Hullo all. First off, the depiction of angels in this fic is way WAY off. Only reason I made them so weird was 'cause it suited the storyline.
Sorry it's taken so long, and it still isn't over. 9_9 I've been having trouble writing this thing. I know what I WANT to happen, but getting there is taking some time. The next chapter SHOULD be the last, but I don't know how long it'll be. It may be shorter than usual. It may be longer. I'll find out when I get it written. It WILL be a double update with the omake fluff chapter I wrote.
So thanks for your patience. I'll try harder to get the last chapter out in a decent amount of time.
BTW, I'm sorry about Muraki. ^^* I don't write him very well apparently.
The note is set off in {...}. I hope that helps. Someone, for the love of manga, tell me how to italicize! @_@ Please?
Pairings: Tsuzuki/Hisoka (halfway there, more or less)
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in this story. They belong to Yoko Matsushita. The setting is mine, tho. (as I seem to have forgotten last time, this disclaimer applies to chapter 5 as well ^^*)
~*~})|({~*~
Pain was the first thing Hisoka noticed when he woke up. His broken arm throbbed ceaselessly; background pain to the sharper ache and sting of the cuts that crisscrossed the rest of him. He winced and tried to shift into a more comfortable position, despite knowing that it was useless.
Memory was the next thing to return, evidenced by his white-knuckled grip on the bed sheets as he forced the images of the mad wizard to the back of his mind. He couldn't deal with that now, not in so much detail. He looked around the room, searching for something to distract himself with.
Where was Tsuzuki?
He remembered the man lying down beside him to sleep--
With a quick shake of his head that sent a spike of pain through his right arm, Hisoka stopped that line of thought. This was absolutely the worst time for things like that to be happening. Why had he even agreed to let Tsuzuki do that?
He trusted the mage of course. If he didn't, he would never have stayed so long. The problem didn't lie with Tsuzuki exactly, but rather with what Tsuzuki felt. When Hisoka had flooded his mind with the mage's emotions, he had felt everything the man had hidden or ignored. Some of those feelings were entirely too close to what came from Muraki for the dragon's comfort.
There had been attraction, desire, and lust, along with a deep despair in both of them formed from dark pasts. Tsuzuki's emotions were different, of course. Everything Muraki had felt had been tainted with controlled rage, pain, and madness. The attraction had been spawned mainly from lust. With Tsuzuki, there was a warmth that came with everything except for the despair, which was untouched by the reassuring sensation.
They were all very normal emotions, really. No one could force his- or herself to feel or not to feel something. Normally Hisoka would not be bothered at all. However, the fact that such emotions could be directed at him frightened the dragon. He didn't want Tsuzuki to feel that way. He didn't want anyone to feel that way about him. What could it earn them anyway? He was scarred and scared, afraid to even consider trying to reciprocate such feelings.
It was just another way he was controlled by his past. It was just another level of Muraki's curse.
He scowled then, wondering how long it would be until he was rested enough to be properly furious. At this point, revenge was far from his mind. All he wanted was for the pain to leave him alone. Idly, he wondered if perhaps he was in shock.
Footsteps approached outside the room, preceded by the scent of a hearty stew. The door opened, and Tsuzuki peered in, smiling brightly upon noticing that Hisoka was indeed awake.
"Hello!" The cheerful greeting carried with it a warmth much stronger than that of the wan rays of sunlight that filtered through the translucent curtains over the bedside window. "I've brought you some dinner," the mage said unnecessarily, as he stepped fully into the room bearing a tray holding a steaming bowl and mug.
"Thanks." Using his good arm, Hisoka pushed himself into a sitting position.
Tsuzuki hurriedly set the tray down on the chest at the foot of the bed, and moved to help. He rearranged the pillows, giving Hisoka something to lean back against a bit.
"You really don't have to do that."
"You should be comfortable while you're recovering. I'm going to make sure to take very good care of you."
"It's not really all that bad," Hisoka muttered, uncomfortable with the attention.
Guilt emanated from the mage as he flashed his apprentice an empty smile, then turned to retrieve the tray.
"Tsuzuki...."
"This'll help make you feel better! And before you ask: no, I did not make it. Wakaba-chan sent it for you." He sat down in the chair that still stood next to the bed, and dipped a spoon into the stew. Balancing the tray on his knees, he offered the mouthful to Hisoka with a grin. "Open wide."
The dragon arched an eyebrow in offended disbelief. "I am capable of eating on my own."
"But your arm is broken!"
"I don't need two hands to eat stew."
Tsuzuki blinked. "Aren't you right-handed?"
"Dragons don't favor one claw over the other, therefore even in this form, I can use either hand. I'm--what's your human word for it?--ambidextrous."
"Oh." Without further argument, Tsuzuki moved the tray to Hisoka's lap, and watched as the dragon ate. He reached out to brush a lock of hair away from those vivid leaf eyes. Hisoka flinched away from his touch, and turned to regard him warily.
"Don't."
"But earlier you--"
"I shouldn't have."
Wounded by Hisoka's attitude, Tsuzuki stared at him for a long moment. Finally he stood and left, muttering an apology.
Nothing about the dragon's expression or posture gave away any clues to his thoughts as he watched the mage leave. As the door closed behind Tsuzuki, however, he set the stew aside, having suddenly lost his appetite.
~*~})|({~*~
"He hates me," Tsuzuki stated flatly, flopping into a chair across the dining room table from Tatsumi.
The elf looked up, cobalt eyes skeptical, and set aside the traders' expense report he had been looking over.
"What makes you say that?"
"Because he does." Seeing that his logic was not convincing his friend of the severity of the problem, Tsuzuki tried to explain better. "I like him Tatsumi, like really like him. Love him like him I think...and he found out."
"I fail to see how this has you convinced that he hates you."
