The doorbell rang back at Kirsten's house. She took one last sip of
vodka and went to open it. She opened the door to find Hailey.
"Hailey. Hi." Kirsten said, slightly confused. She got only more confused when Hailey pulled her into a hug.
"I just heard some stuff. I'm so sorry." Hailey pulled out of the hug and stared into her older sister's eyes. "You must be a wreck."
"Yeh. I guess I am." Kirsten and Hailey sat down in the living room.
"I was talking to Dad and he mentioned a funeral and when I asked whose it was, he said it was Seth's. Is that true?"
"Uh-huh."
"Oh God. I'm so sorry."
"Thanks. Did Dad tell you when the funeral would be?"
"Day after tomorrow."
"Oh God." Kirsten began crying again. It seemed all Kirsten could do was cry.
"It'll be alright."
"No, it won't Hailey! My son is dead! I keep thinking I can get through this, but I can't! I just can't! I mean, I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so lost!"
"Calm down, I'll help you through it. Where's Sandy?"
"He had to get Ryan from somewhere."
"Kirsten, you can do this. I know you can. I know it's scary. But you can get through it."
"I just don't know why he did it."
"Wait, what?"
"Seth killed himself, Hailey."
"Oh."
"Yeah. Now do you know what I'm dealing with?" Hailey looked down. She hadn't known how it happened. This was a huge shock to her. He nephew committed suicide. She was no longer the fun aunt.
"I'm really sorry." That was all Hailey could think of saying.
"I know you are. But why can't he just......come back?"
Marissa ignored everyone as she bounded up the stairs and went to her room. She slammed the door, opened it, and slammed it again. She grabbed her hidden amaretto bottle and threw it at the wall. It shattered into a million pieces leaving a dent and a trail of liquor down the wall. She fell on her bed, covering her face with a pillow and screaming as loud as she could until her throat became hoarse. Marissa had no clue where all this anger was coming form. She knew it wasn't all form Seth's death, since she was mad at everyone. She guessed she had suppressed it way too long.
Marissa heard a knock on the door, but she didn't get up to open it. Instead, the person opened it and welcomed themself in. And of course, that person was Kaitlin.
"Hey." She said casually.
"Hi." Marissa said, pillow off her face, looking at the ceiling.
"Heard you flipping out."
"Oh."
"Need to talk about anything?"
"No, I'm fine."
"I think you might wanna talk about something."
"No, I don't."
"I think ya do."
"No, Kaitlin, I don't."
"I think you might."
"No Kaitlin."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, Kaitlin."
"Cause I think ya do."
"Kaitlin."
"Hey, you need to vent, I'm here." Marissa was sick of this. She finally sat up.
"Kaitlin! I don't have anything to talk about!"
"See, now I know you definitely do." Marissa sighed heavily and fell back to the bed. Kaitlin came over and sat on the bed. "Now, what's the problem?" Marissa stared at the ceiling.
"Oh, I don't know. My friend just killed himself!" Marissa looked over to Kaitlin.
"Oh. Okay. Definitely not the scenario I pictured you freaking out about."
"Yeah."
"So they killed themself? Holy shit."
"Thanks for stating the obvious."
"So who was it?" Marissa sat up again and turned to Kaitlin.
"Our old neighbor."
"And that would be?"
"Seth." Marissa saw Kaitlin's perplexed look. "Seth Cohen?"
"Still not ringing a bell."
"Sandy and Kirsten Cohen?"
"Oh! I remember them!"
"Yeah. Seth was their son."
"Wait, they have a kid?"
"Had."
"What was he, like 3?"
"No. He was my age."
"Really? Where was he?"
"Next door."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, Kaitlin. I'm sure."
"I really don't remember him."
"Kaitlin!"
"What? I'm sorry!"
"No, he wasn't all that social. At least not until Ryan came here."
"That would be why I don't know him."
"I guess."
"So I don't know the guy? I can still listen to your problems." Marissa stared at her sister. Though Kaitlin could be a little ditzy, she still was a great listener. "So what is you problem?"
"My friend is dead, Kaitlin." Marissa accentuated her words.
"Right. Dead friend, gotcha." Kaitlin looked extremely uncomfortable and upset.
"What do I do?"
"Remember the good times. Don't think of the bad times. And go to his funeral. Please go to his funeral." Kaitlin wiped a tear away from her eye. "You will regret it for the rest of your life if you don't go to his funeral."
"Kaitlin, what's wrong?"
"Nothing. Nothing is wrong." Kaitlin said as she began to cry.
"Kaitlin, I know when something is wrong. Now tell me. What is wrong?"
