Shaking his head Harry looked up at his old professor, who hadn't noticed it before that Harry looked worse than he did earlier that day, his eyes were blood shot and puffy and his cheeks were raw.
"Leave please..." Harry tried again.
"No Harry. You need to talk about this Don't shake your head at me young man. We where do you get off just leaving like that. Sirius wasn't the only one who loves you." Remus almost sounded as if he was pleading with Harry to talk to him. "Where did you go today?"
Harry closed his eyes and banged his head against the wall behind him. "I went to the Department of Mysteries." Remus make a gasping noise. "I went to go see Sirius." Pausing Harry took off the sunglasses and fiddled with them. "I went to where you can talk to the people who had gone threw the veil. Sirius was in there. He said that he couldn't' come out because he was now the Black side of Sirius. The side of him that would have killed me. For being James Potter son. Taking a shaky breath he went on. "He... he said that I was the only one that was still holding him back from moving on. He said that my parents were waiting there on the other side for him. He told me to let him go and to move on... he said..."Harry looked up at Remus with pleading eyes. "He said that you'd help me." Remus sat down across from the boy he loved so much.
"So I'm here now. I'm letting him go. I'm not holding back any more. But he's gone! I... I knew he was already gone from that night but I was still hoping, just a little that if I got sick enough than he would have to come back and save me. He never came. You and Tonks and every one came. "A single tear tolled down Harry's cheek
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for the way I've acted. None of you... especially you didn't' deserve this from me. I don't know what to do. I don't want to love anyone anymore. I don't want to care about anyone anymore! I loose every one that I've ever loved. I know how Mrs. Weasley looks at me when I'm talking to Finny or Ron. She doesn't trust me. I don't blame her." Shaking his head he laughed. "I'm amazed that Ron still talks to me. If I were him I'd hates me"
Running his hands threw his hair Remus thought for a moment then answered. "harry...I don't' know what to say. No one holds it against you for the way you've been acting. We all have lost someone close to us. We understand what you're going threw."
Harry shook his head anger flashing threw his eyes. "No you couldn't you all didn't lead that person to their deaths. You all think of course there was some way you could have saved them! But I did. I hade two things that could have saved him, that should have saved him. One: I could have tried harder when I was working with Snape. B: I could have opened that blasted mirror that he gave me at Christmas. If I had only opened it I would have saved him!" Harry got up walking through the room kicking things out of the way. Demolishing thing that were in his way. "You all didn't have you of your dreams ripped away from you. Right before your eyes! In a matter of seconds. You all have a home. Where people love you. I never got that. Sirius was the first that could have actually taken me away. To somewhere that people loved me. He was the first person ever that told me they loved me. The Dursley's never had." Remus looked shocked. He knew the Dursley's didn't like Harry but all kids had to have been told that they were loved. "Sirius was the first person that actually meant it in a fatherly way. The only one who has ever meant it.
"All of it. All of those wonderful things I could have had were ripped away by myself. I did it to myself. All for it. If I didn't listen to Kreacher Sirius would still be here." Remus held up his hand for Harry to stop talking.
"Wait what do you mean... If you didn't listen to Kreacher?" Remus asked running his hands threw his hair again.
Sighing Harry continued. "In my O.W.L.'s I had this dream I was Voldemort and I was torturing Sirius. They took me to the hospital wing I got out and I went with Ron to Umbrige's office. I fire called Sirius Kreacher answered. He said that you were all gone and that Sirius was never coming back from the Department of Mysteries.
Remus looked aghast. "Kreacher did this?" Harry nodded his head. "Oh god Harry." Finally Remus understood what Harry was talking about and why he was blaming it all on himself. "You can't blame his death on yourself." Harry slammed his fist into the wall.
Trying to pull it out Harry yelled, "It is my fault! You don't understand Sirius gave me the mirror for Christmas. Well I didn't open it until it was too late. So if only I had opened it he would still be here". Finally Harry gave a tug and his hand come out covered in scrapes and blood. "No one understands. No one can understand."
"Harry.." Remus stopped. He really didn't know what to tell Harry. Walking over to the shaking boy he hugged him with all his might. Harry tensing for a moment returned the hug crying into Remus neck. "I'm so sorry. Remus pulled Harry over to his bed and laid him down. Prying Harry's hands open from around his neck, he let Harry sleep. Watching him for a few minutes Remus left the room. Harry didn't make a sound all that night, he didn't even move 'till noon the next day when some one knocked on his door. "Go away!" Harry yelled rolling over under his covers.
