You Still Have All of Me

Part 7

By: Silverstar

Here it is! I hope you all enjoy. I'm sorry it took me so long to update, but my computer had a virus! It's still giving me problems, but I'll try to get the next (and last) part out before I leave for vacation next week. Thanks for your patience.

Disclaimer: I don't own Charmed, no matter how much I would like to.

The days went by slowly...but the nights went by even slower. Because of the incident, Doctor Rune and my sisters were hesitant about giving me any more medication...so I went in for therapy three times a week instead. The haven my pills gave me was gone, and now my nights were hell. Every time I closed my eyes I saw Leo...my hopes always soared that he was coming to visit me again...but every dream and fantasy ended in heartbreak and despair as he disappeared into a void and I fell into darkness. It had been a week since I returned from the hospital, and each day was worse as Leo's visit was further and further in the past. My nights were restless, and every dream had me waking up in agony.

One night I awoke around three in the morning to the sounds of Wyatt fussing. Opening my eyes, I saw my tangled sheets and noticed my heavy breathing. My thrashing must have woken him. Getting up and out of bed, I walked over to my son's crib and gently picked him up. A few minutes later he was asleep, and I set him back down in his bed. Wide awake, and with an image of Leo in my head, I knew I wouldn't be getting back to sleep any time soon. So, as I grabbed my robe, I put it on and walked quietly downstairs. Stepping into the kitchen, I jumped at the sight of both of my sisters sitting at the table with cups of tea. They were sitting in silence and sipping their warm tea thoughtfully, and neither said anything at my entrance. Looking over at the kitchen counter, I saw the kettle full of warm water. I slowly walked over, and after taking a cup from the cabinet, made myself some tea. The silence of the dim-lit room was a relief to me, and I sat down with my sisters to drink my tea. As I allowed my thoughts to wander, a very dangerous thing for me, I started thinking about why Phoebe and Paige were up this early. I knew why I was...and my guess was that I was their reason for their lack of sleep. As tired and distracted as I had been these past days, I hadn't noticed any difference in my sisters. Glancing up from my tea, I saw them both looking at me.

"You okay?" I asked, referring to both of them, and they nodded in reply. For a second my mind cleared, and I looked over at them and truly saw their tired eyes. Getting up, I walked over and stood between them. Then, leaning down, I put my arms around their shoulders. "Why are you two up? What's bothering you?" I asked, and they both looked up at me in surprise. "I can see it in your tired eyes," I continued. "Just like you see it in mine everyday."

"Sit down," Phoebe said gently, and I obeyed, sitting across from my sisters. "Piper...for the past weeks, Paige and I have been wracking our brains in search of anything that could help you. What happened the other week..." I looked down at this comment, but Phoebe continued. "...what happened made it even more clear to us that we have to act soon. Piper...we could lose you...and there would be nothing anyone could do to stop it."

"But Phoebe...I wouldn't-"

"Don't say it Piper," Phoebe said softly. "Can you explain what happened the other week?" I slowly shook my head.

"Piper," Paige said slowly, "Your strong and powerful emotions took over, and your control over your actions was lost. Do you think you could have stopped yourself in that moment?" I again slowly shook my head.

"Piper, we have been trying to come up with something to help you. The therapy obviously hasn't been working, because you've become even more restless this past week. We can see it every day."

"Yeah..." I replied, sadness overpowering my features. "I know..."

"Can you tell us what's going on?" Paige asked, and I looked at her. "We need to know what is going on in that head of yours. That way, we may be able to help." I slowly shook my head as I rubbed my temple with my fingers.

"The one thing I can tell you," I replied, looking ay my sisters in hope to help them to help me, "is Leo. He's always here...and..." My eyes misted as I tried to think of the reason for my grief. There weren't any words for it. Phoebe reached over and took my hand in hers, and Paige then put hers on top of ours.

"We think we have a solution," Phoebe said. "We were just worried about what you would think of it." I looked at each of them, and then smiled a little.

"I'll do anything you ask of me," I finally said. "I give up, and if it may help, I'm all ears."

"Come with us," Paige said, and they both pulled me to my feet and led me up to the attic. Upon entering, my sisters led me over to a chair and sat me down. Then, pulling up chairs of their own, they sat down net to me and pulled The Book onto my lap.