"Isn't it obvious? Do you think he wants me to feel that way after what he's been through? He's been raped...again! Not to mention the fact that this time it was my--"
"Tsuzuki." Tatsumi's tone was stern. He was not about to let the mage start blaming himself again.
Tsuzuki frowned. "He hates me," the mage insisted.
"Did he tell you this?"
"Well...no, but...he won't let me touch him. Not in ways like that of course, but I mean he won't let me touch him at all."
"Did you not tell me before that he is an empath, and therefore physical contact is oftentimes hard for him to bear?"
"Well, yeah, but earlier he--" Tsuzuki broke off abruptly to stare at the tabletop.
A tiny smile crept onto Tatsumi's face. He stood, and moved to stand beside Tsuzuki, resting a comforting hand on his friend's shoulder. The mage looked up curiously into warm sapphire eyes.
"Hisoka-kun does not hate you, Tsuzuki. If anything, he needs you more than ever right now."
"But...." His violet eyes remained doubtful, and Tatsumi tightened his grip on Tsuzuki's shoulder in an attempt to reassure the mage.
"He needs someone he can trust, someone to be there for him. He needs to know that there's someone who cares about him and wants to protect him. After what has happened to him, the best thing you can do for him is to make him feel safe."
"I guess...."
"He's going to have to cope with this one way or another. At least this time he will have someone to help him."
"He had me last time," Tsuzuki mumbled, fiddling with the cuffs of his sleeves. "He just didn't want me."
"Tsuzuki." Tatsumi's tone became suddenly sharp. "You are indulging in unnecessary self pity. I am not going to stand here and reassure you when it is obviously going to do no good. When you are finished blaming yourself for all that is wrong with the world, then you may talk to me about what to do about Hisoka-kun." Tatsumi moved back to his seat, and picked up the abandoned expense report, clearly ending the conversation.
With a sigh, Tsuzuki stood and left the elf alone. He wandered outside into the village, hoping a walk would help clear his mind.
The atmosphere in the small village had changed overnight. The elves that had been so cheerful were now grim and worried. Windows that would normally be open to admit cool breezes were shut tight, and doors that were never locked had been bolted. Pairs of trained fighters had been assigned to keep night watch, and hunters patrolled the woods nearby. Anything that could break through the wards Tsuzuki had set deserved to be treated with complete seriousness.
Absentmindedly, Tsuzuki made his way out of the village and into the forest, following the narrow path that led to his cottage. The mist rose unheeded, twining around his legs as he wandered, lost in thought.
According to Tatsumi, Hisoka needed him. However, Hisoka was obviously disturbed by his feelings. How much good would it do to stay with the young dragon if his very presence was distressing? Could the cure be worse than the disease?
He kicked a small stone lying on the path.
When had he even begun thinking of Hisoka as anything more than a friend? Even thinking of him like that had been hard at first, considering the dragon's unfriendly personality. It had taken weeks to see through the veil of apathetic unfriendliness.
He kicked the stone again, watching as it skidded slantways across the dirt.
Once he got to know him better, Tsuzuki had realized that being antisocial was little more than a defense mechanism. The thought that Hisoka had been forced to resort to self-imposed isolation to keep himself from being hurt saddened the mage considerably. No one should have to be so completely alone. It was painful.
Another kick sent the stone back towards the center of the path.
How badly was the dragon scarred? Physically he would heal, but what of the mental or spiritual wounds? After his experiences with Muraki, would he ever be able to accept how Tsuzuki felt?
Muraki wasn't even the worst of it, though. It had to have been worse to know that the family that should have loved him wanted him dead. What would it take to build up trust after something like that?
The fourth kick actually sent the stone a foot or two off the ground as well as several feet down the path. Tsuzuki scowled.
Hisoka would find a way to overcome his past. If nothing else, the dragon was strong, and definitely not one to give in. The question was, would he be able to feel the same about Tsuzuki once he had come to terms with his pain?
There was no guarantee that Hisoka would return the mage's feelings. In all his time with Tsuzuki, he had never let even a hint of affection show beyond friendship.
Tsuzuki nearly laughed at that thought. Hisoka had a decidedly peculiar way of showing friendship. He was argumentative, and quick to toss off an insult whenever Tsuzuki did something particularly stupid or potentially harmful. Of course, having lived all his life restricted by draconian codes and in fear of his family, what better way to show how at ease he was with Tsuzuki than by arguing with him?
He caught up to the stone, and kicked it again, sending it dancing off the path. As he continued walking, he scanned the packed dirt idly for another target.
So Hisoka liked him as a friend at least. That knowledge, coupled with the fact that the dragon trusted him as much as he was able given what he had been through was comforting. If nothing else, he could at least be near the object of his affections. After all, it wasn't likely that Hisoka would leave the Forest. He had made a home here; he had found friends. Tsuzuki had done the same years ago, and would never consider leaving it all behind. Acceptance was hard to come by.
Even if Hisoka did leave, who was to say Tsuzuki couldn't tag along? It might be fun to explore some more of the world. Doubtless it couldn't be as bad as before if he at least had Hisoka with him for company.
All of a sudden, he became aware of a sinister presence. Looking up, he was surprised to find that his feet had taken him all the way to his cottage. He noticed movement near one of the climbing roses on the side of the house. A breath of fog separated from the flowers as he watched apprehensively. Something clicked into place in his mind, and there was no longer a tuft of mist, but a white-cloaked stranger, holding one of the scarlet blooms.
The stranger looked up, eyes and skin made paler by the contrasting darkness of night. A ghost of a smile was etched on bloodless lips as he called out to Tsuzuki.
"Good evening. May I ask, are you the mage I was told lives here?"
There was absolutely no doubt in Tsuzuki's mind concerning the stranger's identity. He snarled, clenching his fists at his sides.
"Muraki."
