Disclaimer: I don't own anything; I definitely don't own Trigun...so yeah. I don't own it.
Note: All I can say is that this has a major fluff warning and it's quite a long read too. Oh and I have to apologise for the way I ended Freedom, it was a very mean thing to do I know...
Angel: Ha well I'm back with another story!
Vash: That was quick.
Angel: It's cos you're such a great muse.
Vash: Really?
Angel: I also felt a bit guilty about how I ended "Freedom"
Vash: Ahh...
Angel: Yeah...Maybe I will write an epilogue for that...
Knives: Just kill me now...
Vash: Now brother you know I don't agree on harming others.
Angel: What is wrong with Knives?
Vash: He can't get the car out of the sand dune.
Knives: Stupid woman drivers!
Angel: Excuse me! You were the one who damn well smacked me in the face!
Vash: -is trying to hold Angel back before she can kill Knives-
Kuroneko: ...nyaaaa
When I dreamI'm sitting here doing nothing, trying to blank my mind of thoughts and those painful memories that threaten to pounce like a beast in the dark. Nothing can change the past and I guess I will have to live with that fact. Every small thing I do will end up in regret, it is the bargain that we all make at birth in exchange for a soul. It just seems that my whole life is nothing but remorse; even my childhood. A drunk for a father and a mother too tied up in her own little life to give a damn about anyone.
I worked for the insurance company so I could prove myself to my father and make him proud of me - boy was that a failure! If anything he despised me even more. Actually the only good thing in my life was...him. The man who showed me what it was like to truly suffer, feel and love. He made my life whole, and just waking up knowing he was in the next room filled my heart with joy. He was so like me it was scary...both of us had deep secrets about our pasts that we wanted to hide, both of us losing people we were close too and trying to hide our emotions behind secure barriers. Both of us trying to escape the world and live peacefully but with different approaches to it.
No I can't think about this...memories of that man bring nothing but a terrible, gut wrenching sadness. I should cherish those moments but all I want to do is forget and move on with my life. I can't even bring myself to say his name in fear that the tears will escape into reality.
Standing up I glance around the simple room with its two simple beds, one for me and one for my dearest friend Millie. One chest of drawers stands between the two beds and opposite the door is a tall mirror, it's surface flecked with dust.
We were here in this dump because of our job; we don't follow him around anymore but we still travel and deal with any insurance claims that people may have. We have been here two weeks to complete some reports on a fire that occurred in town but we shall be on the move again soon. Ever since he left the chief decided to continue letting us travel because we were best suited for the job. The office back at home just didn't seem so attractive and comfortable anymore.
Pacing slowly across the room I catch a glimpse of my reflection in that old mirror, its surface is smudged with dirt and a crack runs finely up through the middle of it, distorting the reflection slightly. I smile at the useless steps I have taken to forget my past.
After he left I gave up cutting my hair so that the raven strands almost touch my shoulders. My eyes have changed too, the steely grey giving in to the soft violet facets so that the colours interlock and shine beautifully. My new appearance I have to admit is much more attractive but that is not the reason I changed.
I am running from yet another element of my past.
I have also dumped the white uniform that I had been so proud of and had relaxed my wardrobe to jeans and t-shirts. The red shirt I am wearing now is my favourite and I can't help but wonder whether he would have liked it. Millie used to joke and say that it was my way of remembering him and at one time I would have blushed. Now though I simply smile. She already knows the truth so why pretend?
I reach out and touch the mirror, trying to reach into myself and find peace. In my heart I know only one thing can truly bring that one thing to me. My fingertips grow cold under the glass and I let them slide down, creating a steamy trail where the heart is leaving my skin.
"Vash..." I said it, I really said his name and as predicted the tears rise and overflow. Oh how I love that idiot of a man, I just want to know he is okay, that he is still alive somewhere. My heart clenches and my whole chest tightens in despair. My question has gone unanswered for two years. If he were going to make an appearance he would have done it by now.
"Meryl are you home?" Millie's voice rings out and I stifle my tears, dragging a sleeve across my face to dry them. Clearing my throat I call out to her and leave my room. Peering down the short flight of stairs, I see her...my one true friend. She smiles, her eyes brightening and surprisingly I manage to smile back.