"Sorry no can do Harry." Ron said as he pushed open the door. Shutting up with his foot He walked over to Harry's bed. Putting down the trey of food he was caring. He righted the side table and placed the food on it.
"Go away." Harry said again pulling the pillow over his head. Ron laughed. "Mate you've been sleeping since nine last night. It's noon now." Harry groaned, and finally got up. He walked to the bathroom again kicking things out of his way.
"Remind me to put this under the door for now on." Harry asked as he walked back into the room brushing his teeth. He jammed a chair under the doorknob. Ron nodded his head marveling the simplicity of it. Harry walked back into the bathroom spit and rinsed his mouth and face and joined Ron sitting on his bed.
"So...for lunch we have." Ron took the cover off the plate. "Tuna Sandwiches." Harry made a sound. Ron put the lid back over the top of it.
"That doesn't look very good..." Harry said looking at it again. "Who made it?"
Ron looked at the door quickly and lowering his voice he whispered "Mundungus I think." Ron shivered slightly.
"Um... I'll pass..." Harry sat back against his headboards. They sat there for a couple of minutes no saying anything. Harry broke the silence. "Place is a bit of a mess." Harry laughed.
"Yah but you've seen my room back at the burrow..." Ron commented smiling. "I have a couple of questions to ask you." Ron said nervously looking at the floor.
"Well go on then ask them." Harry replied getting up and starting to clean up his room a little bit. 'I'll have to ask Sirius so help me later....' Harry paused in mid thought shaking his head. 'Sirius is gone. You'll ask some one else or you'll do it yourself.'
"Not to bring the up or anything... but what are you going to do about Kreacher?" Ron asked joining Harry in cleaning up the room. Harry shook his head folding a black shirt.
"I don't know. I might... no I really don't know yet. I want kill him. Or do something to that extent and then before he's dead take down all of the heads in the halls. Then kill him... Something in that order.
Ron shivered. "Just one thing. When you do... I want to help." Harry nodded his head. "Okay well that was only the first thing.." Harry make a groaning sound followed by laughter. "Okay well I saw that bike down stairs... I just sat there admiring it. Do you know who's it is?"
Sitting on the floor laughing Harry looked up at Ron who looked confused. "It's mine. Sirius gave it to me." Ron looked dumbstruck. He shook his head. "Yes it is really mine. Do you want to go for a ride?" Harry asked standing up again. Ron nodded his head enthusiastically. As Harry went over to the bed and pulled out a key chain, Ron asked another question. "I sort of over herd you and Remus last night. I don't hate you mate. I don't envy you either. You made a mistake that cost someone's life. It might have been a big mistake but everyone makes them. And sorry to say... but your stuck with me!" Ron said Harry looked at him for a moment then held up eight keys that he pulled out from under the mattress, with an old piece of parchment. Looking at it Harry whispered three words and it became alive. The same way the Marauders map did. Except this one was called. Padfoot's map.
Pulling the chair away Harry opened the door. Instead of taking the right to go down stairs he took a left. And went further upstairs. "Where are we going?" Ron asked as they stopped in front of the attic door. No one could open the door... except Harry who had the key to it.
Harry had found a note that had a map of the whole house. This door had two names: Padfoot's Lair, and the Attic. Unlocking the door Harry let Ron in first, the followed locking the door again.
"This was Sirius' room. His parents didn't want him anywhere near the rest of the family so he was either sent up here or down in the basement. Neither any one can open except me cause I have the keys to both." Ron looked around in wonder. The room was covered in quidditch posters, and pictures of the Marauders and a picture of every girl that Sirius had ever dated. Sirius' trunk was at the end of his bed. Harry walked over to the closet and pulled the door open. All of Sirius' old school robes were in there, along with some of the nicer things he had ever worn. Pulling out another biker jacket he tossed it to Ron. On the back of it, it read 'Prongs.'
"You can ware my dad's old one." Harry also threw Ron a helmet, with a picture of a Stag on it. Well let's go. Harry said sliding a large picture of the Marauders out of the way. Shoving open the door it was blocking reveled a slide.
"Are we going down that?" Ron asked worriedly as he looked down what he could see.
"Yes. Unless you don't want to go on the ride." Ron sat at the edge and flew down the slide. Slamming the door shut Harry followed suit.
Ending at the bottom Harry stood up and looked at Ron who was looking like he was going to try going up the slide to do it again. "Don't even think about it." Ron shrugged and stared around the room. It was, well the only way you can describe it is by calling it 'The Marauders Heaven.' Or at least that's what the map called it.
"This place is awesome!" Ron exclaimed turning around in a circle staring at the every little thing that was in the room. Anything and every thing the Marauders had done together was in this room. Looking at a set of dresser drawers Ron picked 10 gold rings. "What are these for?" Harry walked over to where Ron was standing.
