Divine Irony: Raven and Beast Boy

"What a terrible business loving was. It was a troublesome and tiresome emotion destined more often to enrage the recipient, then to please them… What right had people to love you when you had not wanted or asked for it?" (Ashling, Obernewtyn Chronicles Book Three by Isobelle Carmody, page 67)

He went on as if I didn't notice. He always got louder when I came in the room, and ever so annoying, as if seeking my attention. It made me feel so jaded to see him do such silly tricks just to win my affections. It didn't work. If anything, it deterred me.

I tried to ignore him and his pathetic jokes. Sure, I cared for him, but this charade was ridiculous. If he'd calmed down and acted more like himself, maybe there would have been a chance. Well, actually, probably not, but I wouldn't have been as irked with him as I am now.

I watched him curiously as he stuffed his mouth full of pizza while watching some weird made-for-TV movie. It was late, and I was pretending to read, but really I was observing the peculiar pizza-eating machine. I was just glad he didn't notice I was watching him, for I'm sure it would have made him incredibly self-conscious, and I would have lost interest. He's really actually quite tolerable when he's not so nervous. I might have learned to care for him as he cared for me. Then again, I might be stretching it a bit.

Beast Boy's a good kid, though his sense of humor could use some work. And maybe it would have been easier if I'd told him outright what I thought of his antics, so he wouldn't keep putting himself through this torture. But I refused to confront it. Don't ask me why. Maybe I didn't want to burst his bubble. Or maybe I'm more sadistic than I thought.

Unfortunately, my avoidance of the topic inevitably brought about that unspoken question.

"What do you think about me, Raven?" Beast Boy asked with his mouth full of pizza, while his movie was on a commercial. I was caught off guard by the question and I faltered.

"Why?" I asked, evenly, keeping my surprise under control. Beast Boy turned off the TV, then turned to me with a grin.

"I saw you looking at me," he said. "Come on, it's OK to love me."

I sighed at the joke, knowing that the undercurrent was far from a joke. Slowly, I closed my book and put it to the side.

"Beast Boy…" I started, and then thought better of it. "Never mind."

"Is something wrong, Raven?" Beast Boy asked me.

"No," I said, picking up my book again. "Something's wrong with you. As usual." I pretended to read, but in my head I was pleading that he would stop the questions there. But I'd got him concerned. He moved closer to where I was sitting.

"No, really. If something's on your mind, you can talk to me about it. Really." He gave me one of those wide toothy grins and I glared at him.

"I don't need sympathy," I said. "Even if I was upset."

"Oh," said Beast Boy, cowering away from my glare. "But uh… yeah."

He knew I wouldn't say more than I wanted to. He sat in silence on the couch for a while and I actually was starting to get into my book again. Some nagging thought at the back of my mind wondered why he hadn't turned the TV back on, but then my book was so much more intriguing than that mystery… I was reading Dante's Divine Comedy and was at the part where he was describing the seven levels of Hell. I was intrigued at how he saw some of the demons and the torture methods and—

"Well, I want to talk to you."

I tore my eyes away from the page and they flared with silent wrath, irritated that they had been drawn away from such an entertaining read only to stare at a funny green man on a couch with melted cheese hanging off his chin.

"Beast Boy, you almost set a record for yourself," I said. "Staying still for a whole… what was it, five minutes? And without a word. You had to blow it."

"That sarcasm again…" Beast Boy muttered. "The funny thing is, that's the most you've said at a time all day."

My eyes narrowed. "I save my best laughs for you."

"You don't laugh…" Beast Boy's eyes widened in realization. "Oh, sarcasm, right. Hey, do you do that to be funny?"

"No," I said, and my eyes flew back to my book.

"Hey, would you mind putting that away, I want to talk to you about something kind of important."

"You want to talk about something serious?" I mumbled, my eyes still devouring Dante's words like candy. Candy. Eye candy. Is that a pun?

"Raven," Beast Boy said and I was drawn out of my distracting thoughts.

"What?" I snapped, frustrated I had been distracted from my distractions so many times now.

I looked at the shape shifter and noted that he seemed very small on that couch.

"I really… I mean, you… you are a really great friend, despite all the… stuff, and I…"
Oh no, he was going to say it. I feigned a yawn.

"Nothing personal, Beast Boy, but I have to get up early," I said, blinking my eyes a few extra times for effect. Beast Boy looked up at me, his eyes surprised at my hasty interruption. I suddenly felt extremely guilty.

"Can what you wanted to talk to me about wait until tomorrow?" I asked, my guilt somehow making it past my defenses and seeping into my voice.

"Uh, yeah, sure," Beast Boy said, sounding incredibly dejected.

"Good night," I said, watching out of the corner of my eye before I left.

He never again said a word to me about 'something important' he wanted to talk about.

He went back to his usual antics and strange cries for attention that had irked— and somehow amused me all so much before. I used to think that I would despise someone as irritating as Beast Boy, and yet strangely I am unashamed to admit that he is one of the closest friends I have. But I would never want to admit anything more than that.

I hope I haven't scarred him too deeply with my cold claws. I'm sure he knows I care for him as a friend… Doesn't he?