Seasons change. Summer had died long ago and fall was fading fast. With colder weather and snow starting to fall came the excitement of every Hogwarts student; Quidditch season was beginning. The first match was Ravenclaw against Hufflepuff and Ash Lynn was forcing Lily to go. Ever since the incident in the common room a few months ago, Lily had begun to withdraw herself again. Most of the Gryffindors talked to her occasionally, greeted her with a friendly hello of sorts and Lily was afraid of all the people surrounding her. She felt locked in a room with thousands of people and suffering from claustrophobia. Rhenna and Taran were almost disowned by the Gryffindors, they refused to speak to them unless they had to.
The day of the Quidditch match dawned bright and cold. It was the last day before the month changed and December would soon be upon them. Lily was awaken by Ash Lynn jumping up and down on her bed.
Lily groaned, "Five more minutes, Ash. Just five more minutes," she said, rolling over on her stomach and pulling the comforter over her head. Ash Lynn rolled her eyes and pulled the blanket off of Lily. Lily glared at Ash Lynn as she climbed out of bed.
"Go take a shower and get dressed, then we're going to eat breakfast with the Marauders!" she said excitedly. Lily sighed and took a quick shower. She walked into an empty dorm room when she had finished. Pulling on her uniform and robes, she walked into the common room to see that Ash Lynn's face was paled and she was in a deep conversation with the Marauders, who all looked grim.
Lily walked up behind Ash Lynn and put a hand on her shoulder. "What's wrong?" she asked. The Marauders stared at Lily, none of them speaking before Ash Lynn drew in a deep breath and explained what was wrong.
"There's a Dark wizard who's gaining power all over the wizarding world," she started, "He's rounding up a lot of followers. This new wizard, Voldemort, he hates all that aren't pure bloods. So he's going around and killing muggles, muggle-born witches and wizards, everyone that isn't a pure-blood. The thing that really gets me, is that he isn't even pure-blood himself!" Ash Lynn exclaimed.
"No one knows who he's going to kill next," Remus said sadly. Lily frowned, what about her?
"C'mon," Sirius said, trying to lighten the mood, "Let's go eat some breakfast."
The mood lightened by the end of breakfast because Peter had spilt pumpkin juice over the front of his robes and the girls found this incredibly hilarious. Peter blushed and angrily glared at Lily. 'I hate her, I hate her with a passion.' Peter curiously wondered how Ash Lynn could put up with a filthy, mud-blood like Lily. She got what she deserved from Rhenna, she honestly did.
The school began to file out onto the Quidditch pitch. Lily and Ash Lynn were some of the last people to walk out of the castle. They had been talking in whispers about something that no one knew about, nor did anyone trust. Walking up the stairs, still in deep conversation, the girls made their way towards seats saved by the Marauders.
"What are you two whispering about?" Sirius asked suspiciously.
"Nothing!" Ash Lynn said, smiling innocently. Sirius shrugged and turned his attention back towards the pitch.
"And Ravenclaw steps out onto the field," came the commentary from fellow Gryffindor, Trent Seaboyer, "Here is Captain Vegrande, followed by the Keeper Munis, the beaters Durus and Stote, and the chasers; Stanten, Tagglio, and Davis! And here come the Hufflepuff team! Seeker Torres steps out, here comes Keeper and Captain Ohnemus, the beaters are LeBlanc and Preston, and finally the chasers; Burley, Flynn, and Bourque!"
The crowds cheered, each house cheering for one house or the other. Waiting in anticipation for the outcome of the match, hoping that the team they cheer for is the victor.
"Madame Volo steps onto the field. The Bludgers are up, followed by the Golden Snitch! The seeker that catches the Snitch earns their team One Hundred and Fifty points! Madame Volo releases the Quaffle and the game begins!" Trent screamed. "Stanten takes possession of the Quaffle, he's flying, passes to Davis and she scores! Ravenclaw leads Hufflepuff 10-0! Hufflepuff has the Quaffle, no no! Tagglio knocks the Quaffle away from Flynn, Davis receives the Quaffle, she's going, she just barely dodges that Bludger sent towards her by LeBlanc! David passes to Tagglio, Tagglio shoots, Ohnemus misses the quaffle and Tagglio scores! The score is now 20-0."
"C'mon Ravenclaw, c'mon!" James muttered under his breath.
"No, no Hufflepuff you can still win!" Sirius screamed.
"Have a bet going?" Ash Lynn asked. Sirius grinned.
"I will win!" Sirius said triumphantly.
