Thank you to Torisakura for your character idea.

Dear SiriousB1,

I am a priest. Got that? But I'm not that bad of a priest! Sure, I smoke, drink, am in love with this girl, and kill things, but I still help the children! But, despite all of my good deeds towards these children, people still accuse me of molesting them! That scandal happened a long time ago and I never participated in those kinds of "activities". How can I convince people that I don't molest little boys?

Amen,
Not That Kind of Priest

Dear Priest,

I guess that we can put aside all of the bad things you do and put forth the fact that you love someone. Since you love someone, I'm assuming that this means that you get out a bit. Priests and monks only screwed those little boys because they were the only people available at the time. Ask this girl to marry you and then you can both get wedding rings. Then, when people see the ring, they'll know that you're married. Or gay. The latter won't help this rumor much, so let's pray for the previous…

Sincerely,
SiriousB1
Dear SiriousB1,

I have a big problem. I am a killer. I enjoy killing and am very good at it. But that's not the problem. The problem is that blood makes me squeamish. I don't know why, but ever since killing my brother became my number one priority, my stomach churns at the slightest sight of blood. What can I do to get over my fear of blood?

Yours truly,
Hemophobic Murderer

Dear Hemophobic Murderer,

I do believe that those are two words that should never be used together. Maybe all those years of killing people finally caught up with you. I suppose you could try not killing people for a while and then try it again. Maybe a hibernation of sorts will make your problem go away. I also have gotten back good results from those other characters who I recommended seeing a hypnotist. You could try that!

Sincerely,
SiriousB1
Dear SiriousB1,

Meow, meow meow meow, meow meow meow meow, meow meow, meow meow, meow meow meow meow. Meow meow meow!

From,
Kuro-Neko

(For those of you can't speak Cat-ish, the above reads as follows: "I want chicken, I want liver, meow mix, meow mix, please deliver. Meow Mix now!")

Dear Kuro-Neko,

AAAHHHH!!! Get away!! Get the fuck away from me! AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! Somebody help! Ahh!! Somebody help me please! Stun it! No, kill it, kill it!! AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Not to Sincerely,
SiriousB1

P.S.
Can you tell I'm not a big cat person?