The wizard cocked his head to the side in a show of false confusion. "You have heard of me? Ah, I know. The dragon." He smirked as Tsuzuki growled. "Such an arrogant, bothersome child but full bloods often are, wouldn't you say Tsuzuki-san?"
"You know my name."
"As you knew mine." Muraki glided through the fog, still wearing his mocking smile.
"Why did you do that to Hisoka?"
"The little one is my doll, nothing more. He is mine to keep or to break as I please." Muraki's smirk widened. "His family sold him to me."
"Sent him to be murdered," Tsuzuki ground out between clenched teeth.
"I admit that was their intention. However a quick death would not do for such a beautiful doll, full blood though he is. So when they tried to interfere I killed them." He shrugged off the matter nonchalantly.
"And Hisoka escaped," the mage concluded grimly. "If you've come for him you can forget it. I won't let you touch him again."
Muraki chuckled. "It was his misfortune to be here. I came only to find you. I require your assistance."
"What makes you think I'd do anything to help you?"
The wizard closed the distance between himself and Tsuzuki. This close, Tsuzuki could see exactly what Hisoka meant when he described Muraki as having mismatched eyes. The wizard's right eye was too large. Obviously not the original orb, it bulged hideously from its socket.
"You have such lovely purple eyes, Tsuzuki-san. Demon's eyes...." A gasp escaped the mage, and he flinched away as Muraki caressed his cheek.
"Perhaps we should continue our talk another night, after I have shown you what makes me think you'll agree to help me. Good night, Tsuzuki-san." He handed Tsuzuki the rose, and stepped off the path, disappearing quickly into the trees.
The mage shook himself to regain his lost focus. "Matte!" He called, peering into the forest, but Muraki had gone. In disgust, he hurled the blossom into the dirt.
Anxiety quickly took hold of his mind, and he turned to hurry back to the village. Muraki's parting words had disturbed him.
He made it back to the village in record time, and headed straight for Tatsumi's cottage. Bursting through the door, he found the elf still sitting at the table.
"Did anything happen while I was gone?"
Tatsumi looked up at him, startled by his demeanor, and realized that something was amiss. "No. What's wrong?"
Tsuzuki shook his head. He didn't want to involve anyone else any further.
"Nothing. Don't worry. I'm just going to go check on Hisoka." Tatsumi nodded and returned to the report as Tsuzuki slipped into the guest room.
Hisoka had fallen asleep under a tangle of blankets. Tsuzuki smiled in relief as he straightened the sheets over the slim form and smoothed down errant locks of wheat-colored hair. There had been no cause for alarm after all.
Turning, he noticed the full bowl of cold stew on the chair, and guilt took the place of his relief. He should have stayed to make sure Hisoka ate properly. The dragon would need to get his strength back.
A piece of paper had been folded and left beside the bowl. Had Hisoka written him a note? Setting the neglected meal aside, Tsuzuki sat down to read what was written.
{Good evening, Tsuzuki-san.
I hope now you will consider listening to my proposal. If you would like to talk with me, I will be waiting outside your charming little cottage at an hour till midnight tomorrow.
Do tell the little one I said hello when he wakes.
-Muraki}
Before he had even finished reading, Tsuzuki was shaking. His eyes were wide, and his breathing harsh as he raised a hand weakly to cover his mouth, feeling suddenly sick.
Muraki had been here, in the room with Hisoka, and no one had noticed. He could have hurt the dragon again, possibly killed him, and no one would have known until it was far too late.
This was what Muraki had meant. Hisoka wouldn't be safe unless Tsuzuki was with him all the time, which was impossible, simply because Hisoka wouldn't allow it. If he wanted to keep the dragon safe, he would have to at least listen to the wizard.
"What's wrong with you?"
Tsuzuki jumped, and looked down to see Hisoka glaring at him. The dragon rubbed at his eyes and sat up to scowl at Tsuzuki.
"It-it's nothing. Sorry to wake you." He hastily shoved the note into a pocket on his tunic.
"It isn't 'nothing'. I could barely breathe through all the fear you were projecting. What's going on?"
"Hisoka, you don't have to worry."
"You think I'm going to let it go at that?" Resolutely, he swung his legs over the side of the bed, wincing as the motion caused his bandages to slide over the cuts.
"Hisoka!" Tsuzuki jumped up and took hold of Hisoka's shoulder. "You need to lie down!"
"Not until you tell me what's going on." He slid further off the mattress, rising unsteadily when his feet hit the floor.
Tsuzuki picked him up, careful not to jar his broken arm. "You need rest."
"Tell me what happened!"
"No."
"Have it your way then."
As Tsuzuki laid him back down, Hisoka reached up and pressed a hand to the side of the mage's face. Tsuzuki looked at him, surprised, not realizing what Hisoka was doing until he felt a presence in his mind. He hadn't had time to push back thoughts of Muraki, and so they came easily as Hisoka searched. The dragon recoiled quickly and turned a furious glare onto Tsuzuki.
"What the hell were you doing trying to hide that from me?"
"It doesn't concern you," Tsuzuki replied stiffly, scowling back.
"It damn well does!"
"Hisoka--!"
"No! Don't start treating me like some helpless child! Maybe I'm not as powerful as you, but damn it Tsuzuki, what right do you have to hide something like that from me?"
"I was trying to protect you!"
"From what? You think it's a good idea to keep me in the dark about his abilities? He's trying to get to you through me! How would I be any safer not knowing that he could teleport here?"
"I didn't want you to worry. I'm going to protect you."
"What if I don't want you to protect me?"
As soon as the words left Hisoka's mouth he realized that he had hurt Tsuzuki. He looked aside so he wouldn't have to see the look on the older man's face, but he could still clearly feel the sense of rejection and sadness.
He kept his gaze downcast as he asked quietly, "You're going to meet him, aren't you?"
"Yes. I'm going to protect you...even if you don't want me to."