"Like a year and a half ago, my roommate. She died. I mean, we were really close. And I knew she was a little depressed. Hell, who wasn't depressed at a boarding school?" Kaitlin tried to calm herself down. "Anyways, she would tell me she thought morbid stuff. I mean, it didn't really phase me. But this, this one day, I got home from classes. And I went into the bathroom." Kaitlin's tears came down harder. "And, and she had hung herself."
"Oh my God, Kaitlin. I never knew."
"I didn't expect you to. But please, get closure with Seth."
"Did you ever get closure?"
"No." Kaitlin said, shaking her head. "I didn't go to her funeral, and I never visited her grave. I felt so bad for her parents. They had no clue. No idea what was going on with their little girl. And I felt so responsible too. I mean, why didn't I see the hints? All the morbid stuff, and everything. I wanted to run away and forget about it. I wanted so badly to go to her funeral, but I couldn't. I wanted to deny it forever."
"Where is she buried?"
"Connecticut."
""I think you need to go to Connecticut."
"Why?"
"To get closure. If I'm gonna get closure with Seth, you have to get closure with this girl."
"Mom would never pay for it."
"I think she would. If she won't pay for it, hell, I'll pay for it."
"Thank you."
"How do we always end up talking about you?" The girls laughed through their tears.
"I don't know. But learn from my mistakes, okay?"
"Gotcha." She looked back at Kaitlin. "What was her name?"
"Marilyn."
"Aw, that's a pretty name."
"Yeah. She was great."
Hailey and Kirsten stood at Seth's door.
"You ready?" Hailey asked, hand on doorknob.
"Yeah. Open it." Hailey opened the door, and the room looked exactly like it did last time Kirsten had been it.
"Never was in here. Nice room." Hailey's eyes fell upon Captain Oats. She picked it up. "What is this?"
"Seth's plastic horse. I think his name is Captain Oats." Kirsten remembered buying that horse. It was for Seth's fourth birthday, and Kirsten thought he would love it. She couldn't believe he had kept it all this time.
Hailey was searching through Seth's things. She was looking through a stack of books when she pulled out a book.
"Hey look. A yearbook." She started fanning through the pages.
"Freshman year of high school, right?"
"Yep." Hailey answered tonelessly.
"I think that's the only year Seth let me buy him a yearbook."
"Um, Kirsten? Don't kids usually sign yearbooks?"
"Yeah. What did Seth's classmates say about him?"
"Nothing." Hailey looked up. "There are no signatures." Kirsten walked over to the bed where Hailey was sitting with the yearbook. Hailey was right. Not a single signature. Kirsten took the book from Hailey. She started flipping through it viciously, looking for any sign of pen mark.
She finally found some. A heart around Summer Roberts' photo.
"Maybe he was sick during those yearbook signing days." Kirsten tried.
"Do you remember him being sick?"
"No!" The tears started again. Her head fell on Hailey's shoulders. "Hailey! I was a horrible mother!"
"No. You aren't. You are a wonderful mother."
"Then why did he kill himself?!"
"I don't know." Kirsten lifted her head and looked at Hailey.
"How could I have been so blind? So blind that I didn't see that my son was alone? No wonder he never wanted a birthday party! He knew no one would've come!"
"Kirsten, calm down. You are a great mother."
"No I wasn't! He didn't even have a friend in a pet!"
"Maybe he was friends with....Captain Oats?" Hailey offered.
"Oh God! My son was friends with a fucking plastic horse!"
"Kirsten?" Both Kirsten and Hailey looked back to find Sandy and Ryan at the doorway.
"Sandy." Kirsten couldn't say any more. She bolted out of the room, barely missing Sandy and Ryan.
"Kirs......ten." Hailey tried.
"What was that? And why were you in here?" Sandy asked.
"We thought we could get some good memories of Seth from his room. Didn't really work out the way we planned."
"And she ran out for what reason?"
"We found Captain Oats, I guess that's his name..."
"Yeah."
"And we also found a yearbook. A blank yearbook."
"What do you mean, a 'blank yearbook'?"
"No one ever signed it."
"Oh God. I'm gonna go check on Kirsten." Sandy left Ryan and Hailey.
"So. How are you dealing with it?" Hailey asked.
"I don't really know."
"Oh." Ryan walked into the room and stopped at a point.
"Ya know, he was standing right here when he did it."
"Did what?"
"Shoot himself."
"So that's how he did it?"
"Yeah."
"Wow."
"And I was standing right where you're standing."
"You saw him do it."
"Yeah. Some of his last words were 'It's over. It's already gone too far.' And I tried to stop him, but he said, 'I'm sorry,' and then he shot himself."
"That's rough."
"I know. I was in front of someone before who was gonna do that, but I stopped him. But I couldn't stop Seth."
