Back again for chapter three. I hope yall enjoy this chapter, 'cause Muraki's comin' back in the next one, which means things are gonna get nasty. Poor Hisoka... I love him to death, but if I don't add a plot I'm gonna lose interest from some of the nice ppl who've been reading. Plus, Muraki's just asking to get his arse kicked, so I shall eventually oblige. -niko-
Hearts everyone!
Pairings: Tsuzuki/Hisoka (getting closer) Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in this story. They belong to Yoko Matsushita. The setting is mine, tho.
Dust particles drifted aimlessly, illuminated in the single shaft of afternoon sunlight that had found its way through the basement's only window. The pale rays veiled a small figure sitting on the floor surrounded by piles of discarded books as high as his shoulder. Another book rested in his lap, and every now and then a page would turn with the flick of his pallid wrist. He looked up, leaf green eyes turned translucent by the bleaching sunlight, as footsteps approached.
Tsuzuki smiled down at Hisoka. "Find anything?" He knew the answer even before he asked the question.
"Iya." The young dragon turned back to the book he had been skimming.
"Well there are still plenty of books left. Why don't we take a break for now? We've been at this for hours." Hisoka looked reluctant to leave the search for his cure even for a short while, but Tsuzuki was insistent.
"Come on," he said, reaching down to take the open book. "Let's go have some lunch. You haven't eaten for over a month and-I don't care what you are-you need to eat." He extended a hand to help the smaller man up.
Frowning and ignoring the helping hand, Hisoka stood and dusted off his pants. He glared up at Tsuzuki, and added the annoyance of being shorter to his irritation about the delay.
"I don't remember asking you to mother me when I contacted you for help."
"No, but do you remember how, when you first came here, I promised that you'd be safe?"
"...Aa."
"Well, how would I live with myself if I let you get sick after promising that? I have to take care of you!" The words were accompanied by a cheerful smile.
The feeling behind the statement took Hisoka off guard, and for several seconds he stood in surprised silence. Finally he realized how he was acting, and his expression became unreadable.
"Baka. If you want to keep me healthy, you'd better let me cook." He walked past the mage and up the stairs, not looking back.
"Huh? Hisoka, matte! What does that mean?" Tsuzuki pounded up the steps after his guest.
~*~})|({~*~
Tsuzuki's library turned out to be extensive. Five days had passed by the time Hisoka lifted the final book off of the last shelf in the half he had chosen to look through.
The book was a worn and dusty old thing with a faded leather cover and yellowed parchment pages. The title on the front was barely legible, having long since lost its gold embossment, but proclaimed the volume to be "A Study of Various Curses and their Natures".
Hisoka flipped through the book, trying to keep his hopes from rising. Several times before he had found books with similarly helpful seeming titles, only to discover that they held nothing of value. There was a chance that this book would be different, but until he found what he was looking for, there would be no use in getting excited.
He was utterly sick of getting his hopes up for nothing. All his life he had been shown that hoping for something was useless, that nothing would come of hoping, and that if he wanted something, he would have to take matters into his own hands. So here he was, taking matters into his own hands, and he wasn't making any progress.
Yet still, he couldn't entirely keep himself from hoping. Three times before, he had found something in one of Tsuzuki's books that caught his eye, and immediately called the mage's attention to the text in question. Twice they had stopped researching long enough for Tsuzuki to attempt the curse-breaking spells within the books...but to no avail. The third time, Tsuzuki had regretfully informed the dragon that the counter-curse detailed in the book was one designed to do more harm than good.
Hisoka had quietly gone back to his corner of the library after hiding the book away to use as a last resort. If all else failed, he would turn to that for his revenge, consequences be damned.
Before long, he had finished skimming the book. He slammed it closed, quashing the tiny hope that had arisen within him. The book had turned out to be no more than a discussion of the ramifications and morality of curse-casting. It offered him nothing useful.
Suddenly the world seemed strangely distant. He felt detached, separate from everything. A tiny corner of his mind processed the information mechanically as he stared unseeing at his hands as they rested limply on the aged cover of the book still on his lap.
That was the last book. There was nothing left, and he was still cursed. There was nothing else to do except convince Tsuzuki to cast the spell he'd hidden away. At least then he might have a chance at revenge.
After all, why not risk it? Revenge was all he had left. He couldn't go back to his clan even if he wanted to. Not after the betrayal. Not after what they had done. Revenge on Muraki...and revenge on that conceited group of overgrown salamanders that used to be his 'family'.
A hand came to rest on his shoulder, drawing his attention back to the present.
"Hisoka...?" Tsuzuki stood behind him exuding an aura of muted concern. In accordance, his voice was quiet, almost hesitant as he called the dragon back to reality. "You're bleeding." He gestured to pale fists that Hisoka didn't remember clenching. Blood oozed from between his fingers as his nails reopened the almost faded cuts from a week ago.
"...Aa." He shrugged away from the mage's touch, and opened his hands to stare at the garnet liquid smeared over his palms. The flow continued sluggishly, and Hisoka's shoulders began to shake with a mixture of frantic, repressed laughter and unvoiced sobs.
"Hisoka?" The concern became sharper, more focused.
"They won't heal." He laughed, but it was a bitter, choked sound. "Trapped in this weak body...no magic...nothing...! I can't even heal!" His tone revealed mad despair, and Tsuzuki reached out to him again, intending to lift him off the floor.
