I sat cross legged on my bed probably looking very peaceful. However my
mind had no peace whatsoever. I was still jumpy from the incident that had
occurred at school. I had no idea why I did what I did, and I was angry at
myself because of it.
Also, when I had gotten home mom yelled at me for about an hour on end trying to figure out why I skipped school. I wouldn't tell her, will never tell her, she wouldn't understand. Instead I kept quiet when she grounded me for a week. Luckily I had pulled on a jacket before I came into the house or she would have seen the marks. Who knows what she would have done. Maybe I would be put back into the mental institution. I don't want that, never want that again. The horrible place still gives me nightmares.
I tried to sleep but I couldn't. My mind was on the one thing I thought it wouldn't be. I should be thinking about what I did, how horrible Cordelia was to me, what a bitch Glory was or why my mom was yelling at me. Any of those thoughts would have been reasonable, but no, I couldn't stop thinking about Spike. Our touch, his kindness, everything about him seemed to be perfect. Not the plastic barbie doll perfect either; he was his own person, which was so important.
I woke up at six the next morning so I could relax before having to go to school. I took a leisurely shower and selected a simple white v-neck top that cleverly covered up my arms without being overly warm on the gorgeous day.
I wasn't sure what to expect by going to school. Would Spike stand up for me or had he already forgotten about the day before? I pondered this until 8:30 when mom announced that she was driving me to school. I knew it was so that I wouldn't skip school again, but that wouldn't stop me if I needed to do it.
I walked through the gates once more, still alone. I looked around the yard and saw Spike hanging around with Cordelia, Glory, Harmony, Jake, Tim and others ... all the jocks and popular girls. I hung my head as I walked by; some things will never change, much as I want them to.
My first class of the day was so incredibly dull that it was unbelievable. Nothing happened. I was invisible to everyone, even the teacher. It was recess when things changed; I was sitting alone at a table reading when Glory and Cordelia came up, their groupies following excitedly. I put my book down and looked up expectantly. What could they possibly want now? Hadn't they caused me enough traumas?
"Hey Buffy, what's your deal? Do you need to go back to the institution; are you turning psychotic on us now? "Glory asked so many questions; but I knew she didn't want any answers.
"I don't know what you're talking about," I told her matter-of-factly.
"I'm talking about you, and self-harm. What's with that? Do you want to become a pity case? Is that it? Well you aren't going to get any pity from us because we know you. You are just an attention seeker looking to regain her attention."
I saw Spike was standing a couple of metres away listening and not doing anything.
He did it, he told the girls about what I'd done. Bastard. I knew I shouldn't have trusted him. I was so foolish to think he was better than anyone else here. He wasn't; he was exactly the same.
I lowered my head and let a couple of tears slide down my face. I've shamed myself, I've let them hurt me; what happened to being strong like all the women in my family? Just as I was thinking about what I could do next I heard a strong male voice.
"Hey girls, lay off Buffy. What has she done wrong this time?"
"She's been cutting herself, trying to get some attention."
"Well, just leave her alone won't you? She has enough to worry about without you lot being bitches." Spike was starting to get annoyed with what the girls were doing to me. I had hope for him yet, maybe I was right in the first place, he isn't like the other guys.
"What are you doing Spike? Are you standing up for Buffy? How can you, just look at her, all she wants is some pity. I thought we were your friends."
"I choose who I want to be friends with and who I want to help; so if I like Buffy then I will stand up for her."
Glory led the others away in disgust, their high heels clicking away down the path. Spike sat down next to me and gingerly put his index finger under my chin to lift up my head.
"Why did you tell them?"
"It slipped out. I wanted them to know how much you were hurting because of what they've been saying. I'm sorry."
"It's ok," I said, instantly forgiving him. That was the effect he had on me, I trusted him against my better judgement.
I spent the rest of that day with Spike. It was comforting, having someone to hang around with. We didn't have any classes together unfortunately, because he was in year twelve but at lunch he took me by the hand and pulled me to a bench that overlooked the sports field. I enjoyed that lunchtime more than any other in a while. We talked about our lives and our ambitions and anything that came into our minds.
"What are you going to do now Buffy?"
"What do you mean?" I was confused by Spike's out of the blue question.
"Well, about those girls, you can't be alone forever, you need friends."
"I have you."