"I guess you can't always be the hero, can you?"
"Hailey. Hi." Kirsten said, slightly confused. She got only more confused when Hailey pulled her into a hug.
"I just heard some stuff. I'm so sorry." Hailey pulled out of the hug and stared into her older sister's eyes. "You must be a wreck."
"Yeh. I guess I am." Kirsten and Hailey sat down in the living room.
"I was talking to Dad and he mentioned a funeral and when I asked whose it was, he said it was Seth's. Is that true?"
"Uh-huh."
"Oh God. I'm so sorry."
"Thanks. Did Dad tell you when the funeral would be?"
"Day after tomorrow."
"Oh God." Kirsten began crying again. It seemed all Kirsten could do was cry.
"It'll be alright."
"No, it won't Hailey! My son is dead! I keep thinking I can get through this, but I can't! I just can't! I mean, I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so lost!"
"Calm down, I'll help you through it. Where's Sandy?"
"He had to get Ryan from somewhere."
"Kirsten, you can do this. I know you can. I know it's scary. But you can get through it."
"I just don't know why he did it."
"Wait, what?"
"Seth killed himself, Hailey."
"Oh."
"Yeah. Now do you know what I'm dealing with?" Hailey looked down. She hadn't known how it happened. This was a huge shock to her. He nephew committed suicide. She was no longer the fun aunt.
"I'm really sorry." That was all Hailey could think of saying.
"I know you are. But why can't he just......come back?"
Marissa ignored everyone as she bounded up the stairs and went to her room. She slammed the door, opened it, and slammed it again. She grabbed her hidden amaretto bottle and threw it at the wall. It shattered into a million pieces leaving a dent and a trail of liquor down the wall. She fell on her bed, covering her face with a pillow and screaming as loud as she could until her throat became hoarse. Marissa had no clue where all this anger was coming form. She knew it wasn't all form Seth's death, since she was mad at everyone. She guessed she had suppressed it way too long.
Marissa heard a knock on the door, but she didn't get up to open it. Instead, the person opened it and welcomed themself in. And of course, that person was Kaitlin.
"Hey." She said casually.
"Hi." Marissa said, pillow off her face, looking at the ceiling.
"Heard you flipping out."
"Oh."
"Need to talk about anything?"
"No, I'm fine."
"I think you might wanna talk about something."
"No, I don't."
"I think ya do."
"No, Kaitlin, I don't."
"I think you might."
"No Kaitlin."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, Kaitlin."
"Cause I think ya do."
"Kaitlin."
"Hey, you need to vent, I'm here." Marissa was sick of this. She finally sat up.
"Kaitlin! I don't have anything to talk about!"
"See, now I know you definitely do." Marissa sighed heavily and fell back to the bed. Kaitlin came over and sat on the bed. "Now, what's the problem?" Marissa stared at the ceiling.
"Oh, I don't know. My friend just killed himself!" Marissa looked over to Kaitlin.
"Oh. Okay. Definitely not the scenario I pictured you freaking out about."
"Yeah."
"So they killed themself? Holy shit."
"Thanks for stating the obvious."
"So who was it?" Marissa sat up again and turned to Kaitlin.
"Our old neighbor."
"And that would be?"
"Seth." Marissa saw Kaitlin's perplexed look. "Seth Cohen?"
"Still not ringing a bell."
"Sandy and Kirsten Cohen?"
"Oh! I remember them!"
"Yeah. Seth was their son."
"Wait, they have a kid?"
"Had."
"What was he, like 3?"
"No. He was my age."
"Really? Where was he?"
"Next door."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, Kaitlin. I'm sure."
"I really don't remember him."
"Kaitlin!"
"What? I'm sorry!"
"No, he wasn't all that social. At least not until Ryan came here."
"That would be why I don't know him."
"I guess."
"So I don't know the guy? I can still listen to your problems." Marissa stared at her sister. Though Kaitlin could be a little ditzy, she still was a great listener. "So what is you problem?"
"My friend is dead, Kaitlin." Marissa accentuated her words.
"Right. Dead friend, gotcha." Kaitlin looked extremely uncomfortable and upset.
"What do I do?"
"Remember the good times. Don't think of the bad times. And go to his funeral. Please go to his funeral." Kaitlin wiped a tear away from her eye. "You will regret it for the rest of your life if you don't go to his funeral."
"Kaitlin, what's wrong?"
"Nothing. Nothing is wrong." Kaitlin said as she began to cry.
"Kaitlin, I know when something is wrong. Now tell me. What is wrong?"
