Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns all characters and setting. I own the plot and the poems/diary entries because..I wrote them.
Everyone falls, everyone bleeds, so why does it seem it only happens to me? Everyone has the same battle scars but mine seem deeper than they really are. An emotional battle that is certain to persist leaves behind razorblade kisses upon my wrists. The scars have faded with time but still throb in anticipation for that sweet kiss.
Faced with a decision that could change her life, Lily sat deep in thought by the common room fire. She was comfortable in one of the large crimson chairs, her thoughts suppressed the sounds of her fellow Gryffindor classmates leaving her in eerie, utter silence. She was so absorbed in her thoughts that she didn't notice Rhenna and Taran staring at her from the far side of the room and plotting. But they weren't the only ones staring at the quiet, withdrawn Lily.
"Do you reckon she's alright?" Remus asked quietly, for the Marauders were observing Lily's behavior carefully. Sirius shrugged in reply and James didn't reply. He, like Lily, was deep in thought. He knew there was something about Lily that was different from the other girls, something he couldn't exactly put a finger on…
"She's just a wretched witch!" Rhenna exclaimed. Taran nodded absentmindedly, not paying attention to Rhenna. She had been going on and on about Lily for the past few days and Taran was down-right tired of hearing about her.
"Can you believe that the Marauders are actually hanging out with…her?! I mean when I first saw her during first year, I knew she was…odd and now that the years have passed, my theory is proven correct. She doesn't have any friends and I doubt anyone notices her, so what do the Marauders find so fascinating about her? She's just a lonely, mudblood," Rhenna continued to rant. Taran sighed, she too was muggle born and took offense to the vicious word.
"Rhenna, she's just trying to be herself, she isn't asking for this attention, you know," Cleo Nocks, their other roommate said. She had overheard the two of them talking about Lily behind her back and felt the need to interrupt. Rhenna stopped mid-sentence and gave Cleo a dirty glare.
"Oh, please, you know she just wants people to notice her. She's putting on a helpless act for those Marauders and they're eating it all up," she sneered.
"It's not fair to her. You are in Gryffindor and you're acting like a Slytherin!" Cleo retorted, "Calling her a mud blood or any other foul name you can think of. If you weren't so dense you'd realize that's what all the Slytherins do and now you're stopping down to their level! If you haven't realized--Taran comes from a muggle family too!" Cleo growled, obviously angered by Rhenna's actions. Rhenna got up and walked away from the conversation.
"Oh, that's mature," Taran said, rolling her eyes. Cleo giggled and the two became involved in a game of Exploding Snap.
"Hey mudblood," Rhenna spat as she approached Lily. Lily snapped out of her trance and glared daggers at Rhenna for disturbing her peace.
"Go away."
"Why should I?" Rhenna smiled, an evil twinkle apparent in her eyes.
"Because I said so, now please leave me alone," Lily turned her back to Rhenna, signaling an end to the conversation. But Rhenna ignored this and continued to taunt Lily.
"Why is it that you have no friends, Evans? Are you that bad of a friend?" Rhenna said, enjoying the pleasure she took in Lily's pain. Lily held back the tears she knew were coming and tried to control her emotions.
"Sod off, Algorian," Lily said, seething with anger, Rhenna was trying her patience.
"What if I don't? This is entertaining," and then added, dropping her voice to a whisper. "I know you cry yourself to sleep over that stupid boy. How pathetic that he killed himself. I'm sure it was all your fault." Lily cracked, she couldn't take Rhenna anymore and she didn't care if she got into trouble.
The Marauders' heads snapped up when they heard a yelp from the other side of the common room. They looked over to see Lily on top of a frightened looking Rhenna. After Rhenna made that comment about her best friend, Lily tackled Rhenna to the ground.
"I swear, if you ever mention him again, I will hurt you so bad you will wish you weren't born," Lily said through gritted teeth. Lily got off of Rhenna and the crowd of staring Gryffindors parted so she could get out through the portrait hole. The Marauders sat with their jaws dropped. Lily had just attacked a student, it didn't seem plausible. They believed Rhenna must have said something to shorten Lily's nerves and they laughed quietly to themselves at the look of anger now plastered on Rhenna's face. They didn't like her much anyways.