"Doubt it," James said under his breath.
"Ravenclaw scores again! It is 30-0! Hufflepuff had better score some points before it's too late. The two seekers are circling the pitch in desperate search for the Golden Snitch. What's this? Hufflepuff has the Quaffle, Flynn gets pass the Beaters…FLYNN SCORES! Ravenclaw still leads 30-10."
"So?" Ash Lynn asked Lily.
"Just wait," Lily replied, "Be patient."
"I'm so excited though!" Ash Lynn exclaimed. Lily smiled.
"Ariel Vegrande dives down--she's spotted the Golden Snitch! Kayla Torres has no chance of catching up! Vegrande catches the Snitch and Hufflepuff is pounded by Ravenclaw wins 180-10!"
"Yes!" James screamed, "Pay up, Sirius!" he said victoriously, as if he were the won winning the Quidditch match. Sirius grumbled and handed over a few galleons.
"Lily!" Ash Lynn hissed, "To your left!" Lily turned to see Rhenna standing there with Taran. Ash Lynn grinned and started laughing behind her hand. The Marauders stared at Ash Lynn and then turned towards Lily who had her wand out.
"Vestitus Evanesco," she whispered, pointing her wand towards Rhenna and Taran. Remus gasped. The entire crowd surrouding Taran and Rhenna began laughing. It seemed that Lily had made their entire outfit disappear, leaving them in their undergarments. Taran and Rhenna blushed furiously, running down the stairs, they made their way up to the castle and into the Gryffindor common room.
"Oh god, Lily," Ash Lynn said between gasps of breath, "I am so glad you found that spell." Lily smiled faintly. She really did feel horrible about what she had done and her guilty conscience ate away at her.
Lunch was quite loud as rumors flew through the hall about Rhenna Algorian and Taran Clefford being undressed on the Quidditch Pitch. Who was behind it? No one was quite sure. Some were positive that it was the Marauders but others had their doubts. Especially the Gryffindors, they knew the tension between two of their members. Rhenna and Taran did not tell any professors and Lily was thankful. She still felt terribly guilty and barely ate lunch.
"Are you going to eat?" Ash Lynn asked gleefully. Lily shook her head, a face plastered into a frown, her eyebrowns were furrowed as if she were deep in thought. "You alright?" she questioned. Lily nodded, afraid of her own voice, afraid that it would betray her.
"I have to go to the Library before class," Lily said quickly as she stood up and grabbed her bag.
"I'll go with you," Ash Lynn said, shoving another piece of food in her mouth and standing up also.
"No, no!" Lily said, "I er...I have to go," she said, hurriedly making her way out of the Great Hall. Ash Lynn sat back down, looking dejected. Sirius wrapped his arm around her waist.
"Let her go," he whispered.
"Something's wrong with her," Ash Lynn stated, "I don't know why she won't tell me...I thought we were friends."
"You are," Remus interjected, "Maybe Lily's just not ready to tell you yet," he offered.
With December and the cold, bitter air came snow and Christmas. It was nearing Christmas Eve and a few days prior to the Christmas break, the students visited Hogsmeade to buy Christmas gifts. Since the students below third year could not go, they resolved to having the older children buying their gifts for them. Lily spent the day before Christmas Eve wrapping all her presents. She would be staying at Hogwarts for Christmas, like she did every year. Ash Lynn was going home for the holidays, as were many of the students. The Marauders would be staying except for Peter, who said something about having to go home to visit his grandmother. Lily finished wrapping her presents and put them all on her trunk. She was the only fourth year girl in Gryffindor to be staying for Christmas. At least the Marauders had each other to spend Christmas with. Lily began to feel lonely, she felt as if the only happiness left in her soul had abandoned her. Sighing, she made her way down to the common room to sit before the fire, soaking in its warmth. Looking out the window, she saw the stars shining brightly, illuminating the snow falling gently.
"Hey Lily," came Remus' voice from somewhere behind her. Lily turned to see a smiling Remus sitting on the couch, she smiled back politely but Remus noticed the smile did not reach her eyes. Her mood had definitely dropped from it's cheerful self.
"Where's James and Sirius?" she asked, looking around for the duo.
"Ah, I believe they are off at the kitchen's nicking off some food," he replied, "I wanted to finish up this dratted essay for McGonagall, so I stayed here," he explained.
"Oh," Lily replied, "How's the essay coming along? I finished it yesterday, I found it extremely easy."
"It's coming along very well, thank you. I'm almost...done! Finally. They're really starting to pile us with work," Remus commented.
