AUTHOR: higherbeingfriendsfan - Debz

EMAIL: debz11888hotmail.com

CATEGORY: MG/CB angst

RATING: PG-13 just in case

SPOILERS: Series 6 mainly but maybe a few from others, nothing after series 6 though

DISCLAIMER: F.R.I.E.N.D.S don't belong to me, but I really wish they did, especially Matt LeBlanc and Matthew Perry. They belong to NBC, and Warner Brothers, and all of the writers and people who make the show.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: This is set in at the time of series 6, and goes up until TO Where Paul's the Man. Thanks to Exintaris who pointed out that the apartment that Phoebe lived in during the time of my story was Monica and Chandler's, but I said that Phoebe still had her own, and Rachel lived with Joey, which during the time of this story she did. So I'll say that everything that happened during TOWT Holiday Armadillo regarding Phoebe's apartment actually happened earlier, so Phoebe moved back into her apartment and Rachel stayed with Joey. Thanks again Exintaris :)

Also thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter :) they were so sweet.

A week later

Everyone, excluding Chandler, was eating dinner at Monica and Rachel's apartment. Chandler hadn't stepped foot into the apartment since he had moved out and he had been staying later at work so that he didn't catch Monica leaving or coming home from her work. Joey was still angry with Monica and barely said two words to her a day, and no matter how much Rachel, Phoebe and Ross had asked him he still couldn't accept her apology. Ross had asked why Joey was so angry with Monica when he hadn't been angry at himself when he had slept with Chloe. Joey kept saying that Chandler and Monica hadn't had a fight, they were living together and she had lied about not having a boyfriend, and all of this could have been prevented if she had told the truth.

There was a knock at the door and just as Rachel was about to get up and see who was at it, it opened. Chandler took a few steps in and said, "Joey, your mom's on the phone," he handed the phone to his friend, and turned to leave. Before he was out of the door Rachel asked him, "Chandler have you eaten?" He shook his head, so she said, "Sit."

He looked at her and said, "No thanks I'm not hungry," again he turned to leave but Rachel said, "Chandler, please". She gave him her best puppy-dog look so he rolled his eyes and said, "all right, fine." He sat done between Ross and Joey and opposite Phoebe, so he wouldn't have to look at Monica directly. Rachel smiled at Joey, with a look that said that hopefully Chandler would be able to come into this apartment, and that the six of them might be able to hang out together again, even if there was still some tension between Chandler and Monica. Joey though didn't have a look that mirrored Rachel's instead he had a look of worry, that if Chandler and Monica hung out Chandler could get hurt again, by her dating someone else or something else, although he was grateful that all six of them could all hang out.

Later that night

Joey and Chandler were in the living room of Monica and Rachel's apartment, whilst Monica was in her bedroom changing, and the others were helping Rachel clear up.

"Please man, I promised her I would bring along a friend," Joey pleaded with his best friend.

"No Joey, the last time you said that my date was Janice, I'm not risking that happening again." By now they had everyone's attention, even Monica's who had stepped out of her bedroom.

"Don't worry I've already asked her what your date's name is, and its not Janice," Joey said smiling pleased that maybe he would come.

"Ask Ross," Chandler said simply as he looked at Joey.

"I did he can't come he has a thing at work, right?" Joey said asking for conformation from Ross, who nodded.

"Damn," Chandler muttered. He knew that Joey was trying to get him out of the apartment, which he had pretty much just spent the last week in, but he wished that it wasn't a blind date that was Joey's idea, or that they were having the conversation in his ex-girlfriend's apartment.

"Please Chandler, I swear that its not Janice, I mean what have you got to lose?"

"What if it's one of my other ex-girlfriends?" Chandler asked hoping that this may mean he would be able to get out of it, Rachel looked at Monica who was staring at Joey and Chandler, intently listening to their conversation.

"Don't try to get out like that I already checked and her names Rebecca, and I'm pretty sure you've never dated anyone with that name, unless you dated her in college or you kept it a secret." Joey smiled smugly at Chandler who rolled his eyes.

"What's going on?" Phoebe asked Chandler, when she sat down on the seat.

"Joey is trying to set me up a blind date so his date's friend will come, or something like that, but I don't want to go because last time we did that my date was Janice," Chandler answered her, but looking at Joey with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes, but I paid," Joey added weekly, "and you must have had a good time because you slept with her that night," he added. Chandler put his head in his hands, as Monica walked back into her bedroom. They all looked as the door closed. Chandler shook his head.

"Please Chandler, I mean give me a reason why you don't want to go," Joey asked.

"OK how about I just broke up with Monica a week ago? Is that a good reason?" Chandler asked looking at Joey again, who looked down embarrassed.

"Yeah I suppose, but Chandler please come, and this time I promise you I won't leave you alone, so there's no chance you'll sleep with her," Joey said giving Chandler puppy-dog eyes.

"OK fine," Chandler relented, "but you're buying dinner."

"OK," Joey smiled, he knew that Chandler wasn't ready to date anyone but he needed to get out of the apartment, and this was the prefect way.