"What's up Millie?" I start walking down the stairs.
"A letter...from the chief." She paused holding it above her head, "Do you think its another job?"
"Possibly." I reply and take the letter from her gratefully.
"Have you been crying?" Millie asked with deep concern and I dip my head.
"Just tired." I lied and if she knew I was she never said. I busied myself with opening the letter when a sudden tap on the door stopped me.
Stepping into the living room I laid the unopened letter on the table and opened the door. A young man stood there, an uneasy expression on his face, which was well tanned, his pale eyes darted from me to the porch.
"Is Millie here?" He asked, rubbing his hands nervously together.
"Yes." I stepped aside as Millie dashed past me and hugged him with great affection. I felt something between happiness and jealousy, knowing I would never be held in the arms of my true love. I was glad though, that she was finally getting over the death of Wolfwood. She released the man and turned to face me; grinning but looking slightly flushed. I smiled and stepped back so that they could get inside.
"This is my boyfriend...Neil." She announced quietly as he held his hand out to me. I nodded and spoke my name in return, taking his hand in greeting.
"Millie I had no idea!" I exclaimed as they sat opposite me on the moth-eaten couch. They both looked nervous and embarrassed, which seemed to me - rather cute. He was a good-looking man roughly the same height as Millie, but not as tall as Vash. His eyes were pale blue and he seemed very polite and sweet, a perfect match for my friend.
"I was afraid you wouldn't approve." Millie admitted reluctantly. I frowned and shook my head in complete understanding.
"Millie, you deserve to be happy more than anyone." I smiled, realising the truth in my own words.
"I thought that maybe you would think I was forgetting we have a job to do...or that I had forgotten...him." She meant Wolfwood, "I haven't though Meryl, I promise."
"I know." I smiled reassuringly. "He would have wanted you to be happy." At this she squeezed Neil's hand and nodded. Neil turned and took Millie into his arms and I watched awkwardly as the love they held for each other filled the room.
Instantly my jealousy rose and I felt my throat tighten in sadness. I should have given him a hug before he left to find his brother. I should have given myself the chance to rest my head on his chest and feel the dizzying rhythm of his heart.
Tears burned in my eyes so violently that it hurt to hold them back and I rose from my seat clearing my throat nervously, "I'm going to finish the paperwork." I announced, Millie turned to me with that all knowing gaze and nodded.
"Nice to meet you Meryl." Neil said, filling the awkward silence.
"Likewise." I said, choking on tears and striding from the room. I paused just outside the door to draw in a well-needed breath and release the tears. I heard Millie's voice and drew closer to listen.
"She has been under a lot of stress lately." She was excusing me.
"It seems you both have." Neil really was a nice guy.
"Yes but Meryl has been suffering a lot more, she tries to hide it but I know she is breaking up inside. A year ago the man she loved left us to do something very important, we waited for months but he never came back. We have no idea whether he is dead or alive."
"She loved him?"
"Yes, but she never told him, she regrets that too." Millie trailed off and I found myself trembling. She knew everything; she knew how I was feeling. My legs were close to collapsing and I stumbled up the stairs and flopped down onto my bed. Dragging the blanket up around my shaking form I huddled up, pressing my face into the comfort of the pillow.
Now when I dream...I dream of Millie's happiness.I awoke the next day to feel the sunlight trickling through a gap in the curtains and creating sketchy patterns on the floor. I sat up and slipped my feet from under the blankets and onto the cool ground. It was then that I noticed Millie was already up, her bed neatly made. Yawning and rubbing my eyes sleepily I padded over to the bathroom and turned the tap on, splaying my fingers under the shower to test the temperature.
Stepping into the water I relished in the warmth and comfort, it felt like all my worries were being washed away and I was almost sorry to leave the shower and go down for breakfast.
Millie was there to greet me with her friendly smile and I grinned back, joining her in the tiny kitchen. I took a cup from the cupboard and Millie handed me the coffee pot.
"Are you feeling better today?" She asked and I nodded.
"Sorry for walking out on you yesterday."
"That's okay Meryl, but what do you really think of Neil?"