"These three." Harry picked up there of them. Selecting two of them, "These were my parents wedding rings." Picking up the third, Harry explained "This was his Marauders ring. Each of them had one. The last to were for Sirius fiancée. He never got a chance to ask her before he was sent to Azkaban." Ron shivered.
"What was her name? Do you know?" Harry nodded his head.
"Ileana Riddle. She was Voldemort's twin sister. Voldemort didn't know she existed until Wormtail told him. He tried to kill her before he went after me and my family. But she got away. No one knows what happened to her." Harry explained, noticing Ron's look, "She wasn't evil, like her brother. She was the good side if that makes any sense. In Sirius' diary he explained her as a 'Pure Angel.' Here this is what she looked like." Harry pulled open the first drawer and pulled out an old photography, of a woman with ebony hair slightly curly hugging the younger version of Sirius.
"Wow. She was hot!" Ron laughed. Harry put the picture back into the drawer.
"Yah she was pretty. I sort of remember her... though not really. Come one lets go." Ron put down the rings and followed Harry out another door. This one didn't lead to another room or a slide. It simply led to the out side. Exactly where Harry had left his bike.
"Okay then..." Harry quickly gave Ron the low down on the bike. Getting on Ron sat behind Harry who put on the glass' and the jacket. Ron followed suit. "You might want to hold on." Harry advised and he started the bike. As soon and he felt Ron holding onto the side rails that he had put up, he pulled on the handle bars shooting them into the air.
"Where are we going?" Ron asked excitedly. I really didn't care. He just wanted to stay on the bike.
"Diagon Alley. Sadly we have to do some shopping for people at HQ, then we should go see how the twins are doing. I have to ask them some stuff." Harry replied. Ron was amazed even though the bike was making a lot of noise he could hear Harry just fine threw the helmet.
Staring around bellow them mostly Ron asked, "How do you know all this stuff? About the bike, about the rooms? I don't get it." He could hear Harry laughing in front of him.
"Well as far as the rooms are concerned I was looking around my room and I found this letter to me. I don't think Padfoot wanted me to get it unless something happened. I guess he knew if something bad happened I'd tare apart my room. And I did so if found it, it had a bunch of keys in it and a map and a couple of other things. Mostly the keys and where they went. Like in Sirius's room I found his diary so I've been reading things out of that. And in his trunk I've found a ton of letters to my mum and dad, and to Remus and Wormtail." Harry explained as the bike took a sharp turn. "And this bike. It's hard to explain really. I was sitting on it yesterday and I just rested my head and the handlebars and I just sort of flashed to my past.
"It was kind of odd. It was of Sirius and me when I was a baby. We were flying threw the air. And I tried to reach up to him and I flashed out. I kinda wished that I didn't try to move because everything at that moment, everything that I was feeling just sort of vanished. It was really weird and kind of perfect." Harry finished.
"Wow." Ron sighed. Looking down again Ron noticed that they were getting lower. "We're here already? This has got to be a joke." Ron yelled and hopped off the bike. Harry got off and pressed a button and the bike shrunk into his hand. A chain appeared looped into one of the tiers and Harry out it on. Ron watched amazed as his and Harry's helmets shrunk with it and then flashed out and then onto the necklace. "Wicked." Was all that Ron could come up with.
"I didn't know that would happen." Harry laughed as he opened the door to the Leaky Caldron. Tom greeted them at the bar.
"Hello there. Can I get you something?" He asked glancing them up and down. Harry shook his head and promptly left the bar. Ron tapped on the bricks and they entered the Diagon Alley. "Hey Ron... don't call me Harry okay. I don't want any one to know I'm here. They always get so..."Harry shrugged. "Just odd if I'm around."
"Sure mate... what do I can you?" Ron asked as they entered Girngotts.
"I don't know... um..."Harry thought for a moment. "Just call me James." Ron looked at Harry for a moment until they got to an open goblin. "I'd like to make a withdrawl." The goblin nodded his head. Ron and Harry followed him down to the carts and got in. "We need to make three stops. First would b vault..."Harry looked at Sirius' vault key. "Vault 198." The goblin let go of the break, they went soaring down... until they reached vault 198
"Vault 198." The goblin said as Harry got out of the cart. The goblin opened the vault and Harry could hear Ron choaking behind him. The walls were completely full of gold.
Stammering Harry asked, "Excuse me please. How much money is in this vault?" The goblin stepted inside and read off an number.