"A magical answer?" I asked, and Phoebe nodded as Paige flipped through the pages. Finally, she stopped, and I leaned down to read. "Truth of Mind...?" I said, looking up at Phoebe.

"It will let us go into your mind, see what you feel and think, understand you more, and help you to get through whatever it is that you're going through." I hesitated, thinking about it, and shuddered. Did I really want my sisters in my head? They had been there once before...but that was different.

"How does it work?" I asked.

"We sit in a circle with our hands held," Phoebe began. "As Paige and I chant you'll fall into a deep sleep. After we finish the spell we'll go into trances and be in your mind."

"How will you get out again?" I asked.

"Since we'll be in a meditative trance," Paige said, "our will power will let us out." I looked down at the spell and a chill raced down my back, but then again, what other choice did I have? "We'll let you sleep on it," Paige then said. Nodding, I got to my feet and we went to our respective rooms. It was nearing four thirty, and with no hope of falling back to sleep, I still got into bed and shut my eyes.

I woke with a start and a dark image in my head. I had managed to fall asleep around six, and looking at the clock, I saw that it was now eleven. Pulling on a sweatshirt, I made my way downstairs to my sisters in the kitchen.

"Where's Wyatt?" I asked as I went for the coffee and Paige took it away from me.

"Caffeine's bad for you," she said, "And Phoebe took Wyatt to his play group this morning."

"Oh," I said as I gave Paige a look for taking away my coffee and grabbed a banana on my way to the table. Phoebe and Paige were silent as I ate, and I knew they were thinking about last night. When I finished eating Paige walked over and sat down next to me.

"Have you thought about it?" she asked and I sighed.

"Yeah...Let's do it," I finally said. "But...what if it takes a long time-"

"Darryl and Sheila are picking up Wyatt at five thirty. They'll keep him until we call," Phoebe said, and I nodded.

"Let's go," Paige then said, and I followed my sisters upstairs into the attic. They forced me to sit as Paige set up protective candles and did a spell to protect the attic from any attacks, and as Phoebe set up for the spell. Fifteen minutes later everything was in order. I was ordered to lay down, and I did so as a pillow was shoved under my head and my sisters each sat next to me. We linked our hands, and I took a deep breath as my sisters got situated.

"Don't worry Piper," Phoebe then said. "Just relax. From what I understand, you'll be in a dreamlike state, but won't be able to wake up until both of us are gone from your mind." I nodded, and giving them one last smile, took a deep breath and closed my eyes. The last thing I heard was the start of the spell...

Lights swirled around me for what seemed like hours, until I finally collapsed. Opening my eyes, I looked around me to see nothingness...all was dark. Where...where were my sisters...? Sleep was scary enough for me on an every day basis...but now with the spell...I would go wherever my mind took me. Right now the darkness around me was ominous, and I closed my eyes tight as I was whisked into my subconscious.

A familiar thumping sound woke me again, and as I sat up in the darkness I realized that it was my heart. Darting my eyes quickly to survey my surroundings, I found that I was in the same dark void...and that before me stood that same shadow...A glare of light allowed me to see Leo's handsome features before he was devoured again into the darkness. No...I had to get to him! Standing quickly, I started to run towards my love...but to no avail. He quickly disappeared, and I sunk into a dark hole and began to fall...

When I opened my eyes I saw Leo before me, exactly how he had appeared when I was in the hospital...was it him? No...it was only a memory. I watched, how many so often do in dreams, myself and Leo. Tears came to my eyes, and when I looked over to my right I saw my sisters, staring in shock at the memory. That's right...I had never told them. I wanted to hang onto something of ours that was ours alone and no one else's. But...it hadn't mattered. Every night before I went to sleep I subconsciously thought back to this memory, and the longing and bitter pain came back to me. Gasping for air, I fell to the ground, and as I saw my sisters rush towards me, everything went dark. I didn't want them, and I didn't want to get well. I wanted to be alone and end my misery. As darkness surrounded me so did silence. The quiet calmed me a little, and looking up I saw the memory of that night...the night I overdosed. It had been so easy...so easy...flashes of feelings raced through me as I watched myself take those pills...sadness, frustration, loneliness, anger, and pain. Oh, it had been so effortless. Looking around, I saw that my sisters were no where in sight...and I no longer felt their presence inside of me. Good, they were gone. Wanting to be alone, I closed my eyes, and when I opened them again I was in a dark abyss. Then, closing my eyes again, I waited for the nothingness to take me over and conquer me.

