Harry sat staring at Dumbledore, frozen in
disbelief. There was a strange buzzing in his ears that seemed to be getting
louder and louder. He shook his head and his lips formed the word 'no' but the
sound seemed died in his throat. The silence was stretching and he felt the
weight of the room pressing down onto him.
"I'm so sorry, Harry"
Dumbledore said, placing a gentle hand on Harry's arm.
Harry looked down and noticed
dully that his arm was shaking under the headmaster's touch. His eyes glazed
over as he thought of the last time he had seen Lupin; strolling down the long
Hogwarts drive after a summertime visit, throwing a friendly wave over his
shoulder at Harry standing at the front doors.
"I'll never see him
again" Harry realized, the brutal shock of reality beginning to set in.
"Oh, God" Harry
sobbed, closing his eyes. His hands began to shake and he felt sick.
"It's going to be
okay" Dumbledore said gently, trying to reassure the distraught boy.
"No!" Harry jumped
out of the chair and began to pace wildly. "He's not dead....he's not
dead....he can't be....."
Dumbledore felt his eyes sting
with tears as he watched Harry shake his head in denial. "Harry-"
"No!" Harry half
shouted, half sobbed, as he turned to face the headmaster. "You don't
understand. He's all I had left, he was my only source of strength after Sirius
died. We helped each other go on. I can't do this without him! There's no one
to help me get past Remus' death because they've all already died, the last of
the true Marauders.....Sirius, my dad...."
Dumbledore stood in alarm as
Harry became more and more hysterical.
"I have no one now.
They've all left me, just like everyone does. I just want one year where no one
I love dies, is that too much to ask?"
Harry fell to his knees as
Dumbledore quickly crouched beside him.
"Harry, you will get over
this. You have to be strong. I know it's unfair and it seems like the world is
against you, but you must go on. Harry, please calm down" he pleaded.
Harry continued to sob as he
curled into himself on the floor, ignoring the headmaster's kind words.
Dumbledore went to his door and
opened it, calling out orders to whoever was standing outside.
Harry pressed his nails into
his palms again but it wasn't enough to replace the pain clutching his heart.
His wails became louder as realization overwhelmed him; knowing that he had no
one to turn to anymore and the only contacts he had had with his parent's lives
were now gone. He felt more alone then he had ever felt in his young life.
He became dimly aware that
Dumbledore was talking to someone just inside the door.
He didn't care. He just wanted
to go to sleep and never wake up, then he wouldn't have to feel anymore. He
wanted to be with Remus and Sirius. They just couldn't abandon him. His body
shook as he continued to cry unrestrainedly on the floor.
A strong pair of arms suddenly
encircled his shoulders and raised him up, bringing his head to rest against a
warm, solid chest. He kept his eyes closed and clutched at the person
desperately, simply needing to be held in silence and understanding. He buried
his face into the person's robe and after awhile felt his breathing slow down,
becoming less erratic, felt the last of his tears falling down his cheeks.
He instantly felt drained and
his body sagged weakly as a wave of dizziness washed over him. The arms holding
him tightened their grip and kept him from collapsing.
Harry gulped and took a deep
breath to ease his nausea. He exhaled shakily and began to feel somewhat in
control of his emotions again. He realized in surprise that his scar had begun
to burn sometime during his break-down and he now felt the full force of it as
his physical awareness returned to him.
He was distracted from the pain
by the feel of tears falling softly onto the top of his head.
He blinked his eyes open in
surprise and lifted his head away from the comforting embrace to look up.
"Draco?"
Harry couldn't believe it when
he saw the familiar grey eyes and pale face, tears trailing silently down the
soft skin. He reached out and caught one of the pearly drops on his finger.
"Don't cry, Draco" he
whispered, feeling an odd detached sort of compassion.
"Don't be nice to me,
Harry" Draco answered sadly. "I don't deserve it."
"Have you changed your
mind?" Harry asked hopefully. "About....us?"
Draco shook his head and looked
away.
"Then you're right, you
don't deserve it" Harry answered coldly, backing away from him.
"Please let me
explain" Draco pleaded.
"No, I heard you the first
time; you're done with this little whore."
"Harry, I had to-"
"You didn't have to do
anything, Malfoy" Harry spat, the pain in his scar increasing and filling
him with unreasonable anger. "It's your own choice what you do with your
life, and if you spend it trying to live up to other people's expectations then
you will end up with nothing. You will be nothing, just the empty shell of a
person who once could actually think for themselves. Why are you even
here?"
"Dumbledore sent for me,
he doesn't know that we're...."
"Enemies again?"
Harry supplied viciously.
