Kirsten found Sandy in Seth's room. He was sitting on Seth's bed,
holding a piece of paper. It was the note from Seth.
"He's really gone." Sandy said to Kirsten without looking over.
"I know. I miss him so much." Kirsten walked over to Sandy.
"Here. Read this." Sandy handed Kirsten the note with shaky hands. She took it and began to read.
Hey Mom, Dad,
Well, if you're reading this, then obviously it happened. And I'm really sorry. I really am. I wish I could have lived up to your expectations of what you dreamed of. But I knew I couldn't. I was too childish, silly, spontaneous. I hated planning things. But that's what you wanted me to do. I just couldn't. And sometimes, you were so wrapped up in your own world that I honestly didn't matter. But I'm cool with that. I didn't matter to a lot of people. I didn't have friends, you know that. I was in one-member clubs. I hated life. You were the closest to friends I had u til Ryan. He changed me. I got to date Summer, my long time love, and currently one of the hugest egotistical bitches I know. If you ever blame yourselves for what happened, don't. It was my choice and I haven't a clue if I'm happy with it or not. So thank you for giving me life and caring and putting up with me for 17 years. I love you guys.
Seth
Tears rolled down Kirsten's face. It was his goodbye. And Kirsten couldn't return it.
"Where's Ryan?" Sandy asked as he looked out Seth's window.
"I didn't see him come in. Is he out there?"
"No." He sighed. "I think I might know where he ran off to. I'll be back." Sandy grabbed one of the remaining two letter and began to leave.
"I love you." Kirsten choked out. Sandy stopped and turned back to her.
"I love you too." Sandy said after he kissed his wife. He rushed out of the room, leaving Kirsten with the memories of what used to be.
Ryan stared out at the ocean as the waves crashed into the beach. He could hear light thunder off in the distance and the wind was picking up. He changed his thoughts from Seth to Chino. Eventually he would have to go back to the Cohens. All his stuff was still in the pool house. He could sneak in during the night, grab it, and leave the Cohens a note. But that would be so mean to do to them right after Seth's death. The Cohens had done so much for him. He'd have to either just leave or not go. But he knew he couldn't stay in Newport. Life was going the drain there. He had softened, and his emotions were awfully close to breaking through his rough exterior and showing what he really felt. He was sad, yet full of anger. Ryan stared out at the waves as a figure approached him.
"Thought I might find you here." Sandy said as he leaned on the rail.
"Well, you found me." Ryan replied monotonously, not looking to Sandy.
"How are you feeling?"
"I don't know. How about you?"
"I'm dying inside."
"It seems from the outside that you're fine."
"Ah, the art of faking. I really want to scream and shout, shed some tears, but I can't. Kirsten needs me." He sighed. "She also needs you."
"Why would she need me?"
"Because you're the closest thing to a son we've got."
"But I'm not a Cohen."
"Bullshit. You're a Cohen whether you like it or not."
"It just doesn't seem the same."
"I know. Our lives seem destroyed now. But we'll make it. It would be what Seth wanted."
"Yeah, Seth." Ryan took a deep breath. It seemed so much like a casual conversation, but really, they were talking about a person's death.
"Here. It's for you." Sandy handed Ryan a note. "Read it. I gotta go. Hopefully, get my emotions out in solace. Have a mini-mental breakdown."
"Thanks." Sandy left and Ryan stood on the pier holding the note. He stared at it, afraid to open it, in fear of knowing that Seth was truly gone. The waves crashed more fiercely, showing signs of an approaching storm.
At last Ryan opened the letter, not letting the insanity of Seth's last words unknown to him take over.
Ryan,
Thanks, man. You made my life actually a life. I had been nothing before you came. Even though now I'm most likely gone, you still made my last year so amazing. As I write this, I'm beginning to regret what I'm going to do. But I sorta have to. Please don't hate me. It's just my time. Your time will come, hopefully not soon, and I hope yo see you then. You're the greatest friend a person could ever have. I was so lucky to have you as my friend. You made my life worth something. Thanks. I love ya and I'm gonna miss ya.
Seth
Every single thought of sadness and guilt flowed back to Ryan. His emotions had returned, and a single tear came down his cheek. He wiped it away and put the note in his pocket. He knew where he had to be.
