He sat before the burning fire feeling the warmth wash over his cold body. He could smell the burning wood and it brought some sort of comfort to his troubled mind. Staring into the flames as they leapt and danced as if it were a choreographed number. The colors of the flames merged with the ashes; a picture perfect scene for solace. The thick smoke caused his eyes to become heavy with sleep but he fought to stay awake. His mind was full of thoughts; desperation, love, envy, and despair, memories of his haunting past. So many thoughts for only one quiet night to think about. He sighed and wondered what the other Marauders really thought of him. It was so easy to question everyone around him; afraid of losing those close to him because of a past he kept secret from many.
The Marauders knew, they trusted him, didn't they? There were times when he wasn't sure at all. Who could he trust? He could trust her it seemed. Her, Lily, how beautiful she seemed every time he saw her. Her shy, quiet, and educated personality seemed to match his perfectly. She was his unreachable star, no matter how hard he tried to reach her. She seemed to pull farther away from his grasp, away from everyone's grasp. Hiding herself behind Ash Lynn as if Ash was her black, velvet sky.
He shook his head, he cannot be in love with her. He knew nothing about her except for what he had seen and what he had read. She seemed to be a walking, unreadable expression. A story ready to be told but afraid to speak. He also knew that if he loved her, it would ruin a friendship that he held dear to his heart. For he knew, that someone else liked this unfathomable beauty and that this friend would probably have the upper hand.
"Remus?" Sirius called from the bottom step, "What are you still doing up?" he asked, yawning sleepily.
Remus shrugged nonchalantly, "I was thinking about some things and I couldn't sleep," he replied with a frown.
"Want to talk about it mate?"
"I suppose…" Remus said reluctantly. He had to tell someone, so for the next half hour, Remus sat with Sirius and told him everything that was on his mind. Sirius was quiet except for when he had to a comment for something. "I just don't know what to do," Remus confessed.
"Well," Sirius started, "I can help you with your Lily problem, somewhat. See, the thing is, Lily is used to be alone. She loves her solitude, if you haven't noticed. So, what you have to do, is gradually warm her up to people. Get her used to having people she can trust. Maybe once she trusts you, then you can see what happens from there. I don't know how well that would work but it seems like the best thing to do with her."
Remus nodded, "But what about James, you can tell that he obviously fancies her too!" he exclaimed exasperatedly.
"I don't know. James is always surrounded by other girls, I'm sure he'll soon forget about Lily. Things happen for a reason, whatever happens, I'm sure you two can work it out. We're the Marauders, you know," he said grinning, "Girls won't get in between our friendship; nothing can. Don't worry too much about it. And Remus, we'll always be here for you. We're family, don't worry about not trusting us because you can. I know that I would trust you with my life," he said solemnly. Remus smiled gratefully. "C'mon mate, it's getting late, let's head up to bed. I'm exhausted," Sirius said, trying to stifle a yawn. Remus ruffled his hair slightly and stood up, following Sirius up to the boys dormitory.
Lily sat in her bed staring into the darkness, listening to the heavy breathing of her roommates. She sighed and furrowed her eyebrows, as she did when she was deep in thought. There must be some subtle hints in the letter to clue her in on who sent it. But she couldn't figure it out, she went to sleep that night with many thoughts running through her mind.
Remus sat on the windowsill and stared through the glass and past the reflection that glared back at him. The moon was shining brightly and even then he could feel a slight pain, slowly making its way through his body. The full moon was in a few days and he knew the pain would only intensify, he thanked Merlin for only the dull pain. His lycanthropy haunted him monthly and he cursed himself daily for the idiotic mistakes he could have prevented. The blame and guilt heavily burdened him and he felt weighed down as if he could never be free from the decisions he made. There are consequence for every single move that he made wrong. Remus understood that and tried to accept these consequences as they came at him, taking one day at a time and never living a step into the future.
His thoughts kept dragging himself back to Lily. No matter how hard he tried to push the thought into the back of his mind, it just seemed to appear. As if they harder he tried, the more persistent it was to keep coming back. Perhaps it was a sign. But, every time he closed his eyes to picture Lily--there was James standing in the background looking dejected and heartbroken. Remus frowned and his forehead became creased with worry. Life was never on his side.
'My heart beats irregular inside this chest of mine.
My words begin to stutter inside this mouth of mine.
Your fragile beauty-held within the contexts of a mirror.
