Sara closed her eyes against the familiar image of Cathain sprawled against
Ewan's body. So much, like how she had done the night of the Irish
massacre. The unbearable pain of loss she felt at that moment resurfaced.
Only to have it intensify when she felt Cathain's sorrow course through her
body. Tears began to flow down Sara's face, her legs becoming weak. The
sobs of pain escaped her lips and her body began to tremble. She fell to
her knees, landing on the other side of Ewan's body. She opened her eyes
and stared at the once vibrant face of Ewan only to have his soulless eyes
stare back at her. Eyes that were once full of love and happiness now
blank. She reached out to touch his face only to have her hand pass through
him. Slowly the image of Cathain and Ewan began to fade into the darkness,
leaving her alone to mourn over him. Sara was trying to stay strong but the
grief was far too great that she let it overwhelm her. She buried her face
deeper into her hands, crying until there were no tears left to shed. She
could not remember crying so much over someone. Not with John, Danny,
Maria, or even her father. She had her time to mourn over their deaths but
never had she broken down like this.
She pulled her hands away from her face, wiping away the last vestige of tears. She took a deep breath and exhaled. Cathain's sorrow still lingered inside but not as overwhelming as before. She rested her hands on her thighs and leaned on them, her head lowered. On her wrist the Witchblade's pale radiance continued. Sara stared at it and spoke out, "Why is it doing this to me? Why did it bring me here?" Cathain reappeared to stand before Sara. "I think you already know that answer, Sara. I think you are slowly realizing and understanding that the blade is trying to teach you. These are lessons for you to help guide how you dictate your life, your future with the one who's been destined to protect you." Sara remained silent taking in everything Cathain was saying.
During the Periculum Sara had asked Cathain if there was a way to bring John back. She had said yes but never told her. "Couldn't this," Sara motioned to the ornate bracelet on her wrist, "have saved Ewan, and bring him back?" Cathain sighed at her question. Sara had raised her head, finally looking up at Cathain, staring at her disbelievingly. It was there in Cathain's knowing eyes, the blade did have the power to save Ewan, possibly even bring him back to life. The question was why she did not do anything. Cathain answered Sara's unspoken question. "I couldn't save him, Sara. The blade abandoned me that night. I never got it back; I never wielded the Llan An Cailleach ever again." Cathain lowered her head.
"Wasn't there anything you could have done?" Sara asked, hopeful.
Cathain closed her eyes tears streaming down her face. She shook her head no. "What could I have done, Sara?"
"Why did you hold back? Why didn't you tell Ewan how you felt, that you loved him?" Sara exclaimed, somehow the question was not only just for Cathain this time but for here as well. She waited in anticipation, she held her breath afraid what Cathain was going to say because she knew it was going to sound so much like her own excuses she used when it came to Ian. Sara had stood up and now the two warriors faced each other. Cathain opened her eyes to stare into familiar emerald eyes.
"Do you know what its like to lose everyone you've loved?" Sara pursed her lips; images of everyone she has lost appeared in her mind. She gave her a small nod. "Then you know about the unbearable pain you go through when you lose someone. I had lost some much already I did not want to feel that pain again. Therefore, I built a wall around my heart, letting no one in. I pushed away those who dared to get close to me. For a while it worked."
"Until Ewan showed up?" Sara added.
"Yes, until he showed up." Cathain smiled remembering how they had first met. She shook her head at the memory. "Suddenly the wall around my heart was not at strong as before. I was so angry that he was able to do this to me. So naturally I took my anger out on him." Cathain giggled. "I continued to push him away, lying to myself and to him how I felt. Frustrated because he continued to stay no matter what I said to him. And I said some very awful things to him." Sara grinned, understanding. She knew Ian had his share of verbal bashing from her. Nevertheless, like Ewan the man stuck around.
"There were times where I have seen what my words have done to him. I saw the pain reflected in his eyes. I felt so guilty, knowing that I was the cause of all his pain. But you have to understand it was necessary." Sara more then understood. "I didn't want to get close to him, I didn't want him to get close to me. People tend to die when they are around me. If not by death, they leave me on their own accord. My heart was not prepared for that kind of grief." Sara continued to listen to familiar words.
"What changed your mind?" Sara asked curiously.
Cathain's smiled broadly. "You could say he grew on me. He demonstrated such devotion, loyalty, and not to mention love towards 'me'. Not just as the wielder but as a woman. I must admit that at first such strong feelings were frightening to me. I never experienced such things before. After a while, the wall began to crack. Then that night when he told me he loved me, the barrier was no longer there. Although what was left in its wake was fear. It lingered and because of it I held back." Cathain hung her head.
"Its my fault that Ewan died." Sara began to protest. Cathain shook her head, "If only," her voice began to tremble; her teardrops were hitting the floor. "If I had only told Ewan that I loved him when he asked me then he would still be alive. If only I hadn't let my fear take control perhaps the sequence of events would not have lead him to his death." Sara understood. Ewan would not have let Conchobar's words get to him, they would not have fought, and he would not have gotten angry and rode off into the night. He would not have confronted Fiona and Kellan. Moreover, Fiona would not have killed him while protecting Cathain.
"So you see Sara don't let your fear take control of your life. Don't push him away like how I had pushed my Ewan." Cathain laid a hand on Sara's cheek.
"But I'm scared, Cathain." Sara tears began flowing down her face, "I'm scared of losing him like how I lost everyone else." Cathain gathered Sara in her arms, letting her cry on her shoulder. Cathain hugged her then pulled back holding Sara hands in hers. Cathain gave them a reassuring squeeze then said, "I know you are Sara but you stand to lose so much more if you don't stop pushing him away. Give him something to live for and he will fight off death for you." Cathain wiped away the tear on Sara's face.
"What about Irons?" Sara questioned.