It began to pour, and everyone quickly ran inside. Only Ryan was left on the pier, praying the rain would wash away his pain. The waves crashed down on the beach again, the hardest and fiercest yet to come. Lightening filled the sky, giving it a gorgeous purple color to it. Ryan stood there, trying to contain his emotions. Finally, he fell to knees in pain, screaming loudly as the thunder cracked viciously above.
Ryan walked into the house with his shoes squeaking the whole way. Kirsten looked over to him from the living room as he went into the refrigerator to grab a drink. Kirsten said nothing, until Ryan began to leave, heading to the pool house.
"Ryan. Wait." He stopped and Kirsten went to the kitchen. "Stay here. I don't want you going back out there."
"I'm only going to the pool house."
"I know. But you could get sick. Just wait 'til the storm blows through."
"I'm soaked. I need some dry clothes."Kirsten was about to say 'Borrow some of Seth's, he won't mind,' but stopped herself.
"Um, well, go grab some dry clothes."
"They'll still get wet if I change."
"Right. Well, get a bag. And put them the dry clothes in it and bring them here."
"Why don't I just stay in the pool house?"
"No. Don't." Kirsten paused. "I want you in here."
"Oh. Where's Sandy?"
"He's upstairs, in our room doing who knows what. He didn't really say anything."
"Oh. Well, I guess I'm gonna just go get some dry clothes."
"All right. I'll just check on Sandy." Ryan nodded and left. Kirsten watched him run into the pool house. She sighed and headed upstairs. Everything was silent, save the rain. Their door was closed, and Kirsten waited a moment before she knocked. No answer came from the other side, so she took it as she was a tiny bit welcome in. She opened the door slowly and found Sandy sitting on the bed, head in hands. Kirsten walked in and Sandy made no acknowledgment of her. She sat on the bed and laid her head on his shoulder.
"Why?" Sandy said in a soft, breathy voice.
"I don't know." Kirsten replied, tears already forming in her eyes.
"I mean, what did we do wrong?"
"I don't know."
"He told us not to blame ourselves. But how can we not?"
"I don't know." Sandy sighed heavily as Kirsten repeated her only vocabulary.
"Why did he have to go? We could have helped him through it."
"I know."
"Where did we go wrong?" Kirsten still had nothing to say. "What did we do to make him do this?"
"Sandy, we'll get through this."
"No, we won't." Sandy jumped off the bed and stared at Kirsten. Tears were in his eyes, the only ones Kirsten ever remembered seeing. "Our son is dead! Not only dead. He committed suicide! He hated his life! That's why he took it!" Kirsten had never seen sandy like this. He was usually calm and collected. He wasn't himself.
"I know, Sandy. But we gotta get through it." Kirsten said, now sobbing uncontrollably. Sandy collapsed on the bed and stared at the ceiling. Kirsten crawled over to her husband and held on to him for dear life. Sandy quickly returned the embrace. Kirsten stared out the window, until she fell asleep.
The sun bore through the window and Kirsten's eyelids. She awoke groggily, not fully remembering what happened yesterday. Kirsten put on her robe and began to go down the hallway. She reached Seth's room and found the door closed. Looking down the little hallway, she found Ryan, fast asleep against the wall, clutching Captain Oats.
She smiled and continued on her way, now more quietly so she didn't disturb Ryan. The house felt so empty and it made Kirsten feel alone. There was no incessant babbling, no sarcasm at all. After all, Seth was gone. It was almost exactly like before, when he ran away. But this time, it was more permanent.
Kirsten started some coffee, one of the only tings she could make without burning something, and sat down. She thought of what would happen next. They'd have to bury him. Put him in a cold box and lay him six feet under. She heard footsteps upstairs and looked up. It was either Ryan or Sandy. Kirsten got up and poured the coffee into her mug. It was scalding hot and usually Kirsten would quick get a cup of water to cool her burning mouth, but this time she welcomed the heat. Ryan, still half asleep, walked down the stairs and stumbled a bit at the end. He came into the kitchen and poured himself some coffee, and sat down without saying a word. They both sipped their coffee, waiting for Sandy to come down.
"Aren't you going to work?" Kirsten was startled when Ryan finally spoke. She looked down to her robe and then to her watch, and realized it was late.
"I don't think I'll be going into work for a while."
"Oh." Ryan paused. "Does Summer know?"
"What?" Kirsten was confused. Why would Summer care if she didn't go into work? Then she realized he wasn't talking about her work."Oh. No, she doesn't."