Frail as a rose, but still beautiful because when I touch you,
Your thorns do not prick.
And I wonder if you're as beautiful as you seem.
Are the pieces of the mirror, shattered inside your heart?
Are they pricking you, making you bleed ever into yourself?
And your innocence is stained by this crimson blood,
Pouring from the far depths of your soul.
The crimson of the rose petal…forever fading.
Forever falling.
I want to capture your captivating beauty
And hold it in my eyes forever
Maybe I could lock you in a glass cabinet
And look upon your delicate allure
While you watch the sky paint your dreams
The dreams you kept eternally locked away.
And I could stare at you all night,
Underneath the burning moonlight
Drowning in your translucent tears
You are slowly wilting.
Slowly dying inside your mirror.
Your beauty is fading.
No longer entrancing.
I'd still give up the sunlight
Just to gaze upon you at night
And watch your tears shimmer
Against the heavenly stars'
Remus was right when he stated that Lily wasn't the only one who wrote poetry. If only he could portray his emotions as well as Lily could with words. His words just seemed to convey worthless, petty feelings for the one he couldn't help but love. Worthless. That's what they were; that's what he was. A worthless werewolf. That's all he'd ever be.
Remus awoke to James shaking him awake. He looked around frantically and noticed that the room was still pitch dark and the stars were still present in the shadowed sky. His other roommates were awake and staring at him curiously.
"Whatsa matter?" he said hoarsely, his voice dry from sleep. James' face was creased with worry and frustration.
"What's the matter? You're the matter, Remus! You were hollering in your sleep as if you were being chased and only seconds away from dying," he said anxiously, "You alright?"
Remus shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair, like James did when he was around girls; though this was out of nervous habit. He bit his bottom lip and tried to recall the dream he had been having. He nodded slightly and motioned for the boys to go back to bed. The only boy who seemed not to be awaken by the frantic screams of a petrified Remus was Peter. Peter was laying fast asleep, curled up under his blankets and snoring loudly. Remus looked around the room once more before putting his head back against the pillow, it was wet with sweat that was still dripping from his pores. He sighed and closed his eyes as sleep devoured him once more.
Sunlight forced it's way through the window and onto Remus' sleeping face. He blinked, trying to blind himself from the sunlight that danced playfully upon his bed. Remus buried his face into his pillow before getting up. He was met with the sounds of his three best friends snoring, his fourth roommated seemed to be already awake and probably down at breakfast.
He, Orien Vesper, was an early riser, though he loved the evening. Remus noticed that Orien would sit by the lake at night to observe the stars, he was an excellent astronomer, Remus concluded. The Marauders barely associated with him but Remus did greet him daily whenever he saw him, which wasn't often. Orien was up early and went to bed late. It was as if he stayed in the shadows of the moon, he never liked to be seen during the day if he could. During classes, he sat in the back, far corner of the classroom, away from prying eyes. His dirty blonde hair fell into his grey eyes always, the way he liked it, like he didn't want to be seen and he didn't want to see anything. If it was to be anyone who found out Remus' secret, it would be Orien.
Remus sighed, 'I wish I could sometimes be as mysterious as him.. So it seems that every time we look into a mirror, everyone else has what we want to be.' And it was as if being friends with James and Sirius put him in spotlight, though he desperately tried to shy away. He wasn't one to be noticed, like Lily. In a way, he somewhat felt connected to her solitude, he wanted to be a part of it. He wanted to be his own person and not known as just "one of the Marauders." And in more than one way, unbeknownst to Remus, Lily would be the one to show him what life really means.
As we walk blindly through life, we miss the more important things. We miss out on emotions that we could only dream of having. We lose sight of dreams and hopes and leave them in the dust. We try to live life to the fullest extent, but there's always something we forget. We always fall when we try to fly, we always stumble when we try to walk. But with the help of friends can we truly see the right path to choose? Or will we walk in the shadows and follow darkness to the depths of an unknown dream-like reality?
"Remus." James voice pulled Remus from his thoughts.
"Hrm?" he replied, still not quite away from everything that seemed to drift into his mind.
"We need to go down to breakfast soon," James said, staring at his friend's blank face with concern, "Are you alright?"
"Just a lot on my mind," Remus said before looking at Sirius, who was sitting on his bed, trying to fix his tie. Sirius looked up and met Remus' gaze, he frowned slightly but it was quickly wiped away when James turned to look at him.