Lily made her way up towards the Astronomy Tower, she knew that she would be alone here. Making her way towards the far corner, Lily slid down the wall and put her head in her hands. Rhenna went too far with that comment about Chris and Lily couldn't take it anymore. She was sick and tired of everything, everyone said. She made up her mind, she knew what choice she would make and she knew solitude was her only way out of this mess. If the Marauders confronted her--she would just ignore them. That's exactly what she would do. It made sense, didn't it? She couldn't take the negative attention she was receiving and another incident like the one in the common room would not look good for Lily. She sighed and let her head rest on the cold stone of the tower wall.
"Hey guys," James said suddenly, pointing towards the chair Lily had occupied only moments before, "Lily left her diary." Remus stood up, grabbed the diary and brought it back.
"Don't want anyone to take it," Remus said sheepishly.
"She wouldn't know…" James started but Remus cut him off.
"James Potter don't even think about it! This is Lily we're talking about, do you really think she'd appreciate it if you read her diary?!" James shrugged.
"I was only thinking that maybe if we read…an entry or two we're be able to figure out this girl. I just want to know about her--she intrigues me and makes me sad all at the same time," James replied. Sirius agreed, as did Peter but Remus still had his doubts.
"If she knows we read her diary, we loose all chance and becoming her friends."
"But how is she going to know?" Sirius asked. It was Remus' turn to shrug in response.
"C'mon," James started, "One entry, what harm can it do?" Remus gave up and reluctantly nodded his approval. James grinned and grabbed the diary from Remus' hand, he flipped open her diary to a random excerpt.
"Hmm…it's dated December 24--Christmas Eve!" Sirius said, "Maybe she'll write about Christmas!
"Fat chance," Peter said, "She's just a depressed loner and you all know it." Remus, James, and Sirius turned and stared at Peter with a look of complete shock. Peter blushed and looked at the floor, knowing better than to say anything more he had on his mind.
"That's not very nice," James reprimanded, "I think she's really nice and she just needs someone who understands here." Remus and Sirius nodded simultaneously.
"Sorry," Peter muttered, though he didn't mean it.
James began to read the entry quietly, so only the three other boys could hear.
'December 24
A year. It's been a year. My best friend. We were only ten. We were supposed to be young, carefree, and innocent. We weren't even old enough to think of the opposite sex seriously yet. He didn't think about girls, the topic that seemed to occupy his mind frequently was death. At ten, we were forced to live with the constant threat of death hanging over our heads. I'm not sure what made him think of it. Was life really that bad at ten years old? His life was perfect from what I heard. But maybe his stories were lies, maybe he did have a bad life. What would cause a ten year old to think of death? I saw his scars--proof of his misery and I hope he's happy now, in that better place. Somewhere far away from here. I'm still trying to put the pieces together, there are still pieces missing. Still some of my puzzle pieces missing and they seemed to have disappeared when he took that final breath. I saw his death too. I saw death--it loomed over him, like a black rain cloud following him wherever he went. I saw death in his eyes too and I know how badly he wanted it. But we were ten years old! What would push him so far? I blame myself. I saw all the warning signs and I knew I could have stopped it but I didn't. Why? I'm not quite sure. Perhaps we made a secret agreement because I knew how much he wanted to end it all right there and then. But it kills me and the guilt kills me, eating me from the inside. It builds up and soon it will take over. I lost my best friend a year ago. Four months ago--I lost my other best friend. But not to death. Four months ago, I received a mysterious letter, accepting me to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Me, a witch? It was pretty farfetched but I couldn't help believing it. I thought it would be great. Me…a witch! But, Petunia seemed to think otherwise. When I received my letter, she ran off calling me a freak and she refused to talk to me. She made my summer miserable and I wished and prayed that it was some kind of cruel joke and that I really wasn't a witch and Petty would talk to me again. But it never happened. It was the truth and I lost my other best friend. She makes my life miserable--that's why I'm here on Christmas Eve. I'm spending my Christmas at Hogwarts. There are four Gryffindor first year boys staying along with me. James Potter, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, and Sirius Black. But no one talks to me, so I'll spend Christmas alone. It's like, when Petty refused to talk to me she gave me a horrid curse. Everyone ignores me. I'm…invisible. It's not bad once you get used to it. But I'm dying for someone to talk to. This diary is my only consolation and it's hard because I can't get advice or an answer in return. Some way to remember Christmas, some way to spend Christmas. Alone. Depressed. Ignored. Unwanted.'
James finished reading to silence. The Marauders were in sheer shock.
