All previous warnings and disclaimers apply.

Chapter 1

Naruto's eyes opened and he blinked blearily upwards. There was what looked like a stone ceiling above him, and somehow that didn't seem right. His head felt funny, usually he woke up with all cylinders running, ready to leap out of bed and start his day, but he didn't feel that way now. His brain felt fuzzy, the last time he had come around like this he had been in the hospital. He craned his neck back so he could glance behind his head, and got an upside down look at a wrought iron headboard. That was weird, his own bed didn't have anything nearly so fancy. He frowned in puzzlement and turned his head to gaze at every other angle of the room. It wasn't someplace he recognized, and it certainly didn't appear to be Konoha's hospital. The walls, floor, and ceiling were all carefully carved into the featureless gray stone. Even some of the furniture seemed to be growing out of the ground, like someone had come in and chiseled a room out of a solid rock.

He didn't know a lot about carpentry or architecture, but it seemed like an awful lot of work to go to.

"So you're awake."

The voice was calm and cool, and unmistakably female. He bolted upright and stared towards the heavy stone door. He hadn't even heard it open, and now, what he saw walking through the doorway . . .

Naruto blinked, and then gawked helplessly.

The first creature to come into the room was short. Not short like Naruto was short, but short like . . . well, like Kiba had gotten Akamura to stand on his hind-legs short. His head would probably only come up to the blond ninja's stomach, and his face . . . it wasn't human. Beady eyes were close-set in the thin countenance, and his nose and ears were pointy and odd. His front teeth were too big for the tiny face, square and misshapen and protruding out grotesquely from the thin mouth. The overall effect was rodent-like, like this was what you'd get if you mated a rat and a human being together.

Then Naruto looked past the rat-creature . . . and promptly forgot about him.

It had clearly been this woman who had spoken. The blond stared helplessly at her, jaw dropping. It was a strange reaction, she wasn't nearly as odd looking as the small rat man, in fact, she appeared almost human. She was slender, and wore flowing robes of midnight blue. Glossy brown hair hung free down to her waist, and there was a small blue kanji symbol on her right cheek. From here Naruto couldn't read it, but he could tell that it matched her outfit. Really, she should have been beautiful, but when Naruto looked into her face . . .

Involuntarily, he shivered.

It was her eyes. Her head was turned towards him, but he couldn't tell if she was really looking at him or not. She had no pupils, but it wasn't like Hinata and Neji, who were all iris. Instead it was like there was . . . nothing. No, that wasn't true. It was like there was nothing but space. He could actually see tiny pinpoints of light floating in the blackness. Like behind her eyes, she held the entire universe. Naruto felt like he was falling into this open, empty space, and he hastily tore his gaze away.

Goosebumps pebbled up on his skin, and he realized that he was breathing hard, like he had just run a race. He glanced back at her, carefully avoiding her eyes and looking at her mouth instead. She smiled.

She also had very sharp teeth.

Naruto gulped.

Her smile widened, and she chuckled lightly. "My, you certainly seem energetic. Yasuo, would you please check his health?"

The rat-creature nodded and approached him hesitantly. He looked ready to scurry away at the first threatening move Naruto made. As for the blond, he was tempted to do a little scurrying away himself, but previously dormant survival instincts were screaming at him to Not Piss Off The Scary Lady, and for once, Naruto listened.

He suffered through a short, relatively painless (the rat-creature's tiny hands were cold) examination, and then the diminutive little being drew away to hide behind the woman's robes. "Well?" She asked, voice surprisingly gentle as she looked down at the timid creature.

Surprisingly the rat's voice was not at all squeaky, it was actually a bass rumble that had Naruto staring in shock. "He's fine. Kameko's powder doesn't appear to have any long term effects."

Naruto finally found his own voice. "So, not that I don't appreciate the check up, but what exactly are you planning to do with me?"

The woman smiled and suddenly began to glide forward, straight towards the bed and the blond on it. Naruto scrambled backwards instinctively until he hit the headboard. "I'm warning you lady, I'm Leaf Village's number one hyperactive ninja! You don't want to mess with me . . ."