"9million gallenons, 760 sickles, and 990 sickles." Harry nodded and got back to the cart giving the next's vaults number. It would be hi's parents' vaults... well same key for a vault that separated 3 little vaults inside. "Vault 760" Harry and Ron again got out of the cart.
"How much did Lily and James Potter have saved up? On there own?" The goblin read the number again.
"60million galleons, 760 sickles, and 990 sickles." Harry this time choked a little.
"How much does the Potter family excluding Harry Potters, and Lily and James Potters, accounts?" Ron asked. He knew that's what Harry was going to ask once he got over the shock of how much money he had.
"Five thousand eight million galleons, 760 sickles, and 990 sickles." The goblin replied.
"How much with out Harry Potter, James and Lily Potters, and the Potter's family does Lily Evans have?" Harry asked staring wide eyed at all the gold that was in there.
"85million galleons, 760 sickles, and 990 sickles."
"Thank you." Harry got into the cart with Ron. The goblin shut the door. "No can you please take us to Harry Potters Vault?" Harry showed the goblin his key for the third time.
At his vault, Harry was handed two sacks. He filled both with just galleons. "Thank you. Can you please take us up top." Ron requested only just a bit shakily. The goblin nodded his head.
"DEAR GOD JAMES!!" Ron yelled as they left Gringotts both holding on to one another, to keep from falling down the steps. "That more than a hundred million galleons!" Ron cried. "I had no..."Harry pause and held his stomach. "I think im going to be sick." Harry wretched into a dumpster, making a few people look his way.
"You okay mate?" Ron asked worriedly the way his mum had when he was sick.
Harry nodded his head. "yah... It's just that at the Dursley's said I wasn't worth anything... all that money... dear god... that was scary..."Harry said as they walked into the story right next door not carrying what was in there. At this moment Harry couldn't find anything that would make him come down from his own little high chair. He, if he wanted to could buy the whole broom making industry if he wanted to.
4 brooms, 2 new all kitchen re-models, 20 new books, 4 new wardrobes, 20 pairs of sunglass' (the kind that he had) and 2 snow cones later. Harry and Ron made there way threw Diagon alley buying what ever they wanted. Finally coming to a stop in front of The Wizard Weasley Wizes shop. Luckily seeing how much stuff they had bought all of the cashiers had shrunk everything so they could carry it in their pockets.
"Oi! Fred! George!" Ron yelled threw the shop. Making their way to the back of the shop and up stairs they found the Managers office. Harry knocked on the door and barged in. The twins looked up from the paper work they were doing.
"Hey Ronikens, Harry?" George jumped up from his chair. "What can we do for you guys?" George asked sitting on his desk opposite a rather nice couch. "Have a seat."
Fred sat next to George on the desk. "Nothing we just wanted to stop by and say Hi." Harry laughed. Ron plopped down on the red couch.
"So... Harry how have you been?" Fred asked apparently trying to make polite conversation.
Harry shifted nervously. "Fine." He answered simply
George shook his head. He apparently didn't like that answer. "Try again... something a bit more explanatory..." Crossing his arms in front of his chest Harry averted his gaze to the floor.
"I. Am. Fine." Harry said slowly enunciating each word slowly. Fred scoffed.
"Ron, our new clerk... Anna is her name... she needs some help out back... in the store room can you go help her. We have to discuss something with Harry. He'll come out shortly to help you and Anna." George said opening the door for Ron. Harry nodded his head and smiled as George locked and sound proofed the room.
"Okay we have two things we have to discuss with you. The first...mum said you aren't eating... she thought that maybe if we talked to you and told her what the problem was than she or us could help." Fred explained. Shaking his head Harry cracked his knuckles nervously.
"I really rather not..."Harry said looking at the door back to the twins he sighed. "But. Since I'm stuck in here I can't use my wand I guess I'll have to." The twins nodded their red heads simultaneously.
None of them said anything for a few minutes. Finally what seemed like forever Fred broke the silence. "Look Harry we know this is harder for you than it is for us but mum will kill us if we don't tell her what's up..."Looking at George smiled. "I like living. We have a good business." Harry fiddled with his hands.
Slouching back into the couch Harry looked at the twins. "I already told Remus what's up." The twins didn't look convinced. "Fine, fine if it will get every one of my bloody back then I'll talk." Harry looked at the door again than at the windows. 'No way of escape.' Harry thought to himself.
"I haven't been eating because..." Harry looked at his hands they had just became very interesting. "Because I blame his death on me. I can't bare the fact that I'm living when I deserved what he got. He didn't kill anyone. I did. I almost got your little sister and brother killed. Oh wait lets not forget about My mum and Dad, and Cedric. I was hopping that if I got sick enough that Sirius would have to come back and save me." Pausing Harry took a shaky breath. "He never came. Day after day no one ever came. Then finally Remus and Tonks and every one came. Not Sirius."
