The LOTR Fanfiction Guide That May Save Your Life

by red mage1

A handy guide to writing your own Lord of the Rings fanfics. We are not responsible for any personal injury that may result from use of this guide.

1. Introduction

Lord of the Rings fanfiction. A crowded genre, full of bad writing. Like this, a paragraph with full of nothing but sentence fragments.

The first, and easiest, thing to remember is to avoid Mary Sues. You'll know if one of characters is a Mary Sue, because if she is reviewers will flame you faster than Harry Potter in Salem.

"But I don't want to be burnt at the stake!" you say. Well, we don't want you to, either. That's why this guide to writing LOTR fanfiction exists. The next thing to remember is canon, or what actually happened in the books. We'll start with a little questions and answer session of frequently asked questions before we dive headfirst into the recap.

1) Can I have evil Elves in my fic? No. Elves are always good. There are no Dark Elves except the Moriquendi who don't count because they're in the Silmarillion. Elves never did anything evil, except for taking a blasphemous oath that started a war that lasted an entire age wherein countless people died to no avail, killing their own people, including women and children, to steal ships or Silmarils, sending a Man on a suicide quest so he couldn't marry the sender's daughter, jailing innocent dwarves, and a few other insignificant things like these. Elves must always be good and noble.

2) Are there ninjas in Middle-Earth? Yes, but they're all hiding. That's why they're not in the movies or the books.

3) Are there any other Wizards besides Gandalf and Saruman in Middle-Earth? Yes. Originally five Wizards came to Middle-Earth: Saruman the White, Gandalf the Grey, Radagast the Brown, Erik the Red, and Scottie the Black Watch Plaid.

4) I read some of the Silmarillon. Why didn't those Valar guys just lay down the law and turn Sauron into a lump of charcoal? Because that would be cheating.

5) Why aren't there any half-elves in Middle-Earth? There are. Elrond is a half-elf.

6) Really? Yeah. Elrond's father, the half-elf Eärendil the Mariner, and his sons were given the choice by Eru Illúvatar of being either mortal or immortal. Then Eärendil sailed in his ship through the sky with a gem that Elves killed each other over on his brow.

7) Dude, you made all that up. That's not a question.