Seth sat on his bed in a numb state. It was over. Summer and him were
actually over. The greatest thing in his life was gone. And before he
thought he had it rough. At one small moment, Seth's life had been perfect.
But that was gone. Never to come back. Seth breathed and turned on hid cd
player.
"But there's no blame for how our love did slowly fade/And now that it's gone, it's like it wasn't there at all/And here I rest: where disappointment and regret collide/lying awake at night..." Seth had loved Summer, Summer had loved Seth, how did that not work? Even with Ryan back in Cohen pool house and Seth was pretty happy, there was nothing to look forward to when Seth would awake, no comfort to help him fall asleep. Summer was his everything. He had loved her for so long. And finally, they were together. But Seth screwed it up. He always screwed it up. It was his fault. There never was a doubt that it would be his fault. Somehow, he was always to blame. Newport turned to Hell again, there was no denying it. All Ryan would have to do would be to leave, and it would be like none of this ever happened.
"Because behind its door there's nothing to keep my fingers warm/And all I find are souvenirs from better times..." Seth hated Summer. She didn't understand what he went through, no one did. No one ever would. He was alone, hopeless in the vast, hollow world, surrounded by empty, fragmented, soulless structures of people. Ryan could be exempt from that, maybe his parents. But they didn't even understand Seth. They expected so much form him, and there were only disappointed by what Seth did accomplish. Somehow, Seth's parents didn't notice their son had no friends and spent most of his time up in his room with a plastic horse.
Seth's life was meaningless, seeing as there was no good in it. Why live if there's nothing in store for you? Why try if you know you're never going to get there? Why care if no one cares about you? Even in the scariest moments of Seth's life, when he needed comfort and support, he would get yelled at. So why try to love if you know no one will ever fully love you back?
Seth's thoughts fell upon IT, something he had forgotten about for 9 years. Sandy had bought it so he could protect his family, if they were ever in danger.
"No, we are not having that in the house. What if Seth gets hold of it?" Kirsten had objected, obviously not happy with the situation. Seth was peering into the kitchen, not seen like usual. He had just gotten a high score on his video game, and wanted to show his parents his accomplishment.
"He won't shoot his eye out or something, he's not stupid. We'll just keep it hidden from him." Sandy protested.
"Where?" Kirsten was warming up to the idea.
"In my desk. I always have it locked up. He doesn't know where the keys are."
"I still don't know." Seth couldn't hold his excitement any longer.
"Mommy! Daddy! Guess what?" Seth screamed as he bounded into the room.
"Not now, Seth. We're busy." Seth's mother complained.
"Please?" Seth pleaded.
"No."
"Why not?"
"We're busy."
"With what?"
"Nothing that pertains to you honey."
"Please?"
"Seth, dammit. You're old enough to know not to beg. No go upstairs and wait until we come up." Kirsten was getting annoyed.
"But Mommy "
"Seth Cohen! Go upstairs now!" Kirsten screamed. She was already on edge, and didn't need Seth to bug her. Seth ran upstairs and could still very lightly hear his parents.
"Well?" Sandy asked.
"Fine." But even after Seth's parents were done talking, they never came up. Seth waited and waited. When he finally understood they weren't coming up, he unplugged his game, pulled the game out of the console and threw it out the window. Seth ran to his closet, hoping he could disappear. His parents were the closest thing to friends Seth had. If they weren't his friends, then who were? Seth looked to Captain Oats, who lie on the floor close by and grabbed it. He hugged it tightly, learning that this plastic horse seemed to be the only friend he had. Seth hated his parents, and never forgot that day. The day he learned he was alone.
Seth remembered exactly where his dad had hidden it. And he knew where the keys where. Seth didn't want to see what happen next. He hated the world. Seth turned off Death Cab and headed to his father's desk, to find the only way to take away the hell that was now his life.
Julie looked around the table eagerly. This was supposed to be the Nichol/Cooper's first real family dinner. It didn't seem like one. Caleb was out working on business, Kaitlin was falling asleep, and Marissa looked around, looking everywhere, but to Julie. Julie knew Marissa hated her, and Julie wanted to be the perfect mom to Marissa and Kaitlin. So Julie had a fling with Marissa's exboyfriend. Which ultimately did get Luke into a car accident that almost killed him. But that wasn't the point. Julie cared deeply for Marissa. She would never do anything to hurt her. Intentionally. Marissa couldn't hold everything against Julie. There were such things as accidents. Maybe Marissa never heard of those. But that was very unlikely.