"Why?"
"You know why. You felt it earlier."
Now Hisoka looked up at him, careful to keep his face blank. "I'm important to you, then?"
Tsuzuki smiled wistfully. "Very."
Anger crept across Hisoka's features. "Then why are you going to him? Why take a chance like that? We don't even know all he can do! What if he kills you or something?"
"If I don't go he'll come back for you."
"Let him!" Tsuzuki stared in shock at the dragon. "Let him come back! Let him meet us on our terms!"
"Hisoka...there's no 'us' about it. I'm the one he came looking for."
"Don't you get it, you idiot? I don't want to lose you!"
"You're not going to lose me."
"You can't know that! You're the first person to ever give a damn about me at all! You're the first one who didn't look at me like a monster or a tool or a doll! I don't want to go back to living alone!" There were no tears in his voice, but there was a distressed edge to the anger.
Tsuzuki sat down on the edge of the bed and ran a hand through Hisoka's hair, ignoring the glare still aimed at him.
"Hisoka, listen to me. If I didn't meet him, and then something happened to you because of it, I wouldn't be able to forgive myself. I can't let another light go out because of me." He pulled the dragon into a hug, stroking his back slowly.
"Besides, what makes you think he'd kill me? He said he needs my help. I imagine I'd need to be alive to help anybody."
"He's evil, Tsuzuki. He's evil and he's insane. Do you think I'm the only person he ever tortured or cursed? I've seen into his mind. Do you want to know how he got that other eye?" Tsuzuki didn't respond, and Hisoka began to explain.
"Muraki is only half angel, but the angelic blood is strong in him. He was born with wings, like a full blood. However, because he had a mortal father the others saw him as an outcast. Some of them wanted to remove his wings and cast him out into this world.
"Muraki knew about all of this. It twisted him, turned him hateful, and he started learning dark magic so that he could defeat those who persecuted him. The angels found out, and finally decided that he should be cast out. One of their strongest was sent to cut off his wings, and send him through the veil.
"He succeeded, but it cost him dearly later. Muraki gouged out one of the angel's eyes, and traded his own eye for it. He placed a curse on the eye that caused the angel to see all he saw. Then he sought out the angel's son.
"He was young. He looked a lot like me, except his hair was darker. Muraki found him and tore his wings off. He raped him, and sliced him, and eventually killed him. All the while, the kid's father could see exactly what was happening as if he were doing it."
Hisoka stared at the fabric of the mage's tunic, shivering. "It was bad, Tsuzuki. I saw the whole thing in his mind. You don't know....
"That's why I don't want you to go. Nothing good could come of dealing with a creature like that. We should wait and make him come to us."
Tsuzuki shook his head 'no'. "There are too many ways that could go wrong. There are too many people he could involve aside from you." His voice was soft, but his hands were clenched in trembling fists around the back of Hisoka's tunic, and the dragon could feel his hidden anger.
"Fine...but I'm going too."
"No."
Hisoka shoved Tsuzuki away to glare at him. The mage glared right back, and Hisoka sighed, deciding to employ logic for this argument.
"You can't leave me here. He teleports. He could pop in, kill me, and be back before you arrived."
"I'll ask Tatsumi to stay with you."
"Tsuzuki!"
"We can argue about this later. It's getting late, and you need sleep."
"I'm not a child."
"Fine. It's getting late, and I need sleep. Happy?"
"Ecstatic." Hisoka pronounced, his tone revealing that he was anything but.
Tsuzuki chuckled and stood, making 'shoo'-ing motions at his apprentice. "Scoot over."
"Why?"
"Because I'm going to stay with you again."
"No you're not."
"Why not? I thought you trusted me."
"I do. That doesn't mean I want those emotions of yours sleeping next to me."
Tsuzuki pouted. "You're so mean. This is the only extra bed Tatsumi has and his couch is too short!"
"So throw some pillows on the floor in here."
"That's not comfortable."
"Fine." Hisoka growled and stood up, resting a hand on the back of the chair to steady himself. "You take the bed and I'll sleep on the floor."
"You can't do that!"
"Why not?"
"Because you're injured!"
"Tsuzuki, before I came here, I slept on stone every night. This at least is considerably more even."
"You're too stubborn," grumbled Tsuzuki. He moved to the bed and began shifting the pillows and blankets around as Hisoka wandered to the chest to retrieve a few extra sheets. Before the dragon could even begin to lift the lid, however, Tsuzuki scooped him up from behind.
"What do you think you're doing?!"
"I found a solution."
"Did you?"
Ignoring Hisoka's sarcasm, Tsuzuki nodded and sat him down on one side of the bed. He crawled in on the other, and reached out to pull his apprentice into his lap. Smiling, he leaned back into the pillows he had stacked against the headboard, and tugged the blankets up over both of them.
"How is this a solution?"
"Well, neither of us is on the floor, and you only said that you didn't want me next to you. You didn't say anything about under you."
"Baka! This is worse! At least when you were next to me you didn't have your hands all over me! Let go!"
Tsuzuki pouted, but did as he was told, moving the pillows back to where they were as Hisoka slid off him. He moved to get up, wondering if Tatsumi would have enough blankets to make the floor even a little comfortable.
"Where are you going?"
"Huh? Don't I have to sleep on the floor?"
"Baka." Hisoka fixed him with a warning stare. "Just keep your hands to yourself."
"Haaaai!" Tsuzuki smiled widely, wagging his tail.
"I'm serious. You try anything funny and I'll knock you right off the bed, injuries or no."
"Are you really that uncomfortable around me now? I didn't try anything last night."
Hisoka didn't answer, choosing instead to busy himself with finding a comfortable position to sleep in.
Tsuzuki smiled and waited for the dragon to get settled. He reached over to ruffle Hisoka's hair, then curled up under the covers.
