Disclaimer: Once more, from the bottom of my heart, I DO NOT OWN INUYASHA!!!!
Ch. 14: Kidnapped
Last time, on "I'm Not Gay!":
"Sango, I love you. I've loved you for so long, but you've always seemed so unreachable to me. Please, please remember me…." He turned his head and pulled away from her. Something in Sango clicked. She grabbed her head and slid to the floor.
"I…….I……."
*************************
"I have a stomach ache!" Sango moaned. Miroku facefaulted. As he lay twitching on the ground, he thought Fate must surely be getting revenge for all of the times I've groped Sango….. He flinched as he heard Sango throw up.
Inuyasha wasn't faring much better with Akuma.
"YOU'RE A FRICKIN HUMAN, YOU FREAK!" Inuyasha yelled.
"LIKE FUN I AM! YOU'RE THE ONE THAT REEKS LIKE A HUMAN!" Akuma yelled back.
Kagome decided to take matters into her own hands. Say it with me.
"SIT!"
Inuyasha was catching up with his good friend dirt. He mumbled," Stupid shard detector."
"SIT!"
Akuma looked on confusedly. Did all half-demons fall to the floor from the word "sit"? The wannabe hanyou then bellyflopped onto the floor and started to join Inuyasha's dark cursing of the young miko.
Shippo and Tanoshii had joined Kei and Heriumu to suck on helium. They had even made it into a race.
"Hurry up Shippo! Finish it off!"
"Get a move on, ya' stupid crossdresser! We're gonna lose!"
Of course, they had made a team sport on who could finish off a balloon first. Since Shippo and Tanoshii had practically vampired the poor elastic wonder, they were in the lead.
"YAY! We won!" Shippo cheered. Tanoshii and Shippo gave the victory sign. Heriumu was despondently sucking on another balloon, almost like a pacifier while Kei just shrugged his shoulders.
Kei, noticing Suimin asleep in the middle of the room, asked Tanoshii," How the heck can he be sleeping standing up?"
Tanoshii innocently replied," He's narcoleptic." Suimin suddenly jolted up and started screaming. Nancho ran up to him and asked loudly," Why are you so happy?"
Suimin yelled," I'm not happy, I'm scared!"
Nancho put a hand to his ear and asked," Eh? Couldn't hear you there."
Suimin screeched in his ear," I'M SCARED, OKAY?!"
Nancho rubbed his ears and mumbled," Don't have to yell so loud, I'm deaf, not deaf."
Mojin asked a wall he thought was Suimin and asked," Why are you scared?"
Suimin shushed him and whispered," Shhh! I think my butt's behind me!"
Shippo thought aloud," Isn't this weird?"
Kei responded," Yes, I do believe that having this many weirdos in a family is a tad bit odd."
Heriumu matter-of-factly told them," Well, we've always been like this, so it isn't that weird to us. Our baby sister Wasureru is the one that's weird."
Kagome huffed," That isn't your sister, that's our friend Sango!"
Suddenly gaining a super-size demon head, Heriumu yelled, "Sister!"
Kagome, with an equally large demon-head, yelled back," Friend!"
"Sister!"
"Friend!"
"Sister!"
"Friend!"
"Sister!"
"Friend!"
"Sister!"
"Friend!"
"Sister!"
Inuyasha, munching on some popcorn, sighed," This could take all day."
Miroku and Kei, after putting the pieces of the puzzle together, came to the same conclusion:
"It's a trap!"
And that was when the entire cabin was booming with raspy cackling.
**************
Out of the blue Miroku yelled," I sense an evil presence!"
Kagome hollered at him," Well no shit Sherlock!"
The voice crowed," Cucucucucucucucu! Little munchkins, you won't make it out of here alive!"
Then another voice, that sounded suspiously like Naraku, joined in," Kukukukukukuku!"
Shippo gulped," Oh no, that sounds suspciously like Naraku!"