"Come on, Hisoka. You need to rest. Calm down. It's going to be okay. Everything will be all right."
Hisoka whipped around as he stood, half stumbling before he found his balance. He glared at Tsuzuki, angry and distraught as the weight of the situation finally crashed down on him after three months of repression.
"What's going to be all right? How is anything going to be all right?! Have you found a counter-curse?" Tsuzuki flinched, and Hisoka continued his tirade. "I'm trapped in this body! Abandoned, shamed...an abomination! Tell me, mage, how things are going to be 'all right'!"
"Hisoka, please just calm down!"
"Answer me!"
Amethyst eyes flashed as Tsuzuki shouted back. "Not until you snap out of it! Get a hold of yourself!"
With his mind trapped in whirlwind of anger and pain, Hisoka leapt forward and clamped one hand around Tsuzuki's wrist. His other hand went to the mage's throat, seeking skin-to-skin contact as he grasped mentally for Tsuzuki's mind.
The pain of mind reading drew a scream from his throat as he delved into the mage's thoughts and memories. He felt Tsuzuki's concern and worry first, but underneath those abstract feelings was the concrete knowledge that the curse was most likely permanent.
He screamed again, in protest this time, and dug deeper, heedless of the pain. He knew, some far away part of him knew, that he wouldn't find what he wanted this way. The same part of him saw Tsuzuki's thoughts as confirmation of what he had both feared and believed deep down.
Hisoka ignored that part of his consciousness as he searched for answers within Tsuzuki's mind. Nothing he felt helped.
Suddenly he became aware of a darkness in the mindscape. A dark depression from years ago had been locked away under layers of optimism. Locked away, but not forgotten. As Hisoka fell into the mage's despair, his body finally gave out and he collapsed in an untidy heap on the dusty floor.
Tsuzuki fell to his knees beside the unconscious dragon, and stared at him as shock, confusion, anger, concern, and fear swept through his mind. He climbed shakily to his feet and pressed a hand to his temple where he could feel a headache forming.
He had never thought that Hisoka would actually become violent. Cautiously, he probed his throat, searching for cuts, scratches, or bruises left by the frantic dragon. To his relief, Hisoka had dealt him no damage, and he realized that his guest had meant him no real harm.
He knelt down, and hesitantly lifted the slim form off the floor. When he felt no attempt s to read his mind once more, he shifted his grip to hold him more securely.
He knew that Hisoka hadn't slept at all for five days, choosing instead to remain in the basement, skimming book after book hoping for a cure. He smiled sadly down at the troubled visage of the sleeping dragon, and wondered absently how long he would sleep this time.
Just as Hisoka had seen into his mind, he had seen into Hisoka's--although he realized that part of the reason for this was that the dragon had been temporarily incapable of shielding his mind. He hadn't seen much, but what he had seen disturbed him.
"It's no wonder you got so upset today," Tsuzuki murmured. "Keeping all that bottled up can't have been good for you."
He carried Hisoka upstairs and into the spare bedroom where he laid him carefully on the bed and left. A glance at the wrist Hisoka had grabbed reminded him that the dragon's palms still bled. He padded into the bathroom, and wiped the drying dragon blood from his throat and wrist. A quick raid on the medicine cabinet yielded cloth, salve, and bandages to take care of Hisoka's injuries.
Tsuzuki returned to the spare room. He sat down on the edge of the bed and lifted one of the dragon's hands. Carefully, he wiped around the cuts, clearing off the blood. With two fingers he applied some of the salve to cleanse and heal the cuts, then wrapped a couple turns of gauze around Hisoka's hand, just in case. He repeated the process, leaning back when both hands had been seen to.
"You're only doing more damage to yourself this way," he said quietly, knowing full well that Hisoka couldn't hear him. Gently he brushed at the soft locks of honey colored hair that fanned over the dragon's face.
"I'm sorry about what happened to you."
On impulse, he leaned over and kissed Hisoka's forehead. He stood and turned to tuck the sheets in around the dragon, then moved to leave. As he shut the door behind him, he looked over his shoulder at Hisoka.
"You must have been an amazing sight in your true form....I wish I could have seen you." Then he closed the door, leaving Hisoka alone to rest.
~*~})|({~*~
It was midmorning when Hisoka awoke. Slowly, his mind wandered back to the last things he remembered before passing out, as his body remained motionless. He gazed blankly at the ceiling, focused completely on what he had done, and what he would have to do now.
He had actually attacked Tsuzuki. He had forced his way into the mage's mind, and judging from the lingering throbbing in his own skull, the mage had probably had a fair sized migraine to deal with afterwards.
He still felt that odd detachment that had led to his pent up emotions getting loose, but now there was a heavy quality to it that hadn't been there before. He felt weighed down by the impact of what he had learned, but unable to actually feel anything about it.
He was unable even to feel surprised that he had so completely lost his temper. Hadn't he been trained all his life to be calm and unfeeling at all times? Hadn't he been punished enough for displaying such undragonlike things as sadness or rage?
But he wasn't really a dragon anymore, was he? Now he was something else, something that was neither dragon nor human.
All the accusations, all the hatred and disgust and fear that had been rained down upon him by his clan rang fresh in his ears, and this time they were doubly true. Not only was he cursed with the unnatural ability to read the emotions of others, but now he was bound by another curse that had stolen his life.