"To prepare us for O.W.L.s next year." Remus agreed and then went to the boys' dorm to drop off his essays. In his absence, James and Sirius returned with three bottles of butterbeer and some pumpkin pasties.
"Hey Lils!" Sirius said cheerfully, "Want some pumpkin pasties?" he offered. Lily politely declined and made her way back up to her dorm, bumping into Remus on the way down.
"Talk to you later, Lily!" he said smiling as he ran down the stairs to meet James and Sirius. Lily walked into her dorm and shut the door behind her. Lying on her bed, Lily closed her eyes and instantly memories came flooding back to her.
"Hey Lils! Merry Christmas!" Chris exclaimed as he wrapped his arms around Lily for a tight hug. Lily smiled happily, her eyes a dazzling shade of emerald. Lily took in Chris' image, memorizing every detail. His black hair hung loosely over his hazel eyes and he was grinning widely.
"Here, this is for you," he said, putting a small box in Lily's hands. Lily opened and gasped. It was a silver necklace with a moon pendant hanging from it. Engraved in the moon it had said 'Friends Forever.' Lily cherished it and hugged Chris again before handing him her present. Chris thought the box was odd. It was shaped differently and had many holes poked into the sides. He opened the box and shouted in excitement. Inside was a small, black kitten that began to mew pitifully as Chris opened the box. He scooped it up and rubbed his face in its soft fur.
"It's perfect," he mumbled, "Thank you so much Lily." She grinned as he named the kitten Lucifer.
Christmas that year was amazing. It was the best Christmas Lily had and the last one she would spend with Christopher. He took his life the day before Christmas the next year. Lily pushed the memories away, she was on the verge of crying. She closed her eyes once more and instead of being met with memories, she was met with darkness.
Lily awoke the next morning; it was the day before Christmas. She frowned. Christmas Eve brought back unwanted reminiscences. Lily spent the morning upstairs in her bed crying, she didn't have the strength to walk down to the Great Hall, nor did she have the appetite for breakfast. Four years. It had been four years today that her best friend took his own life. Lily cried out in pain, it felt as if her heart had been ripped out of her very chest. It felt like this every year. Her body shook with silent sobs, her face was stained with her tears. The tears she shed often enough. Every year, Lily either wrote an entry or a poem for Chris. This year she decided she would write a poem. Pulling out the thin, black book that would end up being her demise, she began to write a poem for Chris.
'Scars can fade with time, ice cold fingertips trace
Along the fine lines that mark the points of relief.
But this scar, it cannot die with time or fail with death
It is the eternal ache of heartbreak, the loneliness
That drives lovers insane and true friends apart
It is the dreamer's suicide, the lover's affair,
The poet's emptiness, forever times eternity.
A heart is wrenched and squeezed of life,
Tears fall, crystal tears that freeze with a single touch,
From these ice cold fingertips that grasp at bitter air.
They shatter into thousands of pieces like a broken heart;
But the heart still beats with each and every miniscule piece
And the tears still fall, forever times eternity.
Haunting prophecies, lost hopes and fading tears
Succumb to a restless soul, wandering this land
As if it were its own. Claiming life as its own prison,
The sadness remains in a forsaken heart
Forever times eternity, as a memory lingers
Above a marked stone; A loving son, a loving friend
A face forgotten in a whirlwind of ashes and forgotten memories
Walks among the living dead, waiting for the scars to fade
But the scars remain, the pain intensifies, and the heart stops beating
Loneliness is the dreamer's suicide. Solitude is the lover's affair.
Seclusion is the poet's emptiness, it is my emptiness.
Isolation is my companion, forever times eternity.'
Chris, it's been four years. I miss you dearly. Not a second goes by that I do not think of you. This heartache feels as if it were the end of me. Without you, I am no longer whole. You are and will always be my missing puzzle piece. Rest in peace, dear friend. I am forever yours.
She missed him, a lot. It tortured her, it drove her mad. Lily sat curled up on her bed, still crying and that was how she stayed for several hours. When she had no more tears left to cry, she got up and went into the bathroom, looking at her reflection in the mirror. She looked awful. Her cheeks were flushed and tear-stained, her eyes were puffy and red and her hair was a complete mess. She ran a comb through her hair and she threw some cold water on her face. She breathed in, her breaths still shaky. Before heading to the common room, Lily picked up her owl, Leona from her perch beside Lily's bed. Lily tied a few presents to both of her legs and let her fly off to deliver the Christmas presents to her family and to Ash Lynn. Calmly walking down the stairs, she saw the Marauders playing Exploding Snap and laughing hysterically at Sirius who had singed eyebrows. A sixth year prefect and his girlfriend were snogging in the corner and Lily turned away, loneliness overtaking her again. She sat down on the couch nearest the Marauders and watched their game with absolutely no interest. She looked like a complete zombie, she sat staring into space, her gaze not directed on anything in particular.
