Song: "Try" by Nelly Furtado
"Kirsten?" Sandy knocked on the bathroom door.
"What?!" Kirsten screamed back tearfully.
"Come out."
"No."
"Please?"
"No!" Kirsten paused. "They're burying him the day after tomorrow! They're putting him six feet under, in a dark, and cold place."
"We'll cremate him." Sandy tried.
"I don't want to turn him into ash! I want him to be right next to me!"
"That can't happen honey."
"Why can't it? I'd give up everything for him to come back?"
"All the good memories of him?"
"If he was back, we would make more."
"What about me? Ryan? Hailey? Your dad? If you gave us all up, you wouldn't have Seth."
"I just want him back."
"I know you do, but you just can't."
"I was the worst mother."
"What?"
"He was so alone, and I never knew it."
"He had us."
"That's it. Not a single friend. No one."
"He at least had us."
"Doesn't matter Sandy. We fucked up his life so badly."
"Kirsten, open up." And much to Sandy's amazement, he heard a click and the door opened.
"I wish I could have said goodbye."
"I know. I do too."
"I wish I could have told him I loved him."
"He knows we loved him."
"Most of all, I wish I could have hugged him one last time, to take that gun out of his hand and throw it away." Sandy and Kirsten hugged as tightly as they could.
Kirsten, Sandy, and Ryan were all sitting down to dinner as Hailey was leaving.
"Hailey?" Kirsten called as she ran into the living room.
"Yeah?" Hailey said when she turned around.
"Do you want to eat dinner with us?"
"You probably don't have enough food."
"I always order too much." Kirsten smiled and Hailey joined them. They ate in silence. Seth's seat was empty. They all stared at it, hoping that if they stared long enough, Seth would suddenly pop up and start rambling. But he didn't.
No one knew what to say. It was the first real dinner without Seth. He usually kept the dinner conversations going, being by far the most talkative. Halfway through, Kirsten was almost in tears and soon she couldn't stop them from coming down. They were silent, not disturbing the silence enveloping them. The only noise there was, was forks and knives hitting the plates or a glass being set down.
Finally, after a painful half an hour, dinner was over. Hailey quickly said goodbye and left. As Ryan began to retreat to the pool house with his bags, Kirsten stopped him.
"Ryan, why don't you stay upstairs, in the guest bedroom?"
"I'm fine in the pool house...."
"Please." Ryan thought for a moment, then finally answered.
"Okay."
"And I know this might be hard, but could you maybe, possibly, give the ulugy at Seth'sShe stopped. Ryan knew what she wanted to say, but couldn't.
"Are you sure you want me to do it?"
"Positive. So will you?"
"Yeah."
"Thank you." Tears fell down Kirsten's face. "Good night, Ryan. I'll see you tomorrow." Kirsten began to go up the stairs, but then she stopped. She turned around and faced Ryan. "I love you." This floored Ryan. No one that was like a parental figure had ever said that to him. He didn't know how to react at first.
"I love you too." Ryan said back to Kirsten. She smiled and now, tears of happiness joined her tears of sadness falling down her face. She went upstairs to her room.
Ryan stood there for a while, thinking about what he had just said. It was strange saying those words to Kirsten. She was the closest to a mother he had. And he had meant every one of those words. The Cohens were his family.
Ryan climbed the stairs and went to the guest bedroom.
"And now, Ryan Atwood would like to say a few words about Seth." The rabbi said. Ryan looked up. He had been dreading this moment since Kirsten had asked him to give the ulugy. He stood up and walked to the stand.
"Hello, I'm Ryan Atwood, a friend of Seth's. About a year ago, I was arrested, and pretty much had nothing going for me. But then, Sandy Cohen, Seth's dad, became my public defender. He saved me from juvie, and was even nice enough to let me stay in his house with him, his wife, and his son. At first, me and Seth didn't really get along. But after a fist fight against the water polo team, we became friends. He helped me get used to Newport, since now I was permanently staying there, with the help of his neighbor, Marissa Cooper." Ryan looked at Marissa, who smiled tearfully.
"Seth was my best friend, my brother even. He was fun to be around, always making sarcastic comments, and making you smile. He was an all- around good guy. Which makes it harder to believe he did what he did.
"It was one of the rare times I actually wanted to talk. I was having difficulties with my girlfriend, so I decided to go to Seth for help. The door had been locked, and when I talked to him, he seemed extremely upset. When you live in Chino, you learn how to pick locks. So, using those skills, I unlocked the door and found Seth.