What was left for him?
Footsteps sounded in the hall and paused outside the door. Hisoka shut his eyes again, and lay perfectly still, pretending to be asleep. He couldn't deal with Tsuzuki right now. He didn't have the energy to deal with an angry mage.
The door creaked open just enough to allow Tsuzuki to peek into the room. For a full minute, all was silent. Then the mage pushed the door completely open, and made his way to the bed. He dropped down to sit next to Hisoka, and folded his arms loosely across his chest.
"I know you're awake." The dragon didn't respond. "Just so you know, it's a dead give away if you stay so stiff. You have to relax if you're going to pretend to be asleep."
Hisoka opened his eyes, but otherwise remained immobile.
"You've been asleep for just over two days. How are you feeling?" Again, the dragon refused to speak. "It's actually been a very nice two days. I got to eat food that had flavor, unlike that bland stuff you cook."
Finally, Hisoka moved. He sat up and folded his hands in his lap, keeping his eyes downcast. "Stop playing games with me."
"Games?" Tsuzuki blinked in confusion.
"Why am I still here? Why haven't you thrown me out or cursed me? Didn't I prove that elf right? Didn't I finally give you an actual reason to fear me?"
"I'm not afraid of you."
Hisoka lifted his eyes and stared at Tsuzuki, wearing the same cold, emotionless expression he had worn both times he had demonstrated his ability to see auras.
Even though the dragon's eyes remained normal, Tsuzuki had to repress a shiver from his memories of the eerily glowing gaze. Although Hisoka's expression didn't change at all, Tsuzuki knew he had felt the uneasiness stirred by memories. He sighed.
"Look, you can't judge a person based on little things like that. Shouldn't the fact that you are still here and that I've been looking after you prove that I'm not afraid of you?"
Hisoka resumed staring at his hands. "Maybe you were just waiting for me to wake up before you cursed me."
"I am not going to curse you. I don't know where you got the idea that I would, but I promised that you'd be safe here, and I mean to keep that promise. Hisoka...look at me." When the young dragon refused to heed the request, Tsuzuki reached over and gently turned his head. He kept his hand on Hisoka's cheek even after they had locked gazes.
"I know you've been through some awful things. Tell me what happened. I want to help you."
"It's none of your business."
"Bottling it all up isn't helping you." Hisoka remained stubbornly silent, and Tsuzuki sighed again. "Remember how serious you were about repaying me for my help? Well I've decided to call in the debt. I've spent a week researching and well over a month looking after you. In return, I want you to trust me, and tell me what happened to you."
"Then what mage? Do you honestly think you can help?" He bristled, glaring at Tsuzuki.
"I can try."
"Yeah, trying did a whole lot of good the first time, didn't it?"
"Hisoka, please tell me."
"It's none of your business!"
"Trust me. Let me help you."
"This isn't about trust!"
"You're never going to get over this if you try to bury it."
"Just leave me alone!"
"Hisoka, please just--"
"He raped me, okay! He trapped me in the cage so I couldn't shift, and he raped me while he cursed me!" Like opening flood gates, shouting the truth at Tsuzuki created an opening for the anger and shame within the young dragon to spill out. Furious tears blurred his vision as he clenched his fists tightly around the sheets to keep from striking out at Tsuzuki while he continued. "Are you happy now?! Is that what you wanted to hear?! I was too weak to stop him! He tortured me for three days! I begged him to let me go-and do you know what he did?! He laughed! He laughed and he tortured me!"
Tsuzuki listened as Hisoka shouted his rage. He kept still, and waited for the rush of emotion to stop before he ventured a question.
"But your family came for you?"
"My 'family'...were the ones who sent me to him to be killed! They wanted me dead, mage! My 'family' wanted me dead! I was never good enough, was never what they wanted, all because of my empathy! I was an abomination! But they couldn't get rid of it, and they couldn't kill me themselves so they set me up! They sent me to him!
"Is that what you wanted to hear? That my 'family' branded me a monster and sent me to be murdered?! That I was too weak to protect myself from a human wizard?"
Tsuzuki finally moved, reaching out to gather Hisoka into a comforting embrace. At first, the dragon struggled against the contact, but Tsuzuki refused to let him pull away. As Hisoka slowly stopped pushing him away, the mage began stroking his sandy hair, offering silent reassurance. Shaking from the after effects of the emotional release, Hisoka clung to Tsuzuki's tunic, hiding his face in the soft fabric to cry.
They stayed that way for a long time as Hisoka wept years worth of repressed tears. All the sadness and anger he had never been allowed to show were released in a torrential flood. Several times he tried to stop crying, remembering how he had been punished as a child for showing such undignified weakness, but the tears would choke him and continue each time. He cried until there were no tears left to shed, and the entire time he remained safe within the circle of Tsuzuki's arms.
Gradually the tears subsided, and he became aware of Tsuzuki's soft-spoken reassurances.
"-be all right. It'll be okay. You aren't a monster, and you aren't weak. Everything's going to be all right."
"What would you know of monsters or weakness?" The words lacked the edge Hisoka had intended, and he suddenly found that he felt empty, drained of all emotion. There was nothing repressed, nothing hidden away to be dealt with in solitude.
