Seth felt like shit. But lately, he always did. Life without Summer
just couldn't happen. About two years ago, he would have been ecstatic that
Summer had actually talked to him, let alone date him. So much had happened
in the last year, pretty much all for the good, in Seth's case. And then,
life was hell. Seth had gotten what he needed and was ready. He left the
goodbye notes for last. Last time he wrote goodbye notes, it was only meant
for a short time. This time, he wasn't coming back. Obviously he would
write Ryan and his parents one, but he debated whether or whether not to
write Summer one. They were, after all, broken up. But that was the reason
for his departure. Life just wasn't good anymore. Everything was falling
downhill and Seth couldn't climb back up. He had to get away from this on-
going land slide. It would be hard, but life in Newport just wasn't working
for him. But still, he didn't want to leave his parents and Ryan. Ryan was
Seth's only friend. Summer could definitely be excluded from that list now.
Of course, there was only one person on that list. And his parents had
raised him. They had to deal with Seth every day, every week, every month,
year after year. Even though they may have not been the nicest parents all
the time, he still did love them. But he didn't belong in Newport. Had he
ever? Newport seemed full of rich, egotistical snobs. That was not Seth. At
least he didn't think so. And honestly, who would actually notice? Only
Seth's parents, Ryan, Summer, and maybe Marissa. No one else knew he
existed. He didn't matter. He had gotten some social status over the year,
but Seth still saw himself as Newport's resident punching bag. Luke had
sure seen him as it.
Seth inhaled deeply. This was it. It was getting down to the end. The end of the road. No more. Never again. Once was, but not anymore. Never to come again. Seth sat at his desk and wrote Summer a note. It was short, since he didn't really have anything to say to her except'I love you' and 'I hate you'. Once he was done with her note, he started on his parents'. A lot of 'thank you's and 'I'm sorry's. They had given Seth so much, and he didn't know how he could repay them. Obviously not like this, but Seth still was going to go through it. Last was Ryan's. His was exceptionally hard. Seth had so much to say to him. Ryan had changed his life so much, for better or worse, Seth couldn't exactly tell right now. Ryan was his brother, his best friend, his only friend. They were so different, yet they became best friends. He ended Ryan's note with a 'thanks' and put them on the bed. Seth swallowed and knew it was time.
Ryan began to walk upstairs. He was sick of holding in this guilt, he had to tell someone. Ryan knocked on Seth's door.
"Seth?"
"What?"Seth asked, sounding shaky.
"Can I come in?"
"No! I'm busy!"
C'mon let me in." Ryan was not taking a no. For once in his life, he actually felt like talking.
"Go the fuck away!"Seth sounded freaked out and extremely upset.
"Seth, open up." Ryan tried the doorknob. Not surprisingly, it was locked.
"No! Just go the fucking away!" That was it. This was bullshit. Ryan was a master at opening keys. Ryan looked in his wallet and found exactly what he was looking for. His door opener. Yeah, it was just a paper clip, but Ryan knew exactly how to move it around, so that it unlocked the door. He began to work his magic. With a little frustration, Ryan managed to pick the lock of Seth's door.
"Seth?"
"I said to go the fuck away!" Seth angrily screamed. Ryan twisted the handle of the doorknob and swung the door open.
Seth stood there, barely ten feet away from Ryan, with a gun in his hand.
"How the hell did you get in?" Seth looked distressed and full of rage.
"What are you doing?" Ryan slowly walked toward Seth. Ryan had had encounters with guns, but those were with cops and people he didn't know all that well. This time it was Seth, a person he considered his brother, holding a gun.
"What the fuck does it look like?" Seth began to point the gun at his temples.
"Seth, no. Don't do this." Ryan was scared. Actually scared. Sure, he had seen plenty of scary shit, but it had never hit this close to home. Literally.
"Why the fuck not? There's nothing to fucking live for."
"What about your parents? Summer? What about her? Don't you care about her? Just please, put the gun down."
"Who the fuck cares about her? She's a fucking whore." This wasn't Seth. He would never say something like that about Summer. He had loved her forever. So why the hell did he suddenly hate her?
"What's wrong?" Ryan knew how to handle just about every other situation, except this. He had never seen someone ready to take their life away.
"I'll tell you what the fuck is wrong. Life fucking sucks. There's nothing good anymore." Ryan could see immense sadness in Seth's eyes. He began to lower the gun.
"That's not true."
"What? What do I fucking have?"
"A good family."
"Oh yeah. That's a lot."
"More than I can say."
"Yeah, well sorry." Seth began to put the gun to his temples again.