Draco sighed. "We're not
enemies."
"Could've fooled me. Do
you call all your friends whores and publicly disgrace them or is that right
reserved especially for me?" Harry asked sarcastically, trying to ignore
the throbbing pain on his forehead.
"I'm sorry about that,
Harry. I didn't mean it."
"Oh well, that makes it
all okay then." Harry sighed tiredly. "I can't trust anything you say
anymore. Just leave me alone."
"No, I want you to
understand" Draco spoke urgently. "I never lied to you until that
day, ever. Harry, you must see that any kind of lasting relationship between us
is impossible. We're from two different worlds. I know I said that that would
never matter but it does, it's just too hard to overcome. Believe me, it's
easier this way."
"You think this is
easy?" Harry shouted angrily. "This isn't easy, it's fucking
unbearable! Even if the whole world was against us at least we'd still have
each other.....now we have nothing. So don't you ever presume to know what's
best for me because you don't. And don't feed me that bullshit about it being
for the best because you are a fucking coward and you don't have the guts to
stand up for what you want."
Rage blazed in Harry's green
eyes as he let his anger spill out and lash at Draco's shocked and hurt
demeanour.
"Fine, think what you
want" Draco said. "But it doesn't mean that I ever intended to hurt
you. I really did love you....I still do...."
"How dare you?" Harry
breathed out angrily. "How dare you come in here at the worst moment of my
life and say something like that? You said we could never be together again and
I was just beginning to reconcile myself to that fact, so why are you doing
this? Thought you'd kick me while I was down? Give me that final push into
complete hell? You're doing a pretty shitty job of not trying to hurt me."
Harry reached up and grabbed
the edge of Dumbledore's desk, mustering all of his strength to pull himself to
his feet. He could see blackness fogging the edge of his vision as he leaned
heavily on the wooden desk, the pain in his scar attempting to pull him into
unconsciousness.
Draco stood up worriedly and
stepped towards him.
"Stay away from me!"
Harry hissed. "Why did you really come here? Why bother?"
"No matter what you
believe, Harry, I still do care for you. I can't stand seeing you like
this."
"Oh, so it's pity? Well,
don't worry, I'll make sure you never see me like this again. From now on I'll
try not to subject you to my miserable life. I'll make sure Dumbledore knows
that we are no longer friends."
Harry paused as wave of
coldness swept through his body and spots of light danced in front of his eyes.
But he had one more thing to say.
"I don't love you anymore,
Draco."
Draco rushed forward as Harry
fell, catching him before he could hit the floor. He called for Dumbledore and
hastily wiped away the tears on his cheeks that had begun to fall during
Harry's tirade.
Dumbledore burst into the room
accompanied by Madam Pomfrey.
"Would you carry him to
the infirmary for us, Mr Malfoy?" Madam Pomfrey asked when she saw Harry's
unconscious state.
"I can't...." Draco
replied, setting Harry's body down and moving away. "I have to
go....."
Draco stood and bolted from the
room.
Dumbledore shared a surprised
look with Madam Pomfrey before they picked Harry up between the two of them and
carried him off towards the hospital wing.
* * * * * * * * *
Harry
opened his eyes and looked around the familiar white room of the infirmary. The
pain in his scar was gone but he felt utterly exhausted.
"Harry?"
Harry turned and smiled weakly
at the headmaster.
"Sorry, about
before...." he finally said.
"It's fine, dear boy"
Dumbledore assured him. "You, more than anyone, deserve to let off a
little steam once in awhile. How are you feeling?"
"Tired" Harry
admitted.
"It'll pass. Just stay
here as long as you need" Dumbledore spoke hesitantly. "I need to ask
you something, Harry. Mr Malfoy-"
"Is no longer my
friend" Harry interrupted coldly.
Dumbledore gazed at him
searchingly but didn't press the subject. "I want you to take the week off
from classes. If you want to talk to someone I can arrange a counsellor from St
Mungo's to come...."
"That won't be
necessary" Harry said in alarm. "I'll be fine."
Dumbledore patted his shoulder
comfortingly. "I didn't think you'd agree to that one, but I thought I'd
offer. Take all the time you need, Harry. I'll always be willing to talk if you
so desire, about anything, not just Remus."
"Thanks" Harry smiled
gratefully.
"I shall leave you
now" Dumbledore said as he stood. "Are you strong enough to have a
visitor?"
"Who?" Harry asked
curiously. "Ron and Hermione?"
The headmaster turned and
motioned to someone standing in the shadows of the doorway.
"Ethan" Harry smiled
in relief. He hadn't felt like talking to Ron and Hermione and being subjected
to their pity.