Fred glanced nervously at George before he asked his question. "Bit that still doesn't really explain why you aren't eathing. I mean it does if you were at your Aunt and Uncles house but why not now?"
Laughing Harry shook his head. "Why don't any of you understand?!" he yelled the Twins shifted nervously. "I really haven't eaten anything since I got to HQ Starving yourself for almost a month and a half, with people you live with not giving a damn that their own nephew was killing himself before their eyes." Tears feel out of Harry's eyes. He couldn't hold it in anymore. He couldn't. Everytime he talked to anyone all of the secrets he'd been forced to keep about himself. It got harder and harder for him to hold it in, he couldn't anymore. He had almost burst last night when he was talking to Remus... but he didn't have the energy. He had it now.
"They've been routing on anyone to kill me. Anything to get the 'freak' away form them, to get rid of the abnormality out of their house. So none of the neighbors could know about me. Yes Dumbledor was tight. To keep me locked away from the Wizarding world. This is what I've deserved my whole life." At the end of every sentence Harry would rub at his eyes, furiously.
"Now Harry calm down." Fred began, worried how hard Harry was rubbing and how red his face was getting.
Leaping to his feet Harry kicked a box out of the way not caring what was in it. "No! Don't 'Calm down Harry' me. I'm the savior of the goddamn Wizarding world! I can do what I want! Every one is depending on me. Don't I get a say about what goes on in my life?!" Harry asked.
"Not once has anyone in my entire life ever asked how I thought or felt! No one. If I was to die right here right now no one would miss me the orphan boy with no family. They would only moss Potter. The savior of the fucking Wizarding world." Holding up his hand Harry smiled sniffling. "Yes there would be one person who gave a damn about me. My first grade teacher, Mrs. Thomson, she wanted to get me away from the Dursley's. Just once did she see bruises covering my back. She actually cared that I was getting hit all the time. She tried. I remember how she had cried and told me how sorry she was that the Dursley's had paid her half a million pounds, so she wouldn't tell any one anything. They also got her fired and as far away from me as they could. They broke my left arm twice in return the money I cost them. Once it healed they would break it again. I had to tell everyone that I kept falling out of trees. I had to always keep a secret about how I was feeling. Always!
"It's never stopped. I lived in a cupboard under the stairs. I was their slave. 'Cook breakfast boy!' 'Boy get up you have chores to do.' 'Boy weed the garden. I don't care that you got bitten by a centipede.'" Harry mimicked his Aunt and Uncle's voices. Fred cautiously leaned over to make sure that all of what Harry was saying was still being what was written down. He handed Harry some tissues.
Harry now decided to go off on another rant. "I really do deserve this though. If it weren't for me Lily and James Potter would still be alive. If it weren't for me Sirius would still be alive, even if he was in Azkaban. Cedric would still be with his parents, he was only what sixteen?" Harry collapsed on the floor next to the door.
"Everything is my fault!" Harry pounded his head against the wall. "Why couldn't I just go up to Voldemort right now and just kill him. Or even better yet have him kill me?"
"Because you have people who love you! People who are holding you back!" Ron screamed entering through the fire. "God damn you. People care about you! Why can't you understand that you bloody bastard?!"
"No... stop it! Just stop caring about me. Please just don't care. Just ignore me! Every one else has until I was eleven."
"Harry people care about you. And love you. Just Harry part." Ron yelled thanking god that the room was sound poof.
Harry got up and walked toward Ron. "No one cares about me. No one ever has!"
"Yes they do!"
"No they don't. No one does. I'm a freak," Harry started flicking off a finger at each name. "A disease, a disgrace, a murderer, a killer, an orphan, wonder boy, the boy who f..."Harry didn't have a chance to finish what he was saying. Ron had slugged him sending him sprawling onto the floor. Harry got up thought and hit Ron back.
"Damn it Harry why can't you just stay down?!" Ron asked as he sucker punched him in the gut. Harry doubled over in pain. He got up and tried to swing at Ron, who ducked and tripped Harry sending him into rows of counters. The one he hit falling on top of him. He didn't get up or move.
Turning starch white Ron turned to the Twins. "Go get Remus and Mum quick." George vanished with soft pop. Looking at Fred, Ron felt tears come out of his eyes. "I didn't mean to...Oh god... what have I done?" Ron asked hugging Fred, who tried to soothe his distraught younger brother.