.chapter thirteen.

Remus had never been to Lilly Evans' house before, nor had he ever thought that he would be. But he found himself in the small two sotry home in the suburbs, with a white picket fence around the front of the house, and the window seat in the upstairs bedroom, which Lily pointed out to be hers. It was obvious that Lily's sister had not expected nearly so many people, nor did she really want them there, but it was also obvious that she was too distraught to do anything about it.

"This is my room," said Lily once they manuevered all of the luggage upstairs into the guest bedroom and Lily's room. There was a poster of some band on her wall, then pictures of her, Jena, and Jackie throughout the room. There were even a couple with the Marauders, which was very amusing, not to mention surprising, for Remus.

"Nice bed," commented Sirius, pointing to the bunk bed that was converted into a desk/office area beneath the top bunk. There were at least two hundred books on the shelves, and it was pretty cozy looking.

"Thanks. I've had it since I was like, seven." She gazed fondly around the room and sighed. "Sad to think that I'm never going to see it again, after Petunia moves everything into a storage unit or whatever she plans to do with it all." Lily shrugged and sat on the window seat, beside Jackie, who was rumaging through a box she had pulled out from eneath a floorboard.

"Do you remember where I put that love letter to Chinatown?" she asked, referring to her code name for Ryan Chang, who she had been pursuing for a while, but that had all ended during the past month or two.

"Why would you write a love letter to China?" asked Sirius, scratching his head in confusion.

"Nevermind that," replied Jackie, fishing out the said letter, tucking it into her pocket. She handed the box to Lily, who also began fishing around inside of it. She pulled out a letter that she had written to Ben Corners and began to rip it into many little pieces while everyone watched. Then she put the pieces back in the box, put the lid on, and crouched down to replace it under the floorboard.

"So," said Remus slowly. "When is the funeral?"

"Tomorrow afternoon," said Lily, clearing her throat. "Why?"

Remus shrugged, and Sirius said, "Lils, you don't happen to have any food around here, do you? Because I'm starved."

Lily broke a grin and nodded, then motioned for him to follow her downstairs. The rest of the group stayed in her bedroom. Jackie let out a breath and said, "This is the most awkward, odd moment I have ever had in my life. Even worse than that time at the Three Broomsticks." She closed her eyes and shuddered in rememberance.

"What happened at the Three Broomsticks?" asked Remus.

"Well... let's just say, most embarrassing moment. Ever." She was turning nearly purple now. "I don't wish to revisit the whole event..."

James was wandering around Lily's bedroom, picking up her trainers and examining them as though he had never seen a pair of trainers before in his life. Then, he moved on to her dresser, where pieces of parchment were scattered about. Everything in the bedroom was just so... Lily. It was adorable. He picked up something else, a stuffed pig, and grinned to himself. He didn't realize he had an audience until Remus started laughing.

"James, you're the craziest person I know," said Jena slowly, grinning still. "But it's okay. I'm sure Lily would mind you touching Mr. Sniggles."

"Mr. Sniggles?" he asked with a bright smile.

"What about Mr. Sniggles?" asked Lily, sauntering into the room. She glanced at James, playing with her stuffed animal, and grinned. "Oh, you've found him. He's very nice. Doesn't snort or anything like that." She sighed and proceded to crack all of her knuckles, causing Jackie to cringe.

"How can you just do that?" she asked. "Ech."

"Sorry," said Lily, sheepishly. They all stood around in silence, Sirius eating a sandwhich and the rest of them staring at their shoes. No one knew what to say and it felt very, very uncomfortable.

:::......:::

That night, when everyone was sleeping, Lily slipped out of her house and sat on her back porch, perched on the railing, nursing a cooling cup of tea. She used to sit out there at night with her Dad, and they would discuss all sorts of things, mostly what was going on in her life, with the magic. They had discussed James and the Marauders quite a few times out on that railing, and it was felt weird to be out there without him, with the Marauders inside, camped out all over the house. Petunia and her boyfriend were very suspicious of the magical kind and kept giving Sirius bizarre looks, as they never saw him when he wasn't eating anything.

