Harm's Way
Spoilers- Angel S5, up to ep. Ham's Way.
Disclaimer- Just a simple one, Angel characters, etc. belong to Joss and all those other people. The plot belongs to Gidgetgirl. I, therefore, own nothing.
Note- Sorry about the delay in the up date-age. Family stuff, you know how it goes. But now I'm on holidays so look out for update-a-ploza, people. Oh, by the way if part of this chapter seems kind of disjointed it's because I tried to make it emulate Cordelia's thought process.
Reviewer Responses, in no particular order:
KColl2003- oh trust me, there's going to hair tearing out, annoying moments. Hey, thanks for reviewing Swords and Sorcery in Sunnydale as well.
Felton's-babe90099- I'm glad you think it rocks pink socks, I hope you will continue to think so. I have no problem with long reviews, no problem at all /Grins/.
Gidgetgirl- I think that you have a S5 fic with Cordy in it you have to deal with the issues, otherwise it's just weird. I know Angel was kinda talkative, but if you think about it Cordy is the first person he can really talk to about it so to me it makes sense. And in the S5 ep. Origin Connor says he goes to Stanford, it's in the S3 ep. Provider that Angel and Cordy talk about him going to Notre Dame, you know when Connor was still a baby and they were day-dreaming about his life.
Ariel, Freezyboncoolipants, Spike's Girl Luna Ash, Darklight, Louise and Little Lost One- See, here up date. Chapters will be longer from now on, I hope, and probably fluffier for a while. Thanks to everyone that reviewed.
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Chapter 5
Cordelia wiped the tears from her eyes. She rubbed her hands up and down her arms; this place was just too cold. Cordelia sighed; she couldn't believe what had happened once she slipped into her coma, she just wished that she could have a turn at that Jasmine bitca. Cordelia took a deep breath and looked around her. Okay, she had to admit that it was a great apartment and it was… Oh my god was that-
She shook her head. "Stop. Brought with money gained by evil. It doesn't matter that that print is incredibly expensive and really pretty and that you really want one…"
Cordelia pushed back the chair and rose. She wandered into the lounge room, her arms wrapped around her middle. Much to her surprise she felt disconnected from everyone, something she hadn't felt since she first arrived in L.A. She felt restless and out of place here, she had no easy role to slip back into. Maybe… Cordelia sighed.
She couldn't help but smile when she saw Spike and Harmony asleep on the lounge, Harmony resting her head against his stomach with her arm flung around him. Spike had moved slightly in his sleep, his arm now holding Harmony close, supporting her. Cordelia inspected Harmony closely, she still wore the shirt her older version had been wearing this morning. Someone was going to have to take that little girl shopping.
Cordelia stilled as Harmony whimpered in her sleep, her head burying into Spike. Without waking, almost instinctively, Spike tightened his hold on her. Cordelia sat on the arm of a nearby chair, there was so much that she didn't remember about Harmony at this age. She remained there for half an hour, just watching the play of emotions across their sleeping faces. It was things like this she missed; just being near people, knowing that if you choose you can affect their lives, actually being a part of the world.
Harmony shivered, obviously cold. Cordelia carefully removed a blanket from the back of the lounge, where it had been carelessly thrown, and draped it around her. Harmony let out a little contented sound, making Cordelia smile sadly; Connor used to make a noise like that when he was a baby. She missed that noise; she missed that baby smell, the strange combination of talc, baby food and other less cutesy things.
Spying an open door Cordelia moved forward, entering Angel's bedroom. She looked around. "Wow, evil has really good taste."
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Angel sat at his desk skimming through some of Fred's reports. He ran an agitated hand through his hair, okay so skimming was being generous, really generous. Hell, he was over two hundred years old and he could only understand every second word and most of them were and, the and therefore. Angel threw the paper back onto his desk with a growl. That was it, he gave up the farce of working and settled into something he knew back to front, brooding.
"Okay, yes. I can admit it, I'm brooding alright?" He grated out to his empty office.
Angel sighed and ran another hand through his hair. He shouldn't have done that; he just hit the woman he loved with all his pent up emotions, threw all the events of the last year in her face and left without giving her the chance to comprehend it all.