Remus had been talking to her and when he noticed she wasn't paying attention, he tried to snap her out of her trance but to no avail.
"Lils. Lily? Hello?" Remus said, waving his hand in front of her face.
Lily's focus suddenly came back and she glanced at Remus' face in confusion. "What?" she asked.
"You were zoning out," Remus said, "You weren't paying any attention to what I had just said."
"Oh, sorry," she mumbled, "I...don't know what's gotten into me," she said. Remus and James looked at her, concern playing in their eyes. Lily ignored it and yawned sleepily. She laid her head down on the arm of the chair and fell into a light sleep. She looked like a fallen angel, tired and weary after her fall to Earth.
Hours passed and Lily slept. She slept through both Lunch and Dinner but Sirius had brought up some food for Lily when she woke up. Lily stirred in the chair, her neck was sore and stiff. Idly rubbing her neck, she sat up and saw food sitting on the floor beside her. She picked at the food and ate a few bites but nothing too big. She didn't have an appetite, she felt completely sick. Her body felt emotionally drained of life and energy. Laying her head against the back of the chair, Lily sighed. She was vaguely aware of the portrait hole opening but everything began to spin and Lily felt dizzy. Her mind wanted to stop spinning, she felt extremely nauseous.
"Lily, you alright?" James asked as him and his two friends made their way over to Lily. Lily nodded slightly, any more movement and she thought she'd lose whatever she had present in her stomach. "Why don't you go upstairs to your bed?" James suggested, "I'm sure it's more comfortable than this chair." Lily got up but the room began to spin faster and she couldn't stand balanced, trying to walk was as if she was walking on tight wire with one side weighed down. Lily swayed before she collapsed into James' open arms.
Lily woke up on Christmas morning in the Hospital Wing. She had been extremely tired the night before. Madame Pomprey quickly examined Lily and after determining she was fine, Madame Pomprey released her. Lily walked back to the Gryffindor tower, quickly said the password to the Fat Lady and stepped into the common room. She was met with a disaster. The common room looked as if it had rained wrapping paper. The Marauders papers laid all over the floor in piles. Boys.
"Lily! Happy Christmas!" James exclaimed, jumping up from his position on the floor. He ran over and hugged Lily and handed her a present.
"What's this?" she asked curiously.
"Oh, just a little something me and the boys pitched in together to buy for you," he said, smiling sweetly. Lily opened the box and inside was a beautiful gold necklace with a Lily pendant on it. Lily smiled and hugged the boys for thanks. She ran up to her dorm to get her presents for them. She noticed there were some new boxes on her bed and noted that Leona was back from her trip. She grabbed all of her presents and a letter that had been sitting on her bed and went back into the common room, putting all her presents on the floor. She handed the Marauders their presents and they ripped the paper off excitedly. Lily had gotten James a book called, '101 Ways to Hex Your Enemy.' James grinned broadly, his eyes twinkling with amusement. Sirius had gotten a similar book but this had been titled 'Great Pranks and How Not to Get Caught.' He laughed, which Lily thought almost sounded like a bark. Lily was sure that Remus always got books for Christmas, but she thought this book was fascinating and thought that Remus would love it. When Remus saw his gift, he looked at in surprise.
"How'd you know I was so fascinated with Dark creatures?" Remus asked in amazement for Lily had gotten him 'Everything You Need to Know About: Creatures of the Night'
"You're always looking at books in the library about them. I saw the book and thought it would be perfect for you," she replied. The boys all thanked Lily and helped her open her presents. She received some of Honeydukes best chocolate and a new Charms book from Ash Lynn. Her parents had given her a new diary. The cover was a crimson color and engraved in gold was her name; Lily Evans, with a Lily in the corner. She was running out of space in her old diary and a new diary was perfect for Christmas. The only thing left was the letter. Lily opened the letter and read the words. Her face went from one of happiness to one of complete shock and sadness.
"What's wrong, Lils?" Sirius asked. Lily shook her head. This can't be happening. It isn't real. It's just a dream. She fought the tears that threatened to fall but in the end, it was a battle she was going to lose. An agonizing cry ripped through her body, as she clenched the letter in her hand. James enclosed her in a hug and had to pry her fingers from the wrinkled paper. He read the letter and instantly his eyes clouded over with tears. Sirius and Remus looked on, utterly confused. There was silence for a few moments before James even spoke.