"Who's gonna tell her?" Ryan stopped drinking his coffee. He just stared at Kirsten.
"I don't know. I was thinking Sandy, but he's not in the greatest state."
"I'll tell her."
"You don't have to. I could tell her."
"No, it's alright. I'll be the bearer of bad news." Ryan left the house. Kirsten knew he didn't want to tell Summer. She knew he felt obligated.
Summer couldn't sleep all night. Sandy had never called her back. So what was the problem? She wanted to talk to Coop, but somehow, she didn't feel right talking to her about her problem, even if she always talked to Summer about hers. So she was surprised to hear the doorbell ring. Summer looked to the clock. It was already noon.
The doorbell rung again. Obviously Summer's family had better things to do than answer a goddamn door. Or they probably weren't home. She got up and went to the front door.
"Chino." She said, after seeing Ryan standing at the door. "What are you doing here?"
"We have to talk." That was usually the line for someone breaking up with another. Ryan and Summer weren't together. Unless, she got drunk at some point and... No, that wasn't right. Summer led Ryan into the living room and sat down.
"What is it?"
"It's about Seth."
"What happened? What's wrong?" Summer knew something was wrong with Seth, but she didn't know what. Ryan closed his eyes, not wanting to face Summer.
"Yesterday, he..."
"What? Ryan, tell me." Ryan stared right into Summer's worried eyes.
"He's dead, Summer." Time froze. Summer was lost. Had Ryan actually said what she thought he said?
"No. You're wrong."
"I'm sorry." Summer put her hand to her mouth. She held back the tears, but it was no use.
"When?" Ryan didn't answer. "When did it happen?"
"Right when you came over. That's why you had to leave."
"Oh God. No. This can't be happening. He's not dead. You're lying. Please, just say you're lying."
"I'm sorry." Tears streamed down her face. Ryan stared sown at the Roberts' perfect white carpet, with a guilty look on his face.
"No." Ryan tried to touch her, but she freaked. "Get away from me! Just go home Chino!" Ryan got up and began to leave. He stopped in the doorway and looked back. "GO!" Summer creamed and Ryan left. And through teary eyes, she saw a letter addressed to her on the table.
"He's really gone." Sandy said to Kirsten without looking over.
"I know. I miss him so much." Kirsten walked over to Sandy.
"Here. Read this." Sandy handed Kirsten the note with shaky hands. She took it and began to read.
Hey Mom, Dad,
Well, if you're reading this, then obviously it happened. And I'm really sorry. I really am. I wish I could have lived up to your expectations of what you dreamed of. But I knew I couldn't. I was too childish, silly, spontaneous. I hated planning things. But that's what you wanted me to do. I just couldn't. And sometimes, you were so wrapped up in your own world that I honestly didn't matter. But I'm cool with that. I didn't matter to a lot of people. I didn't have friends, you know that. I was in one-member clubs. I hated life. You were the closest to friends I had u til Ryan. He changed me. I got to date Summer, my long time love, and currently one of the hugest egotistical bitches I know. If you ever blame yourselves for what happened, don't. It was my choice and I haven't a clue if I'm happy with it or not. So thank you for giving me life and caring and putting up with me for 17 years. I love you guys.
Seth
Tears rolled down Kirsten's face. It was his goodbye. And Kirsten couldn't return it.
"Where's Ryan?" Sandy asked as he looked out Seth's window.
"I didn't see him come in. Is he out there?"
"No." He sighed. "I think I might know where he ran off to. I'll be back." Sandy grabbed one of the remaining two letter and began to leave.
"I love you." Kirsten choked out. Sandy stopped and turned back to her.
"I love you too." Sandy said after he kissed his wife. He rushed out of the room, leaving Kirsten with the memories of what used to be.
Ryan stared out at the ocean as the waves crashed into the beach. He could hear light thunder off in the distance and the wind was picking up. He changed his thoughts from Seth to Chino. Eventually he would have to go back to the Cohens. All his stuff was still in the pool house. He could sneak in during the night, grab it, and leave the Cohens a note. But that would be so mean to do to them right after Seth's death. The Cohens had done so much for him. He'd have to either just leave or not go. But he knew he couldn't stay in Newport. Life was going the drain there. He had softened, and his emotions were awfully close to breaking through his rough exterior and showing what he really felt. He was sad, yet full of anger. Ryan stared out at the waves as a figure approached him.
