Lily looked into the mirror, dreading her reflection. Lily Evans did not appear in the glass, a ghost did. A pale figured with limp, red hair and dead emerald eyes glared back fiercely at its mirror image. Her lips were cracked and bleeding from dehydration and her fingers were too weak, barely able to clench a fist. Pallid fingers grasped for emptiness but they failed to hold.
Classes passed by and did not prove as a distraction for Lily's misery. Days faded into weeks, December had died and January came with winter in full force. Herbology classes had been cancelled for the week and Professor Humus was in a concern, trying to keep the plants warm with the building snow and the chilling cold.
Lily walked into the common room and looked around the familiar room. Students were laying all over playing chess or some game and some where trying to finish up last minute homework. They ignored Lily's presence and didn't speak a word. None knew of Lily's parents death and they had thought that Lily was beginning to become conceited and was 'too cool' to talk to them. So they began to ignore her and Lily thought that she was a failure once more.
She went to the Great Hall and ate a small lunch. She had become sick of her thin appearance and decided that the mourning had gone on for too long and she needed to eat before she became too thin and disappeared. Just because she had stopped mourning did not mean she did not think of her parents often. She thought of them daily and took to ignoring everyone around her. She pulled herself back into her prison of solitude and stayed there; locked in like a prisoner of death.
Behind her bars she watched on as everyone else's lives went on. Hers just stopped. She lived in a movie that was continually on pause. Rewind. She relived Christmas over and over again in her head. She still prayed it was a dream and pinched herself, that was when reality sunk in. Her parents were really dead. Memories of a childhood swam back in hordes and drowned her thoughts of the present. She continued to keep up with her homework and class work, but she seemed to lack something, more of an emotion. To those who knew her, she lacked happiness. To herself, she lacked emotions. She was a void, empty of everything. The Marauders and Ash Lynn observed her as visitors in her prison. She refused to acknowledge their existence even to their persistence.
"I can't take this anymore!" Ash Lynn exclaimed that evening. Her and the Marauders sat beside the fire discussing Transfiguration class before Ash Lynn interrupted.
"Can't take what anymore?" Sirius asked, confused by her outburst.
"Lily," she muttered, her eyes avoiding their curious stares. Ash Lynn could hear someone sigh and another murmur to themselves.
"Just give her some time Ash," Remus said, "She's still mourning."
"I have given her time," Ash Lynn growled back, "She can't keep ignoring us. We're her friends and if this is how she treats her friends than I don't see how I can be her friend!"
"Ash, you're one of Lily's only friends. Don't abandon her because of this. She lost her best friend four years ago and now her parents are dead. Did you notice that her parents had died the same night that Chris committed suicide. I'm sure that's really tough of her," James pointed out.
"I just…can't take this silence anymore. It's killing me," Ash Lynn replied, she was now close to tears. "I never got along with anyone in my dorm before and then I met Lily and things began to change. I don't want to lose her but…I just don't know anymore. I'm afraid I will lose her. Maybe I'm holding on to tight. Maybe I need to loosen my grasp." Remus nodded his agreement and Sirius hugged her tight.
"Just give her time," Remus said again, staring into the burning fire.
Lily sat on her bed and read her old journal. She had run out of pages and began writing in the diary her parents gave her for Christmas. She felt selfish for using it but did not know why. It brought back too many reminders of her parents. It was her fault her parents were dead. If only she hadn't been a witch, they would still be alive. She had no family left. Petunia disowned her, she had disowned her when she first got her acceptance letter to Hogwarts. It seemed as though Hogwarts had ruined her life and perhaps it had. Lily fell asleep with her journal open to some unknown entry and the words still danced beneath her eyelids. Darkness consumed the text and she dreamt a nightmare of horrifying deaths and destruction.
Bodies littered a stone road. Cries were heard from dying souls. A heart wrenching scene. A man stood before the lifeless bodies and laughed. It was inhumane and maybe this man wasn't even human at all, more like an animal. Blood thirsty and hungry.. Blood flooded the street like a river, trickling down in a current. The man walked around, staring at the final product of his massacre. His laugh rang, like an echo, bouncing off the buildings and filling the silence with an eerie noise. This unknown man was soon accompanied by another. His crimson cloak, as if it were stained with blood, was wrapped tightly around his body.
"Ah, so you've finally decided to come to me," the man hissed. His voice sent chills down Lily's back as she watched the picture in third person.