Seconds went by...then minutes...then hours...I didn't know how long I had been in this state, but it was better than living. Thinking back, I realized that before my sisters had performed the spell, I had been so willing to let them help me...but the longer I stayed wrapped up inside of my mind, the more I didn't want help from anyone...the more I wanted to just lay by myself in nothingness.

I don't know how long I laid there before I could feel myself getting weak. With this weakness, the darkness started to swirl under me, and various emotions started to overtake my heart. I had no strength to hold them back, and sorrow and pain flooded within me. There was no going back...I was going to die a slow and painful death inside my own mind. Pieces of my childhood flashed before me: My first day of school, my 5th birthday, my graduation, Phoebe's return from New York, the late night talks with Prue...the first time I kissed Leo, my meditation lesson with Paige...These memories brought tears to my eyes as I remembered my past...especially the painful memories of Prue...and then of Leo. I had lost a lot of people in my life...Mom, Dad, Grams, Prue...I never thought that I would have lost Leo as well. He had always been there...my guardian angel. Closing my eyes again, I thought I was ready...I was ready to leave this plane and join Prue up in the heavens...

Suddenly, a flash of light streaked through the darkness and landed on me. Staring upwards, I saw the bright white and blue light surrounding me, and I felt its warmth. My heart fluttered and my eyes widened as I looked up and saw a figure coming towards me. There He stood, and all I could do was cry. Within seconds I was in His arms, and I sobbed into His shoulder as He rubbed my back.

"I tried Leo...I really did...but I'm not strong enough...my mind is...I don't know. I can't control it's thoughts or my feelings. I'm...I'm so sorry..."

"Hush," Leo said in a gentle voice. "Everything will be alright now. Hush...just come with me, okay?" I nodded obediently as he took my hand, and we floated up into the light...

"Piper...Piper...!" I heard someone calling my name as I opened my tear-filled eyes. Someone was holding me in their arms, and as I squeezed that person tighter in a hug, I realized that it was Leo. His scent was all around me, and his strong arms held me close to him.

"She's alright Phoebe," I heard his distant voice tell my sister. "She'll be fine." I could hear my sisters in the background talking, or crying, or running around in joy, but my mind was solely focused on Leo. How was he here in the real world? How was I here? I didn't understand, and I didn't want to understand. Continuing to sob, I held onto Leo even tighter as my worried sisters gathered around us and Leo hushed my tears. In a sudden movement Leo had lifted me up into his arms and was carrying me somewhere...I soon felt a soft bed under my body, but I held tightly onto Leo. A second later I felt his hand over me, and with his healing touch I fell into a peaceful sleep.

'Uhhh...I'm starving,' I thought, taking a deep breath and opening my eyes. I was lying in my bed alone with the lights off and the window open, letting in a cool breeze. Slowly turning to my side, I looked at the clock on my dresser to see that it was one o'clock...but that didn't help my mind at all. Thoughts swam through my head as I tried to figure out what day it was and what had happened. Was Leo really here...? I didn't understand how...but...My stomach grumbled and my head was pounding. With my concentration broken, I closed my eyes and waited. Upon hearing someone walking slowly past my room, I opened my eyes and hoped. "Leo...?" I called softly and tentatively, but it was enough. Seconds later Phoebe's head was through the door.

"Piper!" she said joyfully, but quietly as well, thank God. I watched as she rushed towards me and threw her arms around me in a hug. "I'm so glad you're okay," she said quietly, leaning back to get a better look at me. "Leo said that you'd be sleeping for a while, but we expected you to wake up hours ago." She had said it...she had said that Leo was here. I hadn't been dreaming it.

"Ph...Phoebe," I said softly, gripping her arm with my hand. "He...He's really here? I wasn't dreaming it?" I asked, locking my eyes with hers in search of an answer. She looked at me for a moment, and then slowly smiled. Taking my hand with hers, she held it up to her lips and then kissed it softly before setting it down.

"Calm down big sister," she said gently. "And yes, he really is here." My eyes widened at these words, and tears swam down my cheeks at the realization. "No, Piper...please don't cry again," I heard Phoebe say as she wiped away my tears. "You've shed enough tears already," she said with sorrow. I shook my head a little as I wiped away the remaining tears and smiled slightly up at my sister.