"Don't do this." Ryan didn't think he could handle Seth killing himself. Life would suck after that. Ryan would leave, since he would probably bring sadness to Seth's parents. Seth didn't understand how much he really mattered.
"Don't what?"
"Put a fucking gun tot your head! This is stupid!"
"Oh well."
"You'll regret this."
"How can I regret things if I'm fucking dead?"
"I don't know. Just please, put the gun down. So many people care about you."
"What, you, my parents, and Summer? Oh yeah, that's so many people!" Seth was resorting to an evil sarcasism . Ryan knew he was sarcastic, but this wasn't the time to do it. But Seth did it every time he was afraid. And right now, he was terrified.
"There are more. But think about what you're doing before you do it."
"I did. Don't worry, I did. And I don't want to live like I used to." Seth slowly lowered the gun and Ryan calmed down a tiny bit.
"Which is?"
"Life was hell, Ryan. Now a single person talked to me before you came. No one cared. It wished I could die so many times. I was obsessed with Summer, and I talked to a plastic horse. Nothing was ever good for me. Nothing. I had no friends, no life, no..."Seth paused. "No anything. Everyday was hell. And lived hell for the first sixteen years of my life. And you know what, Ry? Frankly, I don't want to go back."
"You don't have to."
"Summer hates me! She thinks I'm self-centered, and that I don't care about anyone else. And she couldn't be farther from the truth. I have loved her for like, since I was six. She is my life. I can't live without her."
"You lived without her for sixteen years, Seth."
"I know. But I loved her, and I never got a chance to actually love her. And now, I got my wish and I already lost it. There's this huge empty space in my heart where I want her to be, but she doesn't want to be there."
"So you're gonna kill yourself over a girl?" Ryan was still getting used to the idea that right in front of him, someone was about to shoot themself.
"No, man. She's the girl."
"No she isn't, Seth."
"How do you know?"
"You think she is, but she's so wrong for you. She's the one who doesn't care about anyone else."
"You're wrong."
"You want to think I am, but you know I'm right."
"Stop it."
"She's just a fucking girl! You're gonna give up everything for her?"
"I have been in love with her for ten years! I can't get over her!"
"Yes, you can."
"Have you ever been in love with someone for that long? Hove you ever wished you could either get up the courage to go and talk to her or die?"
"No, I haven't. But I know what it's like to go through rough stuff."
"So?"
"I had to deal with shit, too! I hit was hit, got arrested, and sent to juvie. You have such a great life and you can't even see it. I wish I had lived your life."
"Word of advice: It sucks." Seth put the gun back to his temples.
"Yeah, sure."
"It's true."
"Seth, don't do this."
"I have to."
"No Seth "
"It's gone too far. It's over." Seth mimicked the words Summer had said to him the day earlier.
"Seth "
"I'm sorry." Seth released the safety of the gun, which was directly pointed to his temples.
Outside, Summer stood at the door, holding a box of gifts and things borrowed from Seth, drowning out the sound of the gunshot with the doorbell.
Seth inhaled deeply. This was it. It was getting down to the end. The end of the road. No more. Never again. Once was, but not anymore. Never to come again. Seth sat at his desk and wrote Summer a note. It was short, since he didn't really have anything to say to her except'I love you' and 'I hate you'. Once he was done with her note, he started on his parents'. A lot of 'thank you's and 'I'm sorry's. They had given Seth so much, and he didn't know how he could repay them. Obviously not like this, but Seth still was going to go through it. Last was Ryan's. His was exceptionally hard. Seth had so much to say to him. Ryan had changed his life so much, for better or worse, Seth couldn't exactly tell right now. Ryan was his brother, his best friend, his only friend. They were so different, yet they became best friends. He ended Ryan's note with a 'thanks' and put them on the bed. Seth swallowed and knew it was time.
Ryan began to walk upstairs. He was sick of holding in this guilt, he had to tell someone. Ryan knocked on Seth's door.
"Seth?"
"What?"Seth asked, sounding shaky.
"Can I come in?"
"No! I'm busy!"
C'mon let me in." Ryan was not taking a no. For once in his life, he actually felt like talking.
"Go the fuck away!"Seth sounded freaked out and extremely upset.
"Seth, open up." Ryan tried the doorknob. Not surprisingly, it was locked.
"No! Just go the fucking away!" That was it. This was bullshit. Ryan was a master at opening keys. Ryan looked in his wallet and found exactly what he was looking for. His door opener. Yeah, it was just a paper clip, but Ryan knew exactly how to move it around, so that it unlocked the door. He began to work his magic. With a little frustration, Ryan managed to pick the lock of Seth's door.