"I was not going to stand and watch you kill innocent people," the man retorted back.
"But I have killed innocent people. Look around you, don't you see them? The innocent must die. You must realize that."
"I have and I won't allow it. You will not kill anymore."
"Are you going to stop me?" he asked, as if he were taunting the man to make his move.
"I will if I have to," he growled.
The man smirked. Though Lily could not see his face, she somehow knew he smirked. "You are mistaken, my dear boy. For I will kill you before you ever stop me."
"I would like to see you try--"
"Avada Keda-!" The man disappeared with a crack before the last words of the fatal curse were uttered. "Pathetic," the other man whispered. "I will kill him, he will die by my hands. He has thrice defied me. He shall die."
Lily awoke to darkness. The nightmare still haunted her mind and it reminded her another dream she had previous that year, with an evil demon and a unicorn, how these were connected she couldn't tell. She quickly glanced over at Ash Lynn. Her chest was rising and falling with each breath and she seemed to be sleeping peacefully. Lily knew she wouldn't be able to get back to sleep, so she walked down into the common room. The fire was dying and the shadows danced across the walls, like Lily's misery danced across the stone walls of her prison resembling marionettes on strings. Lily's heart lay in darkness while the shadows sang their song of heartache. Lily sat on the couch, reminiscing and staring into the eternal wasteland of the unknown. Reality had hit harder than she had expected.
Lily spent the next day, pushing her thoughts aside and concentrating on her work. But every once in a while a memory or an old quote would sneak its way back into her mind. Ash Lynn glanced at Lily occasionally during the day, worry playing in her eyes. It was obvious that she cared for Lily and hated to see her friend in such deep despair. She had to do something.
Lily finished her homework before everyone else. She went up to her dorm while everyone else struggled with essays and practicing charms. She found, laying on her bed, a note. It was addressed to her but it did not say whom it was from. Lily was suspicious but curiosity got the best of her and she opened the letter to find a poem written inside.
'You're not the only one who writes poetry, you know. I miss you. This poem I've written is of you and I hope you realize what it means before it's too late.
Your eyes adjust to the darkness of the room,
Silence.
Shattered by the occasional sigh of the walls
That confines you to your own sinful prison.
Gazing mournfully out the barred windows,
Your eyes reflect the moonlight, whimper softly.
The white burns your knuckles as you clutch the bars
Pallid fingers grasping for emptiness and failing to hold.
Cry.
Let the tears run through the etched wrinkles
So juvenile yet matured, your eyes edge with wisdom.
Your laugh has lost all emotion—somewhat monotonous
Your soul has known nothing but sorrow, living in obscurity
Sometimes crying for release, a pitiful, remorseful cry.
Apologies.
Irrelevant, carelessly tossed aside
Just like your emotions, and your heart,
Can you feel it breaking? Like someone's tearing it in two.
Stitch by stitch, sew it back together, won't you?
Hold it together now, don't falter, you can't
The walls, they hear you cry, they know your weakness now
Claustrophobic.
The walls, they're closing in—there's no escaping now.
Suffocate. Die. You earned your peace.
Everything you ever did, lays worthless within your frail body
You gave up too soon and left everything to rot
The walls, those devils, they fed upon your rotting soul
And watched you eagerly in anticipation for your early death.
Pitiless laughs at your mournful cries
But remember, it was you, who built your own prison.
Dear Lily,
The lines have been written and the words have been spoken. Your tears have been shed and your heart has been broken. Your eyes have lost emotion and your heart no longer beats it's passion. And loneliness settles in and through your trouble eyes you can see through it all. Don't betray everything that's been placed within your heart. Don't push me away, Lily. You're trapped inside a daydream, waiting for me to rescue you! You just don't realize that you're all alone. I need you, your friends need you. Reality will continue playing even without your life. But I need to hear your lips speak my name again. I need my friend back, I refuse to let you fall into the grasp of misery. Can't you see I'm falling apart before you? Come back to me, Lily, before you kill our friendship.
Forever yours,
A true friend. I will never abandon you so if you need me, I'll be here. Just come looking and I'll be around.'
Lily smiled for the first time in weeks. She had a friend. She realized how horribly she had been treating those who even took the time to acknowledge her. She had been selfish. She knew she had to make it up to everyone but she just wanted to be alone. Her solitude was so welcoming. The silence did not judge her, she was comfortable with whom she was. Surrounded by people, it was always a challenge to fit in. With loneliness, she just had to fit in with herself. She was faced with an inner battle once more and she was not sure if she could handle it alone. She had one person who could help her and one person alone. They would accept her the way she was and that was a fact. She was not alone, she would never be alone.