"I know a good deal about what you went through. I'm not all human, Hisoka. My father was--"
"I know what you are." His voice was weary as he spoke. "I could see it in your aura."
Tsuzuki nodded. "You know how paranoid everyone is. You've seen what fear and hatred look like. I've dealt with it too. Everywhere I went I discovered that people were less than welcoming when they found out I had demonic blood. I know it hurts, but you know what happened?" Hisoka shook his head, only half caring. "I came here. I met the elves, and they judged me by my actions rather than my heritage. They helped me make a home here. You could stay here too. You'd have a home, friends...almost like a real family."
"What makes you think I'd want a 'real family'?"
"I know. Now's not really the right time for this. What you need is to get cleaned up, eat something, and do some gardening with me." He ruffled Hisoka's hair, and helped him off the bed.
The dragon followed Tsuzuki, subdued by the numb, shaky feeling that had filled him. He stood by the tub as the mage filled it, and waited silently as Tsuzuki dashed off to grab a change of clothes for him.
He took his time in the bath, only half paying attention as he scrubbed. His mind had become enshrouded in a peculiar fog that made thinking about anything difficult. He dressed mechanically, and descended the stairs.
Tsuzuki was waiting with a plate of various fruits, and a roll of dark bread. The mage ushered Hisoka into a chair and sat the food down in front of him.
The first few bites went a long way to clearing the haze that had bogged down his thoughts, and Hisoka soon realized how hungry he was. He finished the food quickly, not caring if his manners were terrible. Tsuzuki waited quietly beside him, munching on an apple.
When they had both finished, Hisoka allowed Tsuzuki to lead him outside into the backyard. Cheery sunlight poured down over the clearing, allowing the multitudes of flowers to show off their colors. Tsuzuki passed Hisoka a watering can and showed him how to draw buckets of water to fill it from a small stone well.
"The flowers will help you feel better. There hasn't been too much rain, so they'll be really grateful that you're bringing them water." Tsuzuki smiled warmly at Hisoka, and retrieved a watering can for himself.
They worked in silence as the sun passed across the circle of blue overhead. Hisoka was surprised to find that tending the garden actually did help. There was something relaxing about the wading through the riot of color. He wondered absently if the flowers really were grateful, and if he could feel it, but this thought was quickly dismissed.
"Hisoka?"
The dragon turned around to look at Tsuzuki. He wiped an arm across his forehead, removing a layer of sweat, and watched, befuddled, as Tsuzuki dropped his watering can to clamp his hands over his mouth.
"Oh Hisoka! I'm sorry! I should have realized!" He hurried over to the confused dragon, and took hold of his arm to lead him back to the house.
"Set that down," he instructed, meaning the watering can. He sat Hisoka down on the small couch in the sitting room, and disappeared up the stairs. Moments later he was back with a small, capped jar.
"Hold still a minute." He removed the lid, and the scent of aloe and lavender rose from the jar. Tsuzuki dipped two fingers into the balm, and spread it over Hisoka's nose.
"What are you doing?"
"You got sunburned." Tsuzuki smiled, but Hisoka could sense how guilty he felt. "I wasn't thinking. I should have known skin like yours would burn easily. I'm sorry."
"It's nothing." Hisoka looked away after Tsuzuki finished applying the soothing mixture to his face. "Why are you so nice?" He kept his tone and face empty of feeling.
Tsuzuki capped the balm and set it aside. He sat down next to the dragon and stared out the window set in the wall opposite.
"...I just am, I guess." For a minute, neither spoke.
"You aren't telling me the whole truth."
"I suppose I'm not."
"Hypocrite."
Tsuzuki looked at Hisoka in surprise. "What?"
"You can't leave my secrets alone, but it's fine for you to keep your own. That's hypocrisy."
A small smile played across Tsuzuki's face. "I suppose you're right. Maybe someday I'll tell you."
Hisoka snorted and stood, still not looking at the mage. "It's none of my business." He walked out of the room, ignoring the surprise he felt from Tsuzuki.
Minutes later, Hisoka returned with the book containing the counter-curse Tsuzuki had refused to use. He flipped to the appropriate page, and thrust the book at the mage.
"I want you to cast this on me."
"What?" Tsuzuki glanced at the spell, and frowned. He stood, pushing the book away. "No. That spell...it won't do any good. There's only a chance that it will break your curse, but there is a certainty that you will be killed."
"It doesn't matter. This is the only chance I have to get revenge."
"Hisoka, I won't do it. I won't cast a spell that will kill you!"
"If someone doesn't do something about Muraki, who's to say he won't do this again? I'm willing to make the sacrifice."
"I promised to protect you!"
"If you won't cast it, I'll find someone who will." Tsuzuki stared at him, horrified that he would be so insistent about something like this.
"Hisoka...." The mage sighed. "How about we make a deal. You become my apprentice. I'll teach you my kind of magic. If by the end of your apprenticeship you still want to use the spell, I won't stop you."
Hisoka eyed him warily as he thought. If he really wanted to face Muraki and win, he would need all the magical knowledge he could get. It would be helpful to learn human spells, and Tsuzuki was trustworthy.
"All right. It's a deal."
Tsuzuki smiled brightly and pulled Hisoka into a hug. "Good." Someone knocked at the door, and Tsuzuki pulled away. "Coming," he called, crossing to the door.