"Stupid, stupid, stupid." He cursed himself.
Just because the demon hid behind her face, forced her to do things that there was no way she would ordinary do… Angel growled again. Stupid, he should just go up there and explain, maybe apologize, maybe beg for forgiveness.
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"Good to see you've made yourself at home."
Cordelia jumped, a slightly guilty look covering her face. Angel smirked at her, leaning against the doorframe. Cordelia frowned, lowering her face. "Angel, I-"
Angel interrupted her. "No, Cordy. I shouldn't have done that, what happened last year wasn't your fault."
"I know that, Angel. I also know why you did it." She gestured towards the files spread out on the bed. "I found Connor's file, I've seen the tape. I know why you felt you had to alter reality. And, as much as I hate to admit it… he does have a better life with them. Better then we could have ever given him. He's happy with them, he never was with us." Cordelia started to cry.
Angel sunk onto the bed, pulling Cordelia into his arms. She sobbed into his shirt; he ran a hand over her hair letting her have the emotional release she had denied herself since Connor was first taken.
"Angel?" Cordelia asked, her voice thick with unshed tears. "Do you ever wish that you could just go back in time and fix it all? Kill Holtz before he could try to hurt Connor? Make sure Connor stays our little boy?"
Angel rested his cheek on the top of her head. "Always," he answered truthfully. "I wish I could go back and stop you from receiving the visions, I wish that I had killed Holtz when I had the opportunity, I wish that I could find someway to go back and stop Jasmine from doing this to our family. There are so many things I wish to change, but we can't, Cordy. What happened has happened and even Willow isn't strong enough to change that."
Cordelia sniffed. "I know."
She untangled herself from Angel's arms and started to pace. Angel eyed her apprehensively. Several times Cordelia stopped, opened her mouth to speak before shaking her head and resuming her pacing.
She took a deep breath. "Angel, I think I should go."
Angel jumped to his feet. "Sorry, if you're tired I should find you a room."
Cordelia shook her head. "No, Angel, I think I should leave L.A."
Angel stared at her incredulously. "What? No, you promised you wouldn't leave me."
Cordelia wrung her hands furiously. "I know, but I'm not needed here anymore. You don't need visions; you have spies and psychics for that. You don't need a secretary; you have a whole pool of them. Everyone here has a role, except me."
Angel grabbed her arms, swinging her around to face him. "You're needed here, I need you."
"Do you, Angel? What do you need me for? What can I possibly do here?"
"Everything, anything you want to." Panic tinged his voice. "Just don't leave me again. I don't think I could handle it."
Cordelia ran hand down the side of his face. "Of course you would, you always do."
Angel shook his head. "No, if you go I'm coming with you."
"Angel… You can't, you're needed here."
"No, Cordy. I don't care. If you leave me I quit it all. The Powers be hanged, I don't care. Not without you."
Cordelia stared up at him, tears still in her eyes. "Alright, I'll stay."
Angel crushed her to him. "Thank you. Beside, you're not the only one here without a specific role. It's not like Spike actually does anything here."
Cordelia stiffened in his arms, Angel didn't notice. He was too busy thanking every deity he could remember for Cordelia staying.
"Listen, I'm sorry about earlier. I shouldn't have-"
Cordelia interrupted him. "No it's okay. I understand; it's not like you could really talk to anyone else about it, what with their memories being violated and all. It was probably a good thing you got all that out, otherwise you know, emotional ticking time bomb."
Angel was shocked. "You know about that?"
Cordelia raised an eyebrow at him. "Well, yeah. It's all in the files and I can read. Miss top ten percent of her class here."
Angel was having problems forming words. "And you're okay with it?"
"No, I'm not. You basically mind raped your friends, Angel. There's no way I could approve of that, not only that but you don't know what they could have done to them. But, like you said, what's happened has happened and we can't change the past. I just think you should trust them, these people are some of the strongest I know, they can handle it."
"I'll think about it." Angel promised.
Cordelia nodded. "That's all I ask. I know you'll do the right thing."