"Can I be excused?" Kaitlin dully asked once she had been woken up by hitting her head on the table.
"No. Caleb said he'd be home soon. We're gonna wait for him." Julie said, getting annoyed.
"But I'm done." Julie looked to Kaitlin's plate. It was full, with possibly two bites taken out of it. Julie raised her eyebrows to that evil mother-knows-best look and stared Kaitlin down. Kaitlin also raised her eyebrows, and neither woman said a word. Marissa didn't pay attention, her mind lost on Ryan. Kaitlin then took her fork, scooped up some of Boston Market's famous mashed potatoes, and shoved them in her mouth. "Happy?"
"I suppose." Julie had given up. She didn't want to have an argument on their first night. Kaitlin got up, left her plate and headed upstairs to her nearly bare room. That left Julie alone with Marissa, who still was zoned out. Julie wanted to talk to her, but she seemed very lost in thought. Kaitlin coming home must have really freaked her out. Julie had seen Ryan come over. And much to her enjoyment, her left not long after he came, looking very distraught. And then that Summer Roberts came. The only reason Julie liked her was that Summer sucked up to her adults. She always wanted to be loved. But Julie highly disapproved of Summer dating that Seth Cohen. He was a bad choice. Very lonely and pathetic. And then Summer left in tears. So what was going on? What didn't Julie Nichol know? "Marissa honey, is there anything you want to talk about?" Asking Marissa was a huge long shot, since Marissa despised her mother, but Julie had to at least try.
"No, I'm fine." Marissa never looked at her mother. Not that Julie had expected her to.
"Okay." Julie thought for a second. "Question: Did you see Kaitlin take any alcohol from my cabinet? I'm missing like three bottles."Marissa looked up. Fear was in her eyes, and she tried to her hardest to cover it up. Julie had found something.
"No, I haven't." Marissa said timidly. She looked to her mother once, and quickly redirected her gaze.
"Marissa? Are you not telling me something?"Julie put on her loving- mother face and tried to read Marissa's face. It was either Marissa was hiding something very well or Julie was illiterate when it came to reading faces.
"No, I'm fine."
"You know, you can always come to me if you have a problem." Julie wanted to help, but she didn't know how.
"I know." Julie didn't believe her daughter. Little did she know, but Julie was the exact root of the problem.
Kirsten looked around the dinner table. It was silent, and everyone seemed lost in thought. She knew why Sandy was. He was working on a huge case, and it was getting down to the last days before the trial. But she didn't know why Seth and Ryan were in deep thought. No talking was usual for Ryan, but lately he had been opening up. Silence was not a strong point for Seth Cohen. Not talking was totally out of character for him. Kirsten's first thoughts were that he had laryngitis, but then she realized Seth barely ever got sick. But both boys seemed more than just in thought. They seemed upset. And whatever upset her sons, upset Kirsten.
"So Seth. What did you do today?" The sound of Kirsten's voice sliced through the silence.
"Just played some video games." Seth lied in a lifeless, monotone voice.
"Oh. That's nice. What about you Ryan? Did you do anything exciting?" Kirsten looked to Ryan semi-eagerly, hoping her could liven up the non- existent conversation.
"I hung out with Marissa for a bit." Ryan answered.
"How is she? My dad said her sister, Kaitlin, is it? Well, that she was living with them." Lately Julie and Marissa seemed like the only topics Kirsten's dad talked about.
"Yeah. She is." Ryan didn't look up, but Seth drew his attention to what Ryan had said for a moment. Then he just returned to moving his food around on the plate. Sandy paid no attention at all, for he was writing instead of eating.
"Did you meet her?"
"Yeah, for about a minute. That was it." Kirsten realized she had nothing else to say. She was screwed. There went any attempt at a conversation. Right then, Sandy got up, took his work, and left the table unannounced. Seth didn't notice, and Ryan looked up to Sandy for a split second, then returned his gaze to his plate. Kirsten looked to her plate, also. She had made none of it. Most meals were take out because Kirsten could not cook for the life of her. She had attempted, but they ended up as 'meals the garbage trucks barely took' to quote Seth. "Can I be excused?" Ryan said suddenly and looked to Kirsten. He startled her, and all she could do was nod. Ryan took both his and Sandy's plates to the sink, then Seth followed, who had not even taken a bite of the food. All of it went in the trash, along with Kirsten's earlier attempts at cooking. That had ended very quickly, and Kirsten called one of the restaurants she had on speed dial.