"You coming Sirius?"
"Yeah, just a minute...damn tie..." Sirus muttered. Remus smiled, his friends...they'd always be his friends. Remus got dressed quickly and after James had woken a disgruntled Peter, the four headed downstairs to be met with a amusing sight.
The Marauders knew, they trusted him, didn't they? There were times when he wasn't sure at all. Who could he trust? He could trust her it seemed. Her, Lily, how beautiful she seemed every time he saw her. Her shy, quiet, and educated personality seemed to match his perfectly. She was his unreachable star, no matter how hard he tried to reach her. She seemed to pull farther away from his grasp, away from everyone's grasp. Hiding herself behind Ash Lynn as if Ash was her black, velvet sky.
He shook his head, he cannot be in love with her. He knew nothing about her except for what he had seen and what he had read. She seemed to be a walking, unreadable expression. A story ready to be told but afraid to speak. He also knew that if he loved her, it would ruin a friendship that he held dear to his heart. For he knew, that someone else liked this unfathomable beauty and that this friend would probably have the upper hand.
"Remus?" Sirius called from the bottom step, "What are you still doing up?" he asked, yawning sleepily.
Remus shrugged nonchalantly, "I was thinking about some things and I couldn't sleep," he replied with a frown.
"Want to talk about it mate?"
"I suppose…" Remus said reluctantly. He had to tell someone, so for the next half hour, Remus sat with Sirius and told him everything that was on his mind. Sirius was quiet except for when he had to a comment for something. "I just don't know what to do," Remus confessed.
"Well," Sirius started, "I can help you with your Lily problem, somewhat. See, the thing is, Lily is used to be alone. She loves her solitude, if you haven't noticed. So, what you have to do, is gradually warm her up to people. Get her used to having people she can trust. Maybe once she trusts you, then you can see what happens from there. I don't know how well that would work but it seems like the best thing to do with her."
Remus nodded, "But what about James, you can tell that he obviously fancies her too!" he exclaimed exasperatedly.
"I don't know. James is always surrounded by other girls, I'm sure he'll soon forget about Lily. Things happen for a reason, whatever happens, I'm sure you two can work it out. We're the Marauders, you know," he said grinning, "Girls won't get in between our friendship; nothing can. Don't worry too much about it. And Remus, we'll always be here for you. We're family, don't worry about not trusting us because you can. I know that I would trust you with my life," he said solemnly. Remus smiled gratefully. "C'mon mate, it's getting late, let's head up to bed. I'm exhausted," Sirius said, trying to stifle a yawn. Remus ruffled his hair slightly and stood up, following Sirius up to the boys dormitory.
Lily sat in her bed staring into the darkness, listening to the heavy breathing of her roommates. She sighed and furrowed her eyebrows, as she did when she was deep in thought. There must be some subtle hints in the letter to clue her in on who sent it. But she couldn't figure it out, she went to sleep that night with many thoughts running through her mind.
Remus sat on the windowsill and stared through the glass and past the reflection that glared back at him. The moon was shining brightly and even then he could feel a slight pain, slowly making its way through his body. The full moon was in a few days and he knew the pain would only intensify, he thanked Merlin for only the dull pain. His lycanthropy haunted him monthly and he cursed himself daily for the idiotic mistakes he could have prevented. The blame and guilt heavily burdened him and he felt weighed down as if he could never be free from the decisions he made. There are consequence for every single move that he made wrong. Remus understood that and tried to accept these consequences as they came at him, taking one day at a time and never living a step into the future.
His thoughts kept dragging himself back to Lily. No matter how hard he tried to push the thought into the back of his mind, it just seemed to appear. As if they harder he tried, the more persistent it was to keep coming back. Perhaps it was a sign. But, every time he closed his eyes to picture Lily--there was James standing in the background looking dejected and heartbroken. Remus frowned and his forehead became creased with worry. Life was never on his side.
'My heart beats irregular inside this chest of mine.
My words begin to stutter inside this mouth of mine.
Your fragile beauty-held within the contexts of a mirror.
Frail as a rose, but still beautiful because when I touch you,
Your thorns do not prick.
And I wonder if you're as beautiful as you seem.
Are the pieces of the mirror, shattered inside your heart?
Are they pricking you, making you bleed ever into yourself?
And your innocence is stained by this crimson blood,
Pouring from the far depths of your soul.