"Thought I might find you here." Sandy said as he leaned on the rail.
"Well, you found me." Ryan replied monotonously, not looking to Sandy.
"How are you feeling?"
"I don't know. How about you?"
"I'm dying inside."
"It seems from the outside that you're fine."
"Ah, the art of faking. I really want to scream and shout, shed some tears, but I can't. Kirsten needs me." He sighed. "She also needs you."
"Why would she need me?"
"Because you're the closest thing to a son we've got."
"But I'm not a Cohen."
"Bullshit. You're a Cohen whether you like it or not."
"It just doesn't seem the same."
"I know. Our lives seem destroyed now. But we'll make it. It would be what Seth wanted."
"Yeah, Seth." Ryan took a deep breath. It seemed so much like a casual conversation, but really, they were talking about a person's death.
"Here. It's for you." Sandy handed Ryan a note. "Read it. I gotta go. Hopefully, get my emotions out in solace. Have a mini-mental breakdown."
"Thanks." Sandy left and Ryan stood on the pier holding the note. He stared at it, afraid to open it, in fear of knowing that Seth was truly gone. The waves crashed more fiercely, showing signs of an approaching storm.
At last Ryan opened the letter, not letting the insanity of Seth's last words unknown to him take over.
Ryan,
Thanks, man. You made my life actually a life. I had been nothing before you came. Even though now I'm most likely gone, you still made my last year so amazing. As I write this, I'm beginning to regret what I'm going to do. But I sorta have to. Please don't hate me. It's just my time. Your time will come, hopefully not soon, and I hope yo see you then. You're the greatest friend a person could ever have. I was so lucky to have you as my friend. You made my life worth something. Thanks. I love ya and I'm gonna miss ya.
Seth
Every single thought of sadness and guilt flowed back to Ryan. His emotions had returned, and a single tear came down his cheek. He wiped it away and put the note in his pocket. He knew where he had to be.
It began to pour, and everyone quickly ran inside. Only Ryan was left on the pier, praying the rain would wash away his pain. The waves crashed down on the beach again, the hardest and fiercest yet to come. Lightening filled the sky, giving it a gorgeous purple color to it. Ryan stood there, trying to contain his emotions. Finally, he fell to knees in pain, screaming loudly as the thunder cracked viciously above.
Ryan walked into the house with his shoes squeaking the whole way. Kirsten looked over to him from the living room as he went into the refrigerator to grab a drink. Kirsten said nothing, until Ryan began to leave, heading to the pool house.
"Ryan. Wait." He stopped and Kirsten went to the kitchen. "Stay here. I don't want you going back out there."
"I'm only going to the pool house."
"I know. But you could get sick. Just wait 'til the storm blows through."
"I'm soaked. I need some dry clothes."Kirsten was about to say 'Borrow some of Seth's, he won't mind,' but stopped herself.
"Um, well, go grab some dry clothes."
"They'll still get wet if I change."
"Right. Well, get a bag. And put them the dry clothes in it and bring them here."
"Why don't I just stay in the pool house?"
"No. Don't." Kirsten paused. "I want you in here."
"Oh. Where's Sandy?"
"He's upstairs, in our room doing who knows what. He didn't really say anything."
"Oh. Well, I guess I'm gonna just go get some dry clothes."
"All right. I'll just check on Sandy." Ryan nodded and left. Kirsten watched him run into the pool house. She sighed and headed upstairs. Everything was silent, save the rain. Their door was closed, and Kirsten waited a moment before she knocked. No answer came from the other side, so she took it as she was a tiny bit welcome in. She opened the door slowly and found Sandy sitting on the bed, head in hands. Kirsten walked in and Sandy made no acknowledgment of her. She sat on the bed and laid her head on his shoulder.
"Why?" Sandy said in a soft, breathy voice.
"I don't know." Kirsten replied, tears already forming in her eyes.
"I mean, what did we do wrong?"
"I don't know."
"He told us not to blame ourselves. But how can we not?"
"I don't know." Sandy sighed heavily as Kirsten repeated her only vocabulary.
"Why did he have to go? We could have helped him through it."
"I know."
"Where did we go wrong?" Kirsten still had nothing to say. "What did we do to make him do this?"