"It was the scariest thing I ever saw. I tried to stop him, but I wasn't able to. Every minute I wish I had stopped him. He thought he didn't matter, that no one would miss him. But he was wrong. There are so many people who care about him.
"After it happened, I tried to run. More than once. But the farther I was away from here, the more I realized that this is where I needed to be. I was afraid of what would come, and I still am. I don't know what is going to come next. No one does. You can't predict the future and you can't go back to the past.
"Every step you make and every thought you have changes your future. So it's completely unpredictable. There is probably a million things, small or large, that if we had done something different, we wouldn't be here at this moment and maybe Seth would be alive.
"Everything happens at the time it does for a reason. Maybe it was Seth's time to go or maybe he was taken too early, I don't know. But I do know this. As horrible as it may seem at the moment, there is good hidden amidst it."
"You put some good words together." A voice came from behind Ryan. He was sitting in the Cohens' dining room, eating. The funeral was over, Seth was in the ground, and all the attendees were invited back to the Cohens for food. Ryan looked behind him. There stood Anna, looking quite awkward in a plain black dress that went to her knees.
"Anna. Hi." Ryan greeted her. He hadn't seen Anna for so long. Not since he drove Seth to the airport, Seth trying to stop her from going to Pittsburgh. Obviously, that failed.
"Hey. So, that speech was really good."
"Thanks." He paused. "How did you know?"
"Know what?"
"About Seth."
"Oh. Mrs. Cohen called me yesterday." Ryan remembered vaguely Kirsten saying she was calling some people from out of town about Seth. Lately, everything seemed to go by in a flash. But today, it had slowed down.
"So how's things in Pittsburgh?"
"Well, as of yesterday, going downhill pretty fast."
"Oh. But don't you usually go to Tahiti every summer?"
"Yeah. I had decided not to go to Tahiti until later this summer, but I don't think I'm going to go at all now."
"Why? Because of Seth?"
"Yeah. I think I'm going to stay in Newport for a bit."
"Cool." Ryan spotted Marissa coming towards them. She came, still a tiny bit red in the face from crying.
"Hey Ryan." She noticed Anna. "Anna, hey. I didn't know you were here. When did you get in?"
"Earlier this morning." Anna answered. "Well, I'm going to go get something to eat. Bye guys." Anna left Ryan and Marissa to themselves.
"Ya know, I think that is the most words you ever said in a row." Marissa sat down.
"Thanks."
"It was really good." She paused, looking around. "Did you know Luke's here?"
"Why?"
"Because I called him."
"Again, why?"
"Because he should know. I didn't tell him to come to the funeral, so don't freak out."
"All he did to Seth was hit him."
"But he turned out to be a good guy."
"Who slept with your mom."
"Ryan."
"What?"
"I know you miss him, I do too. But you can't let your anger out on everyone."
"I'm not."
"Yes, you are Ryan. You're not the only one who misses him. Everyone is going through this."
"Well, did everyone watch him die?"
"No, but...."
"My point."
"Fine Ryan. You know, you think you're the only one who misses him. You're wrong. Every single person here does! The world doesn't revolve around you. So if you want to be angry at the world and alone, then by all means go ahead. I won't be in your way." Marissa go up, sprouting fresh new tears and walked away.
Yet again, Ryan found himself staring into the ocean from the Pier. He had to be away from all those people. He couldn't stand them. But maybe Marissa was right. Everyone was going through his death, not just Ryan. Right at the moment, he did hate the world, but he knew that it wouldn't last. All I know is everything not as it's sold But the more I grow, the less I know And I have lived so many lives Though I'm not old And the more I see, the less I grow...
Eventually he would have to face them all again. Most of the people in there did not know how he died, for Sandy and Kirsten thought it would be too hard. Nana Cohen was there too. No one would've thought she would outlive her grandson. No one thought they would be attending Seth Cohen's funeral so prematurely. I wish I hadn't seen all the realness And all the real people are really not real at all The more I learn, the more I cry As I say goodbye to a way of life I thought I had designed for me...
Ryan had seen people that never spoke a word to Seth, attend his funeral. Maybe they just used to know him, or possibly they just wanted the free food at the end.
Maybe the funeral made it final, because Seth's death didn't seem as real as before. He knew he couldn't change anything, but it still felt like this was some screwed up nightmare. In the back of his mind, every minute he wished pink elephants would float across the sky or suddenly Seth would appear and tell them that he was actually faking his death and had joined the circus, and he came back to beg everyone to join the circus with him. But those did not come, and this was real.