Lily heard the door open and glanced around to see James walking groggily towards her, wearing a pair of boxers and a T-shirt, which he looked rather nice in. Lily sighed and raked a hand through her dark red hair, which was a complete, fuzzy mess right now. She didn't care though, she was too tired and grief - stricken to care. She pulled her knees up to her chest as he leaned against the railing, facing the house, while Lily was facing the backyard.

"Were you very close?" he asked slowly, cauticous. He didn't want to start another fight with her, but he wanted to help. He watched her face for a moment, and she nodded. "They must have been top notch, if you loved them so much."

"They were..." Lily left the unfinished sentance hanging, trying to think of the best way to put it. "Mum was closer to Petunia, Dad was very close to me. We were a happy family until I got my letter; Petunia was convinced I was going to kill them all. And - well, I sort of have, haven't I?" she asked as her voice became hoarse and her eyes welled up with tears. She sighed slowly and brushed the tears of her face.

"No, it wasn't your fault at all," he said, reaching up tentatively to touch her shoulder. "If anyone was at fault, it was mine." Lily snapped her head around and gazed at him in confusion. She opened my mouth to protest and he shook his head. "It's a long story, Lily, and we're both too tired to talk about it now..."

"I'm not tired," replied Lily. She stared at him expectantly and he sighed, raking a hand through his permanently dishevled hair. "James," she said, trying another approach, "It's just that, I feel so guilty for bringing it upon my parents and my family."

"You feel guilty?" asked James, his voice quiet. "YOU feel GUILTY." He shook his head, slamming his eyes shut.

"Yes, James I feel guilty. Because if it weren't for me, my parents would be alive. If it weren't for the fact that I'm magical, even, my parents would be alive. We would be happy, I would have parents, and ..." She didn't finish the sentance.

"If anyone is going to feel guilty, it's me. It's because of me that Voldemort killed your parents, Lily. Because I -"

"Voldemort?" asked Lily. "Why would he want to kill my parents? They're muggles, for Merlin's sake!"

"Let me finish," said James calmly as Lily slid over the edge of the banister so she was standing beside him, her fluffy slippers tickling his toes she was so close to him. He sighed exapseratedly, realizing he would have to tell the complete story. "You know that day in the library, when I asked you about my friend who - well, you rememer, right? Well, the friend was me and those people - and your parents - wouldn't have died if I had gone to Dumbledore like you told me to!" Lily looked like she was going to disrupt again, so he went on quickly, "I just thought that I could handle it by myself. But then he kept sending me these letters, about how he was killing people to get me to join him in this big battle he's planning to make the wizarding world all pure again, because my magical blood count was like, sky - rocketed compared to other babies when I was born, so I was all special... I never meant to hurt you or your family, Lily. I'm really sorry."

"But that doesn't explain why they would kill my parents, James," said Lily, much more gentley and calmly than before.

"He kills people that are close to people I care about. And obviously... I care about you." The last bit was quieter and sheepish, and Lily couldn't help throwing her arms around his neck and giving him a large bear hug. James brought his arms around her too, hugging her tighter than he had ever hugged anyone before. They were clinging to eachother as though if they were to let go, they would get pulled apart forever. And under the cloudless, starless, velvety night sky, Lily Evans realized that she too cared a great deal for James Potter.

:::......:::

A/N: I'm so sappy, aren't I? Ridiculous, isn't it? Welll.... oh well. HP DAY IS FRIDAY, PEOPLE! I'M GONNA PEE MY FREAKING PANTS! SPEAKING OF PANTS.... THUNDERPANTS RULES, RUPIE!!!!!... I love the long red hair.... i love read heads.... sigh

[Added on July 5, 2004: Haha, I'm such a dork! Sorry I haven't posted in a while, I've been partying for fourth of July and all that nonsense, and I made some scrumptous Sundaes. I'm reading Peter Pan right now... maybe I'll post a Peter Pan fic... If you're lucky. I'm haivng some trouble on a sequel for this so it might be a little longer than expected, but who knows! Well, I'd better run... Stop prolonging the infinite end to this little fic, which is much longer than the other, don't you think Roxy? Lol. Thanks for reviewing everyone!]

Disclaimer: JK couldn't write my sappy bullshit. Sorry.

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