( Man, oh man, when's the last time I updated this thing?! Sorry for the long wait people, thanks for sticking with me... Though I still don't get WHY you like this story. Heck, I don't even like it that much and I'M the one who wrote it! shakes her head and sighs you people are soooo weird. Note, all incorrect spelling was intentional and used for a comical effect.)
At the studio.....
Several actors and actresses take their places on an alter setting.
"Alright people, everyone set? Ok, and we are live in 3..2..1.."
A heartfelt scene begins; rehearsed tears and awes are droned out by a classic wedding march played on an organ.
A young, sly looking woman with waist long dark hair (known as the nefarious Rachel!) walks down the aisle in a silvery white gown with lace trimmings. Her glittering veil vaguely conceals her victorious smirk from the unsuspecting, admiring eyes of the guests watching her every step.
Awaiting her is the nervous groom to be. (You all remember John, the cad who dumped Marsha?) Who is still unaware that his supposed fiancee is his long lost twin sister who is pregnant with his best friends child!
Rachel had just about made it to the end of the aisle when-
CRASH!
"Eeeek!"
"What the hell-?"
People scattered out of the way as plaster and wiring rained down from the ceiling.
As the commotion settled, all eyes turned towards the strange, big-haired newcomer standing under their new, free of charge skylight.
Vegeta swayed on the spot for a moment.
"I objeck' to this...this...I OBJECK' TO THIS!"
Racheal puts a hand to John's ear and whispers. "This wasn't in the script!"
John stepped up towards Vegeta. "Just who the hell are you?"
Vegeta swiveled his head towards John, then swiveled it back to the camera crew, then back to John, just to be sure.
"I am Prinsh' Ve.. I'm Prishsh Veggi... Oh, IT DOESN'T MATTER WHO THE HELL I AM!" He raised a shaky finger and pointed it to Rachel.
"SHE is a skanky scamp! BOTH of them! (he's seeing double) and you can't marry either one of them fool!"
A nervous and extremely confused cameraman turns to the seemingly unphased director.
"Uh...Sir? Do you want me to stop rolling?"
"Are you kidding?! This is the most exciting thing that's happened on public television since the Cell broadcast! Don't miss a shot! This is going to triple our ratings!"
"....If you say so..."
Back at Kame House...
Trunks glances at the television screen.
"Hey! Look! My dad's on t.v.!"
All heads turn towards the television set where Vegeta is still swaying back and forth, wagging a finger at a clueless actress in a wedding gown and chanting 'Skanky, skanky, skanky scamp!'
Master Roshi shakes his head. "It's just as I feared, the poor fools gone straight to the t.v. studio."
Bulma panics. "Please Goku! You've GOT to stop him! He's bad enough when he's sober, but now he's just acting crazy!"
"I'm on it!" Goku raises two fingers to his brow, concentrates, and then disappears from sight.
"...I'm counting on you Goku..."
Master Roshi cups his hands around his mouth.
"HEY! WHILE YOU'RE THERE, SEE IF YOU CAN GET SOME OF THOSE FREE T-SHIRTS!"
Back, again, at the studio.
"Skanky, skanky, skanky, scaaaaaaamp!"
Goku suddenly materializes next to Vegeta.
John whispers to Rachel. "Oh great, another freak."
"Cool special effects though.."
Vegeta swiveled his head upwards.
"This has nothing to do with you Kakacarrot! So just stay outta' muh way an' go home!...All three of you!"
At Kame House...
Our heroes watch in suspense, only Goten and Trunks seem to have failed to realize the dire situation that has unraveled.
"Hey, now MY dad's on t.v. too! Hey Gohan, do 'ya think dad might turn into a t.v. star?!"
Gohan puts a hand over his face and groans. "This is NOT good..."
Master Roshi laughs. "Heh heh heeh, it never is with THOSE two! Now the shows really gonna' start!"
Bulma holds her hands together and looks upward to the heavens. " Is this some kind of curse from the gods for being too beautiful?"
Meanwhile, at the studio...
"Listen to me Vegeta--huh?" Goku notices that everyone in the room just happens to be staring at them, wide-eyed.