He shut up abruptly as she sat on the bed and leaned over to put a hand on his stomach. He froze and stared at the hand, feeling like the touch was a lead weight holding him down. "From the first moment I saw you, I felt it." She smiled gently, and then bent down to whisper in his ear. "There's another being trapped inside you. Perhaps we should let him out?"

Naruto went cold at her words, and than started as the heavy door to the room slammed open. The woman stood up and took a step back. Then she spoke, voice detached. "Bring him."

A monstrously huge man loomed in front of him, and Naruto suddenly found himself thrown over a muscled shoulder. He let out a surprised cry and twisted frantically, but the grip around his waist and legs was like iron. He looked down and realized that the ground was very far away, and they were moving. He was carted off out the door and into a long hallway, carved from the same stone as the room he had woken up in. He struggled fruitlessly for several moments, before finally remembering that his hands were free. Quickly, he held them together and prepared to do a ninjutsu.

Before he could complete it, he felt a tap on his head. Concentration broken, Naruto looked up.

And a woman that resembled a tree more than a human being blew something into his face. Damn it! Not again! Naruto thought frantically as his muscles instantly went lax. Now all he could do was hang limply from the giant's shoulder as he was hauled off.

The loud thud of a massive door opening let him know that they had reached another room. Unceremoniously, Naruto was slung off the huge guy's shoulder. He looked down and blinked. The room was filled with weird looking people. A child with snow-white skin, a man with two heads, even a woman with the bottom half of a snake. They were all gathered in a loose ring. As Naruto was carried forward he saw that on the floor inside the circle were strange symbols painted on the floor. In turn, these signs surrounded a stone slab raised horizontally off the ground.

The slab looked way too much like a sacrificial alter for Naruto's comfort.

There were murmurs as Naruto was carried through the crowd and he glanced up weakly to see a man with his hair on fire sneering at him. The man turned to the spindly creature beside him, and the ninja could clearly hear what he said. "That's him? Seems like Our Lady's going to a lot of work for one scrawny little child." The blond thought vaguely that maybe the man should worry more about the pending burn his head was about to experience and less about Naruto. And who the hell was he calling scrawny?

The giant carried Naruto to the stone slab and placed him on it. The way his head had fallen allowed the blond to look up, and he blinked helplessly as he got a good look at his bearer for the first time. The giant's head was grossly deformed, lumps of skin growing out at all angles. His left eye was almost buried in the protruding flesh.

Naruto struggled against his paralysis, willing his limbs to move, but they refused to obey him. He stared up again as an old woman with bat wings stepped forward to lean over him. She smiled a toothless grin, and crooned something that sounded like it was meant to be soothing, than she proceeded to undress him.

It wasn't long before Naruto was down to his boxers. His blue eyes were very wide and if he would have had the use of his vocal cords he would have been screaming about perverts. As it was, he could only stare helplessly as the scary lady stepped forward into the circle of symbols with him. Naruto could hear the shifting of fabric as the other creatures made a hasty retreat to the background.

This didn't look good.

Blue robes brushing gently against the stone floor, the woman walked to the first symbol on the ground. She planted her feet firmly, and then lifted her face to the sky, (or at least the ceiling, since they weren't exactly outdoors). She murmured something soft, something that felt like it was just on the edge of Naruto's hearing, and then . . .

She began to glow.

Black fire outlined her body, and when she stepped away, the symbol that she was standing on was shining the same color. She walked to the next mark, and then the next. The process was repeated until all nine symbols were blazing with dark fire. Then, still glowing, she walked to the center. Where Naruto was lying helpless on the stone slab. She kneeled beside him until she was hovering close over his prone body. Then she kissed the seal on his belly.

Naruto screamed. The same black fire that had lit all nine symbols was suddenly pouring from the woman's mouth onto his stomach, into his body, where it gleefully burned his insides. He screamed again and opened his eyes wide, the effects of the paralyzing powder suddenly negated by the power that was running through him. Naruto jerked convulsively, and as he turned his gaze to the ceiling, his eyes bled from blue, to red. The pupils elongated, and then shrunk back to their normal size, only to change again in the next second. The irises went red, blue, red, blue, then a strange purplish in-between color, then back to red.