"Oh Millie he's perfect for you, but what will you do when we have to leave?" I asked, butterflies flitting in my stomach. Part of me didn't want to hear the answer but it was too late, I had already asked.
"Meryl...I want to stay here with him." She looked very ashamed and even though I was devastated, I smiled. "I want to quit my job and live my life."
"Well that makes sense." I grasped the coffee cup tighter and sat down at the table in case my legs failed me again.
"I was also thinking that you could stay here too. It might be good for you to settle down, and there are plenty of jobs here too." I pondered on the thought for a moment but shook my head in refusal.
"My job is who I am, it's my life. I can't just give it up."
"Yes, but I don't want you to be alone." She sat down opposite me.
"Millie, I'm a big girl now, I'll be fine." I lied, hoping she wouldn't notice the tears in the corners of my eyes.
"But all the travelling doesn't give you the chance to relax."
"I like seeing new places." I retorted, angling my head so she couldn't see the tears.
"Is it because you want to find a trace of Mr. Vash?" She asked and I drew in a pained breath. She knew me so well, better than I knew myself.
"Millie you really do say the strangest things, now tell me where you met Neil?"
I stood looking at the letter with tears in my eyes, I had been called away on a job virtually straight away and that would mean Millie and I would be saying goodbye sooner than expected. I looked up at her and handed her the letter, which she immediately read. Her eyes filled with tears and she caught me in a crushing hug,
"Meryl won't you even consider staying?"
"This is your new beginning not mine. I lost my only chance of happiness when I let him walk away that day without saying anything. I can't rest until I know for certain what has happened to him."
"I understand." Millie released me and I nodded and stepped back, my bags were already packed and all that was left to do was say a final goodbye.
Moments later I was sat at the bus stop watching the children playing hide and seek in the streets. Children were the most beautiful of our species with their curiosity and yearning for life, what happens to us? Why do we change and become bitter and evil? Is it because we no longer have the ignorance of the youth?
That was another thing about him - he had lived over a century and still contained that innocence and way of life of a child. He never showed boredom of this dried up little planet that blisters under the twin suns.
Sighing I pulled myself into a more comfortable position, the wind swept around me and whipped my hair so it came alive around my face, flowing like a waterfall of darkness. It was then that I noticed the bus in its dusty yellow paint, travelling along through the town. After I got on that bus I would be alone and though I planned to write to Millie often I knew it would be difficult to visit. "Please forgive me my friend." I whispered and got up to board the bus as it pulled to a stop in front of me.
I paid the correct amount of money and glanced over at the people already seated in the bus, there were still quite a few places left and I carefully walked up the gangway and sat on the seat where he would have sat if he were here. The bus started off again and I busied myself with looking out at the window. 'This is a dream, it cant be real' I thought, but it is real...I am truly alone with no future to look forward to.
Leaning my head against the windowpane I watched the town on the horizon, going going, gone. It was all I could do to stop myself jumping from the bus and going, back. The sand cast dizzying spells on my eyes and I was once again fighting the urge to sleep.When I dream...I dream of loss.
I wasn't sure how long I had been asleep but the suns were just disappearing on the horizon, making the sky blush and shadows lengthen. I noticed that the bus had filled up dramatically and I remembered how popular this way of travel was. I was lucky to still have a spare seat next to me - I guess no one wanted to intrude on a sleeping woman.
The bus stopped once more and a cloaked figure boarded, I strained my ears to listen in on their conversation.
"It's $$60 pay or get off!" The bus driver told the traveller.
"How far can $$20 get me?" The stranger asked.
"Three stops." The driver replied irritably and took the money.
Sighing I peered back out of the window, watching the play of the shadows and the darkness folding over the sky like a huge wing. I shuddered and tried to rub the cold from my arms. I felt myself becoming weary again and I slumped against the window.
"Excuse me miss, could I sit here?" Someone asked and I turned around to see the cloaked man pointing to the seat. I nodded and he sat down next to me with a sigh of relief. I smiled slightly and angled my head to try and get a better view of his face, but he concealed it further.
"Are you a traveller?" I asked.
"I guess you could say that." He shifted nervously.
"Where are you heading?"
"Next town." He replied simply and I nodded, making myself content to stare out of the window once more. Having the traveller beside me helped ease the sense of loneliness and I found that I dreaded the third stop. Yet it seemed the longer I wanted it to last the faster it approached.