Tatsumi stood outside. Tsuzuki grinned and moved to let him enter.
"Come in, come in!" He shut the door, and moved to stand next to Hisoka. "Meet my new apprentice!"
Hearts everyone!
Pairings: Tsuzuki/Hisoka (getting closer) Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in this story. They belong to Yoko Matsushita. The setting is mine, tho.
Dust particles drifted aimlessly, illuminated in the single shaft of afternoon sunlight that had found its way through the basement's only window. The pale rays veiled a small figure sitting on the floor surrounded by piles of discarded books as high as his shoulder. Another book rested in his lap, and every now and then a page would turn with the flick of his pallid wrist. He looked up, leaf green eyes turned translucent by the bleaching sunlight, as footsteps approached.
Tsuzuki smiled down at Hisoka. "Find anything?" He knew the answer even before he asked the question.
"Iya." The young dragon turned back to the book he had been skimming.
"Well there are still plenty of books left. Why don't we take a break for now? We've been at this for hours." Hisoka looked reluctant to leave the search for his cure even for a short while, but Tsuzuki was insistent.
"Come on," he said, reaching down to take the open book. "Let's go have some lunch. You haven't eaten for over a month and-I don't care what you are-you need to eat." He extended a hand to help the smaller man up.
Frowning and ignoring the helping hand, Hisoka stood and dusted off his pants. He glared up at Tsuzuki, and added the annoyance of being shorter to his irritation about the delay.
"I don't remember asking you to mother me when I contacted you for help."
"No, but do you remember how, when you first came here, I promised that you'd be safe?"
"...Aa."
"Well, how would I live with myself if I let you get sick after promising that? I have to take care of you!" The words were accompanied by a cheerful smile.
The feeling behind the statement took Hisoka off guard, and for several seconds he stood in surprised silence. Finally he realized how he was acting, and his expression became unreadable.
"Baka. If you want to keep me healthy, you'd better let me cook." He walked past the mage and up the stairs, not looking back.
"Huh? Hisoka, matte! What does that mean?" Tsuzuki pounded up the steps after his guest.
~*~})|({~*~
Tsuzuki's library turned out to be extensive. Five days had passed by the time Hisoka lifted the final book off of the last shelf in the half he had chosen to look through.
The book was a worn and dusty old thing with a faded leather cover and yellowed parchment pages. The title on the front was barely legible, having long since lost its gold embossment, but proclaimed the volume to be "A Study of Various Curses and their Natures".
Hisoka flipped through the book, trying to keep his hopes from rising. Several times before he had found books with similarly helpful seeming titles, only to discover that they held nothing of value. There was a chance that this book would be different, but until he found what he was looking for, there would be no use in getting excited.
He was utterly sick of getting his hopes up for nothing. All his life he had been shown that hoping for something was useless, that nothing would come of hoping, and that if he wanted something, he would have to take matters into his own hands. So here he was, taking matters into his own hands, and he wasn't making any progress.
Yet still, he couldn't entirely keep himself from hoping. Three times before, he had found something in one of Tsuzuki's books that caught his eye, and immediately called the mage's attention to the text in question. Twice they had stopped researching long enough for Tsuzuki to attempt the curse-breaking spells within the books...but to no avail. The third time, Tsuzuki had regretfully informed the dragon that the counter-curse detailed in the book was one designed to do more harm than good.
Hisoka had quietly gone back to his corner of the library after hiding the book away to use as a last resort. If all else failed, he would turn to that for his revenge, consequences be damned.
Before long, he had finished skimming the book. He slammed it closed, quashing the tiny hope that had arisen within him. The book had turned out to be no more than a discussion of the ramifications and morality of curse-casting. It offered him nothing useful.
Suddenly the world seemed strangely distant. He felt detached, separate from everything. A tiny corner of his mind processed the information mechanically as he stared unseeing at his hands as they rested limply on the aged cover of the book still on his lap.
That was the last book. There was nothing left, and he was still cursed. There was nothing else to do except convince Tsuzuki to cast the spell he'd hidden away. At least then he might have a chance at revenge.
After all, why not risk it? Revenge was all he had left. He couldn't go back to his clan even if he wanted to. Not after the betrayal. Not after what they had done. Revenge on Muraki...and revenge on that conceited group of overgrown salamanders that used to be his 'family'.
A hand came to rest on his shoulder, drawing his attention back to the present.
"Hisoka...?" Tsuzuki stood behind him exuding an aura of muted concern. In accordance, his voice was quiet, almost hesitant as he called the dragon back to reality. "You're bleeding." He gestured to pale fists that Hisoka didn't remember clenching. Blood oozed from between his fingers as his nails reopened the almost faded cuts from a week ago.
"...Aa." He shrugged away from the mage's touch, and opened his hands to stare at the garnet liquid smeared over his palms. The flow continued sluggishly, and Hisoka's shoulders began to shake with a mixture of frantic, repressed laughter and unvoiced sobs.
"Hisoka?" The concern became sharper, more focused.
"They won't heal." He laughed, but it was a bitter, choked sound. "Trapped in this weak body...no magic...nothing...! I can't even heal!" His tone revealed mad despair, and Tsuzuki reached out to him again, intending to lift him off the floor.
"Come on, Hisoka. You need to rest. Calm down. It's going to be okay. Everything will be all right."