"Ryan..." He heard his name whispered softly behind him. He turned around to see Marissa's tear-stained face, with tears still coming down.
"Marissa?"
"I never should have said what I did. I was wrong. I'm sorry." She broke into heavier sobs and Ryan rushed over to her. She fell into him for support. Then I see you standing there Wanting more from me And all I can do is try...
"Ryan, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cry, but I can't stop. He's gone. He's really gone. I said such mean stuff to him, then I said mean things to you. But I thought such mean things about him, he probably hated me."
"No, he didn't."
"How do you know?"
"I don't know.......That's the problem." Then I see you standing there I'm all I'll ever be But all I can do is try....
Ryan, Marissa, and Summer stood by his grave. Summer finally believed the truth, that Seth was gone. The wind was blowing lightly, trying to dry Marissa and Summer's tears.
"I can't believe it. He's gone." Ryan said softly.
"He shouldn't have done it." Summer commented.
"You never know how short life can be." Marissa added.
"You never miss something until it's finally gone." Summer's words silenced them. It was the end of an era, a chapter of their lives. No one would be the same. Someone was gone, and the rest were still there.
Flowers surrounded his grave, placed by family, and the small amount of friends. None of them thought it would end so fast, a life held so dearly in their hearts. Someone who changed their lives, someone no one wanted to see go.
"Goodbye Seth." Summer placed a dozen roses on his grave. "We love you and miss you." The wind picked up fast, lifting the girls' hair, and leaving goose-bumps on all their necks. Seth was there, all around them. Summer smiled and tearfully walked away. Marissa soon followed, but stopped when Ryan did not follow.
"Ryan? You coming?" She asked.
"Yeah, just hold on." Ryan then spoke to the grave. "Bye man. I'm really gonna miss you. You're my brother and I love ya. But this, I guess this is goodbye." Ryan left the grave and went to Marissa. They walked away, leaving a part of their lives behind.
Well, this is the end and I hoped you all liked it. I hope to be making a sequel to this, so look out for it. I also have two other stories, the end of summer, and the things you don't know. Thank you all for your comments, they were greatly appreciated. Ali
"Kirsten?" Sandy knocked on the bathroom door.
"What?!" Kirsten screamed back tearfully.
"Come out."
"No."
"Please?"
"No!" Kirsten paused. "They're burying him the day after tomorrow! They're putting him six feet under, in a dark, and cold place."
"We'll cremate him." Sandy tried.
"I don't want to turn him into ash! I want him to be right next to me!"
"That can't happen honey."
"Why can't it? I'd give up everything for him to come back?"
"All the good memories of him?"
"If he was back, we would make more."
"What about me? Ryan? Hailey? Your dad? If you gave us all up, you wouldn't have Seth."
"I just want him back."
"I know you do, but you just can't."
"I was the worst mother."
"What?"
"He was so alone, and I never knew it."
"He had us."
"That's it. Not a single friend. No one."
"He at least had us."
"Doesn't matter Sandy. We fucked up his life so badly."
"Kirsten, open up." And much to Sandy's amazement, he heard a click and the door opened.
"I wish I could have said goodbye."
"I know. I do too."
"I wish I could have told him I loved him."
"He knows we loved him."
"Most of all, I wish I could have hugged him one last time, to take that gun out of his hand and throw it away." Sandy and Kirsten hugged as tightly as they could.
Kirsten, Sandy, and Ryan were all sitting down to dinner as Hailey was leaving.
"Hailey?" Kirsten called as she ran into the living room.
"Yeah?" Hailey said when she turned around.
"Do you want to eat dinner with us?"
"You probably don't have enough food."
"I always order too much." Kirsten smiled and Hailey joined them. They ate in silence. Seth's seat was empty. They all stared at it, hoping that if they stared long enough, Seth would suddenly pop up and start rambling. But he didn't.
No one knew what to say. It was the first real dinner without Seth. He usually kept the dinner conversations going, being by far the most talkative. Halfway through, Kirsten was almost in tears and soon she couldn't stop them from coming down. They were silent, not disturbing the silence enveloping them. The only noise there was, was forks and knives hitting the plates or a glass being set down.
Finally, after a painful half an hour, dinner was over. Hailey quickly said goodbye and left. As Ryan began to retreat to the pool house with his bags, Kirsten stopped him.