"I cannot help with Kenneth Irons, Sara." Cathain shook her head. Her eyes shifting to something just behind Sara.
"I believe I can help, Sara." A voice rang out. Another woman appeared from the shadows. Sara turned to see who it was. Her eyes widen as she watched the elegantly dressed woman walk towards them. "Greetings Cathain." Cathain nodded her head slightly in acknowledgement. "Elizabeth Bronte?" Sara whispered. "Hello Sara. Are you ready to walk down memory lane with me now?" Elizabeth grinned.
She pulled her hands away from her face, wiping away the last vestige of tears. She took a deep breath and exhaled. Cathain's sorrow still lingered inside but not as overwhelming as before. She rested her hands on her thighs and leaned on them, her head lowered. On her wrist the Witchblade's pale radiance continued. Sara stared at it and spoke out, "Why is it doing this to me? Why did it bring me here?" Cathain reappeared to stand before Sara. "I think you already know that answer, Sara. I think you are slowly realizing and understanding that the blade is trying to teach you. These are lessons for you to help guide how you dictate your life, your future with the one who's been destined to protect you." Sara remained silent taking in everything Cathain was saying.
During the Periculum Sara had asked Cathain if there was a way to bring John back. She had said yes but never told her. "Couldn't this," Sara motioned to the ornate bracelet on her wrist, "have saved Ewan, and bring him back?" Cathain sighed at her question. Sara had raised her head, finally looking up at Cathain, staring at her disbelievingly. It was there in Cathain's knowing eyes, the blade did have the power to save Ewan, possibly even bring him back to life. The question was why she did not do anything. Cathain answered Sara's unspoken question. "I couldn't save him, Sara. The blade abandoned me that night. I never got it back; I never wielded the Llan An Cailleach ever again." Cathain lowered her head.
"Wasn't there anything you could have done?" Sara asked, hopeful.
Cathain closed her eyes tears streaming down her face. She shook her head no. "What could I have done, Sara?"
"Why did you hold back? Why didn't you tell Ewan how you felt, that you loved him?" Sara exclaimed, somehow the question was not only just for Cathain this time but for here as well. She waited in anticipation, she held her breath afraid what Cathain was going to say because she knew it was going to sound so much like her own excuses she used when it came to Ian. Sara had stood up and now the two warriors faced each other. Cathain opened her eyes to stare into familiar emerald eyes.
"Do you know what its like to lose everyone you've loved?" Sara pursed her lips; images of everyone she has lost appeared in her mind. She gave her a small nod. "Then you know about the unbearable pain you go through when you lose someone. I had lost some much already I did not want to feel that pain again. Therefore, I built a wall around my heart, letting no one in. I pushed away those who dared to get close to me. For a while it worked."
"Until Ewan showed up?" Sara added.
"Yes, until he showed up." Cathain smiled remembering how they had first met. She shook her head at the memory. "Suddenly the wall around my heart was not at strong as before. I was so angry that he was able to do this to me. So naturally I took my anger out on him." Cathain giggled. "I continued to push him away, lying to myself and to him how I felt. Frustrated because he continued to stay no matter what I said to him. And I said some very awful things to him." Sara grinned, understanding. She knew Ian had his share of verbal bashing from her. Nevertheless, like Ewan the man stuck around.
"There were times where I have seen what my words have done to him. I saw the pain reflected in his eyes. I felt so guilty, knowing that I was the cause of all his pain. But you have to understand it was necessary." Sara more then understood. "I didn't want to get close to him, I didn't want him to get close to me. People tend to die when they are around me. If not by death, they leave me on their own accord. My heart was not prepared for that kind of grief." Sara continued to listen to familiar words.
"What changed your mind?" Sara asked curiously.
Cathain's smiled broadly. "You could say he grew on me. He demonstrated such devotion, loyalty, and not to mention love towards 'me'. Not just as the wielder but as a woman. I must admit that at first such strong feelings were frightening to me. I never experienced such things before. After a while, the wall began to crack. Then that night when he told me he loved me, the barrier was no longer there. Although what was left in its wake was fear. It lingered and because of it I held back." Cathain hung her head.
"Its my fault that Ewan died." Sara began to protest. Cathain shook her head, "If only," her voice began to tremble; her teardrops were hitting the floor. "If I had only told Ewan that I loved him when he asked me then he would still be alive. If only I hadn't let my fear take control perhaps the sequence of events would not have lead him to his death." Sara understood. Ewan would not have let Conchobar's words get to him, they would not have fought, and he would not have gotten angry and rode off into the night. He would not have confronted Fiona and Kellan. Moreover, Fiona would not have killed him while protecting Cathain.
"So you see Sara don't let your fear take control of your life. Don't push him away like how I had pushed my Ewan." Cathain laid a hand on Sara's cheek.
"But I'm scared, Cathain." Sara tears began flowing down her face, "I'm scared of losing him like how I lost everyone else." Cathain gathered Sara in her arms, letting her cry on her shoulder. Cathain hugged her then pulled back holding Sara hands in hers. Cathain gave them a reassuring squeeze then said, "I know you are Sara but you stand to lose so much more if you don't stop pushing him away. Give him something to live for and he will fight off death for you." Cathain wiped away the tear on Sara's face.
"What about Irons?" Sara questioned.
"I cannot help with Kenneth Irons, Sara." Cathain shook her head. Her eyes shifting to something just behind Sara.
"I believe I can help, Sara." A voice rang out. Another woman appeared from the shadows. Sara turned to see who it was. Her eyes widen as she watched the elegantly dressed woman walk towards them. "Greetings Cathain." Cathain nodded her head slightly in acknowledgement. "Elizabeth Bronte?" Sara whispered. "Hello Sara. Are you ready to walk down memory lane with me now?" Elizabeth grinned.