Hisoka whipped around as he stood, half stumbling before he found his balance. He glared at Tsuzuki, angry and distraught as the weight of the situation finally crashed down on him after three months of repression.
"What's going to be all right? How is anything going to be all right?! Have you found a counter-curse?" Tsuzuki flinched, and Hisoka continued his tirade. "I'm trapped in this body! Abandoned, shamed...an abomination! Tell me, mage, how things are going to be 'all right'!"
"Hisoka, please just calm down!"
"Answer me!"
Amethyst eyes flashed as Tsuzuki shouted back. "Not until you snap out of it! Get a hold of yourself!"
With his mind trapped in whirlwind of anger and pain, Hisoka leapt forward and clamped one hand around Tsuzuki's wrist. His other hand went to the mage's throat, seeking skin-to-skin contact as he grasped mentally for Tsuzuki's mind.
The pain of mind reading drew a scream from his throat as he delved into the mage's thoughts and memories. He felt Tsuzuki's concern and worry first, but underneath those abstract feelings was the concrete knowledge that the curse was most likely permanent.
He screamed again, in protest this time, and dug deeper, heedless of the pain. He knew, some far away part of him knew, that he wouldn't find what he wanted this way. The same part of him saw Tsuzuki's thoughts as confirmation of what he had both feared and believed deep down.
Hisoka ignored that part of his consciousness as he searched for answers within Tsuzuki's mind. Nothing he felt helped.
Suddenly he became aware of a darkness in the mindscape. A dark depression from years ago had been locked away under layers of optimism. Locked away, but not forgotten. As Hisoka fell into the mage's despair, his body finally gave out and he collapsed in an untidy heap on the dusty floor.
Tsuzuki fell to his knees beside the unconscious dragon, and stared at him as shock, confusion, anger, concern, and fear swept through his mind. He climbed shakily to his feet and pressed a hand to his temple where he could feel a headache forming.
He had never thought that Hisoka would actually become violent. Cautiously, he probed his throat, searching for cuts, scratches, or bruises left by the frantic dragon. To his relief, Hisoka had dealt him no damage, and he realized that his guest had meant him no real harm.
He knelt down, and hesitantly lifted the slim form off the floor. When he felt no attempt s to read his mind once more, he shifted his grip to hold him more securely.
He knew that Hisoka hadn't slept at all for five days, choosing instead to remain in the basement, skimming book after book hoping for a cure. He smiled sadly down at the troubled visage of the sleeping dragon, and wondered absently how long he would sleep this time.
Just as Hisoka had seen into his mind, he had seen into Hisoka's--although he realized that part of the reason for this was that the dragon had been temporarily incapable of shielding his mind. He hadn't seen much, but what he had seen disturbed him.
"It's no wonder you got so upset today," Tsuzuki murmured. "Keeping all that bottled up can't have been good for you."
He carried Hisoka upstairs and into the spare bedroom where he laid him carefully on the bed and left. A glance at the wrist Hisoka had grabbed reminded him that the dragon's palms still bled. He padded into the bathroom, and wiped the drying dragon blood from his throat and wrist. A quick raid on the medicine cabinet yielded cloth, salve, and bandages to take care of Hisoka's injuries.
Tsuzuki returned to the spare room. He sat down on the edge of the bed and lifted one of the dragon's hands. Carefully, he wiped around the cuts, clearing off the blood. With two fingers he applied some of the salve to cleanse and heal the cuts, then wrapped a couple turns of gauze around Hisoka's hand, just in case. He repeated the process, leaning back when both hands had been seen to.
"You're only doing more damage to yourself this way," he said quietly, knowing full well that Hisoka couldn't hear him. Gently he brushed at the soft locks of honey colored hair that fanned over the dragon's face.
"I'm sorry about what happened to you."
On impulse, he leaned over and kissed Hisoka's forehead. He stood and turned to tuck the sheets in around the dragon, then moved to leave. As he shut the door behind him, he looked over his shoulder at Hisoka.
"You must have been an amazing sight in your true form....I wish I could have seen you." Then he closed the door, leaving Hisoka alone to rest.
~*~})|({~*~
It was midmorning when Hisoka awoke. Slowly, his mind wandered back to the last things he remembered before passing out, as his body remained motionless. He gazed blankly at the ceiling, focused completely on what he had done, and what he would have to do now.
He had actually attacked Tsuzuki. He had forced his way into the mage's mind, and judging from the lingering throbbing in his own skull, the mage had probably had a fair sized migraine to deal with afterwards.
He still felt that odd detachment that had led to his pent up emotions getting loose, but now there was a heavy quality to it that hadn't been there before. He felt weighed down by the impact of what he had learned, but unable to actually feel anything about it.
He was unable even to feel surprised that he had so completely lost his temper. Hadn't he been trained all his life to be calm and unfeeling at all times? Hadn't he been punished enough for displaying such undragonlike things as sadness or rage?
But he wasn't really a dragon anymore, was he? Now he was something else, something that was neither dragon nor human.
All the accusations, all the hatred and disgust and fear that had been rained down upon him by his clan rang fresh in his ears, and this time they were doubly true. Not only was he cursed with the unnatural ability to read the emotions of others, but now he was bound by another curse that had stolen his life.
What was left for him?