His voice cracked and he had trouble finding the words. Finally, he simply said, "Her parents are dead."
The day of the Quidditch match dawned bright and cold. It was the last day before the month changed and December would soon be upon them. Lily was awaken by Ash Lynn jumping up and down on her bed.
Lily groaned, "Five more minutes, Ash. Just five more minutes," she said, rolling over on her stomach and pulling the comforter over her head. Ash Lynn rolled her eyes and pulled the blanket off of Lily. Lily glared at Ash Lynn as she climbed out of bed.
"Go take a shower and get dressed, then we're going to eat breakfast with the Marauders!" she said excitedly. Lily sighed and took a quick shower. She walked into an empty dorm room when she had finished. Pulling on her uniform and robes, she walked into the common room to see that Ash Lynn's face was paled and she was in a deep conversation with the Marauders, who all looked grim.
Lily walked up behind Ash Lynn and put a hand on her shoulder. "What's wrong?" she asked. The Marauders stared at Lily, none of them speaking before Ash Lynn drew in a deep breath and explained what was wrong.
"There's a Dark wizard who's gaining power all over the wizarding world," she started, "He's rounding up a lot of followers. This new wizard, Voldemort, he hates all that aren't pure bloods. So he's going around and killing muggles, muggle-born witches and wizards, everyone that isn't a pure-blood. The thing that really gets me, is that he isn't even pure-blood himself!" Ash Lynn exclaimed.
"No one knows who he's going to kill next," Remus said sadly. Lily frowned, what about her?
"C'mon," Sirius said, trying to lighten the mood, "Let's go eat some breakfast."
The mood lightened by the end of breakfast because Peter had spilt pumpkin juice over the front of his robes and the girls found this incredibly hilarious. Peter blushed and angrily glared at Lily. 'I hate her, I hate her with a passion.' Peter curiously wondered how Ash Lynn could put up with a filthy, mud-blood like Lily. She got what she deserved from Rhenna, she honestly did.
The school began to file out onto the Quidditch pitch. Lily and Ash Lynn were some of the last people to walk out of the castle. They had been talking in whispers about something that no one knew about, nor did anyone trust. Walking up the stairs, still in deep conversation, the girls made their way towards seats saved by the Marauders.
"What are you two whispering about?" Sirius asked suspiciously.
"Nothing!" Ash Lynn said, smiling innocently. Sirius shrugged and turned his attention back towards the pitch.
"And Ravenclaw steps out onto the field," came the commentary from fellow Gryffindor, Trent Seaboyer, "Here is Captain Vegrande, followed by the Keeper Munis, the beaters Durus and Stote, and the chasers; Stanten, Tagglio, and Davis! And here come the Hufflepuff team! Seeker Torres steps out, here comes Keeper and Captain Ohnemus, the beaters are LeBlanc and Preston, and finally the chasers; Burley, Flynn, and Bourque!"
The crowds cheered, each house cheering for one house or the other. Waiting in anticipation for the outcome of the match, hoping that the team they cheer for is the victor.
"Madame Volo steps onto the field. The Bludgers are up, followed by the Golden Snitch! The seeker that catches the Snitch earns their team One Hundred and Fifty points! Madame Volo releases the Quaffle and the game begins!" Trent screamed. "Stanten takes possession of the Quaffle, he's flying, passes to Davis and she scores! Ravenclaw leads Hufflepuff 10-0! Hufflepuff has the Quaffle, no no! Tagglio knocks the Quaffle away from Flynn, Davis receives the Quaffle, she's going, she just barely dodges that Bludger sent towards her by LeBlanc! David passes to Tagglio, Tagglio shoots, Ohnemus misses the quaffle and Tagglio scores! The score is now 20-0."
"C'mon Ravenclaw, c'mon!" James muttered under his breath.
"No, no Hufflepuff you can still win!" Sirius screamed.
"Have a bet going?" Ash Lynn asked. Sirius grinned.
"I will win!" Sirius said triumphantly.
"Doubt it," James said under his breath.
"Ravenclaw scores again! It is 30-0! Hufflepuff had better score some points before it's too late. The two seekers are circling the pitch in desperate search for the Golden Snitch. What's this? Hufflepuff has the Quaffle, Flynn gets pass the Beaters…FLYNN SCORES! Ravenclaw still leads 30-10."
