Eight Legs
Did you ever notice both spiders and octopuses have eight legs?
It's something I've been thinking about a lot lately.
I finished my paper on Dr. Octavius. I guess I flattered him a little, but in the end he deserves it. People should remember Dr. Octavius not for Dr. Octopus. They should remember him for his remarkable work he was able to do before the...incidents that have occurred.
I don't know if Dr. Connors will read it. It is a delicate subject for him. Octavious was his friend...and I guess mine for a little bit too.
I always was a little of a fan of Dr. Octavius. He had brilliant ideas, brilliant theories, amazing understanding of fusion. I read his papers, and tried to memorize them. Dr. Otto Octavius was a brilliant man.
He took great strides in science. A respected scientist throughout the world.
Very happy man, when I knew him.
He had beautiful dreams for mankind. He just wanted to make a difference with the gift he had been given. He dreamed, and he almost made his dreams into reality. This man who had so many dreams, so many ideas. A man like me. Man of science. Someone who always did his homework, always won the science fairs. Always loved school. Always loved what he did. We share a passion for science, I guess. A great passion, really. A wonderful passion. But in his words we deserved that passion, deserved that gift of intelligence.
We were so similar. A Spider and a Octopus, eight legs.
And yet, with so much in common, I still don't understand how he did it.
I saw this man. And I saw him in love. I have so much in common with this man. I am in love. And I still don't understand. He told me how once, and I tried. I really, really tried, and I failed.
Somehow this man of science was able to find a balance. Between his work, and his love. Something I seem to not be able to grasp. Although I haven't really been able to find balance in a long time.
He fell in love, and lived his life in love. I can't do that. I don't know how he did it. I can't figure it out, I don't understand it!
Sometimes I sit here, in this apartment I can barely afford, an apartment that isn't even worth it, and I think about her. I can't stop wishing for her. I can't stop wishing for this balance I saw Dr. Octavius create.
I know he was in love. I could see it. That look he and his wife, Rosie, had, that look I give myself in the mirror. How could he find balance in love, when he couldn't in fusion?
How could he look into the eyes of the woman he loved, and speak?
How could he take her out on a date without messing up?
How could he keep it balanced for so long?
How could he, when I can't?
Questions I don't ask, because I'm scared of the answers. But I did do his advice. I did read poetry, I went to the Library and got every poetry book. So many beautiful poems, things I want to say, but can't. The words I want to say to Mary Jane, but don't. I did do his advice, and I still couldn't do it. I still didn't understand.
It gave me hope, though. It gave hope that there is a balance, and I could someday find it. I looked up to him, I idealized him for his science and for his love. I just felt so envious. I just felt like there may be a chance for me and MJ.
Then those hopes were crushed like so many other things around that time.
I don't understand how he could have done it. How Dr. Octavius could change so quickly. He had beautiful dreams for mankind. He just wanted to make a difference with the gift he had been given. He dreamed, and he almost made his dreams into reality.
He just wanted it to work so badly, that's all. He just was so determined to make it happen. He just forgot what was really happening I guess.
He just threw it all away. He just forgot. And I don't understand how he could do that. How he could forget about his wife. How he could forget about that love. How he could just throw away that balance. Not even mourn for her. Just slip away, and become Dr. Octopus.
I would do anything for that balance, and he just threw it away like it was nothing. I look at that billboard of MJ every day and sigh. And think what I could do to make her love me like I do. I just wish I wasn't Spider-man, and look at her. Look at her every day, look at the most beautiful eyes in the world, and love her so much. And Dr. Octavius just forgot about all of that.
All that work they said they did together to love each other. And Dr. Octavius forgets it, acts like it never happened! I don't understand how that could happen.
Even with those arms in his head. Those tentacles whispering things I don't want to know to him. Even with those monsters, I still don't understand. I thought love prevailed all, why couldn't it prevail over this then? Why can't it prevail over Spider-man? Why does it ignore me!?
I would give anything to have what Dr. Octavius had. I would kill, I would sacrifice what little I can get to have that. Just for a day. A minute. Anything for something close to that. I want it so much, and he just forgot about it.