"Oyasumi, Hisoka."
"...Oyasumi."
Sorry it's taken so long, and it still isn't over. 9_9 I've been having trouble writing this thing. I know what I WANT to happen, but getting there is taking some time. The next chapter SHOULD be the last, but I don't know how long it'll be. It may be shorter than usual. It may be longer. I'll find out when I get it written. It WILL be a double update with the omake fluff chapter I wrote.
So thanks for your patience. I'll try harder to get the last chapter out in a decent amount of time.
BTW, I'm sorry about Muraki. ^^* I don't write him very well apparently.
The note is set off in {...}. I hope that helps. Someone, for the love of manga, tell me how to italicize! @_@ Please?
Pairings: Tsuzuki/Hisoka (halfway there, more or less)
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in this story. They belong to Yoko Matsushita. The setting is mine, tho. (as I seem to have forgotten last time, this disclaimer applies to chapter 5 as well ^^*)
~*~})|({~*~
Pain was the first thing Hisoka noticed when he woke up. His broken arm throbbed ceaselessly; background pain to the sharper ache and sting of the cuts that crisscrossed the rest of him. He winced and tried to shift into a more comfortable position, despite knowing that it was useless.
Memory was the next thing to return, evidenced by his white-knuckled grip on the bed sheets as he forced the images of the mad wizard to the back of his mind. He couldn't deal with that now, not in so much detail. He looked around the room, searching for something to distract himself with.
Where was Tsuzuki?
He remembered the man lying down beside him to sleep--
With a quick shake of his head that sent a spike of pain through his right arm, Hisoka stopped that line of thought. This was absolutely the worst time for things like that to be happening. Why had he even agreed to let Tsuzuki do that?
He trusted the mage of course. If he didn't, he would never have stayed so long. The problem didn't lie with Tsuzuki exactly, but rather with what Tsuzuki felt. When Hisoka had flooded his mind with the mage's emotions, he had felt everything the man had hidden or ignored. Some of those feelings were entirely too close to what came from Muraki for the dragon's comfort.
There had been attraction, desire, and lust, along with a deep despair in both of them formed from dark pasts. Tsuzuki's emotions were different, of course. Everything Muraki had felt had been tainted with controlled rage, pain, and madness. The attraction had been spawned mainly from lust. With Tsuzuki, there was a warmth that came with everything except for the despair, which was untouched by the reassuring sensation.
They were all very normal emotions, really. No one could force his- or herself to feel or not to feel something. Normally Hisoka would not be bothered at all. However, the fact that such emotions could be directed at him frightened the dragon. He didn't want Tsuzuki to feel that way. He didn't want anyone to feel that way about him. What could it earn them anyway? He was scarred and scared, afraid to even consider trying to reciprocate such feelings.
It was just another way he was controlled by his past. It was just another level of Muraki's curse.
He scowled then, wondering how long it would be until he was rested enough to be properly furious. At this point, revenge was far from his mind. All he wanted was for the pain to leave him alone. Idly, he wondered if perhaps he was in shock.
Footsteps approached outside the room, preceded by the scent of a hearty stew. The door opened, and Tsuzuki peered in, smiling brightly upon noticing that Hisoka was indeed awake.
"Hello!" The cheerful greeting carried with it a warmth much stronger than that of the wan rays of sunlight that filtered through the translucent curtains over the bedside window. "I've brought you some dinner," the mage said unnecessarily, as he stepped fully into the room bearing a tray holding a steaming bowl and mug.
"Thanks." Using his good arm, Hisoka pushed himself into a sitting position.
Tsuzuki hurriedly set the tray down on the chest at the foot of the bed, and moved to help. He rearranged the pillows, giving Hisoka something to lean back against a bit.
"You really don't have to do that."
"You should be comfortable while you're recovering. I'm going to make sure to take very good care of you."
"It's not really all that bad," Hisoka muttered, uncomfortable with the attention.
Guilt emanated from the mage as he flashed his apprentice an empty smile, then turned to retrieve the tray.
"Tsuzuki...."
"This'll help make you feel better! And before you ask: no, I did not make it. Wakaba-chan sent it for you." He sat down in the chair that still stood next to the bed, and dipped a spoon into the stew. Balancing the tray on his knees, he offered the mouthful to Hisoka with a grin. "Open wide."
The dragon arched an eyebrow in offended disbelief. "I am capable of eating on my own."
"But your arm is broken!"
"I don't need two hands to eat stew."
Tsuzuki blinked. "Aren't you right-handed?"
"Dragons don't favor one claw over the other, therefore even in this form, I can use either hand. I'm--what's your human word for it?--ambidextrous."
"Oh." Without further argument, Tsuzuki moved the tray to Hisoka's lap, and watched as the dragon ate. He reached out to brush a lock of hair away from those vivid leaf eyes. Hisoka flinched away from his touch, and turned to regard him warily.
"Don't."
"But earlier you--"
"I shouldn't have."
Wounded by Hisoka's attitude, Tsuzuki stared at him for a long moment. Finally he stood and left, muttering an apology.
Nothing about the dragon's expression or posture gave away any clues to his thoughts as he watched the mage leave. As the door closed behind Tsuzuki, however, he set the stew aside, having suddenly lost his appetite.
~*~})|({~*~
"He hates me," Tsuzuki stated flatly, flopping into a chair across the dining room table from Tatsumi.
The elf looked up, cobalt eyes skeptical, and set aside the traders' expense report he had been looking over.
"What makes you say that?"
"Because he does." Seeing that his logic was not convincing his friend of the severity of the problem, Tsuzuki tried to explain better. "I like him Tatsumi, like really like him. Love him like him I think...and he found out."
"I fail to see how this has you convinced that he hates you."