The crimson of the rose petal…forever fading.
Forever falling.
I want to capture your captivating beauty
And hold it in my eyes forever
Maybe I could lock you in a glass cabinet
And look upon your delicate allure
While you watch the sky paint your dreams
The dreams you kept eternally locked away.
And I could stare at you all night,
Underneath the burning moonlight
Drowning in your translucent tears
You are slowly wilting.
Slowly dying inside your mirror.
Your beauty is fading.
No longer entrancing.
I'd still give up the sunlight
Just to gaze upon you at night
And watch your tears shimmer
Against the heavenly stars'
Remus was right when he stated that Lily wasn't the only one who wrote poetry. If only he could portray his emotions as well as Lily could with words. His words just seemed to convey worthless, petty feelings for the one he couldn't help but love. Worthless. That's what they were; that's what he was. A worthless werewolf. That's all he'd ever be.
Remus awoke to James shaking him awake. He looked around frantically and noticed that the room was still pitch dark and the stars were still present in the shadowed sky. His other roommates were awake and staring at him curiously.
"Whatsa matter?" he said hoarsely, his voice dry from sleep. James' face was creased with worry and frustration.
"What's the matter? You're the matter, Remus! You were hollering in your sleep as if you were being chased and only seconds away from dying," he said anxiously, "You alright?"
Remus shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair, like James did when he was around girls; though this was out of nervous habit. He bit his bottom lip and tried to recall the dream he had been having. He nodded slightly and motioned for the boys to go back to bed. The only boy who seemed not to be awaken by the frantic screams of a petrified Remus was Peter. Peter was laying fast asleep, curled up under his blankets and snoring loudly. Remus looked around the room once more before putting his head back against the pillow, it was wet with sweat that was still dripping from his pores. He sighed and closed his eyes as sleep devoured him once more.
Sunlight forced it's way through the window and onto Remus' sleeping face. He blinked, trying to blind himself from the sunlight that danced playfully upon his bed. Remus buried his face into his pillow before getting up. He was met with the sounds of his three best friends snoring, his fourth roommated seemed to be already awake and probably down at breakfast.
He, Orien Vesper, was an early riser, though he loved the evening. Remus noticed that Orien would sit by the lake at night to observe the stars, he was an excellent astronomer, Remus concluded. The Marauders barely associated with him but Remus did greet him daily whenever he saw him, which wasn't often. Orien was up early and went to bed late. It was as if he stayed in the shadows of the moon, he never liked to be seen during the day if he could. During classes, he sat in the back, far corner of the classroom, away from prying eyes. His dirty blonde hair fell into his grey eyes always, the way he liked it, like he didn't want to be seen and he didn't want to see anything. If it was to be anyone who found out Remus' secret, it would be Orien.
Remus sighed, 'I wish I could sometimes be as mysterious as him.. So it seems that every time we look into a mirror, everyone else has what we want to be.' And it was as if being friends with James and Sirius put him in spotlight, though he desperately tried to shy away. He wasn't one to be noticed, like Lily. In a way, he somewhat felt connected to her solitude, he wanted to be a part of it. He wanted to be his own person and not known as just "one of the Marauders." And in more than one way, unbeknownst to Remus, Lily would be the one to show him what life really means.
As we walk blindly through life, we miss the more important things. We miss out on emotions that we could only dream of having. We lose sight of dreams and hopes and leave them in the dust. We try to live life to the fullest extent, but there's always something we forget. We always fall when we try to fly, we always stumble when we try to walk. But with the help of friends can we truly see the right path to choose? Or will we walk in the shadows and follow darkness to the depths of an unknown dream-like reality?
"Remus." James voice pulled Remus from his thoughts.
"Hrm?" he replied, still not quite away from everything that seemed to drift into his mind.
"We need to go down to breakfast soon," James said, staring at his friend's blank face with concern, "Are you alright?"
"Just a lot on my mind," Remus said before looking at Sirius, who was sitting on his bed, trying to fix his tie. Sirius looked up and met Remus' gaze, he frowned slightly but it was quickly wiped away when James turned to look at him.
"You coming Sirius?"
"Yeah, just a minute...damn tie..." Sirus muttered. Remus smiled, his friends...they'd always be his friends. Remus got dressed quickly and after James had woken a disgruntled Peter, the four headed downstairs to be met with a amusing sight.