Kirsten went upstairs to her room, changed to her pajamas, and got into bed ready to read a book. But she couldn't. All she could think about was her boys, and what was worrying them.
Sandy was the only one who got any sleep that night.
Summer wiped her tears as she dropped the Bright Eyes cd in the box. Seth had given it to her as a present, and as much as Summer didn't want to give it back, she knew she had to. If she ever listened to it, or even saw it, she might burst into tears. Though Summer hadn't noticed, a lot of stuff in her room reminded her of Cohen.
It was midday, and Summer was preparing for her last trip to the Cohens plus Ryan's house. Why would Summer need to go back if she wasn't dating Seth? As much as she hated dumping him, she knew it was for the best. Maybe some other day they could try again. But not now. There was too much going on. Summer had to help Coop, who really needed Summer's help. Marissa couldn't talk to her sister or mother about her problems. They were the problems. She could talk to only her dad and Summer. Summer was happy to know Marissa wanted to confide in her. And now, Summer could confide in Marissa. Because Chino and Cohen were pigs. They were self-absorbed, annoying, mean, hurtful asses. They didn't deserve Summer and Coop. They could have Coop Jr. Chino already made out with her. Cohen could have... no one. He didn't deserve anyone. He hurt Summer. But she supposed she had hurt Seth. They should have been able to resolve their problems like Cohen wanted. But no. Summer had said it was over. How stupid could Summer get? She cared so much about Seth. Maybe they could forget the whole breakup ever occurred. But Summer was afraid of what might happen. Summer beared her heart to Seth, and he ran away with it to Tahiti. He was so self- centered. Would they go down the same road if they did try again? Summer had helped with their problems. It wasn't entirely Cohen's fault. She trusted her dad more than anything, and when he said Summer shouldn't be with Seth, she believed him. Later she had had begun to rethink that, but now maybe Summer's dad was right. They shouldn't be with each other. They weren't compatible. He was just too damn dorky. He enjoyed comic book conventions and video games. Ew. But Summer had loved him. How would she get over him?
Summer's eyes fell upon Princess Sparkles. Her thoughts immediately went back to Seth. More tears cascaded down her face. Summer grabbed Princess Sparkles and threw her out the window as hard as she could.
"But there's no blame for how our love did slowly fade/And now that it's gone, it's like it wasn't there at all/And here I rest: where disappointment and regret collide/lying awake at night..." Seth had loved Summer, Summer had loved Seth, how did that not work? Even with Ryan back in Cohen pool house and Seth was pretty happy, there was nothing to look forward to when Seth would awake, no comfort to help him fall asleep. Summer was his everything. He had loved her for so long. And finally, they were together. But Seth screwed it up. He always screwed it up. It was his fault. There never was a doubt that it would be his fault. Somehow, he was always to blame. Newport turned to Hell again, there was no denying it. All Ryan would have to do would be to leave, and it would be like none of this ever happened.
"Because behind its door there's nothing to keep my fingers warm/And all I find are souvenirs from better times..." Seth hated Summer. She didn't understand what he went through, no one did. No one ever would. He was alone, hopeless in the vast, hollow world, surrounded by empty, fragmented, soulless structures of people. Ryan could be exempt from that, maybe his parents. But they didn't even understand Seth. They expected so much form him, and there were only disappointed by what Seth did accomplish. Somehow, Seth's parents didn't notice their son had no friends and spent most of his time up in his room with a plastic horse.
Seth's life was meaningless, seeing as there was no good in it. Why live if there's nothing in store for you? Why try if you know you're never going to get there? Why care if no one cares about you? Even in the scariest moments of Seth's life, when he needed comfort and support, he would get yelled at. So why try to love if you know no one will ever fully love you back?
Seth's thoughts fell upon IT, something he had forgotten about for 9 years. Sandy had bought it so he could protect his family, if they were ever in danger.
"No, we are not having that in the house. What if Seth gets hold of it?" Kirsten had objected, obviously not happy with the situation. Seth was peering into the kitchen, not seen like usual. He had just gotten a high score on his video game, and wanted to show his parents his accomplishment.
"He won't shoot his eye out or something, he's not stupid. We'll just keep it hidden from him." Sandy protested.
"Where?" Kirsten was warming up to the idea.
"In my desk. I always have it locked up. He doesn't know where the keys are."