"Wow," Remus said, letting out a heavy breath as if he were holding his breath the entire time James read, not wanting to disturb the mood set by her words. Sirius was speechless and that was something no one could believe. Lily Evans had left Sirius Black utterly speechless. Peter had no expression, but deep inside, he was laughing at Lily's pain. He didn't like her and he didn't trust her. 'What's there to like about her? She's stealing the Marauders' attention away from me!' Peter exclaimed to himself. But was shaken out of his thoughts when the portrait door slammed shut.
Lily walked over to the chair she had sat in and searched for her diary, but ended up in vain. 'If Rhenna finds that, oh Merlin, I'll be in for it,' Lily growled to herself. Her eyes scanned the room quickly and found the thin, black book sitting on a table, the Marauders around it. She quickly made her way over to the table and scooped up her diary, sighing in relief.
"No thank you?" James said jokingly.
Lily glared at him icily, "You didn't read it, did you?" she asked, eyeing each one suspiciously. James and Sirius shook their head. Remus gulped and muttered a quick, 'no.' Peter smiled at her. Lily didn't trust his smile, something was wrong with it. She gave Peter the meanest glare she could muster and he broke underneath it before nodding and pointing to James.
"You read it?!" she shrieked. James and Sirius cowered and tried to slip away but Lily was too fast. She blocked their escape, "I…trusted you and you went behind my back and read my personal thoughts! I can't believe you!" Sirius whimpered under her eyes and James' body went completely cold, which he didn't understand how she affect him like that. The fire was burning heavily in the common room and James was freezing and completely numb. Maybe it was the look she gave him--it would give any of the Marauders chills. Her emerald eyes were completely cold and filled with hatred. James quickly apologized but Lily had none of that. She smacked James and Sirius and turned in haste towards the girls dormitory, her beloved diary in hand. 'Now my mind is definitely made up,' she said to herself.
Pulling herself onto her bed, Lily curled up under the covers and opened her diary, rereading some of her previous entries. Her eyes fell upon the entry the boys had read earlier and she could feel the threatening tears but blinked them back. She had to be strong, for herself and for Chris. In a couple of months it would be the four year anniversary of his death. Lily felt words surge from her mind and pleaded with her to write them down. She grabbed her quill and when the ink touched the paper, everything poured out.
'Frost Bite
Draw a breath, breathe in your silence.
Sew your lips shut and hide your emotions.
An emotional battle that is certain to persist.
Leaves behind razorblade kisses upon your wrist.
Crimson gnaws frost-bitten fingers, holding fast
To the ivory keys that plays a black soul's sorrow
A single note holds strong through the
Deafening silence, shattering solitude.
Though you're still alone, all alone in a void, and
The sadness plagues your once alluring eyes
Vivid green, now dull and as cold as your
Frost-bitten fingers that still attempt to play
Your heart struggles to beat, like a pounding drum
Keeping rhythm throughout this heartbreaking song
The candles are lit to cast shadows throughout the room,
A single flame's light lands upon your scars, display them
Like trophies to the world. Proof of your misery,
It's what they've asked for, looking past the lyrics
Blind to the emotion hidden within sewn lips.
Your eyes sing your song, for you are mute
Afraid of silence, your fingers land heavily
Upon the ivory keys this night, playing fiercely
As if it were your last. Hold fast to the dying note
Don't let the silence consume you once more
Wrists bleed one last night from these accidental
Razorblade drawings and ivory is stained crimson
The candle slowly flickers, dying like your own light
That once lit up your eyes, but it's vanishing fast
And your eyes no longer convey every emotion
Staring into them is like gazing into a void,
The void you pushed yourself to become.
The notes are fading into silence, and
Fingers lay limp upon the blood-stained keys
Your candle burns out, letting darkness consume what's left;
The song has died, along with the misery that haunted this starving artist
Hungry for attention and affection but afraid of the consequences.
You died tonight and no one cared; no one understood the meaning
Behind everything you wrote; hidden messages transmitting sorrow
Through the sadness played upon the ivory keys,
With those frost-bitten fingers.'
Lily knew how much Chris loved to play the piano. How much he enjoyed taking his frustrations into writing, like Lily did, but then put them into songs. He sang so heavenly that no one left a room when he played with dry eyes. His parents praised him on his incredible writing skills and singing talent and he'd just smile and agree. They didn't see the melancholy in his pleading eyes. They didn't understand the hidden messages in his lyrics, death lurking around every dark corner. Every word, about to split with his blood. Lily knew. Lily saw it and maybe she should have pointed it out. But it was too late and she no longer had a best friend, she no longer had someone who understood here. Maybe fate was against her, maybe she was destined to be alone.
