An hour before they'd been practically naked in each others arms their once stifled passions approaching a near no-return situation when suddenly he realized he was angry. Very very angry. His hands didn't lovingly trace her body, they pulled at her breasts and clothes roughly, pressing her into the bed, pushing her hands away and back where he wanted them. In his mind spinning around in a lust crazed haze were all the years of hell she'd put him through, all the mind games, how much he wanted her to finally, truly, be his once and for all… and he wanted sex. God how he wanted it, the places she had her hands made it hard for him to feel otherwise.
His mind jumped randomly on everything but where he was, the pervading pressure in his crotch only fed the fire. His dad dying, being stuck here, being drafted, Christine's hurtful betrayals... 'she wanted him now didn't she' he remembered growling to himself, and by god she'd get it. She pressed her hands against his chest as he spread her legs brusquely, but until that moment it hadn't hit him that the little strangled sounds she'd been making the past few minutes were tears. He was scaring her, and suddenly himself. Scared of what he wanted to do. He began to recoil, his hands lessening their white knuckled grip on her flesh, his body sliding away from hers. Her eyes opened hesitantly; then the crying started.
He slipped into his pants and managed to coax her into an apologetic embrace, whispering soft words of consolation and stroking her golden hair as it flowed down her bare back, cradling her head on his shoulder. He'd finally managed to settle her down. They didn't talk about what almost just happened. He held her till she finally dozed off.
She was asleep now, tucked warmly into the bed her parents used to sleep in.
Ben's face fell in confusion. "Marcus? Is she there?" He asked with panic heavy in his voice.
Marcus was now definitely sure something more was going on. He was careful to keep his voice from waking her. "Yeah. She's here."
"Oh thank god! It's been almost a week. Is she ok?"
"She seems fine. What's happened?"
"Hell, I don't even know. I come home for work and find she left me this weird note saying we weren't working and the wedding was off. All her stuff was there, minus a suitcase and some clothes. She just took off. Didn't tell anyone where to - everyone here is going crazy. We never even thought of Arissia! How long has she been there?"
"Arrived today for my father's funeral, ostensibly." He shrugged. "Can you come and get her? I somehow don't think she should be traveling alone."
"No, no. You're right. I can be out on a liner in an hour, work out the connections en route. Think you can keep her there a few days till I arrive?"
"Yeah. I can." He nodded looking to her sleeping silhouette in the other room. "I'll figure something out."
"Thanks Marcus, you're a true friend." The words while well meant, cut him like a knife.
Marcus smiled, he wouldn't have said had he known what happened, or what would have happened an hour ago. "Thanks Ben, see you then." He said his goodbyes and turned off the stellarcom.
There was that word. The one all men hated. Friend. It felt like a life sentence was just passed down on him. He shook his head and softly left the apartment letting her sleep in peace.
She swung his arm playfully back and forth as they walked silently down the winding corridors. Finally she spoke when they reached her door, spinning around to face him. "You don't have anywhere to go for Christmas do you? How about you come over, and stay a few days. I'd love you to meet Marc, and after all I've told him about you, I know he'd want to meet you too."
He could feel his heart beginning to thump hard in his chest as a wave of claustrophobia hit him like a ton of bricks. "Yes, that would be nice. I'll see what I can arrange." He forced on a smile, "Thanks for tonight Chris, it was good to see you again."
"You too, just seeing you again, after all these years. I can't tell you how much it means to me to know you're still alive." The way she looked at him, with so much wonder, he almost felt seventeen again. She used to worship him once, or at least it felt like it then.
She leaned forward and kissed him. Just a simple peck. He froze at the unexpectedness of it. She didn't retreat, she stayed a mere hairsbreadth away, he could feel her breath hot on his lips. She was waiting. She was so close. Staring into her eyes and realized he was waiting also.
He leaned forward just a bit, his mouth connecting with hers once more. Her lips began to move languidly move across his as her hands settle lightly on his hips. Marcus raised his hands and gently cupped her face as he slipped his tongue inside her mouth as hers wound around it inviting him even further out of his common sense. Her hands crept up his back pulling him closer. A flash of the last time he'd been in this situation with her burned on his synapses.
He stopped pulling his head back to look at the face he held in his hands. Her eyes creaked open, mouth agape. So very little had changed. She was every bit as lovely as he remembered. That was part of the problem, she was exactly as he remembered. He shook his head, a sad smile breaking across his lips.
"What's wrong?" She whispered, seeing him gaze on her so intently.
Such a fire in those brown eyes, one he'd never seen when she was actually his. No, she as never actually his. And he knew she never would be. Then it hit him; he was okay with that now.
He took a deep breath, saying this was harder than he thought it would be. "I had better go now. Goodnight, Chris." He placed a kiss to her forehead and stepped away. "I'll stop by and see you again before you leave," he said then turned and began to walk away.
"You're leaving?" she said, racing up to him and setting her hand on his arm. The Ranger stopped. "You can't go now. I just got you back." She said implored softly.
Wrong answer, he thought to himself. He smiled, resigned, shaking his head. "Bollocks. I knew this would happen..." He groaned.
Her forehead wrinkled like it used to when she was upset. His words hurt her. He didn't care, he didn't! Okay, maybe he did, just a little. He however was less eager to say what came next.
"Okay, it's like this. I saw you when you first arrived. If I hadn't been in the Zocoalo for lunch you wouldn't even have known I was here at all. I didn't want to see you again. I'm sorry."
The tips of his mouth turned up sadly as he dropped his head but did not lose eye contact.
"Chris, it was good to see you, I have missed you. More than you know," he said sincerely, then added. "But please, let's just forget you ever saw me. We'll both be better off."
He took a deep breathe through his tensed jaw. "I'm going to go before I say anything more... Goodbye." He leaned forward, grasping her gently by the shoulders and placed a kiss to her forehead, then turned and began to walk away.
"I always loved you," she called out after him, emotion thick in her voice. He stopped in his tracks and looked back at her quizzically. Now her voice had an ounce more courage in it. "I don't think I ever stopped." She tried to smile.
"I'm sorry to hear that but it's about 20 years too late, and I don't want to go back there. I can't." he said simply and turning again to walk as fast as his feet would take him and still look in control of the scene.
Once in the elevator, he let out a huge exhale and closed his eyes, leaning back against the lift's wall. He could hear her crying as the lift took off. Seconds later he was a dozen levels away. He felt like an ass, but a free ass that finally felt like there was a light somewhere at the end of this damned tunnel.