"Sandy, we'll get through this."
"No, we won't." Sandy jumped off the bed and stared at Kirsten. Tears were in his eyes, the only ones Kirsten ever remembered seeing. "Our son is dead! Not only dead. He committed suicide! He hated his life! That's why he took it!" Kirsten had never seen sandy like this. He was usually calm and collected. He wasn't himself.
"I know, Sandy. But we gotta get through it." Kirsten said, now sobbing uncontrollably. Sandy collapsed on the bed and stared at the ceiling. Kirsten crawled over to her husband and held on to him for dear life. Sandy quickly returned the embrace. Kirsten stared out the window, until she fell asleep.
The sun bore through the window and Kirsten's eyelids. She awoke groggily, not fully remembering what happened yesterday. Kirsten put on her robe and began to go down the hallway. She reached Seth's room and found the door closed. Looking down the little hallway, she found Ryan, fast asleep against the wall, clutching Captain Oats.
She smiled and continued on her way, now more quietly so she didn't disturb Ryan. The house felt so empty and it made Kirsten feel alone. There was no incessant babbling, no sarcasm at all. After all, Seth was gone. It was almost exactly like before, when he ran away. But this time, it was more permanent.
Kirsten started some coffee, one of the only tings she could make without burning something, and sat down. She thought of what would happen next. They'd have to bury him. Put him in a cold box and lay him six feet under. She heard footsteps upstairs and looked up. It was either Ryan or Sandy. Kirsten got up and poured the coffee into her mug. It was scalding hot and usually Kirsten would quick get a cup of water to cool her burning mouth, but this time she welcomed the heat. Ryan, still half asleep, walked down the stairs and stumbled a bit at the end. He came into the kitchen and poured himself some coffee, and sat down without saying a word. They both sipped their coffee, waiting for Sandy to come down.
"Aren't you going to work?" Kirsten was startled when Ryan finally spoke. She looked down to her robe and then to her watch, and realized it was late.
"I don't think I'll be going into work for a while."
"Oh." Ryan paused. "Does Summer know?"
"What?" Kirsten was confused. Why would Summer care if she didn't go into work? Then she realized he wasn't talking about her work."Oh. No, she doesn't."
"Who's gonna tell her?" Ryan stopped drinking his coffee. He just stared at Kirsten.
"I don't know. I was thinking Sandy, but he's not in the greatest state."
"I'll tell her."
"You don't have to. I could tell her."
"No, it's alright. I'll be the bearer of bad news." Ryan left the house. Kirsten knew he didn't want to tell Summer. She knew he felt obligated.
Summer couldn't sleep all night. Sandy had never called her back. So what was the problem? She wanted to talk to Coop, but somehow, she didn't feel right talking to her about her problem, even if she always talked to Summer about hers. So she was surprised to hear the doorbell ring. Summer looked to the clock. It was already noon.
The doorbell rung again. Obviously Summer's family had better things to do than answer a goddamn door. Or they probably weren't home. She got up and went to the front door.
"Chino." She said, after seeing Ryan standing at the door. "What are you doing here?"
"We have to talk." That was usually the line for someone breaking up with another. Ryan and Summer weren't together. Unless, she got drunk at some point and... No, that wasn't right. Summer led Ryan into the living room and sat down.
"What is it?"
"It's about Seth."
"What happened? What's wrong?" Summer knew something was wrong with Seth, but she didn't know what. Ryan closed his eyes, not wanting to face Summer.
"Yesterday, he..."
"What? Ryan, tell me." Ryan stared right into Summer's worried eyes.
"He's dead, Summer." Time froze. Summer was lost. Had Ryan actually said what she thought he said?
"No. You're wrong."
"I'm sorry." Summer put her hand to her mouth. She held back the tears, but it was no use.
"When?" Ryan didn't answer. "When did it happen?"
"Right when you came over. That's why you had to leave."
"Oh God. No. This can't be happening. He's not dead. You're lying. Please, just say you're lying."
"I'm sorry." Tears streamed down her face. Ryan stared sown at the Roberts' perfect white carpet, with a guilty look on his face.
"No." Ryan tried to touch her, but she freaked. "Get away from me! Just go home Chino!" Ryan got up and began to leave. He stopped in the doorway and looked back. "GO!" Summer creamed and Ryan left. And through teary eyes, she saw a letter addressed to her on the table.