Everyone falls, everyone bleeds, so why does it seem it only happens to me? Everyone has the same battle scars but mine seem deeper than they really are. An emotional battle that is certain to persist leaves behind razorblade kisses upon my wrists. The scars have faded with time but still throb in anticipation for that sweet kiss.
Faced with a decision that could change her life, Lily sat deep in thought by the common room fire. She was comfortable in one of the large crimson chairs, her thoughts suppressed the sounds of her fellow Gryffindor classmates leaving her in eerie, utter silence. She was so absorbed in her thoughts that she didn't notice Rhenna and Taran staring at her from the far side of the room and plotting. But they weren't the only ones staring at the quiet, withdrawn Lily.
"Do you reckon she's alright?" Remus asked quietly, for the Marauders were observing Lily's behavior carefully. Sirius shrugged in reply and James didn't reply. He, like Lily, was deep in thought. He knew there was something about Lily that was different from the other girls, something he couldn't exactly put a finger on…
"She's just a wretched witch!" Rhenna exclaimed. Taran nodded absentmindedly, not paying attention to Rhenna. She had been going on and on about Lily for the past few days and Taran was down-right tired of hearing about her.
"Can you believe that the Marauders are actually hanging out with…her?! I mean when I first saw her during first year, I knew she was…odd and now that the years have passed, my theory is proven correct. She doesn't have any friends and I doubt anyone notices her, so what do the Marauders find so fascinating about her? She's just a lonely, mudblood," Rhenna continued to rant. Taran sighed, she too was muggle born and took offense to the vicious word.
"Rhenna, she's just trying to be herself, she isn't asking for this attention, you know," Cleo Nocks, their other roommate said. She had overheard the two of them talking about Lily behind her back and felt the need to interrupt. Rhenna stopped mid-sentence and gave Cleo a dirty glare.
"Oh, please, you know she just wants people to notice her. She's putting on a helpless act for those Marauders and they're eating it all up," she sneered.
"It's not fair to her. You are in Gryffindor and you're acting like a Slytherin!" Cleo retorted, "Calling her a mud blood or any other foul name you can think of. If you weren't so dense you'd realize that's what all the Slytherins do and now you're stopping down to their level! If you haven't realized--Taran comes from a muggle family too!" Cleo growled, obviously angered by Rhenna's actions. Rhenna got up and walked away from the conversation.
"Oh, that's mature," Taran said, rolling her eyes. Cleo giggled and the two became involved in a game of Exploding Snap.
"Hey mudblood," Rhenna spat as she approached Lily. Lily snapped out of her trance and glared daggers at Rhenna for disturbing her peace.
"Go away."
"Why should I?" Rhenna smiled, an evil twinkle apparent in her eyes.
"Because I said so, now please leave me alone," Lily turned her back to Rhenna, signaling an end to the conversation. But Rhenna ignored this and continued to taunt Lily.
"Why is it that you have no friends, Evans? Are you that bad of a friend?" Rhenna said, enjoying the pleasure she took in Lily's pain. Lily held back the tears she knew were coming and tried to control her emotions.
"Sod off, Algorian," Lily said, seething with anger, Rhenna was trying her patience.
"What if I don't? This is entertaining," and then added, dropping her voice to a whisper. "I know you cry yourself to sleep over that stupid boy. How pathetic that he killed himself. I'm sure it was all your fault." Lily cracked, she couldn't take Rhenna anymore and she didn't care if she got into trouble.
The Marauders' heads snapped up when they heard a yelp from the other side of the common room. They looked over to see Lily on top of a frightened looking Rhenna. After Rhenna made that comment about her best friend, Lily tackled Rhenna to the ground.
"I swear, if you ever mention him again, I will hurt you so bad you will wish you weren't born," Lily said through gritted teeth. Lily got off of Rhenna and the crowd of staring Gryffindors parted so she could get out through the portrait hole. The Marauders sat with their jaws dropped. Lily had just attacked a student, it didn't seem plausible. They believed Rhenna must have said something to shorten Lily's nerves and they laughed quietly to themselves at the look of anger now plastered on Rhenna's face. They didn't like her much anyways.