Akuma and Inuyasha simultaneously bonked him on the head. Akuma looked up at Inuyasha with adoring eyes and said," This could be the start of a beautiful friendship."
Disgusted, Inuyasha feh'ed," Like hell!"
A blue smoke cloud overtook the cabin, and everyone held their breath, thinking it was poison gas.
Kagome thought, Can't…..hold…….breath…….much…….longer!
Shippo thought, Is this the end……?
Kei thought, COOL! My life is flashing before my eyes!
The smoke cleared, revealing Naraku and an ugly, short, midget hag. She looked at them puzzledly and said," You don't have to hold your breath, it's just my perfume." She fussed with her hair and said," It must be a CRIME to be this beautiful!"
Everyone minus the hag facefaulted.
Miroku yelled," What have you done to Sango, you old shrimp?!"
Inuyasha sighed," He MUST have better insults than that, he hangs out with ME!"
The midget crowed," I am Kikyo's TRUE form! Indeed, Inuyasha, I had deceived you from the start! I am actually Naraku's evil mother-in-law!"
Naraku raised a hand and said," I'll vouch for that."
Kikyo thwoped him on the head and continued," I have placed a curse upon the residents of this house and the exterminator. If they remain this way, they will keel over and die within the next five minutes, leaving their souls to me! Cucucucucucucu!"
Kei called out," Dude, what's with the "cucucucu"? That is SO copying Naraku!"
Naraku indignantly said," That's what my lawyer said too!"
Miroku pondered something, then voiced his thoughts aloud," Hang on, if Kikyo is actually Naraku's mother-in-law, then who's his wife? Wouldn't there be no relation between them if Naraku was single?"
Naraku snapped his fingers and gasped," The monks RIGHT!" He turned to Kikyo and sobbed," After all we've been through, how could you deceive me so?!"
Kikyo screeched," You insolent wannabe Buddhist! Now I will make SURE that they die!"
Sango, Hiai, Suimin, Tanoshii, Akuma, Heriumu, Mojin, and Nancho suddenly collapsed onto the floor, writhing in pain. Their eyes bulged out of their sockets and their faces started turning blue. Kagome hid her face in Inuyasha's shoulder, Shippo hid his face in Kagome's shoulder, and Kei hid his face on Shippo's shoulder. Miroku looked at them and thought, What, are they in a conga line?
Miroku, reaching the end of his rope, hollered," Don't hurt them anymore! Take me instead!"
Those cursed slumped forward and passed out. Kikyo chuckled," Cucucucucucu, now it is your turn to play, little houshi. I have released them from their curse, but if you try to rebel, I can kill them all in an instant." Her evil minions, the soul stealers, swooshed into the cabin and picked up Kikyo and Naraku.
Naraku, still on the ground, cried out," You can't just LEAVE me here!"
Kikyo flatly said," You're a demon, you can fly."
"Even I knew that!" Shippo catcalled.
Naraku grumbled," Think happy thoughts….." An image of a bazillion slinkies going down a huge staircase filled his mind and he shot through the roof.
Kagome burst," He can fly!"
Shippo repeated," He can fly!"
Inuyasha sweatdropped and wondered out loud," Wonder what made him so happy…."
And so, in the excitement of having Sango cured, Miroku kidnapped, and learning that Naraku COULD fly, the remaining Inu-gumi didn't realize that their Shikon shards had been stolen…………
BLOOPERS!
Blooper 1:
"Sango, I love you. I've loved you for so long, but you've always seemed so unreachable to me. Please, please remember me…." He turned his head and pulled away from her. Something in Sango clicked. She grabbed her head and slid to the floor.
"I…….I…….I love you too Houshi-sama!"
As they were about to kiss again, Ryochan8 pryed them apart and yelled," NOOOO! The story has to go on for another chapter at least!!!!"
Blooper 2:
Naraku grumbled," Think happy thoughts….." An image of a bazillion slinkies going down a huge staircase filled his mind and he shot through the roof.
Everybody sang," Everybody loves a slinky!"