"Ryan, why don't you stay upstairs, in the guest bedroom?"
"I'm fine in the pool house...."
"Please." Ryan thought for a moment, then finally answered.
"Okay."
"And I know this might be hard, but could you maybe, possibly, give the ulugy at Seth'sShe stopped. Ryan knew what she wanted to say, but couldn't.
"Are you sure you want me to do it?"
"Positive. So will you?"
"Yeah."
"Thank you." Tears fell down Kirsten's face. "Good night, Ryan. I'll see you tomorrow." Kirsten began to go up the stairs, but then she stopped. She turned around and faced Ryan. "I love you." This floored Ryan. No one that was like a parental figure had ever said that to him. He didn't know how to react at first.
"I love you too." Ryan said back to Kirsten. She smiled and now, tears of happiness joined her tears of sadness falling down her face. She went upstairs to her room.
Ryan stood there for a while, thinking about what he had just said. It was strange saying those words to Kirsten. She was the closest to a mother he had. And he had meant every one of those words. The Cohens were his family.
Ryan climbed the stairs and went to the guest bedroom.
"And now, Ryan Atwood would like to say a few words about Seth." The rabbi said. Ryan looked up. He had been dreading this moment since Kirsten had asked him to give the ulugy. He stood up and walked to the stand.
"Hello, I'm Ryan Atwood, a friend of Seth's. About a year ago, I was arrested, and pretty much had nothing going for me. But then, Sandy Cohen, Seth's dad, became my public defender. He saved me from juvie, and was even nice enough to let me stay in his house with him, his wife, and his son. At first, me and Seth didn't really get along. But after a fist fight against the water polo team, we became friends. He helped me get used to Newport, since now I was permanently staying there, with the help of his neighbor, Marissa Cooper." Ryan looked at Marissa, who smiled tearfully.
"Seth was my best friend, my brother even. He was fun to be around, always making sarcastic comments, and making you smile. He was an all- around good guy. Which makes it harder to believe he did what he did.
"It was one of the rare times I actually wanted to talk. I was having difficulties with my girlfriend, so I decided to go to Seth for help. The door had been locked, and when I talked to him, he seemed extremely upset. When you live in Chino, you learn how to pick locks. So, using those skills, I unlocked the door and found Seth.
"It was the scariest thing I ever saw. I tried to stop him, but I wasn't able to. Every minute I wish I had stopped him. He thought he didn't matter, that no one would miss him. But he was wrong. There are so many people who care about him.
"After it happened, I tried to run. More than once. But the farther I was away from here, the more I realized that this is where I needed to be. I was afraid of what would come, and I still am. I don't know what is going to come next. No one does. You can't predict the future and you can't go back to the past.
"Every step you make and every thought you have changes your future. So it's completely unpredictable. There is probably a million things, small or large, that if we had done something different, we wouldn't be here at this moment and maybe Seth would be alive.
"Everything happens at the time it does for a reason. Maybe it was Seth's time to go or maybe he was taken too early, I don't know. But I do know this. As horrible as it may seem at the moment, there is good hidden amidst it."
"You put some good words together." A voice came from behind Ryan. He was sitting in the Cohens' dining room, eating. The funeral was over, Seth was in the ground, and all the attendees were invited back to the Cohens for food. Ryan looked behind him. There stood Anna, looking quite awkward in a plain black dress that went to her knees.
"Anna. Hi." Ryan greeted her. He hadn't seen Anna for so long. Not since he drove Seth to the airport, Seth trying to stop her from going to Pittsburgh. Obviously, that failed.
"Hey. So, that speech was really good."
"Thanks." He paused. "How did you know?"
"Know what?"
"About Seth."
"Oh. Mrs. Cohen called me yesterday." Ryan remembered vaguely Kirsten saying she was calling some people from out of town about Seth. Lately, everything seemed to go by in a flash. But today, it had slowed down.
"So how's things in Pittsburgh?"
"Well, as of yesterday, going downhill pretty fast."
"Oh. But don't you usually go to Tahiti every summer?"
"Yeah. I had decided not to go to Tahiti until later this summer, but I don't think I'm going to go at all now."
"Why? Because of Seth?"
"Yeah. I think I'm going to stay in Newport for a bit."
"Cool." Ryan spotted Marissa coming towards them. She came, still a tiny bit red in the face from crying.
"Hey Ryan." She noticed Anna. "Anna, hey. I didn't know you were here. When did you get in?"