Classes passed by and did not prove as a distraction for Lily's misery. Days faded into weeks, December had died and January came with winter in full force. Herbology classes had been cancelled for the week and Professor Humus was in a concern, trying to keep the plants warm with the building snow and the chilling cold.
Lily walked into the common room and looked around the familiar room. Students were laying all over playing chess or some game and some where trying to finish up last minute homework. They ignored Lily's presence and didn't speak a word. None knew of Lily's parents death and they had thought that Lily was beginning to become conceited and was 'too cool' to talk to them. So they began to ignore her and Lily thought that she was a failure once more.
She went to the Great Hall and ate a small lunch. She had become sick of her thin appearance and decided that the mourning had gone on for too long and she needed to eat before she became too thin and disappeared. Just because she had stopped mourning did not mean she did not think of her parents often. She thought of them daily and took to ignoring everyone around her. She pulled herself back into her prison of solitude and stayed there; locked in like a prisoner of death.
Behind her bars she watched on as everyone else's lives went on. Hers just stopped. She lived in a movie that was continually on pause. Rewind. She relived Christmas over and over again in her head. She still prayed it was a dream and pinched herself, that was when reality sunk in. Her parents were really dead. Memories of a childhood swam back in hordes and drowned her thoughts of the present. She continued to keep up with her homework and class work, but she seemed to lack something, more of an emotion. To those who knew her, she lacked happiness. To herself, she lacked emotions. She was a void, empty of everything. The Marauders and Ash Lynn observed her as visitors in her prison. She refused to acknowledge their existence even to their persistence.
"I can't take this anymore!" Ash Lynn exclaimed that evening. Her and the Marauders sat beside the fire discussing Transfiguration class before Ash Lynn interrupted.
"Can't take what anymore?" Sirius asked, confused by her outburst.
"Lily," she muttered, her eyes avoiding their curious stares. Ash Lynn could hear someone sigh and another murmur to themselves.
"Just give her some time Ash," Remus said, "She's still mourning."
"I have given her time," Ash Lynn growled back, "She can't keep ignoring us. We're her friends and if this is how she treats her friends than I don't see how I can be her friend!"
"Ash, you're one of Lily's only friends. Don't abandon her because of this. She lost her best friend four years ago and now her parents are dead. Did you notice that her parents had died the same night that Chris committed suicide. I'm sure that's really tough of her," James pointed out.
"I just…can't take this silence anymore. It's killing me," Ash Lynn replied, she was now close to tears. "I never got along with anyone in my dorm before and then I met Lily and things began to change. I don't want to lose her but…I just don't know anymore. I'm afraid I will lose her. Maybe I'm holding on to tight. Maybe I need to loosen my grasp." Remus nodded his agreement and Sirius hugged her tight.
"Just give her time," Remus said again, staring into the burning fire.
Lily sat on her bed and read her old journal. She had run out of pages and began writing in the diary her parents gave her for Christmas. She felt selfish for using it but did not know why. It brought back too many reminders of her parents. It was her fault her parents were dead. If only she hadn't been a witch, they would still be alive. She had no family left. Petunia disowned her, she had disowned her when she first got her acceptance letter to Hogwarts. It seemed as though Hogwarts had ruined her life and perhaps it had. Lily fell asleep with her journal open to some unknown entry and the words still danced beneath her eyelids. Darkness consumed the text and she dreamt a nightmare of horrifying deaths and destruction.
Bodies littered a stone road. Cries were heard from dying souls. A heart wrenching scene. A man stood before the lifeless bodies and laughed. It was inhumane and maybe this man wasn't even human at all, more like an animal. Blood thirsty and hungry.. Blood flooded the street like a river, trickling down in a current. The man walked around, staring at the final product of his massacre. His laugh rang, like an echo, bouncing off the buildings and filling the silence with an eerie noise. This unknown man was soon accompanied by another. His crimson cloak, as if it were stained with blood, was wrapped tightly around his body.
"Ah, so you've finally decided to come to me," the man hissed. His voice sent chills down Lily's back as she watched the picture in third person.
"I was not going to stand and watch you kill innocent people," the man retorted back.
"But I have killed innocent people. Look around you, don't you see them? The innocent must die. You must realize that."
"I have and I won't allow it. You will not kill anymore."