"That's not what I mean. You can't just have me; you need other friends too."
"Well, I hate them. I'm not going back to them, especially with Glory there. She hates me."
"Ok, well..." He thought for a moment, "Remember how I said I played in a band?"
"Yes, Dingoes Ate my Baby, you told me. Interesting name..."
"Ha ha, yeah, well, I'm playing tonight at The Bronze again. I hang out with a lot of guys and girls there that are in first year college now so you wouldn't know them. They are pretty cool; so I was wondering if you wanted to come. You did say you wanted me to tell you when I played next. What do you say?"
"I'd love to," I said to him positively. I really did want to go; it gave me a chance to meet some other people that didn't know me, didn't know my past.
"Great, I'll pick you up at eight."
"Ok," Oh wait, I thought, I'm grounded, damn. What do I do, I can't tell him I won't go. He will think I'm stupid if I tell him why. What do I do? Finally I said to him: "Actually how about I meet you out the front of The Bronze at eight? It would suit me better."
"Alright," he agreed, "if you're sure."
The rest of the day went fairly quickly and mom picked me up at 3:10 to drive me home and during the silent drive I wondered what I could do to get out of being grounded.
A/N: Sorry, I took literally ages to update yet again. School is being mean and giving me more homework than ever before. It is all I have been doing. However, there is good news! I have finished the story! I decided to use it for my creative writing manuscript which meant I had to finish it all in one weekend. That means I will update about every week or so. I would still like to add in a few bits or whatever before I update though so yeah. Anyways, I think too that once I have posted the whole story I will re-post it with a few changes that might be a little better.
Also, I want to say to Sarah, who suggested that the cutting scene was a little off; I think that (although I have no personal experiences) cutting will be a different experience for everyone and there is no particular way anyone would go about it. Thanks though for your review, I really like constructive criticism. It makes my story better.
As always thanks to: SlayKitten91, Sarah, Tanydwr, Cynthia, IceBlueRose, Innocence/Indulgence, SpikesQueen, James, Chantel, GoldenGirl736, Anon., SexyWendy, Natasha, Hells-Angel01, Angelic, BD, Kassi, Liz and Lozzi1403. I have gotten an overwhelming amount of reviews for the last chapter and am so happy for that. I hope no-one has stopped reading though because I took so long to update.
Also, when I had gotten home mom yelled at me for about an hour on end trying to figure out why I skipped school. I wouldn't tell her, will never tell her, she wouldn't understand. Instead I kept quiet when she grounded me for a week. Luckily I had pulled on a jacket before I came into the house or she would have seen the marks. Who knows what she would have done. Maybe I would be put back into the mental institution. I don't want that, never want that again. The horrible place still gives me nightmares.
I tried to sleep but I couldn't. My mind was on the one thing I thought it wouldn't be. I should be thinking about what I did, how horrible Cordelia was to me, what a bitch Glory was or why my mom was yelling at me. Any of those thoughts would have been reasonable, but no, I couldn't stop thinking about Spike. Our touch, his kindness, everything about him seemed to be perfect. Not the plastic barbie doll perfect either; he was his own person, which was so important.
I woke up at six the next morning so I could relax before having to go to school. I took a leisurely shower and selected a simple white v-neck top that cleverly covered up my arms without being overly warm on the gorgeous day.
I wasn't sure what to expect by going to school. Would Spike stand up for me or had he already forgotten about the day before? I pondered this until 8:30 when mom announced that she was driving me to school. I knew it was so that I wouldn't skip school again, but that wouldn't stop me if I needed to do it.
I walked through the gates once more, still alone. I looked around the yard and saw Spike hanging around with Cordelia, Glory, Harmony, Jake, Tim and others ... all the jocks and popular girls. I hung my head as I walked by; some things will never change, much as I want them to.
My first class of the day was so incredibly dull that it was unbelievable. Nothing happened. I was invisible to everyone, even the teacher. It was recess when things changed; I was sitting alone at a table reading when Glory and Cordelia came up, their groupies following excitedly. I put my book down and looked up expectantly. What could they possibly want now? Hadn't they caused me enough traumas?
"Hey Buffy, what's your deal? Do you need to go back to the institution; are you turning psychotic on us now? "Glory asked so many questions; but I knew she didn't want any answers.
"I don't know what you're talking about," I told her matter-of-factly.