"Seth?"
"I said to go the fuck away!" Seth angrily screamed. Ryan twisted the handle of the doorknob and swung the door open.
Seth stood there, barely ten feet away from Ryan, with a gun in his hand.
"How the hell did you get in?" Seth looked distressed and full of rage.
"What are you doing?" Ryan slowly walked toward Seth. Ryan had had encounters with guns, but those were with cops and people he didn't know all that well. This time it was Seth, a person he considered his brother, holding a gun.
"What the fuck does it look like?" Seth began to point the gun at his temples.
"Seth, no. Don't do this." Ryan was scared. Actually scared. Sure, he had seen plenty of scary shit, but it had never hit this close to home. Literally.
"Why the fuck not? There's nothing to fucking live for."
"What about your parents? Summer? What about her? Don't you care about her? Just please, put the gun down."
"Who the fuck cares about her? She's a fucking whore." This wasn't Seth. He would never say something like that about Summer. He had loved her forever. So why the hell did he suddenly hate her?
"What's wrong?" Ryan knew how to handle just about every other situation, except this. He had never seen someone ready to take their life away.
"I'll tell you what the fuck is wrong. Life fucking sucks. There's nothing good anymore." Ryan could see immense sadness in Seth's eyes. He began to lower the gun.
"That's not true."
"What? What do I fucking have?"
"A good family."
"Oh yeah. That's a lot."
"More than I can say."
"Yeah, well sorry." Seth began to put the gun to his temples again.
"Don't do this." Ryan didn't think he could handle Seth killing himself. Life would suck after that. Ryan would leave, since he would probably bring sadness to Seth's parents. Seth didn't understand how much he really mattered.
"Don't what?"
"Put a fucking gun tot your head! This is stupid!"
"Oh well."
"You'll regret this."
"How can I regret things if I'm fucking dead?"
"I don't know. Just please, put the gun down. So many people care about you."
"What, you, my parents, and Summer? Oh yeah, that's so many people!" Seth was resorting to an evil sarcasism . Ryan knew he was sarcastic, but this wasn't the time to do it. But Seth did it every time he was afraid. And right now, he was terrified.
"There are more. But think about what you're doing before you do it."
"I did. Don't worry, I did. And I don't want to live like I used to." Seth slowly lowered the gun and Ryan calmed down a tiny bit.
"Which is?"
"Life was hell, Ryan. Now a single person talked to me before you came. No one cared. It wished I could die so many times. I was obsessed with Summer, and I talked to a plastic horse. Nothing was ever good for me. Nothing. I had no friends, no life, no..."Seth paused. "No anything. Everyday was hell. And lived hell for the first sixteen years of my life. And you know what, Ry? Frankly, I don't want to go back."
"You don't have to."
"Summer hates me! She thinks I'm self-centered, and that I don't care about anyone else. And she couldn't be farther from the truth. I have loved her for like, since I was six. She is my life. I can't live without her."
"You lived without her for sixteen years, Seth."
"I know. But I loved her, and I never got a chance to actually love her. And now, I got my wish and I already lost it. There's this huge empty space in my heart where I want her to be, but she doesn't want to be there."
"So you're gonna kill yourself over a girl?" Ryan was still getting used to the idea that right in front of him, someone was about to shoot themself.
"No, man. She's the girl."
"No she isn't, Seth."
"How do you know?"
"You think she is, but she's so wrong for you. She's the one who doesn't care about anyone else."
"You're wrong."
"You want to think I am, but you know I'm right."
"Stop it."
"She's just a fucking girl! You're gonna give up everything for her?"
"I have been in love with her for ten years! I can't get over her!"
"Yes, you can."
"Have you ever been in love with someone for that long? Hove you ever wished you could either get up the courage to go and talk to her or die?"
"No, I haven't. But I know what it's like to go through rough stuff."
"So?"
"I had to deal with shit, too! I hit was hit, got arrested, and sent to juvie. You have such a great life and you can't even see it. I wish I had lived your life."
"Word of advice: It sucks." Seth put the gun back to his temples.
"Yeah, sure."
"It's true."
"Seth, don't do this."
"I have to."
"No Seth "
"It's gone too far. It's over." Seth mimicked the words Summer had said to him the day earlier.
"Seth "
"I'm sorry." Seth released the safety of the gun, which was directly pointed to his temples.
Outside, Summer stood at the door, holding a box of gifts and things borrowed from Seth, drowning out the sound of the gunshot with the doorbell.