"So why are you heading to such a small town?" I asked, desperate for conversation.
"Hey, what's with all the questions? Why are you going there?"
"It's my job, an accident occurred there and I have to send a report back to Bernadelli Insurance society." I spoke with pride and he seemed to be impressed for he immediately gave me all his attention.
"Bernadelli..." He whispered and he turned to me fully, the cloak still shading his face.
"Yes that's right." I smiled at him.
"M-Meryl?" Well I must say I was in complete confusion at how he knew my name but before I could question him further the bus stopped and the driver ordered him out. My heart was pounding wildly - painfully - causing me to leap from the seat and walk after the man.
"VASH!" I screamed, making everyone jump and gasp in surprise. The cloaked figure stopped and his shoulders tensed. It really was him!
I threw myself at him in relief and anger before tightening my hands in to fists and pounding on his chest furiously. He didn't even flinch, just looked down at me from the protection of his cloak.
"H-how could y-you?" I choked and stepped back so I could look into his face, the face I had longed to see yet was still covered in shadow.
"Hurry up!" The driver yelled and angrily I pushed past Vash to confront the rude man.
"How much will it cost for him to get to town?" I demanded furiously and noticed Vash flinch in the corner of my eye. Hiding a smirk I listened to the price and handed over the money from my rapidly depleting earnings. Turning around I walked back to my seat, finding Vash in my place by the window. Muttering quietly I sat down beside him.
"Long time no see." He said and I wanted to hug him there and then but restrained myself. "You look really different." He added when I didn't respond.
"You have a lot of explaining to do mister." I snapped, feeling suddenly tense.
"I'm sorry Meryl...for not coming back...I just..." He trailed off and I knew he was crying. I shifted my body to face him and felt my eyes soften - I wanted to comfort him.
Very slowly I raised my hands and caught the material of his hood gently before pushing it back away from his face. My heart stopped. He was Vash but at the same time he wasn't, his hair was no longer spiked but flopped down onto his face like he had just woken up. His skin was deathly pale and the thing that upset me most were his eyes. No longer were they filled with life and vibrant colour - they were like the eyes of a dead man - a dull and pained look swirling within. He must have noticed the stunned look on my face and lowered his gaze, tears trembling vertical streaks down his face.
"Why didn't you come back?" I was desperate to know.
"I was on my way back, I promise, but something stopped me. I shifted closer and urged him to continue. "I won the fight with Knives and was heading back to you..." His shoulders trembled violently and in my heart I knew what had happened.
"Vash." I whispered reaching out a hand to stroke away the tears. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me forward to fast I lost my balance and collapsed hard against him. Instantly his arms snaked around me to keep me from escaping, and at that moment I thought I was in heaven.
Time slowed down to a complete stop and it seemed that we were the only ones who existed. The warmth of his body was intoxicating and his scent of sand and soap made me giddy with delight. The material of his shirt was soft beneath my forehead and I sighed, letting my hands crawl up against his chest and grab his shirt as if clinging on for dear life. What had seemed like a lifetime was probably only a few seconds and as I felt his frame shake with another sob my trance broke. I looked up at him gently and he instantly dipped his head and buried his face into my neck.
"M-Meryl." His voice shook from his sobs, his breath tickled warmly against my shoulder whilst the tears cooled it and I gave an involuntary shudder of pleasure.
"It's okay." I comforted and wrapped one arm around his slim waist, whilst I let the other one stroke his hair, which was amazingly soft. He gave a small hiccup and his grip loosened around me. I couldn't contain a small squeak of disapproval but to my relief he simply scooped me onto his lap and tugged on his cloak so it folded around me as well. This was the best moment in my entire life, I was snuggled comfortingly in my love's lap, both embracing and comforting each other - although he didn't know he was doing it - in an envelope of warmth.
I knew we were only in this position because he wanted to be comforted and not because he wanted to confess his undying love for me, but I didn't care. In this short moment in time I could lie in his arms and pretend that he loved me. That was all that I needed - this memory would be enough to live on for the rest of my life. Then sleep took me and I was left to slumber in his presence.