"Earlier this morning." Anna answered. "Well, I'm going to go get something to eat. Bye guys." Anna left Ryan and Marissa to themselves.
"Ya know, I think that is the most words you ever said in a row." Marissa sat down.
"Thanks."
"It was really good." She paused, looking around. "Did you know Luke's here?"
"Why?"
"Because I called him."
"Again, why?"
"Because he should know. I didn't tell him to come to the funeral, so don't freak out."
"All he did to Seth was hit him."
"But he turned out to be a good guy."
"Who slept with your mom."
"Ryan."
"What?"
"I know you miss him, I do too. But you can't let your anger out on everyone."
"I'm not."
"Yes, you are Ryan. You're not the only one who misses him. Everyone is going through this."
"Well, did everyone watch him die?"
"No, but...."
"My point."
"Fine Ryan. You know, you think you're the only one who misses him. You're wrong. Every single person here does! The world doesn't revolve around you. So if you want to be angry at the world and alone, then by all means go ahead. I won't be in your way." Marissa go up, sprouting fresh new tears and walked away.
Yet again, Ryan found himself staring into the ocean from the Pier. He had to be away from all those people. He couldn't stand them. But maybe Marissa was right. Everyone was going through his death, not just Ryan. Right at the moment, he did hate the world, but he knew that it wouldn't last. All I know is everything not as it's sold But the more I grow, the less I know And I have lived so many lives Though I'm not old And the more I see, the less I grow...
Eventually he would have to face them all again. Most of the people in there did not know how he died, for Sandy and Kirsten thought it would be too hard. Nana Cohen was there too. No one would've thought she would outlive her grandson. No one thought they would be attending Seth Cohen's funeral so prematurely. I wish I hadn't seen all the realness And all the real people are really not real at all The more I learn, the more I cry As I say goodbye to a way of life I thought I had designed for me...
Ryan had seen people that never spoke a word to Seth, attend his funeral. Maybe they just used to know him, or possibly they just wanted the free food at the end.
Maybe the funeral made it final, because Seth's death didn't seem as real as before. He knew he couldn't change anything, but it still felt like this was some screwed up nightmare. In the back of his mind, every minute he wished pink elephants would float across the sky or suddenly Seth would appear and tell them that he was actually faking his death and had joined the circus, and he came back to beg everyone to join the circus with him. But those did not come, and this was real.
"Ryan..." He heard his name whispered softly behind him. He turned around to see Marissa's tear-stained face, with tears still coming down.
"Marissa?"
"I never should have said what I did. I was wrong. I'm sorry." She broke into heavier sobs and Ryan rushed over to her. She fell into him for support. Then I see you standing there Wanting more from me And all I can do is try...
"Ryan, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cry, but I can't stop. He's gone. He's really gone. I said such mean stuff to him, then I said mean things to you. But I thought such mean things about him, he probably hated me."
"No, he didn't."
"How do you know?"
"I don't know.......That's the problem." Then I see you standing there I'm all I'll ever be But all I can do is try....
Ryan, Marissa, and Summer stood by his grave. Summer finally believed the truth, that Seth was gone. The wind was blowing lightly, trying to dry Marissa and Summer's tears.
"I can't believe it. He's gone." Ryan said softly.
"He shouldn't have done it." Summer commented.
"You never know how short life can be." Marissa added.
"You never miss something until it's finally gone." Summer's words silenced them. It was the end of an era, a chapter of their lives. No one would be the same. Someone was gone, and the rest were still there.
Flowers surrounded his grave, placed by family, and the small amount of friends. None of them thought it would end so fast, a life held so dearly in their hearts. Someone who changed their lives, someone no one wanted to see go.
"Goodbye Seth." Summer placed a dozen roses on his grave. "We love you and miss you." The wind picked up fast, lifting the girls' hair, and leaving goose-bumps on all their necks. Seth was there, all around them. Summer smiled and tearfully walked away. Marissa soon followed, but stopped when Ryan did not follow.
"Ryan? You coming?" She asked.
"Yeah, just hold on." Ryan then spoke to the grave. "Bye man. I'm really gonna miss you. You're my brother and I love ya. But this, I guess this is goodbye." Ryan left the grave and went to Marissa. They walked away, leaving a part of their lives behind.
Well, this is the end and I hoped you all liked it. I hope to be making a sequel to this, so look out for it. I also have two other stories, the end of summer, and the things you don't know. Thank you all for your comments, they were greatly appreciated. Ali