Those thing made him forget about it, and I don't understand that.
How he could throw away those memories of happiness of love, for serving monsters to create something that would kill everyone.
How could he forget all those years in love? He had so much. And I have nothing.
How could we have so much in common, eight legs? When he is willing to forget love?
Eight legs.
And it crushes my dreams, my hopes that there was ever a balance for someone's job and their love. It makes me think that this love I feel will go away. And even though it hurts me everyday, I know it would hurt me more if I didn't have it.
If such a man, a great man, as Dr. Octavius could throw away love, it makes me think I can too.
This man I looked up to, I don't understand.
And if this could happen to him, if he could forget his life as Otto Octavius, could I forget my life as Peter Parker? Could I just be Spider- man? Some guy in a costume, swinging around New York? No life of his own, only saving others'? I need a life too! I need a life too!
I need a life, but I wonder if I will forget I do.
If the webs of Spider-man will control me, like the arms of Dr. Octopus.
Will Peter Parker be the only one Spider-man kills?
It happened to Dr. Octavius, why wouldn't it happen to me? If it happened to an octopus it can happen to a spider.
Why wouldn't it? They have so much in common, eight legs and all.
I would give so much to have a balance. To be Spider-man, to be Peter Parker. I would give so much to have Spider-man give Peter a chance. Give Peter some time. Give Peter some time for at least one kiss with the woman he thinks about all the time.
I would give everything to have the balance I saw Dr. Octavius had. I would give everything to be able to keep that balance, and not forget it, like Dr. Octavius.
I sit here again, in this apartment. Thinking of what? Thinking of Mary Jane. Thinking of not being there. Not working hard enough to make this balance. Forgetting about her...
I don't want that.
I'm sure Dr. Octavius didn't want that either.
But it happened. And I'm sure he couldn't stop it. And I don't know if I can.
Eight legs, right?
"What's wrong, tiger?"
The most beautiful voice in the world. A voice that calls my angels.
"I didn't hear you come in." I tell her. Didn't even hear her with my Spidey sense.
She smiles that smile I love.
"I was in the neighborhood." She says. "I heard you saved some people in a bus." She sits next to me.
"Yeah." I smile a weak smile.
She hugs me.
"My hero."
What if I can't always be your hero, MJ? What if I forget I'm your hero? What if I can't remember how to be your hero?
"What's wrong, tiger?" She says again.
I don't want to look at her. I don't want to look at the most beautiful eyes in the world. Those eyes I may forget are the most beautiful in the world.
"I was just...thinking." I tell her.
She makes me look at her. Those amazing eyes, hair as red as Spider- man's suit. Beautiful, soft skin. A smile that makes everything seem so much better.
"Thinking about what?" She asks.
I look away.
"Dr. Octavius..." I tell her.
Then she hugs me.
"You shouldn't think about him." She tells me.
If she only knew.
"It's just that..." I try and tell her, but like everything else, I can't.
"Sh..."
Then she kisses me, and I forget for a moment that I am Spider-man, that I have his suit in my closet. I forget all the bruises and the fights. I forget Norman and Otto. I forget that I might forget.
"He gave his life for everyone, he couldn't have been all bad." She whispers.
Then she lays on my chest, the place where I've always wanted her. And she holds my hand. Mary Jane, you are the one that makes Spider-man keep going. Maybe someday I'll be able to tell you that.
And she's right. Dr. Octopus wasn't all bad. Dr. Octopus didn't forget about Dr. Octavius. Dr. Octavius remembered in the end, and gave his life.
Maybe love prevails, even memories of love.
Then I brush Mary Jane's hair.
"It's okay, tiger."
Besides, tigers have four legs, not eight.
Maybe Dr. Octavius was thinking about his Rosie in those final moments.
Then I kiss Mary Jane again, and I can't think of any way I could forget this. Forget this love I've thought about for so long. That's impossible isn't it? Nothing could take Mary Jane away from me. Not even Spider-man.
And now I realize, Octopuses have eight arms, not eight legs.