"So?" Ash Lynn asked Lily.
"Just wait," Lily replied, "Be patient."
"I'm so excited though!" Ash Lynn exclaimed. Lily smiled.
"Ariel Vegrande dives down--she's spotted the Golden Snitch! Kayla Torres has no chance of catching up! Vegrande catches the Snitch and Hufflepuff is pounded by Ravenclaw wins 180-10!"
"Yes!" James screamed, "Pay up, Sirius!" he said victoriously, as if he were the won winning the Quidditch match. Sirius grumbled and handed over a few galleons.
"Lily!" Ash Lynn hissed, "To your left!" Lily turned to see Rhenna standing there with Taran. Ash Lynn grinned and started laughing behind her hand. The Marauders stared at Ash Lynn and then turned towards Lily who had her wand out.
"Vestitus Evanesco," she whispered, pointing her wand towards Rhenna and Taran. Remus gasped. The entire crowd surrouding Taran and Rhenna began laughing. It seemed that Lily had made their entire outfit disappear, leaving them in their undergarments. Taran and Rhenna blushed furiously, running down the stairs, they made their way up to the castle and into the Gryffindor common room.
"Oh god, Lily," Ash Lynn said between gasps of breath, "I am so glad you found that spell." Lily smiled faintly. She really did feel horrible about what she had done and her guilty conscience ate away at her.
Lunch was quite loud as rumors flew through the hall about Rhenna Algorian and Taran Clefford being undressed on the Quidditch Pitch. Who was behind it? No one was quite sure. Some were positive that it was the Marauders but others had their doubts. Especially the Gryffindors, they knew the tension between two of their members. Rhenna and Taran did not tell any professors and Lily was thankful. She still felt terribly guilty and barely ate lunch.
"Are you going to eat?" Ash Lynn asked gleefully. Lily shook her head, a face plastered into a frown, her eyebrowns were furrowed as if she were deep in thought. "You alright?" she questioned. Lily nodded, afraid of her own voice, afraid that it would betray her.
"I have to go to the Library before class," Lily said quickly as she stood up and grabbed her bag.
"I'll go with you," Ash Lynn said, shoving another piece of food in her mouth and standing up also.
"No, no!" Lily said, "I er...I have to go," she said, hurriedly making her way out of the Great Hall. Ash Lynn sat back down, looking dejected. Sirius wrapped his arm around her waist.
"Let her go," he whispered.
"Something's wrong with her," Ash Lynn stated, "I don't know why she won't tell me...I thought we were friends."
"You are," Remus interjected, "Maybe Lily's just not ready to tell you yet," he offered.
With December and the cold, bitter air came snow and Christmas. It was nearing Christmas Eve and a few days prior to the Christmas break, the students visited Hogsmeade to buy Christmas gifts. Since the students below third year could not go, they resolved to having the older children buying their gifts for them. Lily spent the day before Christmas Eve wrapping all her presents. She would be staying at Hogwarts for Christmas, like she did every year. Ash Lynn was going home for the holidays, as were many of the students. The Marauders would be staying except for Peter, who said something about having to go home to visit his grandmother. Lily finished wrapping her presents and put them all on her trunk. She was the only fourth year girl in Gryffindor to be staying for Christmas. At least the Marauders had each other to spend Christmas with. Lily began to feel lonely, she felt as if the only happiness left in her soul had abandoned her. Sighing, she made her way down to the common room to sit before the fire, soaking in its warmth. Looking out the window, she saw the stars shining brightly, illuminating the snow falling gently.
"Hey Lily," came Remus' voice from somewhere behind her. Lily turned to see a smiling Remus sitting on the couch, she smiled back politely but Remus noticed the smile did not reach her eyes. Her mood had definitely dropped from it's cheerful self.
"Where's James and Sirius?" she asked, looking around for the duo.
"Ah, I believe they are off at the kitchen's nicking off some food," he replied, "I wanted to finish up this dratted essay for McGonagall, so I stayed here," he explained.
"Oh," Lily replied, "How's the essay coming along? I finished it yesterday, I found it extremely easy."
"It's coming along very well, thank you. I'm almost...done! Finally. They're really starting to pile us with work," Remus commented.
"To prepare us for O.W.L.s next year." Remus agreed and then went to the boys' dorm to drop off his essays. In his absence, James and Sirius returned with three bottles of butterbeer and some pumpkin pasties.
"Hey Lils!" Sirius said cheerfully, "Want some pumpkin pasties?" he offered. Lily politely declined and made her way back up to her dorm, bumping into Remus on the way down.