"I still don't know." Seth couldn't hold his excitement any longer.
"Mommy! Daddy! Guess what?" Seth screamed as he bounded into the room.
"Not now, Seth. We're busy." Seth's mother complained.
"Please?" Seth pleaded.
"No."
"Why not?"
"We're busy."
"With what?"
"Nothing that pertains to you honey."
"Please?"
"Seth, dammit. You're old enough to know not to beg. No go upstairs and wait until we come up." Kirsten was getting annoyed.
"But Mommy "
"Seth Cohen! Go upstairs now!" Kirsten screamed. She was already on edge, and didn't need Seth to bug her. Seth ran upstairs and could still very lightly hear his parents.
"Well?" Sandy asked.
"Fine." But even after Seth's parents were done talking, they never came up. Seth waited and waited. When he finally understood they weren't coming up, he unplugged his game, pulled the game out of the console and threw it out the window. Seth ran to his closet, hoping he could disappear. His parents were the closest thing to friends Seth had. If they weren't his friends, then who were? Seth looked to Captain Oats, who lie on the floor close by and grabbed it. He hugged it tightly, learning that this plastic horse seemed to be the only friend he had. Seth hated his parents, and never forgot that day. The day he learned he was alone.
Seth remembered exactly where his dad had hidden it. And he knew where the keys where. Seth didn't want to see what happen next. He hated the world. Seth turned off Death Cab and headed to his father's desk, to find the only way to take away the hell that was now his life.
Julie looked around the table eagerly. This was supposed to be the Nichol/Cooper's first real family dinner. It didn't seem like one. Caleb was out working on business, Kaitlin was falling asleep, and Marissa looked around, looking everywhere, but to Julie. Julie knew Marissa hated her, and Julie wanted to be the perfect mom to Marissa and Kaitlin. So Julie had a fling with Marissa's exboyfriend. Which ultimately did get Luke into a car accident that almost killed him. But that wasn't the point. Julie cared deeply for Marissa. She would never do anything to hurt her. Intentionally. Marissa couldn't hold everything against Julie. There were such things as accidents. Maybe Marissa never heard of those. But that was very unlikely.
"Can I be excused?" Kaitlin dully asked once she had been woken up by hitting her head on the table.
"No. Caleb said he'd be home soon. We're gonna wait for him." Julie said, getting annoyed.
"But I'm done." Julie looked to Kaitlin's plate. It was full, with possibly two bites taken out of it. Julie raised her eyebrows to that evil mother-knows-best look and stared Kaitlin down. Kaitlin also raised her eyebrows, and neither woman said a word. Marissa didn't pay attention, her mind lost on Ryan. Kaitlin then took her fork, scooped up some of Boston Market's famous mashed potatoes, and shoved them in her mouth. "Happy?"
"I suppose." Julie had given up. She didn't want to have an argument on their first night. Kaitlin got up, left her plate and headed upstairs to her nearly bare room. That left Julie alone with Marissa, who still was zoned out. Julie wanted to talk to her, but she seemed very lost in thought. Kaitlin coming home must have really freaked her out. Julie had seen Ryan come over. And much to her enjoyment, her left not long after he came, looking very distraught. And then that Summer Roberts came. The only reason Julie liked her was that Summer sucked up to her adults. She always wanted to be loved. But Julie highly disapproved of Summer dating that Seth Cohen. He was a bad choice. Very lonely and pathetic. And then Summer left in tears. So what was going on? What didn't Julie Nichol know? "Marissa honey, is there anything you want to talk about?" Asking Marissa was a huge long shot, since Marissa despised her mother, but Julie had to at least try.
"No, I'm fine." Marissa never looked at her mother. Not that Julie had expected her to.
"Okay." Julie thought for a second. "Question: Did you see Kaitlin take any alcohol from my cabinet? I'm missing like three bottles."Marissa looked up. Fear was in her eyes, and she tried to her hardest to cover it up. Julie had found something.
"No, I haven't." Marissa said timidly. She looked to her mother once, and quickly redirected her gaze.
"Marissa? Are you not telling me something?"Julie put on her loving- mother face and tried to read Marissa's face. It was either Marissa was hiding something very well or Julie was illiterate when it came to reading faces.
"No, I'm fine."
"You know, you can always come to me if you have a problem." Julie wanted to help, but she didn't know how.
"I know." Julie didn't believe her daughter. Little did she know, but Julie was the exact root of the problem.