"Hi, Harry" Ethan
smiled warmly and walked over to stand beside his bed.
The headmaster's eyes twinkled
as he watched the two boys smile at each other in greeting. "Ethan will be
good for him" he thought as he left them alone.
"Sit down" Harry
motioned towards Dumbledore's vacant chair.
"How are you?" Ethan
asked as he settled himself down.
"Fine."
Ethan raised one eyebrow.
"Okay, so I'm not
fine" Harry laughed. "But I will be."
"Dumbledore told me all
about it. Were you close to him?"
"Yes" Harry nodded
sadly. "He was like a father and big brother all rolled into one. He's
also the best DADA teacher I ever had....was the best...."
"What was he like?"
Ethan asked.
"He was my father's best
friend from school, so I always felt like that was something that kind of
connected me to my parent's lives. He always told me anything I wanted to know
about them. He understood how I felt, being singled out because of something I
can't control. I don't know if Dumbledore told you but he was a werewolf."
"He did" Ethan
nodded.
"It bothered a lot of
people" Harry shrugged. "He was perfectly safe though. Anyway, he was
always there for me, helping me after Sirius' death. Do you know-"
"That Sirius Black was
your godfather? Yeah."
"You must think my life is
very strange, best friends with werewolves and ex-convicts.....well, I guess it
is" Harry admitted with a laugh.
"Not strange, but
definitely interesting" Ethan agreed.
"That's true, never a dull
moment in my life. Are you sure you still want to be my friend?" Harry
smirked.
"Of course" Ethan
said seriously. "Nothing you say could horrify me enough to want to
leave."
"Really? What if I told
you that I was a Blast-ended Skrewt in
disguise?"
"Well, that might do
it" Ethan laughed. "You hide it very well though."
Harry laughed.
"What if I told you I was
really a goblin?" Ethan asked with a grin.
"Then I would ask you why
goblins never seem to take showers."
The two burst out laughing.
"So when are you getting
out of here?" Ethan asked, once he had recovered his breath.
"Anytime I want"
Harry grinned. "I think I'll spend the night here and leave tomorrow
morning. Dumbledore said I didn't have to go to classes all week."
"Lucky" Ethan said
wistfully. "No Professor Snape for a whole week."
"That's what made me
accept Dumbledore's offer" Harry winked.
"I guess I'll leave you
now and let you get some rest" Ethan smiled.
"Okay, will I see you
tomorrow?"
"You can bet on it"
Ethan promised as he stood up.
"Bye."
"See ya, Harry" Ethan
waved.
Harry watched Ethan leave and
felt a little better that he really wasn't completely alone. Ethan wasn't
overly sympathetic, he just listened and seemed to understand.
"Harry?" Ethan
reappeared in the doorway.
"Yeah?"
"Ron and Hermione are
here, do you want to see them?" he asked.
"Er...."
"You don't have to"
Ethan said.
"I don't think I will,
could you?...."
"Make up some
excuse?" Ethan smiled. "No problem."
Harry smiled and settled back
into his pillows, closing his eyes and allowing himself to drift off into a
much needed sleep.
* * * * * * * * *
Ethan
walked down the dungeon hallway, a pleased smirk on his face. He spoke the
password for the Slytherin dorms and entered, looking around the busy room. His
eyes came to rest on Pansy Parkinson and he made his way over, double checking
that Draco wasn't anywhere nearby.
"Pansy Parkinson,
right?" Ethan smiled charmingly.
"Yes, what do you
want?" she asked in annoyance as she turned to face him.
"I was just wondering if
your boyfriend had returned form Dumbledore's office yet?"
"Draco? He's not my
boyfriend. What was he doing in the headmaster's office?" she asked
suspiciously.
"He's not your boyfriend?
Pity, you two look good together. Anyway, I heard that he and Potter were in
there all morning, even when the headmaster left they were still in
there...alone."
"Where did you hear
this?" Pansy demanded.
"Why don't you just ask
him?" Ethan suggested. "Did you see him at all tonight?"
Pansy narrowed her eyes and
thought carefully. She hadn't seen Draco much this evening. "I will ask
him."
Ethan watched as Pansy flounced
angrily from the room and headed for Draco's dorm. He chuckled and went to
stand by the fire, holding his hands out and letting the warmth seep into his
skin.
"This is just too much
fun" he thought. "Poor Potter, he isn't going to take this well. Just
when he thought his life couldn't get any worse, and then wham! Malfoy hits him
with another dose of pain. I just hope Pansy does what I hope she will, she's a
pretty vindictive bitch, so she should. I can't wait to see his reaction
tomorrow. I'm really starting to enjoy myself."