Goku puts one hand behind his head and gives his classic goofy smile. "Heh, heh, sorry about this, we'll be done in a minute, so just go on with what you were doing ok?" Goku returns his attention to Vegeta.
"Listen Vegeta, you're a little drunk right now, so why don't I just take you back to Bulma
and-"
"I AM NO SUCK THING!...SUCH THING! I'M MORE SOMBER NOW THAN I'VE EVER BEEN!"
"Um, I think you mean sober, right?"
" Oh shut up Goku! What the Hell d'you know about what it is I think anyways?!"
And for a moment, the pure shock of everything had left Goku speechless.
"Oh man, you really ARE messed up! You even called me by my name! You need to get home and lye down."
"Poppy-posh and stick-fiddles! I'm not leaving until this hiccup .. this outrage has been dealt with! And a down need any help from a carrot clown like you, so back off!"
Vegeta twirls around and thrusts his finger out at Rachel.
"That wench is a whore I tell you! She's carrying Chriss's brat even as we speak! AND you two are twinsies, double troubles if you ask me!"
A stunned John and Rachel slowly turn their heads over towards the director, their expressions practically begging for help.
But alas, no help can ever come from an eccentric, thick-skulled t.v. director.
"Just go with it! This is t.v. gold!"
With a sweatdrop and a sigh, Rachel slowly and dramatically backed away from John, even her veil could not hide the tear that streamed down her cheek.
"Oh, John... Everything he says... its... its true..." she lowers her head in shame.
John gasps, the shock is almost too much to bear, his handsome, young, plastic surgery face is contorted with both surprise and grief.
"Then....You really do love Chriss more than me?"
Rachel lifts up her veil and looks up at John, her tear-filled eyes meet with his.
"No, it... Its true that Chriss is very dear to me-" She places a trembling hand gently on her stomach.
"He's the father of my baby, and he always will be, but..."
"But?"
"But he is NOT the one that I love."
"Oh Rachel, does.. Does this mean?" A hopeful gleam appears in his eyes.
Rachel turns her head away.
"No. I'm afraid not. Oh John, you were always so kind to me, and Chriss just doesn't have the financial backing to support a family right now, so I just thought-"
"You just thought I, assuming that I was the true father, would be a suitable benefactor until Chriss got back on his feet, is that it?"
"You don't understand! I was thinking about what was best for my child! I thought that would mean something to you!...But it doesn't matter anymore. It's time I told you the truth."
"And just what is the truth, Rachel?!"
"The truth is I'm not in love with you OR Chriss...The man who my heart belongs to, the one I'm really in love with is HIM!" Rachel runs up and throws her arms around Goku in tears.
"Wait--WHAT?!" Goku's brain has never hurt so much
Back at Kame House....
Chichi jumps up and shoves Oolongs head down out of her way.
"WHAT?!"
"Ow! My head!"
"Why that little-KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF HIM YOU HUSSY! GOKU! GET AWAY FROM HER!"
"Um, Chichi, they can't hear you. They're at the t.v. station, remember?" said a nervous Krillin.
"WHAT KIND OF STUPID QUESTION IS THAT?! YOU STAY OUT OF THIS!"
Krillin cowers and backs away.
"GRR... WAIT'LL I GET MY HANDS ON THAT LOUSY, NO GOOD,--"
At the studio...
"Oh, my darling please forgive me, but I could not keep it a secret any longer!" Rachel closes her eyes and sobs into Goku's chest.
"Keep WHAT a secret?! I don't even know you!"
A cross-shaped vein bulges out and throbs on Vegeta's forehead, his blurry-visioned, blood-shot eyes are red with fury as he glares menacingly a Goku.
"SO! YOU WERE IN ON IT TOO?! I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN! ONLY A LOW-CLASS SCUM WARRIOR LIKE YOU COULD BE CABABLE OF SUCK TREASURY!"
(He means "capable of such treachery" in case any of you are confused.)
"Wait! Hold on a minute! I don't even KNOW this girl!"
"ENOUGH TALK!" Bits of plaster rise in the air as Vegeta takes on his super Sayin form and clenches his hand into a fist.
"PREPARE TO BE DEST--Royed..." Vegeta's slow motion punch misses, and he reverts back to his normal state as he falls forward. Goku catches Vegeta and tries to stand him up straight.