Kirsten looked around the dinner table. It was silent, and everyone seemed lost in thought. She knew why Sandy was. He was working on a huge case, and it was getting down to the last days before the trial. But she didn't know why Seth and Ryan were in deep thought. No talking was usual for Ryan, but lately he had been opening up. Silence was not a strong point for Seth Cohen. Not talking was totally out of character for him. Kirsten's first thoughts were that he had laryngitis, but then she realized Seth barely ever got sick. But both boys seemed more than just in thought. They seemed upset. And whatever upset her sons, upset Kirsten.
"So Seth. What did you do today?" The sound of Kirsten's voice sliced through the silence.
"Just played some video games." Seth lied in a lifeless, monotone voice.
"Oh. That's nice. What about you Ryan? Did you do anything exciting?" Kirsten looked to Ryan semi-eagerly, hoping her could liven up the non- existent conversation.
"I hung out with Marissa for a bit." Ryan answered.
"How is she? My dad said her sister, Kaitlin, is it? Well, that she was living with them." Lately Julie and Marissa seemed like the only topics Kirsten's dad talked about.
"Yeah. She is." Ryan didn't look up, but Seth drew his attention to what Ryan had said for a moment. Then he just returned to moving his food around on the plate. Sandy paid no attention at all, for he was writing instead of eating.
"Did you meet her?"
"Yeah, for about a minute. That was it." Kirsten realized she had nothing else to say. She was screwed. There went any attempt at a conversation. Right then, Sandy got up, took his work, and left the table unannounced. Seth didn't notice, and Ryan looked up to Sandy for a split second, then returned his gaze to his plate. Kirsten looked to her plate, also. She had made none of it. Most meals were take out because Kirsten could not cook for the life of her. She had attempted, but they ended up as 'meals the garbage trucks barely took' to quote Seth. "Can I be excused?" Ryan said suddenly and looked to Kirsten. He startled her, and all she could do was nod. Ryan took both his and Sandy's plates to the sink, then Seth followed, who had not even taken a bite of the food. All of it went in the trash, along with Kirsten's earlier attempts at cooking. That had ended very quickly, and Kirsten called one of the restaurants she had on speed dial.
Kirsten went upstairs to her room, changed to her pajamas, and got into bed ready to read a book. But she couldn't. All she could think about was her boys, and what was worrying them.
Sandy was the only one who got any sleep that night.
Summer wiped her tears as she dropped the Bright Eyes cd in the box. Seth had given it to her as a present, and as much as Summer didn't want to give it back, she knew she had to. If she ever listened to it, or even saw it, she might burst into tears. Though Summer hadn't noticed, a lot of stuff in her room reminded her of Cohen.
It was midday, and Summer was preparing for her last trip to the Cohens plus Ryan's house. Why would Summer need to go back if she wasn't dating Seth? As much as she hated dumping him, she knew it was for the best. Maybe some other day they could try again. But not now. There was too much going on. Summer had to help Coop, who really needed Summer's help. Marissa couldn't talk to her sister or mother about her problems. They were the problems. She could talk to only her dad and Summer. Summer was happy to know Marissa wanted to confide in her. And now, Summer could confide in Marissa. Because Chino and Cohen were pigs. They were self-absorbed, annoying, mean, hurtful asses. They didn't deserve Summer and Coop. They could have Coop Jr. Chino already made out with her. Cohen could have... no one. He didn't deserve anyone. He hurt Summer. But she supposed she had hurt Seth. They should have been able to resolve their problems like Cohen wanted. But no. Summer had said it was over. How stupid could Summer get? She cared so much about Seth. Maybe they could forget the whole breakup ever occurred. But Summer was afraid of what might happen. Summer beared her heart to Seth, and he ran away with it to Tahiti. He was so self- centered. Would they go down the same road if they did try again? Summer had helped with their problems. It wasn't entirely Cohen's fault. She trusted her dad more than anything, and when he said Summer shouldn't be with Seth, she believed him. Later she had had begun to rethink that, but now maybe Summer's dad was right. They shouldn't be with each other. They weren't compatible. He was just too damn dorky. He enjoyed comic book conventions and video games. Ew. But Summer had loved him. How would she get over him?
Summer's eyes fell upon Princess Sparkles. Her thoughts immediately went back to Seth. More tears cascaded down her face. Summer grabbed Princess Sparkles and threw her out the window as hard as she could.