Author's Note: Thanks for all the nice reviews and encouragement! I'm back with the second chapter as a result. Hope this one doesn't disappoint.
Disclaimer: If Harry Potter belonged to me, I wouldn't be working my butt off for that meager wage, taking the subway everyday and cursing all those amazingly natural born assholes only New York City can manage to produce.
December 21st
First draft:
Herm
Second draft:
Granger,
Dumbledore asked me to tell you that you are expected here on the 3rd of January. He would have owled you himself, but then the lazy bastard found out I was writing to you. Anyway, something about Heads Duty. Apparently we are to spend the week helping professors finalize curriculums and schedules, etc. I didn't catch most of it, since I was busy contemplating ways to gauge his bloody eyes out. How does anyone's eyes bloody well twinkle that much? If I didn't know better, I'd say the old bugger fancies me. (shudders)
I'm glad that you will be back early. I've missed you, sort of. Even your incessant babbling is better than this utter silence around the
Third draft:
Granger,
Dumbledore asked me to tell you that you are expected here on the 3rd of January. Something about helping the professors finalize their curriculums and schedules, etc.
I'm tolerably satisfied that you will be back early. Never thought I'd be saying this, but I've sort of maybe gotten used to your incessant babbling. Only a little bit, really, so don't let it get into your head cus I
Final draft:
Granger,
Get your ass back here on the 3rd of January. Don't be late. Heads duty.
Malfoy
Malfoy,
Never thought I'd live to see the day when you fancy a Griffendor muggle-born witch. It does my heart good to know true love conquers all, this day and age still. (swoons)
Zabini
Zabini,
What are you rambling about you daft bugger?
Malfoy
Oh, Hermione, my bushy-hair maiden! I've missed you, I can't live without you! It's so lonely and dark here without you. Please come back to me, I need you to tuck me into bed at night, and give me cookies when I cry.
How sweeeeet!
A word of advice, Malfoy: you never know who is bored enough to look through the trash.
Zabini
Zabini,
You bastardly bloody bastard! Never thought I'd see a Zabini sink to the level of a Weasley. Honestly, there is no need to stay here for the holidays just to pick trash. I'm sure you could have whored your ass to Parkinson for a couple sickles, if you are this desperate.
Now tell me, what is it going to take for you to shut up? Password to the prefect's bathroom? Secret passageway to Ravenclaw 7th year girls' dorm? Picture of McGonagall in lace?
Malfoy
Malfoy,
I'm not even going to ask about the last one. As much as I hate giving up perfect blackmail material, that stuff is not for the weak stomached. Come meet me outside Potion's classroom at 11 tonight, and I'll tell you what I want.
Zabini
PS: There is a secret passageway to the Ravenclaw girls' dorm? Really?
Zabini,
Fine. I will meet you there. It better be worth my time or I will not hesitate to hex your balls off. It's not like you use them, anyway.
Malfoy
PS: This is an old dump of a castle, of course there are secret passageways. There is also one to the Griffindor boys' dorm, but really, who would want to be scarred for life?
December 22nd
Hogwarts Enquirer
For those of you who wondered why many students opted to stay in school for Christmas this year, you need to wonder no longer – at least not on the accounts of Draco Malfoy and Blaise Zabini.
Last night found our very own Head Boy and his fellow Slytherin engaged in a passionate embrace on the dungeon floor, outside Potion's classroom. If not for our reporter's accidental and very untimely intrusion, one could only speculate where the fiery snogging session may have led to, as Mr. Malfoy had both his legs wrapped around Mr. Zabini's waist at the time. (Breathe girls, breathe.)
Both Slytherins' fathers were sent to Azkaban months ago for supporting You- Know-Who in the war, leaving their heirs free to expose their passionate affair to the world. As happy as we are for both Mr. Malfoy and Mr. Zabini, we cannot but mourn the loss of two of Hogwarts' most handsome bachelors.
Malfoy,
Just want to let you know that I got your incredibly short and rude owl post. Charming asalways, aren't you?Don't worry, Iwill be there on the 3rd of January. And, while I don't normally pay attention to anything in the Hogwarts Enquirer, I cannot help but ask: what is with that steamy little article about you and Zabini snogging in the dungeons? Not that I want to pry into your personal life. I'monly concerned with my own peace of mind when you start bringing your boyfriends to our dorm.
Granger
Don't worry, I will have a third chapter out very soon, in which Draco will explain his sordid affair with Blaise Zabini to Hermione. Also in the next chapter, someone receives a nice invitation and someone else suffers a near heart attack from shock.
And, the drafts of Draco's letters to Hermione were modified for because it doesn't allow for strike through fonts, which took all the fun out of my original and I was forced to rewrite them. I'm considering making my own webpage to post this story. I will add the link if I do eventually have that up.
And, as I was writing this story, I suddenly realized something: I'm a very deranged person :P
-Farangis