"Isn't it obvious? Do you think he wants me to feel that way after what he's been through? He's been raped...again! Not to mention the fact that this time it was my--"
"Tsuzuki." Tatsumi's tone was stern. He was not about to let the mage start blaming himself again.
Tsuzuki frowned. "He hates me," the mage insisted.
"Did he tell you this?"
"Well...no, but...he won't let me touch him. Not in ways like that of course, but I mean he won't let me touch him at all."
"Did you not tell me before that he is an empath, and therefore physical contact is oftentimes hard for him to bear?"
"Well, yeah, but earlier he--" Tsuzuki broke off abruptly to stare at the tabletop.
A tiny smile crept onto Tatsumi's face. He stood, and moved to stand beside Tsuzuki, resting a comforting hand on his friend's shoulder. The mage looked up curiously into warm sapphire eyes.
"Hisoka-kun does not hate you, Tsuzuki. If anything, he needs you more than ever right now."
"But...." His violet eyes remained doubtful, and Tatsumi tightened his grip on Tsuzuki's shoulder in an attempt to reassure the mage.
"He needs someone he can trust, someone to be there for him. He needs to know that there's someone who cares about him and wants to protect him. After what has happened to him, the best thing you can do for him is to make him feel safe."
"I guess...."
"He's going to have to cope with this one way or another. At least this time he will have someone to help him."
"He had me last time," Tsuzuki mumbled, fiddling with the cuffs of his sleeves. "He just didn't want me."
"Tsuzuki." Tatsumi's tone became suddenly sharp. "You are indulging in unnecessary self pity. I am not going to stand here and reassure you when it is obviously going to do no good. When you are finished blaming yourself for all that is wrong with the world, then you may talk to me about what to do about Hisoka-kun." Tatsumi moved back to his seat, and picked up the abandoned expense report, clearly ending the conversation.
With a sigh, Tsuzuki stood and left the elf alone. He wandered outside into the village, hoping a walk would help clear his mind.
The atmosphere in the small village had changed overnight. The elves that had been so cheerful were now grim and worried. Windows that would normally be open to admit cool breezes were shut tight, and doors that were never locked had been bolted. Pairs of trained fighters had been assigned to keep night watch, and hunters patrolled the woods nearby. Anything that could break through the wards Tsuzuki had set deserved to be treated with complete seriousness.
Absentmindedly, Tsuzuki made his way out of the village and into the forest, following the narrow path that led to his cottage. The mist rose unheeded, twining around his legs as he wandered, lost in thought.
According to Tatsumi, Hisoka needed him. However, Hisoka was obviously disturbed by his feelings. How much good would it do to stay with the young dragon if his very presence was distressing? Could the cure be worse than the disease?
He kicked a small stone lying on the path.
When had he even begun thinking of Hisoka as anything more than a friend? Even thinking of him like that had been hard at first, considering the dragon's unfriendly personality. It had taken weeks to see through the veil of apathetic unfriendliness.
He kicked the stone again, watching as it skidded slantways across the dirt.
Once he got to know him better, Tsuzuki had realized that being antisocial was little more than a defense mechanism. The thought that Hisoka had been forced to resort to self-imposed isolation to keep himself from being hurt saddened the mage considerably. No one should have to be so completely alone. It was painful.
Another kick sent the stone back towards the center of the path.
How badly was the dragon scarred? Physically he would heal, but what of the mental or spiritual wounds? After his experiences with Muraki, would he ever be able to accept how Tsuzuki felt?
Muraki wasn't even the worst of it, though. It had to have been worse to know that the family that should have loved him wanted him dead. What would it take to build up trust after something like that?
The fourth kick actually sent the stone a foot or two off the ground as well as several feet down the path. Tsuzuki scowled.
Hisoka would find a way to overcome his past. If nothing else, the dragon was strong, and definitely not one to give in. The question was, would he be able to feel the same about Tsuzuki once he had come to terms with his pain?
There was no guarantee that Hisoka would return the mage's feelings. In all his time with Tsuzuki, he had never let even a hint of affection show beyond friendship.
Tsuzuki nearly laughed at that thought. Hisoka had a decidedly peculiar way of showing friendship. He was argumentative, and quick to toss off an insult whenever Tsuzuki did something particularly stupid or potentially harmful. Of course, having lived all his life restricted by draconian codes and in fear of his family, what better way to show how at ease he was with Tsuzuki than by arguing with him?
He caught up to the stone, and kicked it again, sending it dancing off the path. As he continued walking, he scanned the packed dirt idly for another target.
So Hisoka liked him as a friend at least. That knowledge, coupled with the fact that the dragon trusted him as much as he was able given what he had been through was comforting. If nothing else, he could at least be near the object of his affections. After all, it wasn't likely that Hisoka would leave the Forest. He had made a home here; he had found friends. Tsuzuki had done the same years ago, and would never consider leaving it all behind. Acceptance was hard to come by.
Even if Hisoka did leave, who was to say Tsuzuki couldn't tag along? It might be fun to explore some more of the world. Doubtless it couldn't be as bad as before if he at least had Hisoka with him for company.
All of a sudden, he became aware of a sinister presence. Looking up, he was surprised to find that his feet had taken him all the way to his cottage. He noticed movement near one of the climbing roses on the side of the house. A breath of fog separated from the flowers as he watched apprehensively. Something clicked into place in his mind, and there was no longer a tuft of mist, but a white-cloaked stranger, holding one of the scarlet blooms.
The stranger looked up, eyes and skin made paler by the contrasting darkness of night. A ghost of a smile was etched on bloodless lips as he called out to Tsuzuki.
"Good evening. May I ask, are you the mage I was told lives here?"
There was absolutely no doubt in Tsuzuki's mind concerning the stranger's identity. He snarled, clenching his fists at his sides.
"Muraki."