"Like a year and a half ago, my roommate. She died. I mean, we were really close. And I knew she was a little depressed. Hell, who wasn't depressed at a boarding school?" Kaitlin tried to calm herself down. "Anyways, she would tell me she thought morbid stuff. I mean, it didn't really phase me. But this, this one day, I got home from classes. And I went into the bathroom." Kaitlin's tears came down harder. "And, and she had hung herself."
"Oh my God, Kaitlin. I never knew."
"I didn't expect you to. But please, get closure with Seth."
"Did you ever get closure?"
"No." Kaitlin said, shaking her head. "I didn't go to her funeral, and I never visited her grave. I felt so bad for her parents. They had no clue. No idea what was going on with their little girl. And I felt so responsible too. I mean, why didn't I see the hints? All the morbid stuff, and everything. I wanted to run away and forget about it. I wanted so badly to go to her funeral, but I couldn't. I wanted to deny it forever."
"Where is she buried?"
"Connecticut."
""I think you need to go to Connecticut."
"Why?"
"To get closure. If I'm gonna get closure with Seth, you have to get closure with this girl."
"Mom would never pay for it."
"I think she would. If she won't pay for it, hell, I'll pay for it."
"Thank you."
"How do we always end up talking about you?" The girls laughed through their tears.
"I don't know. But learn from my mistakes, okay?"
"Gotcha." She looked back at Kaitlin. "What was her name?"
"Marilyn."
"Aw, that's a pretty name."
"Yeah. She was great."
Hailey and Kirsten stood at Seth's door.
"You ready?" Hailey asked, hand on doorknob.
"Yeah. Open it." Hailey opened the door, and the room looked exactly like it did last time Kirsten had been it.
"Never was in here. Nice room." Hailey's eyes fell upon Captain Oats. She picked it up. "What is this?"
"Seth's plastic horse. I think his name is Captain Oats." Kirsten remembered buying that horse. It was for Seth's fourth birthday, and Kirsten thought he would love it. She couldn't believe he had kept it all this time.
Hailey was searching through Seth's things. She was looking through a stack of books when she pulled out a book.
"Hey look. A yearbook." She started fanning through the pages.
"Freshman year of high school, right?"
"Yep." Hailey answered tonelessly.
"I think that's the only year Seth let me buy him a yearbook."
"Um, Kirsten? Don't kids usually sign yearbooks?"
"Yeah. What did Seth's classmates say about him?"
"Nothing." Hailey looked up. "There are no signatures." Kirsten walked over to the bed where Hailey was sitting with the yearbook. Hailey was right. Not a single signature. Kirsten took the book from Hailey. She started flipping through it viciously, looking for any sign of pen mark.
She finally found some. A heart around Summer Roberts' photo.
"Maybe he was sick during those yearbook signing days." Kirsten tried.
"Do you remember him being sick?"
"No!" The tears started again. Her head fell on Hailey's shoulders. "Hailey! I was a horrible mother!"
"No. You aren't. You are a wonderful mother."
"Then why did he kill himself?!"
"I don't know." Kirsten lifted her head and looked at Hailey.
"How could I have been so blind? So blind that I didn't see that my son was alone? No wonder he never wanted a birthday party! He knew no one would've come!"
"Kirsten, calm down. You are a great mother."
"No I wasn't! He didn't even have a friend in a pet!"
"Maybe he was friends with....Captain Oats?" Hailey offered.
"Oh God! My son was friends with a fucking plastic horse!"
"Kirsten?" Both Kirsten and Hailey looked back to find Sandy and Ryan at the doorway.
"Sandy." Kirsten couldn't say any more. She bolted out of the room, barely missing Sandy and Ryan.
"Kirs......ten." Hailey tried.
"What was that? And why were you in here?" Sandy asked.
"We thought we could get some good memories of Seth from his room. Didn't really work out the way we planned."
"And she ran out for what reason?"
"We found Captain Oats, I guess that's his name..."
"Yeah."
"And we also found a yearbook. A blank yearbook."
"What do you mean, a 'blank yearbook'?"
"No one ever signed it."
"Oh God. I'm gonna go check on Kirsten." Sandy left Ryan and Hailey.
"So. How are you dealing with it?" Hailey asked.
"I don't really know."
"Oh." Ryan walked into the room and stopped at a point.
"Ya know, he was standing right here when he did it."
"Did what?"
"Shoot himself."
"So that's how he did it?"
"Yeah."
"Wow."
"And I was standing right where you're standing."
"You saw him do it."
"Yeah. Some of his last words were 'It's over. It's already gone too far.' And I tried to stop him, but he said, 'I'm sorry,' and then he shot himself."
"That's rough."
"I know. I was in front of someone before who was gonna do that, but I stopped him. But I couldn't stop Seth."
"I guess you can't always be the hero, can you?"