Footsteps sounded in the hall and paused outside the door. Hisoka shut his eyes again, and lay perfectly still, pretending to be asleep. He couldn't deal with Tsuzuki right now. He didn't have the energy to deal with an angry mage.
The door creaked open just enough to allow Tsuzuki to peek into the room. For a full minute, all was silent. Then the mage pushed the door completely open, and made his way to the bed. He dropped down to sit next to Hisoka, and folded his arms loosely across his chest.
"I know you're awake." The dragon didn't respond. "Just so you know, it's a dead give away if you stay so stiff. You have to relax if you're going to pretend to be asleep."
Hisoka opened his eyes, but otherwise remained immobile.
"You've been asleep for just over two days. How are you feeling?" Again, the dragon refused to speak. "It's actually been a very nice two days. I got to eat food that had flavor, unlike that bland stuff you cook."
Finally, Hisoka moved. He sat up and folded his hands in his lap, keeping his eyes downcast. "Stop playing games with me."
"Games?" Tsuzuki blinked in confusion.
"Why am I still here? Why haven't you thrown me out or cursed me? Didn't I prove that elf right? Didn't I finally give you an actual reason to fear me?"
"I'm not afraid of you."
Hisoka lifted his eyes and stared at Tsuzuki, wearing the same cold, emotionless expression he had worn both times he had demonstrated his ability to see auras.
Even though the dragon's eyes remained normal, Tsuzuki had to repress a shiver from his memories of the eerily glowing gaze. Although Hisoka's expression didn't change at all, Tsuzuki knew he had felt the uneasiness stirred by memories. He sighed.
"Look, you can't judge a person based on little things like that. Shouldn't the fact that you are still here and that I've been looking after you prove that I'm not afraid of you?"
Hisoka resumed staring at his hands. "Maybe you were just waiting for me to wake up before you cursed me."
"I am not going to curse you. I don't know where you got the idea that I would, but I promised that you'd be safe here, and I mean to keep that promise. Hisoka...look at me." When the young dragon refused to heed the request, Tsuzuki reached over and gently turned his head. He kept his hand on Hisoka's cheek even after they had locked gazes.
"I know you've been through some awful things. Tell me what happened. I want to help you."
"It's none of your business."
"Bottling it all up isn't helping you." Hisoka remained stubbornly silent, and Tsuzuki sighed again. "Remember how serious you were about repaying me for my help? Well I've decided to call in the debt. I've spent a week researching and well over a month looking after you. In return, I want you to trust me, and tell me what happened to you."
"Then what mage? Do you honestly think you can help?" He bristled, glaring at Tsuzuki.
"I can try."
"Yeah, trying did a whole lot of good the first time, didn't it?"
"Hisoka, please tell me."
"It's none of your business!"
"Trust me. Let me help you."
"This isn't about trust!"
"You're never going to get over this if you try to bury it."
"Just leave me alone!"
"Hisoka, please just--"
"He raped me, okay! He trapped me in the cage so I couldn't shift, and he raped me while he cursed me!" Like opening flood gates, shouting the truth at Tsuzuki created an opening for the anger and shame within the young dragon to spill out. Furious tears blurred his vision as he clenched his fists tightly around the sheets to keep from striking out at Tsuzuki while he continued. "Are you happy now?! Is that what you wanted to hear?! I was too weak to stop him! He tortured me for three days! I begged him to let me go-and do you know what he did?! He laughed! He laughed and he tortured me!"
Tsuzuki listened as Hisoka shouted his rage. He kept still, and waited for the rush of emotion to stop before he ventured a question.
"But your family came for you?"
"My 'family'...were the ones who sent me to him to be killed! They wanted me dead, mage! My 'family' wanted me dead! I was never good enough, was never what they wanted, all because of my empathy! I was an abomination! But they couldn't get rid of it, and they couldn't kill me themselves so they set me up! They sent me to him!
"Is that what you wanted to hear? That my 'family' branded me a monster and sent me to be murdered?! That I was too weak to protect myself from a human wizard?"
Tsuzuki finally moved, reaching out to gather Hisoka into a comforting embrace. At first, the dragon struggled against the contact, but Tsuzuki refused to let him pull away. As Hisoka slowly stopped pushing him away, the mage began stroking his sandy hair, offering silent reassurance. Shaking from the after effects of the emotional release, Hisoka clung to Tsuzuki's tunic, hiding his face in the soft fabric to cry.
They stayed that way for a long time as Hisoka wept years worth of repressed tears. All the sadness and anger he had never been allowed to show were released in a torrential flood. Several times he tried to stop crying, remembering how he had been punished as a child for showing such undignified weakness, but the tears would choke him and continue each time. He cried until there were no tears left to shed, and the entire time he remained safe within the circle of Tsuzuki's arms.
Gradually the tears subsided, and he became aware of Tsuzuki's soft-spoken reassurances.
"-be all right. It'll be okay. You aren't a monster, and you aren't weak. Everything's going to be all right."
"What would you know of monsters or weakness?" The words lacked the edge Hisoka had intended, and he suddenly found that he felt empty, drained of all emotion. There was nothing repressed, nothing hidden away to be dealt with in solitude.
"I know a good deal about what you went through. I'm not all human, Hisoka. My father was--"
"I know what you are." His voice was weary as he spoke. "I could see it in your aura."