"Are you going to stop me?" he asked, as if he were taunting the man to make his move.
"I will if I have to," he growled.
The man smirked. Though Lily could not see his face, she somehow knew he smirked. "You are mistaken, my dear boy. For I will kill you before you ever stop me."
"I would like to see you try--"
"Avada Keda-!" The man disappeared with a crack before the last words of the fatal curse were uttered. "Pathetic," the other man whispered. "I will kill him, he will die by my hands. He has thrice defied me. He shall die."
Lily awoke to darkness. The nightmare still haunted her mind and it reminded her another dream she had previous that year, with an evil demon and a unicorn, how these were connected she couldn't tell. She quickly glanced over at Ash Lynn. Her chest was rising and falling with each breath and she seemed to be sleeping peacefully. Lily knew she wouldn't be able to get back to sleep, so she walked down into the common room. The fire was dying and the shadows danced across the walls, like Lily's misery danced across the stone walls of her prison resembling marionettes on strings. Lily's heart lay in darkness while the shadows sang their song of heartache. Lily sat on the couch, reminiscing and staring into the eternal wasteland of the unknown. Reality had hit harder than she had expected.
Lily spent the next day, pushing her thoughts aside and concentrating on her work. But every once in a while a memory or an old quote would sneak its way back into her mind. Ash Lynn glanced at Lily occasionally during the day, worry playing in her eyes. It was obvious that she cared for Lily and hated to see her friend in such deep despair. She had to do something.
Lily finished her homework before everyone else. She went up to her dorm while everyone else struggled with essays and practicing charms. She found, laying on her bed, a note. It was addressed to her but it did not say whom it was from. Lily was suspicious but curiosity got the best of her and she opened the letter to find a poem written inside.
'You're not the only one who writes poetry, you know. I miss you. This poem I've written is of you and I hope you realize what it means before it's too late.
Your eyes adjust to the darkness of the room,
Silence.
Shattered by the occasional sigh of the walls
That confines you to your own sinful prison.
Gazing mournfully out the barred windows,
Your eyes reflect the moonlight, whimper softly.
The white burns your knuckles as you clutch the bars
Pallid fingers grasping for emptiness and failing to hold.
Cry.
Let the tears run through the etched wrinkles
So juvenile yet matured, your eyes edge with wisdom.
Your laugh has lost all emotion—somewhat monotonous
Your soul has known nothing but sorrow, living in obscurity
Sometimes crying for release, a pitiful, remorseful cry.
Apologies.
Irrelevant, carelessly tossed aside
Just like your emotions, and your heart,
Can you feel it breaking? Like someone's tearing it in two.
Stitch by stitch, sew it back together, won't you?
Hold it together now, don't falter, you can't
The walls, they hear you cry, they know your weakness now
Claustrophobic.
The walls, they're closing in—there's no escaping now.
Suffocate. Die. You earned your peace.
Everything you ever did, lays worthless within your frail body
You gave up too soon and left everything to rot
The walls, those devils, they fed upon your rotting soul
And watched you eagerly in anticipation for your early death.
Pitiless laughs at your mournful cries
But remember, it was you, who built your own prison.
Dear Lily,
The lines have been written and the words have been spoken. Your tears have been shed and your heart has been broken. Your eyes have lost emotion and your heart no longer beats it's passion. And loneliness settles in and through your trouble eyes you can see through it all. Don't betray everything that's been placed within your heart. Don't push me away, Lily. You're trapped inside a daydream, waiting for me to rescue you! You just don't realize that you're all alone. I need you, your friends need you. Reality will continue playing even without your life. But I need to hear your lips speak my name again. I need my friend back, I refuse to let you fall into the grasp of misery. Can't you see I'm falling apart before you? Come back to me, Lily, before you kill our friendship.
Forever yours,
A true friend. I will never abandon you so if you need me, I'll be here. Just come looking and I'll be around.'
Lily smiled for the first time in weeks. She had a friend. She realized how horribly she had been treating those who even took the time to acknowledge her. She had been selfish. She knew she had to make it up to everyone but she just wanted to be alone. Her solitude was so welcoming. The silence did not judge her, she was comfortable with whom she was. Surrounded by people, it was always a challenge to fit in. With loneliness, she just had to fit in with herself. She was faced with an inner battle once more and she was not sure if she could handle it alone. She had one person who could help her and one person alone. They would accept her the way she was and that was a fact. She was not alone, she would never be alone.