The wizard cocked his head to the side in a show of false confusion. "You have heard of me? Ah, I know. The dragon." He smirked as Tsuzuki growled. "Such an arrogant, bothersome child but full bloods often are, wouldn't you say Tsuzuki-san?"
"You know my name."
"As you knew mine." Muraki glided through the fog, still wearing his mocking smile.
"Why did you do that to Hisoka?"
"The little one is my doll, nothing more. He is mine to keep or to break as I please." Muraki's smirk widened. "His family sold him to me."
"Sent him to be murdered," Tsuzuki ground out between clenched teeth.
"I admit that was their intention. However a quick death would not do for such a beautiful doll, full blood though he is. So when they tried to interfere I killed them." He shrugged off the matter nonchalantly.
"And Hisoka escaped," the mage concluded grimly. "If you've come for him you can forget it. I won't let you touch him again."
Muraki chuckled. "It was his misfortune to be here. I came only to find you. I require your assistance."
"What makes you think I'd do anything to help you?"
The wizard closed the distance between himself and Tsuzuki. This close, Tsuzuki could see exactly what Hisoka meant when he described Muraki as having mismatched eyes. The wizard's right eye was too large. Obviously not the original orb, it bulged hideously from its socket.
"You have such lovely purple eyes, Tsuzuki-san. Demon's eyes...." A gasp escaped the mage, and he flinched away as Muraki caressed his cheek.
"Perhaps we should continue our talk another night, after I have shown you what makes me think you'll agree to help me. Good night, Tsuzuki-san." He handed Tsuzuki the rose, and stepped off the path, disappearing quickly into the trees.
The mage shook himself to regain his lost focus. "Matte!" He called, peering into the forest, but Muraki had gone. In disgust, he hurled the blossom into the dirt.
Anxiety quickly took hold of his mind, and he turned to hurry back to the village. Muraki's parting words had disturbed him.
He made it back to the village in record time, and headed straight for Tatsumi's cottage. Bursting through the door, he found the elf still sitting at the table.
"Did anything happen while I was gone?"
Tatsumi looked up at him, startled by his demeanor, and realized that something was amiss. "No. What's wrong?"
Tsuzuki shook his head. He didn't want to involve anyone else any further.
"Nothing. Don't worry. I'm just going to go check on Hisoka." Tatsumi nodded and returned to the report as Tsuzuki slipped into the guest room.
Hisoka had fallen asleep under a tangle of blankets. Tsuzuki smiled in relief as he straightened the sheets over the slim form and smoothed down errant locks of wheat-colored hair. There had been no cause for alarm after all.
Turning, he noticed the full bowl of cold stew on the chair, and guilt took the place of his relief. He should have stayed to make sure Hisoka ate properly. The dragon would need to get his strength back.
A piece of paper had been folded and left beside the bowl. Had Hisoka written him a note? Setting the neglected meal aside, Tsuzuki sat down to read what was written.
{Good evening, Tsuzuki-san.
I hope now you will consider listening to my proposal. If you would like to talk with me, I will be waiting outside your charming little cottage at an hour till midnight tomorrow.
Do tell the little one I said hello when he wakes.
-Muraki}
Before he had even finished reading, Tsuzuki was shaking. His eyes were wide, and his breathing harsh as he raised a hand weakly to cover his mouth, feeling suddenly sick.
Muraki had been here, in the room with Hisoka, and no one had noticed. He could have hurt the dragon again, possibly killed him, and no one would have known until it was far too late.
This was what Muraki had meant. Hisoka wouldn't be safe unless Tsuzuki was with him all the time, which was impossible, simply because Hisoka wouldn't allow it. If he wanted to keep the dragon safe, he would have to at least listen to the wizard.
"What's wrong with you?"
Tsuzuki jumped, and looked down to see Hisoka glaring at him. The dragon rubbed at his eyes and sat up to scowl at Tsuzuki.
"It-it's nothing. Sorry to wake you." He hastily shoved the note into a pocket on his tunic.
"It isn't 'nothing'. I could barely breathe through all the fear you were projecting. What's going on?"
"Hisoka, you don't have to worry."
"You think I'm going to let it go at that?" Resolutely, he swung his legs over the side of the bed, wincing as the motion caused his bandages to slide over the cuts.
"Hisoka!" Tsuzuki jumped up and took hold of Hisoka's shoulder. "You need to lie down!"
"Not until you tell me what's going on." He slid further off the mattress, rising unsteadily when his feet hit the floor.
Tsuzuki picked him up, careful not to jar his broken arm. "You need rest."
"Tell me what happened!"
"No."
"Have it your way then."
As Tsuzuki laid him back down, Hisoka reached up and pressed a hand to the side of the mage's face. Tsuzuki looked at him, surprised, not realizing what Hisoka was doing until he felt a presence in his mind. He hadn't had time to push back thoughts of Muraki, and so they came easily as Hisoka searched. The dragon recoiled quickly and turned a furious glare onto Tsuzuki.
"What the hell were you doing trying to hide that from me?"
"It doesn't concern you," Tsuzuki replied stiffly, scowling back.
"It damn well does!"
"Hisoka--!"
"No! Don't start treating me like some helpless child! Maybe I'm not as powerful as you, but damn it Tsuzuki, what right do you have to hide something like that from me?"
"I was trying to protect you!"
"From what? You think it's a good idea to keep me in the dark about his abilities? He's trying to get to you through me! How would I be any safer not knowing that he could teleport here?"
"I didn't want you to worry. I'm going to protect you."
"What if I don't want you to protect me?"
As soon as the words left Hisoka's mouth he realized that he had hurt Tsuzuki. He looked aside so he wouldn't have to see the look on the older man's face, but he could still clearly feel the sense of rejection and sadness.
He kept his gaze downcast as he asked quietly, "You're going to meet him, aren't you?"
"Yes. I'm going to protect you...even if you don't want me to."
"Why?"
"You know why. You felt it earlier."