Tsuzuki nodded. "You know how paranoid everyone is. You've seen what fear and hatred look like. I've dealt with it too. Everywhere I went I discovered that people were less than welcoming when they found out I had demonic blood. I know it hurts, but you know what happened?" Hisoka shook his head, only half caring. "I came here. I met the elves, and they judged me by my actions rather than my heritage. They helped me make a home here. You could stay here too. You'd have a home, friends...almost like a real family."
"What makes you think I'd want a 'real family'?"
"I know. Now's not really the right time for this. What you need is to get cleaned up, eat something, and do some gardening with me." He ruffled Hisoka's hair, and helped him off the bed.
The dragon followed Tsuzuki, subdued by the numb, shaky feeling that had filled him. He stood by the tub as the mage filled it, and waited silently as Tsuzuki dashed off to grab a change of clothes for him.
He took his time in the bath, only half paying attention as he scrubbed. His mind had become enshrouded in a peculiar fog that made thinking about anything difficult. He dressed mechanically, and descended the stairs.
Tsuzuki was waiting with a plate of various fruits, and a roll of dark bread. The mage ushered Hisoka into a chair and sat the food down in front of him.
The first few bites went a long way to clearing the haze that had bogged down his thoughts, and Hisoka soon realized how hungry he was. He finished the food quickly, not caring if his manners were terrible. Tsuzuki waited quietly beside him, munching on an apple.
When they had both finished, Hisoka allowed Tsuzuki to lead him outside into the backyard. Cheery sunlight poured down over the clearing, allowing the multitudes of flowers to show off their colors. Tsuzuki passed Hisoka a watering can and showed him how to draw buckets of water to fill it from a small stone well.
"The flowers will help you feel better. There hasn't been too much rain, so they'll be really grateful that you're bringing them water." Tsuzuki smiled warmly at Hisoka, and retrieved a watering can for himself.
They worked in silence as the sun passed across the circle of blue overhead. Hisoka was surprised to find that tending the garden actually did help. There was something relaxing about the wading through the riot of color. He wondered absently if the flowers really were grateful, and if he could feel it, but this thought was quickly dismissed.
"Hisoka?"
The dragon turned around to look at Tsuzuki. He wiped an arm across his forehead, removing a layer of sweat, and watched, befuddled, as Tsuzuki dropped his watering can to clamp his hands over his mouth.
"Oh Hisoka! I'm sorry! I should have realized!" He hurried over to the confused dragon, and took hold of his arm to lead him back to the house.
"Set that down," he instructed, meaning the watering can. He sat Hisoka down on the small couch in the sitting room, and disappeared up the stairs. Moments later he was back with a small, capped jar.
"Hold still a minute." He removed the lid, and the scent of aloe and lavender rose from the jar. Tsuzuki dipped two fingers into the balm, and spread it over Hisoka's nose.
"What are you doing?"
"You got sunburned." Tsuzuki smiled, but Hisoka could sense how guilty he felt. "I wasn't thinking. I should have known skin like yours would burn easily. I'm sorry."
"It's nothing." Hisoka looked away after Tsuzuki finished applying the soothing mixture to his face. "Why are you so nice?" He kept his tone and face empty of feeling.
Tsuzuki capped the balm and set it aside. He sat down next to the dragon and stared out the window set in the wall opposite.
"...I just am, I guess." For a minute, neither spoke.
"You aren't telling me the whole truth."
"I suppose I'm not."
"Hypocrite."
Tsuzuki looked at Hisoka in surprise. "What?"
"You can't leave my secrets alone, but it's fine for you to keep your own. That's hypocrisy."
A small smile played across Tsuzuki's face. "I suppose you're right. Maybe someday I'll tell you."
Hisoka snorted and stood, still not looking at the mage. "It's none of my business." He walked out of the room, ignoring the surprise he felt from Tsuzuki.
Minutes later, Hisoka returned with the book containing the counter-curse Tsuzuki had refused to use. He flipped to the appropriate page, and thrust the book at the mage.
"I want you to cast this on me."
"What?" Tsuzuki glanced at the spell, and frowned. He stood, pushing the book away. "No. That spell...it won't do any good. There's only a chance that it will break your curse, but there is a certainty that you will be killed."
"It doesn't matter. This is the only chance I have to get revenge."
"Hisoka, I won't do it. I won't cast a spell that will kill you!"
"If someone doesn't do something about Muraki, who's to say he won't do this again? I'm willing to make the sacrifice."
"I promised to protect you!"
"If you won't cast it, I'll find someone who will." Tsuzuki stared at him, horrified that he would be so insistent about something like this.
"Hisoka...." The mage sighed. "How about we make a deal. You become my apprentice. I'll teach you my kind of magic. If by the end of your apprenticeship you still want to use the spell, I won't stop you."
Hisoka eyed him warily as he thought. If he really wanted to face Muraki and win, he would need all the magical knowledge he could get. It would be helpful to learn human spells, and Tsuzuki was trustworthy.
"All right. It's a deal."
Tsuzuki smiled brightly and pulled Hisoka into a hug. "Good." Someone knocked at the door, and Tsuzuki pulled away. "Coming," he called, crossing to the door.
Tatsumi stood outside. Tsuzuki grinned and moved to let him enter.
"Come in, come in!" He shut the door, and moved to stand next to Hisoka. "Meet my new apprentice!"