"I'm talking about you, and self-harm. What's with that? Do you want to become a pity case? Is that it? Well you aren't going to get any pity from us because we know you. You are just an attention seeker looking to regain her attention."
I saw Spike was standing a couple of metres away listening and not doing anything.
He did it, he told the girls about what I'd done. Bastard. I knew I shouldn't have trusted him. I was so foolish to think he was better than anyone else here. He wasn't; he was exactly the same.
I lowered my head and let a couple of tears slide down my face. I've shamed myself, I've let them hurt me; what happened to being strong like all the women in my family? Just as I was thinking about what I could do next I heard a strong male voice.
"Hey girls, lay off Buffy. What has she done wrong this time?"
"She's been cutting herself, trying to get some attention."
"Well, just leave her alone won't you? She has enough to worry about without you lot being bitches." Spike was starting to get annoyed with what the girls were doing to me. I had hope for him yet, maybe I was right in the first place, he isn't like the other guys.
"What are you doing Spike? Are you standing up for Buffy? How can you, just look at her, all she wants is some pity. I thought we were your friends."
"I choose who I want to be friends with and who I want to help; so if I like Buffy then I will stand up for her."
Glory led the others away in disgust, their high heels clicking away down the path. Spike sat down next to me and gingerly put his index finger under my chin to lift up my head.
"Why did you tell them?"
"It slipped out. I wanted them to know how much you were hurting because of what they've been saying. I'm sorry."
"It's ok," I said, instantly forgiving him. That was the effect he had on me, I trusted him against my better judgement.
I spent the rest of that day with Spike. It was comforting, having someone to hang around with. We didn't have any classes together unfortunately, because he was in year twelve but at lunch he took me by the hand and pulled me to a bench that overlooked the sports field. I enjoyed that lunchtime more than any other in a while. We talked about our lives and our ambitions and anything that came into our minds.
"What are you going to do now Buffy?"
"What do you mean?" I was confused by Spike's out of the blue question.
"Well, about those girls, you can't be alone forever, you need friends."
"I have you."
"That's not what I mean. You can't just have me; you need other friends too."
"Well, I hate them. I'm not going back to them, especially with Glory there. She hates me."
"Ok, well..." He thought for a moment, "Remember how I said I played in a band?"
"Yes, Dingoes Ate my Baby, you told me. Interesting name..."
"Ha ha, yeah, well, I'm playing tonight at The Bronze again. I hang out with a lot of guys and girls there that are in first year college now so you wouldn't know them. They are pretty cool; so I was wondering if you wanted to come. You did say you wanted me to tell you when I played next. What do you say?"
"I'd love to," I said to him positively. I really did want to go; it gave me a chance to meet some other people that didn't know me, didn't know my past.
"Great, I'll pick you up at eight."
"Ok," Oh wait, I thought, I'm grounded, damn. What do I do, I can't tell him I won't go. He will think I'm stupid if I tell him why. What do I do? Finally I said to him: "Actually how about I meet you out the front of The Bronze at eight? It would suit me better."
"Alright," he agreed, "if you're sure."
The rest of the day went fairly quickly and mom picked me up at 3:10 to drive me home and during the silent drive I wondered what I could do to get out of being grounded.
A/N: Sorry, I took literally ages to update yet again. School is being mean and giving me more homework than ever before. It is all I have been doing. However, there is good news! I have finished the story! I decided to use it for my creative writing manuscript which meant I had to finish it all in one weekend. That means I will update about every week or so. I would still like to add in a few bits or whatever before I update though so yeah. Anyways, I think too that once I have posted the whole story I will re-post it with a few changes that might be a little better.
Also, I want to say to Sarah, who suggested that the cutting scene was a little off; I think that (although I have no personal experiences) cutting will be a different experience for everyone and there is no particular way anyone would go about it. Thanks though for your review, I really like constructive criticism. It makes my story better.
As always thanks to: SlayKitten91, Sarah, Tanydwr, Cynthia, IceBlueRose, Innocence/Indulgence, SpikesQueen, James, Chantel, GoldenGirl736, Anon., SexyWendy, Natasha, Hells-Angel01, Angelic, BD, Kassi, Liz and Lozzi1403. I have gotten an overwhelming amount of reviews for the last chapter and am so happy for that. I hope no-one has stopped reading though because I took so long to update.