Now Hisoka looked up at him, careful to keep his face blank. "I'm important to you, then?"
Tsuzuki smiled wistfully. "Very."
Anger crept across Hisoka's features. "Then why are you going to him? Why take a chance like that? We don't even know all he can do! What if he kills you or something?"
"If I don't go he'll come back for you."
"Let him!" Tsuzuki stared in shock at the dragon. "Let him come back! Let him meet us on our terms!"
"Hisoka...there's no 'us' about it. I'm the one he came looking for."
"Don't you get it, you idiot? I don't want to lose you!"
"You're not going to lose me."
"You can't know that! You're the first person to ever give a damn about me at all! You're the first one who didn't look at me like a monster or a tool or a doll! I don't want to go back to living alone!" There were no tears in his voice, but there was a distressed edge to the anger.
Tsuzuki sat down on the edge of the bed and ran a hand through Hisoka's hair, ignoring the glare still aimed at him.
"Hisoka, listen to me. If I didn't meet him, and then something happened to you because of it, I wouldn't be able to forgive myself. I can't let another light go out because of me." He pulled the dragon into a hug, stroking his back slowly.
"Besides, what makes you think he'd kill me? He said he needs my help. I imagine I'd need to be alive to help anybody."
"He's evil, Tsuzuki. He's evil and he's insane. Do you think I'm the only person he ever tortured or cursed? I've seen into his mind. Do you want to know how he got that other eye?" Tsuzuki didn't respond, and Hisoka began to explain.
"Muraki is only half angel, but the angelic blood is strong in him. He was born with wings, like a full blood. However, because he had a mortal father the others saw him as an outcast. Some of them wanted to remove his wings and cast him out into this world.
"Muraki knew about all of this. It twisted him, turned him hateful, and he started learning dark magic so that he could defeat those who persecuted him. The angels found out, and finally decided that he should be cast out. One of their strongest was sent to cut off his wings, and send him through the veil.
"He succeeded, but it cost him dearly later. Muraki gouged out one of the angel's eyes, and traded his own eye for it. He placed a curse on the eye that caused the angel to see all he saw. Then he sought out the angel's son.
"He was young. He looked a lot like me, except his hair was darker. Muraki found him and tore his wings off. He raped him, and sliced him, and eventually killed him. All the while, the kid's father could see exactly what was happening as if he were doing it."
Hisoka stared at the fabric of the mage's tunic, shivering. "It was bad, Tsuzuki. I saw the whole thing in his mind. You don't know....
"That's why I don't want you to go. Nothing good could come of dealing with a creature like that. We should wait and make him come to us."
Tsuzuki shook his head 'no'. "There are too many ways that could go wrong. There are too many people he could involve aside from you." His voice was soft, but his hands were clenched in trembling fists around the back of Hisoka's tunic, and the dragon could feel his hidden anger.
"Fine...but I'm going too."
"No."
Hisoka shoved Tsuzuki away to glare at him. The mage glared right back, and Hisoka sighed, deciding to employ logic for this argument.
"You can't leave me here. He teleports. He could pop in, kill me, and be back before you arrived."
"I'll ask Tatsumi to stay with you."
"Tsuzuki!"
"We can argue about this later. It's getting late, and you need sleep."
"I'm not a child."
"Fine. It's getting late, and I need sleep. Happy?"
"Ecstatic." Hisoka pronounced, his tone revealing that he was anything but.
Tsuzuki chuckled and stood, making 'shoo'-ing motions at his apprentice. "Scoot over."
"Why?"
"Because I'm going to stay with you again."
"No you're not."
"Why not? I thought you trusted me."
"I do. That doesn't mean I want those emotions of yours sleeping next to me."
Tsuzuki pouted. "You're so mean. This is the only extra bed Tatsumi has and his couch is too short!"
"So throw some pillows on the floor in here."
"That's not comfortable."
"Fine." Hisoka growled and stood up, resting a hand on the back of the chair to steady himself. "You take the bed and I'll sleep on the floor."
"You can't do that!"
"Why not?"
"Because you're injured!"
"Tsuzuki, before I came here, I slept on stone every night. This at least is considerably more even."
"You're too stubborn," grumbled Tsuzuki. He moved to the bed and began shifting the pillows and blankets around as Hisoka wandered to the chest to retrieve a few extra sheets. Before the dragon could even begin to lift the lid, however, Tsuzuki scooped him up from behind.
"What do you think you're doing?!"
"I found a solution."
"Did you?"
Ignoring Hisoka's sarcasm, Tsuzuki nodded and sat him down on one side of the bed. He crawled in on the other, and reached out to pull his apprentice into his lap. Smiling, he leaned back into the pillows he had stacked against the headboard, and tugged the blankets up over both of them.
"How is this a solution?"
"Well, neither of us is on the floor, and you only said that you didn't want me next to you. You didn't say anything about under you."
"Baka! This is worse! At least when you were next to me you didn't have your hands all over me! Let go!"
Tsuzuki pouted, but did as he was told, moving the pillows back to where they were as Hisoka slid off him. He moved to get up, wondering if Tatsumi would have enough blankets to make the floor even a little comfortable.
"Where are you going?"
"Huh? Don't I have to sleep on the floor?"
"Baka." Hisoka fixed him with a warning stare. "Just keep your hands to yourself."
"Haaaai!" Tsuzuki smiled widely, wagging his tail.
"I'm serious. You try anything funny and I'll knock you right off the bed, injuries or no."
"Are you really that uncomfortable around me now? I didn't try anything last night."
Hisoka didn't answer, choosing instead to busy himself with finding a comfortable position to sleep in.
Tsuzuki smiled and waited for the dragon to get settled. He reached over to ruffle Hisoka's hair, then curled up under the covers.
"Oyasumi, Hisoka."
"...Oyasumi."