His scream changed in pitch, roughening into a pained howl, turning into something inhuman.

Then the woman kissing his stomach suddenly bit him.

As her sharp teeth pierced his belly, instead of blood from the small wound, red chakra poured out. The energy danced wildly over them both, and as the last drained out, Naruto's eyes trickled back to blue and he suddenly went limp.

Gradually, the red chakra began to gather itself together, finally coalescing into a solid sphere. It hung in the air for a second, pulsing, waiting, and then . . .

It began to gain a form. The energy seemed to solidify, until a figure floated motionless in a protective cocoon of crimson. The chakra started to dissipate, and now the form could be clearly seen. It was a human man.

Sort of.

Red hair, short and spiky, framed sharply defined features. It was a handsome face, even marred by the three whisker-like slash marks on each cheek. At the tips of his fingers he had long, wicked claws that were crooked into a loose fist, as if even now he was ready to rend and tear something. Or, more appropriately, someone.

He floated in the air, body limp and seemingly unconscious, and then suddenly his eyes snapped wide open.

Red, with elongated pupils.

Then his mouth opened wide, displaying sharp, pointy canines, and he let out a howl. The shriek went on and on, the reverberation echoing and re-echoing down stone corridors, the strength of inhuman vocal cords giving it a force that was unbelievably painful to the ears of both human and other.

Then, it ended. The voice gave out abruptly, unable to withstand the strain, and it was as if all the creature's energy had been poured out with it. Eye lids didn't flutter shut so much as they slammed downwards like steel window shutters. The muscles went limp again, and, at the same time, whatever powerful force responsible for holding him up failed.

The unconscious figure hit the ground.

The Lady with the strange eyes looked from one comatose form to the other. Her head shook slowly, dark hair swaying gently against her robes with the movement. Strangely enough, she looked almost disappointed. "Oh my, now that was rather anti-climactic."

Around her, the other freaks and monsters nodded their heads in complete agreement.

Meanwhile, in a small clearing to the west, a dazzling beam of sunlight pierced through leafy branches. At the bottom of the tree, a pale, still figure was illuminated. The sparkling daylight made the form's fair skin seem to glow from within, and the dark hair framing the perfect face created a contrast that only made the picture that much more exquisite. It was Renaissance-style beautiful, as if at any moment a chorus of angels could be expected to ascend with one of their own to heaven.

And then this particular angel's eyes snapped open, and he swore, loudly.

From the tree above, a flock of birds were startled into taking flight.

An amused chuckle came from behind him. "Damn Sasuke, I thought you were going to sleep forever. Cha, you're lazier than me." Shikamaru sighed, the action vigorous enough that his whole body moved with it.

Sasuke grunted and rolled out of the painfully bright patch of sunlight. "You're still alive," he observed laconically.

The other ninja gave him a look. "Thanks for sounding like you care. Now all we have to do is find the orange-suited idiot."

Despite the harshness of the words, Sasuke could hear an undertone of worry. Dark eyes closed for a minute so he could concentrate on dredging up what he had seen right before losing consciousness. He was silent for a moment and then finally: "They took him."

Shikamaru frowned harder. "Who were they? I didn't see any faces last night, it was so damn dark, and then I was knocked out . . ." He rubbed the back of his head gingerly.

For the first time, Sasuke turned and looked at him. "Our monsters."

Shikamaru's eyes bugged slightly. "What?!"

The dark-haired ninja ignored him and hauled himself to his feet. Then he walked to the patch of ground where he had last seen Naruto. He studied the scuffmarks intently, then nodded to himself and began to walk east.

"Where are you going?"

Sasuke didn't stop, but he did speak over his shoulder. "They went this way."

Shikamaru sighed again, head drooping slightly. "I think this is going to be more trouble than it's worth."

But he followed after Sasuke anyway.