"Talk to you later, Lily!" he said smiling as he ran down the stairs to meet James and Sirius. Lily walked into her dorm and shut the door behind her. Lying on her bed, Lily closed her eyes and instantly memories came flooding back to her.
"Hey Lils! Merry Christmas!" Chris exclaimed as he wrapped his arms around Lily for a tight hug. Lily smiled happily, her eyes a dazzling shade of emerald. Lily took in Chris' image, memorizing every detail. His black hair hung loosely over his hazel eyes and he was grinning widely.
"Here, this is for you," he said, putting a small box in Lily's hands. Lily opened and gasped. It was a silver necklace with a moon pendant hanging from it. Engraved in the moon it had said 'Friends Forever.' Lily cherished it and hugged Chris again before handing him her present. Chris thought the box was odd. It was shaped differently and had many holes poked into the sides. He opened the box and shouted in excitement. Inside was a small, black kitten that began to mew pitifully as Chris opened the box. He scooped it up and rubbed his face in its soft fur.
"It's perfect," he mumbled, "Thank you so much Lily." She grinned as he named the kitten Lucifer.
Christmas that year was amazing. It was the best Christmas Lily had and the last one she would spend with Christopher. He took his life the day before Christmas the next year. Lily pushed the memories away, she was on the verge of crying. She closed her eyes once more and instead of being met with memories, she was met with darkness.
Lily awoke the next morning; it was the day before Christmas. She frowned. Christmas Eve brought back unwanted reminiscences. Lily spent the morning upstairs in her bed crying, she didn't have the strength to walk down to the Great Hall, nor did she have the appetite for breakfast. Four years. It had been four years today that her best friend took his own life. Lily cried out in pain, it felt as if her heart had been ripped out of her very chest. It felt like this every year. Her body shook with silent sobs, her face was stained with her tears. The tears she shed often enough. Every year, Lily either wrote an entry or a poem for Chris. This year she decided she would write a poem. Pulling out the thin, black book that would end up being her demise, she began to write a poem for Chris.
'Scars can fade with time, ice cold fingertips trace
Along the fine lines that mark the points of relief.
But this scar, it cannot die with time or fail with death
It is the eternal ache of heartbreak, the loneliness
That drives lovers insane and true friends apart
It is the dreamer's suicide, the lover's affair,
The poet's emptiness, forever times eternity.
A heart is wrenched and squeezed of life,
Tears fall, crystal tears that freeze with a single touch,
From these ice cold fingertips that grasp at bitter air.
They shatter into thousands of pieces like a broken heart;
But the heart still beats with each and every miniscule piece
And the tears still fall, forever times eternity.
Haunting prophecies, lost hopes and fading tears
Succumb to a restless soul, wandering this land
As if it were its own. Claiming life as its own prison,
The sadness remains in a forsaken heart
Forever times eternity, as a memory lingers
Above a marked stone; A loving son, a loving friend
A face forgotten in a whirlwind of ashes and forgotten memories
Walks among the living dead, waiting for the scars to fade
But the scars remain, the pain intensifies, and the heart stops beating
Loneliness is the dreamer's suicide. Solitude is the lover's affair.
Seclusion is the poet's emptiness, it is my emptiness.
Isolation is my companion, forever times eternity.'
Chris, it's been four years. I miss you dearly. Not a second goes by that I do not think of you. This heartache feels as if it were the end of me. Without you, I am no longer whole. You are and will always be my missing puzzle piece. Rest in peace, dear friend. I am forever yours.
She missed him, a lot. It tortured her, it drove her mad. Lily sat curled up on her bed, still crying and that was how she stayed for several hours. When she had no more tears left to cry, she got up and went into the bathroom, looking at her reflection in the mirror. She looked awful. Her cheeks were flushed and tear-stained, her eyes were puffy and red and her hair was a complete mess. She ran a comb through her hair and she threw some cold water on her face. She breathed in, her breaths still shaky. Before heading to the common room, Lily picked up her owl, Leona from her perch beside Lily's bed. Lily tied a few presents to both of her legs and let her fly off to deliver the Christmas presents to her family and to Ash Lynn. Calmly walking down the stairs, she saw the Marauders playing Exploding Snap and laughing hysterically at Sirius who had singed eyebrows. A sixth year prefect and his girlfriend were snogging in the corner and Lily turned away, loneliness overtaking her again. She sat down on the couch nearest the Marauders and watched their game with absolutely no interest. She looked like a complete zombie, she sat staring into space, her gaze not directed on anything in particular.