"Wow, you're really wasted, let's get you home."
Vegeta bounces his head up and down a few times then leans on Goku and stares him in the eye, burping in his mouth then blowing it out, straight into Goku's face. Beer breath...eww.
"Ah...Kakarot, did you know that every time you blink your eyes, it makes a 'squish-squish' sound?" Vegeta demonstrated this by blinking his own eyes twice.
Ignoring this, Goku turns his head to the large group of actors and camera crew, who are still staring at them.
"Sorry for all the trouble, it was great meeting you! Alright Vegeta, let's get you back."
Vegeta annoyingly tugs at Goku's sleeve.
"Wait Kakarot, I want to get one of those free t-shirts before we leave!"
"But you don't even like wearing t-shirts..."
"SO?! I STILL WANT ONE! hic excush me, I WANT ONE, AND ASH THE PRINCESS OF ALL SAYINS, I COMMAND YOU TO GET ME A FREE T-SHIRT!"
"..blink..uh..."
"DO I MADE MYSELF CLEAR, YOUNG MAN?!"
Goku puts two fingers on his brow and concentrates.
"GOKU?! ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME GOKU?! GO--"
Both Goku and Vegeta vanish.
Tears of joy and awe gush out of the director's eyes.
"Did you see that?! What an ending! What a show! It was pure brilliance! If this doesn't convince those know-it-all-producers to give me an Emmy, nothing will!"
The best-boy tech term used for guy who does lighting sticks his head in the door, one of his hands covers the mouth-piece of a telephone.
"Um, hey boss, the producers are on the phone.."
"Ah-hahahahahahaha! They want to congratulate me for such a stupendous performance, am I right?"
"Um, not exactly sir... They said they're taking the show off the air..."
At Kame House...
Bulma bites her thumbnail as she paces back in forth.
"Ugg! Where are they? What could be taking so long?"
"Re-lax Bulma, keep this up and you'll wear a path in my floor!" Master Roshi Gulps down his 5th glass of sake'.
"Lighten up will ya'? Come on over here and have a drink with ME! HaHA!"
"HOW THE HELL CAN YOU THINK ABOUT DRINKING WHEN VEGETA COULD BE RUNNING A-MUCK SOMEWHERE. TRYING TO BLOW UP A CITY OR --AHHHHHHH!"
Bulma Jumps 4 feet backwards as Goku, carrying an unconscious Vegeta, materializes only half of an inch away from where she was just standing.
"Hmm? Oh, hey Bulma. I didn't startle you, did I?"
"N-Never mind that! Is he okay?"
"Vegeta? Sure, he's fine. Sorry it took so long to get here, but he needed to take a little pit-stop to toss up his lunch as well as some of that sake he had."
"But-But why is he unconscious?"
"He must've been pretty tired from all that yelling, right after he was done throwing up he passed out." Goku lays Vegeta down on the floor.
Bulma puts her hands on her hips.
"Hmpf. Well it serves him right! Honestly, he has some nerve, swallowing a whole bottle of sake and running off like that...Jerk, I HOPE HE GETS A KILLER HANG-OVER!"
Bulma turns her head towards the couch.
"Trunks! Pick up your father! We're going home!"
"M'kay..."
Trunks hops over the couch, lifts Vegeta up over his shoulder, and follows his mother out the door.
Piccolo closes his eyes and continues meditating.
"Well, this certainly has been interesting..."
"No kidding.." Tien stares out after Bulma, Trunks and the passed-out Vegeta, in disbelief.
Yamcha turns to Krillin and laughs.
"Aw man, I'd sure hate to be around when Vegeta wakes up after this!"
"You said it. But wow, 'Tears In May'? I can't think of anything more embarrassing, can you?"
Master grins somewhat deviously, there's a twinkle in his sunglasses.
"Heh, heh, I can."
"Huh?" "Huh?"
Krillin, Yamcha, Piccolo, Tien, Chowsue, Puar, Oolong, Android 18, Maron, Goten, Chichi, Goku, Gohan and Videl all watch with curiosity as Master Roshi walks over to the t.v. and presses the eject button on the vcr.
A black video tape pops out and Master Roshi holds it up for the others to see.
"I got the whole thing on tape."
--The End