"S...Sorry...I..."

"Don't," she said gently. "Let's talk later, with everyone." I agreed with my silence as Phoebe continued to look at me and then got up suddenly. "Oh, I'm so sorry! Can I get you anything? And of course, I have to go get everyone else," she said hastily. "Are you cold, are you hot, are you comfortable?"

"Well...I am hungry," I told her. "And I have a headache."

"Of course! I'll bring you some lunch and some aspirin," she said quickly before bounding out of the room. Seconds later her head stuck back through the door. "And Piper?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you." I smiled as Phoebe's head disappeared from sight again and I was alone once more. The pillows felt soft underneath me, and I closed my eyes as I tried to clear my mind and just focus on that comfort. But, a few seconds later I heard someone else enter the room. Opening my eyes, I found myself looking up at Paige. Feelings of guilt and shame came over me as I met her gaze and then quickly broke the eye contact.

"Piper...look at me," she said gently, and I slowly turned my eyes back towards Paige as she sat nest to me on the edge of my bed. "Piper...it's okay," she then said, and through her eyes I saw nothing except for love.

"Paige...I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough-"

"Shhh," she hushed, shaking her head as she took my hand in hers. "There is nothing to apologize for." I looked up at my littlest sister, and a small smile spread across my face as I sensed her love for me. Seconds later Phoebe rushed in with a tray of food and some aspirin. I took the medicine hurriedly and watched as my sisters sat down on either side of the bed. They must've been worried...but my thoughts didn't go past that because of the rumbling in my stomach. Sighing, I picked up half of the sandwich Phoebe brought me and took a bite. Food never tasted so good.

"I don't know why I'm so hungry," I said to Phoebe after I had finished half of the sandwich. "How long...was I out...?"

"Three days," said a deep voice from the doorway, and I turned my head to see Leo standing there. Thoughts of food dropped out of my mind as I stared at him in shock of actually seeing him. "Once the spell began your mind and subconscious had control. Reasoning and judgment didn't exist. Without them, you pushed Phoebe and Paige out of your head and you were trapped within." I stared at Leo as he walked over to me and placed his hand on my forehead. "Finish eating," he gently demanded, and I picked up the rest of the sandwich and finished it off as he sat down next to Phoebe on my right and continued to talk. "I was watching you as much as I possibly could, but I knew that you wouldn't be able to break out of your own mind trap combined with the magic. Phoebe and Paige had tried everything in their power, both naturally and supernaturally, but couldn't wake you, or get back into your head. Seeing and feeling the urgency of the matter, I came. Using my powers, I was able to push through your magic and subconscious, and I healed you from the inside. Your guard was let down, and you emerged from the mind trap." Leo explained calmly and quickly as I finished my sandwich and Paige took the tray away. I watched as Phoebe quietly followed her, shutting the door behind herself. We were alone. I looked at Leo for a long time, taking in his presence and convincing myself that he was really here.

"Three days...huh?" I said, and he nodded as he moved closer to me and I snuggled into his arms. "Leo...how did it get this bad?" I asked.

"It's your strong will and our love," Leo replied.

"Is that it?" I asked.

"I don't know," he replied. "But...let's not worry about that now." I silently agreed as I hugged Leo closer and looked up into his eyes.

"Leo...Thanks...for saving me," I whispered up at him.

"Do you think that I would have just left you there to die?" he asked, and I looked down, still ashamed of my actions. "Piper...look at me." I obeyed. "I came because I love you...and...I've been trying to live my life without you. I...I can't. The other Elders never gave me permission to come to you, but I did anyway. Actually, they forbade it, but I came nonetheless."

"We broke the rules again," I whispered with a smile, and Leo smiled as well.

"I want to be here to help you work through everything. I know that you harbor not only love for me, but anger as well...and I can handle that."

"Leo...what will They do to you?" I asked, pushing aside his last comment. "What will They do to us?"

"I came to you knowing that these actions would have consequences," Leo replied. "Right now...I don't know what they will be. What I do know is that They won't separate us again. I won't let Them."

"Promise?" I asked.

"Promise," he replied, giving me a kiss on my forehead as I closed my eyes and snuggled closer into his arms.

TO BE CONTINUED...