Remus had been talking to her and when he noticed she wasn't paying attention, he tried to snap her out of her trance but to no avail.
"Lils. Lily? Hello?" Remus said, waving his hand in front of her face.
Lily's focus suddenly came back and she glanced at Remus' face in confusion. "What?" she asked.
"You were zoning out," Remus said, "You weren't paying any attention to what I had just said."
"Oh, sorry," she mumbled, "I...don't know what's gotten into me," she said. Remus and James looked at her, concern playing in their eyes. Lily ignored it and yawned sleepily. She laid her head down on the arm of the chair and fell into a light sleep. She looked like a fallen angel, tired and weary after her fall to Earth.
Hours passed and Lily slept. She slept through both Lunch and Dinner but Sirius had brought up some food for Lily when she woke up. Lily stirred in the chair, her neck was sore and stiff. Idly rubbing her neck, she sat up and saw food sitting on the floor beside her. She picked at the food and ate a few bites but nothing too big. She didn't have an appetite, she felt completely sick. Her body felt emotionally drained of life and energy. Laying her head against the back of the chair, Lily sighed. She was vaguely aware of the portrait hole opening but everything began to spin and Lily felt dizzy. Her mind wanted to stop spinning, she felt extremely nauseous.
"Lily, you alright?" James asked as him and his two friends made their way over to Lily. Lily nodded slightly, any more movement and she thought she'd lose whatever she had present in her stomach. "Why don't you go upstairs to your bed?" James suggested, "I'm sure it's more comfortable than this chair." Lily got up but the room began to spin faster and she couldn't stand balanced, trying to walk was as if she was walking on tight wire with one side weighed down. Lily swayed before she collapsed into James' open arms.
Lily woke up on Christmas morning in the Hospital Wing. She had been extremely tired the night before. Madame Pomprey quickly examined Lily and after determining she was fine, Madame Pomprey released her. Lily walked back to the Gryffindor tower, quickly said the password to the Fat Lady and stepped into the common room. She was met with a disaster. The common room looked as if it had rained wrapping paper. The Marauders papers laid all over the floor in piles. Boys.
"Lily! Happy Christmas!" James exclaimed, jumping up from his position on the floor. He ran over and hugged Lily and handed her a present.
"What's this?" she asked curiously.
"Oh, just a little something me and the boys pitched in together to buy for you," he said, smiling sweetly. Lily opened the box and inside was a beautiful gold necklace with a Lily pendant on it. Lily smiled and hugged the boys for thanks. She ran up to her dorm to get her presents for them. She noticed there were some new boxes on her bed and noted that Leona was back from her trip. She grabbed all of her presents and a letter that had been sitting on her bed and went back into the common room, putting all her presents on the floor. She handed the Marauders their presents and they ripped the paper off excitedly. Lily had gotten James a book called, '101 Ways to Hex Your Enemy.' James grinned broadly, his eyes twinkling with amusement. Sirius had gotten a similar book but this had been titled 'Great Pranks and How Not to Get Caught.' He laughed, which Lily thought almost sounded like a bark. Lily was sure that Remus always got books for Christmas, but she thought this book was fascinating and thought that Remus would love it. When Remus saw his gift, he looked at in surprise.
"How'd you know I was so fascinated with Dark creatures?" Remus asked in amazement for Lily had gotten him 'Everything You Need to Know About: Creatures of the Night'
"You're always looking at books in the library about them. I saw the book and thought it would be perfect for you," she replied. The boys all thanked Lily and helped her open her presents. She received some of Honeydukes best chocolate and a new Charms book from Ash Lynn. Her parents had given her a new diary. The cover was a crimson color and engraved in gold was her name; Lily Evans, with a Lily in the corner. She was running out of space in her old diary and a new diary was perfect for Christmas. The only thing left was the letter. Lily opened the letter and read the words. Her face went from one of happiness to one of complete shock and sadness.
"What's wrong, Lils?" Sirius asked. Lily shook her head. This can't be happening. It isn't real. It's just a dream. She fought the tears that threatened to fall but in the end, it was a battle she was going to lose. An agonizing cry ripped through her body, as she clenched the letter in her hand. James enclosed her in a hug and had to pry her fingers from the wrinkled paper. He read the letter and instantly his eyes clouded over with tears. Sirius and Remus looked on, utterly confused. There was silence for a few moments before James even spoke.
His voice cracked and he had trouble finding the words. Finally, he simply said, "Her parents are dead."