Lily made her way up towards the Astronomy Tower, she knew that she would be alone here. Making her way towards the far corner, Lily slid down the wall and put her head in her hands. Rhenna went too far with that comment about Chris and Lily couldn't take it anymore. She was sick and tired of everything, everyone said. She made up her mind, she knew what choice she would make and she knew solitude was her only way out of this mess. If the Marauders confronted her--she would just ignore them. That's exactly what she would do. It made sense, didn't it? She couldn't take the negative attention she was receiving and another incident like the one in the common room would not look good for Lily. She sighed and let her head rest on the cold stone of the tower wall.
"Hey guys," James said suddenly, pointing towards the chair Lily had occupied only moments before, "Lily left her diary." Remus stood up, grabbed the diary and brought it back.
"Don't want anyone to take it," Remus said sheepishly.
"She wouldn't know…" James started but Remus cut him off.
"James Potter don't even think about it! This is Lily we're talking about, do you really think she'd appreciate it if you read her diary?!" James shrugged.
"I was only thinking that maybe if we read…an entry or two we're be able to figure out this girl. I just want to know about her--she intrigues me and makes me sad all at the same time," James replied. Sirius agreed, as did Peter but Remus still had his doubts.
"If she knows we read her diary, we loose all chance and becoming her friends."
"But how is she going to know?" Sirius asked. It was Remus' turn to shrug in response.
"C'mon," James started, "One entry, what harm can it do?" Remus gave up and reluctantly nodded his approval. James grinned and grabbed the diary from Remus' hand, he flipped open her diary to a random excerpt.
"Hmm…it's dated December 24--Christmas Eve!" Sirius said, "Maybe she'll write about Christmas!
"Fat chance," Peter said, "She's just a depressed loner and you all know it." Remus, James, and Sirius turned and stared at Peter with a look of complete shock. Peter blushed and looked at the floor, knowing better than to say anything more he had on his mind.
"That's not very nice," James reprimanded, "I think she's really nice and she just needs someone who understands here." Remus and Sirius nodded simultaneously.
"Sorry," Peter muttered, though he didn't mean it.
James began to read the entry quietly, so only the three other boys could hear.
'December 24
A year. It's been a year. My best friend. We were only ten. We were supposed to be young, carefree, and innocent. We weren't even old enough to think of the opposite sex seriously yet. He didn't think about girls, the topic that seemed to occupy his mind frequently was death. At ten, we were forced to live with the constant threat of death hanging over our heads. I'm not sure what made him think of it. Was life really that bad at ten years old? His life was perfect from what I heard. But maybe his stories were lies, maybe he did have a bad life. What would cause a ten year old to think of death? I saw his scars--proof of his misery and I hope he's happy now, in that better place. Somewhere far away from here. I'm still trying to put the pieces together, there are still pieces missing. Still some of my puzzle pieces missing and they seemed to have disappeared when he took that final breath. I saw his death too. I saw death--it loomed over him, like a black rain cloud following him wherever he went. I saw death in his eyes too and I know how badly he wanted it. But we were ten years old! What would push him so far? I blame myself. I saw all the warning signs and I knew I could have stopped it but I didn't. Why? I'm not quite sure. Perhaps we made a secret agreement because I knew how much he wanted to end it all right there and then. But it kills me and the guilt kills me, eating me from the inside. It builds up and soon it will take over. I lost my best friend a year ago. Four months ago--I lost my other best friend. But not to death. Four months ago, I received a mysterious letter, accepting me to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Me, a witch? It was pretty farfetched but I couldn't help believing it. I thought it would be great. Me…a witch! But, Petunia seemed to think otherwise. When I received my letter, she ran off calling me a freak and she refused to talk to me. She made my summer miserable and I wished and prayed that it was some kind of cruel joke and that I really wasn't a witch and Petty would talk to me again. But it never happened. It was the truth and I lost my other best friend. She makes my life miserable--that's why I'm here on Christmas Eve. I'm spending my Christmas at Hogwarts. There are four Gryffindor first year boys staying along with me. James Potter, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, and Sirius Black. But no one talks to me, so I'll spend Christmas alone. It's like, when Petty refused to talk to me she gave me a horrid curse. Everyone ignores me. I'm…invisible. It's not bad once you get used to it. But I'm dying for someone to talk to. This diary is my only consolation and it's hard because I can't get advice or an answer in return. Some way to remember Christmas, some way to spend Christmas. Alone. Depressed. Ignored. Unwanted.'
James finished reading to silence. The Marauders were in sheer shock.