In Monica's Bedroom

She collapsed on her bed and started to cry. She couldn't believe that Chandler was going on a date, when they had just broken up a week ago officially. She looked around the room; everything in it brought back memories of her and Chandler. She wished everything could go back to the way it was, but she knew that she had blown any chances of that, because of what she had done. Rachel had asked her why she had done it the night after Chandler had moved out, but Monica had been unable to say. She knew that her excuse 'one thing led to another' was wrong. She had been fully to blame and as much as she had tried to convince herself she knew that it was her fault completely.

She thought about how Chandler was planning to propose that night and she realised that that was all she had wanted, but after what had happened during a week before THAT night she had felt that Chandler would never be willing to propose. During the visit to the museum, when Rachel and Phoebe had convinced her to put their name on the waiting list, she had believed that Chandler was ready to get married and a two year waiting list was plenty of time, and they would have been able to have a long engagement. After hearing the message from Hildi though and Chandler's reaction to it a wave of doubt had rushed over her. They had been together for two years and Chandler still wasn't ready or willing to be with her forever. She had told him that she understood and knew that he wasn't but inside she was heartbroken. Monica had believed that Chandler was willing to commit to the relationship but hearing him say even after two years together that he wasn't ready made her question the relationship. When she had bumped into Richard she realised that some feelings for him that she thought had gone came back, as if in a response to her relationship doubts. Although they were only small, Monica had thought that they meant she still liked Richard, but thinking back on it, she realised that those feelings were not what she had first thought they were. She thought back to that night as she wiped away some fresh tears.

Two weeks ago

Monica stood looking in a shop window. She was trying to find the perfect present for Chandler's two-year anniversary. She opened the door of the shop and without looking where she was going entered it and she ended up walking straight into Richard.

"Richard, oh, erm... hi," she said hesitantly. She knew that if Chandler found out he wouldn't be happy and would get jealous, as she knew that he felt a lot of self doubt when it came to him.

"Monica, hey," he replied and took her arm, as he moved them to one side. "How are you?" he asked.

Monica looked at Richard and felt butterflies inside her. She hadn't had those since she had seen Richard at the video store three years ago. "I'm good, thanks, you?"

He nodded and smiled, "Yeah, I'm great thanks. You look great Monica," she blushed at this and smiled shyly, she suddenly felt like a teenager with a high-school crush. Her mind kept telling her, "Chandler, you're in love with Chandler, remember that," but the other part of her mind argued that it was all right to have some feelings for other people, as long as that was all it was and she didn't do act on those feelings. .

"So, you busy at the moment?" he asked her, his own interest in her very obvious. She was about to reply that she was trying to find an anniversary present for Chandler, but before she could she heard herself saying, "No, I'm just window shopping." She looked up at Richard who seemed pleased with this answer "Do you fancy getting some lunch then, because I haven't eaten for a while, have you?"

Again she spoke before she had time to think about the damage this could do to her relationship, she answered, "No I haven't eaten, yet, and lunch would be nice." They walked to a nearby restaurant and ate their lunch. They talked about what they had been up to since they saw each other last year, as they were nearing the end of dinner Richard asked Monica the question that she had been anticipating.

"So are you involved with anyone at the moment?"

Her heart and mind were screaming to herself to say yes, that she was in a very committed relationship with Chandler, and that she loved him, but again a part of her ignored this and she answered, "No." Richard seemed relieved with this as he replied to her, "Yeah, me neither," Monica smiled as she felt butterflies again. She knew that she shouldn't have lied, but it was nice to have some attention.

Richard asked her if she wanted to grab some coffee and Monica took him to her apartment. Again she knew this was risky, but she convinced herself that Chandler was still at work and wouldn't be home for a while. She made some coffee and they talked again. Just as Monica was leaning to put he cup on the coffee table, Richard kissed her. Inside Monica's heart was telling her to stop, but her brain was telling her that it felt nice, so she didn't break the kiss. As the kisses got more passionate the voices inside which told her that she should stop died down, and instead were replaced with the feeling of Richard's lips on hers. When they moved into the bedroom all of reservations stopped and she decided to act on the small feelings that she had first gotten when she had bumped into Richard.

When she heard the bedroom door open she panicked, she saw the look on Chandler's face and wanted to die. She realised then that the feelings that she had when she saw Richard were what she had first thought. They were her getting a small meaningless crush because of the doubts in her relationship, but when she saw Chandler those small butterflies turned into huge greater things, and her heart skipped a beat. She knew that if even after two years Chandler could still make her heart beat like that then he was the one she had feelings for, not Richard.

Present.

As her thoughts travelled once again to that night she realised how much she had sacrificed over something so small. Monica started to cry again, she knew that Chandler had been right that 'one thing led to another' was not an excuse she just hoped that perhaps he realised how much she loved him and that if he knew the truth then everything would be OK, but she knew deep down that this was not going to happen.

I've rewritten this chapter because thanks to a review I realised the bit at the end where Monica tlaks about her feelings didn't make a lot of sense so I've sort of taken out a couple of different ways Monica viewed them. I hope this makes more sense Exintaris ;). Please review everyone Debzxxx