"Wow," Remus said, letting out a heavy breath as if he were holding his breath the entire time James read, not wanting to disturb the mood set by her words. Sirius was speechless and that was something no one could believe. Lily Evans had left Sirius Black utterly speechless. Peter had no expression, but deep inside, he was laughing at Lily's pain. He didn't like her and he didn't trust her. 'What's there to like about her? She's stealing the Marauders' attention away from me!' Peter exclaimed to himself. But was shaken out of his thoughts when the portrait door slammed shut.
Lily walked over to the chair she had sat in and searched for her diary, but ended up in vain. 'If Rhenna finds that, oh Merlin, I'll be in for it,' Lily growled to herself. Her eyes scanned the room quickly and found the thin, black book sitting on a table, the Marauders around it. She quickly made her way over to the table and scooped up her diary, sighing in relief.
"No thank you?" James said jokingly.
Lily glared at him icily, "You didn't read it, did you?" she asked, eyeing each one suspiciously. James and Sirius shook their head. Remus gulped and muttered a quick, 'no.' Peter smiled at her. Lily didn't trust his smile, something was wrong with it. She gave Peter the meanest glare she could muster and he broke underneath it before nodding and pointing to James.
"You read it?!" she shrieked. James and Sirius cowered and tried to slip away but Lily was too fast. She blocked their escape, "I…trusted you and you went behind my back and read my personal thoughts! I can't believe you!" Sirius whimpered under her eyes and James' body went completely cold, which he didn't understand how she affect him like that. The fire was burning heavily in the common room and James was freezing and completely numb. Maybe it was the look she gave him--it would give any of the Marauders chills. Her emerald eyes were completely cold and filled with hatred. James quickly apologized but Lily had none of that. She smacked James and Sirius and turned in haste towards the girls dormitory, her beloved diary in hand. 'Now my mind is definitely made up,' she said to herself.
Pulling herself onto her bed, Lily curled up under the covers and opened her diary, rereading some of her previous entries. Her eyes fell upon the entry the boys had read earlier and she could feel the threatening tears but blinked them back. She had to be strong, for herself and for Chris. In a couple of months it would be the four year anniversary of his death. Lily felt words surge from her mind and pleaded with her to write them down. She grabbed her quill and when the ink touched the paper, everything poured out.
'Frost Bite
Draw a breath, breathe in your silence.
Sew your lips shut and hide your emotions.
An emotional battle that is certain to persist.
Leaves behind razorblade kisses upon your wrist.
Crimson gnaws frost-bitten fingers, holding fast
To the ivory keys that plays a black soul's sorrow
A single note holds strong through the
Deafening silence, shattering solitude.
Though you're still alone, all alone in a void, and
The sadness plagues your once alluring eyes
Vivid green, now dull and as cold as your
Frost-bitten fingers that still attempt to play
Your heart struggles to beat, like a pounding drum
Keeping rhythm throughout this heartbreaking song
The candles are lit to cast shadows throughout the room,
A single flame's light lands upon your scars, display them
Like trophies to the world. Proof of your misery,
It's what they've asked for, looking past the lyrics
Blind to the emotion hidden within sewn lips.
Your eyes sing your song, for you are mute
Afraid of silence, your fingers land heavily
Upon the ivory keys this night, playing fiercely
As if it were your last. Hold fast to the dying note
Don't let the silence consume you once more
Wrists bleed one last night from these accidental
Razorblade drawings and ivory is stained crimson
The candle slowly flickers, dying like your own light
That once lit up your eyes, but it's vanishing fast
And your eyes no longer convey every emotion
Staring into them is like gazing into a void,
The void you pushed yourself to become.
The notes are fading into silence, and
Fingers lay limp upon the blood-stained keys
Your candle burns out, letting darkness consume what's left;
The song has died, along with the misery that haunted this starving artist
Hungry for attention and affection but afraid of the consequences.
You died tonight and no one cared; no one understood the meaning
Behind everything you wrote; hidden messages transmitting sorrow
Through the sadness played upon the ivory keys,
With those frost-bitten fingers.'
Lily knew how much Chris loved to play the piano. How much he enjoyed taking his frustrations into writing, like Lily did, but then put them into songs. He sang so heavenly that no one left a room when he played with dry eyes. His parents praised him on his incredible writing skills and singing talent and he'd just smile and agree. They didn't see the melancholy in his pleading eyes. They didn't understand the hidden messages in his lyrics, death lurking around every dark corner. Every word, about to split with his blood. Lily knew. Lily saw it and maybe she should have pointed it out. But it was too late and she no longer had a best friend, she no longer had someone who understood here. Maybe fate was against her, maybe she was destined to be alone.