Now when I dream...I dream it would last.
The sting of cool air was what stirred me from my restful sleep and opening my eyes I saw the starry sky above and the face of the man I loved. It was then that I realised he was carrying me and I blushed violently, I was suddenly ashamed and I wriggled in his arms to get free.
"You looked so peaceful that I didn't want to disturb you." Vash whispered and paused to let me down.
"Thanks." I murmured and then glanced around the silent streets, they were dark and not at all welcoming. Shivering I looked around for my suitcase and saw that Vash had neatly attached it to his own pack.
"Oh sorry." He quickly removed it from his back and separated the two bags with skilled precision.
"It's okay, I just need to find the letter which has the address of the room that was rented for us...Millie and me I mean." I blushed again and he nodded silently.
"Ah here it is." I retrieved the letter after a lot of rummaging and held the slightly crumpled piece of paper up to the moonlight. "The Starlight inn." I read aloud and found myself gazing up at the jewels, which studded the heavy blackness above.
We continued down the path, Vash walking slightly behind and me in front thinking my miserable thoughts. I should have told him how I felt, back on the bus would have been the perfect time and I had let it slip through my fingers. My heart lightened at seeing the swinging sign of the inn just ahead and I quickened my pace. I briefly turned back to give Vash an encouraging smile only to see him slipping away down another street. 'So he really hates being around me - I can't say that I blame him.' This thought hurt but as always I covered it with anger. I was about to chase after him when I decided to head to the inn, he knew where I was if he wanted me.
On entering the inn I could tell it wasn't a place of luxury, a young man sat at the desk, head propped on one hand and his vision unfocused with fatigue. At hearing my slight cough he straightened in the chair and smiled.
"Hello Miss, how can I help such a beautiful specimen such as yourself?" He grinned and I smiled at the flattery feeling a little uncomfortable.
"I am Meryl Stryfe, a room has been booked here for me and another."
"Oh and a Miss Millie Thompson." The man said as he found the booking in his files. I shook my head.
"Well actually she couldn't make it so they sent someone else instead."
"I see, well the booking was very short notice so the room is very small." He picked up a key from a small hook and handed it over, "room number 7 just down the hall." He indicated and with a mumbled thanks I approached the room and turned the key in the lock.
The innkeeper had been right when he had said "small". There was the main room, which contained nothing but one bed and a chest of drawers. There was also a door at the far side of the room that stood ajar and I guessed that led to the bathroom. Sighing I closed the door, leaning against it briefly to let out a long breath before throwing the keys and luggage onto the drawers and flopping onto the bed. It was actually quite comfortable, but something - or someone - was keeping me from relaxing.
Rolling onto my side I wondered what Vash was doing, it no longer hurt to mention or think his name - probably because I knew he was still alive - but I couldn't help worrying. He was not the Vash I had grown accustomed with; innocent, childish and full of happiness. He had grown old without looking it and for the first time...bored of life.
Shuddering at my thoughts I sat up and paced the room knowing that barely an hour had passed but worrying none-the-less. Quietly I picked up the keys and made my way back out of the inn and into the cold and empty streets. Shivering I rubbed my arms and crept as silent as a cat across the dusty ground and into the direction Vash had gone. It was easy enough to find as it was the only building lit up.
Pausing by the swinging doors I peered in through a small window and easily spotted his tall, lanky form sitting slumped over the bar. Shaking my head I entered and strode over to him, ignoring the curious looks I was getting from the men. I was only a few steps from the dozing gunman when a hand fell on my shoulder and whirled me roughly around. I scowled and looked up at the large man who was - in my opinion - very ugly. I gave him a look of disapproval.
"Hello there little lady, care to let me buy you a drink?" He let his eyes travel up and down me and I glared angrily at him.
"No thank you, I don't drink." I hastily replied.
"Oh," his eyes lit up, "a good girl huh, not my usual type, but you are too cute to pass up the chance." He pushed me back so that I was pressed against the wall and I couldn't contain a small cry of fear. I had left my derringers in my suitcase.
One of his hands rose up to rest on my upper arm and he moved closer, a distinct smell of alcohol on his breath.
"Stop it!" I yelled, "I'll..." the rest of my threat was muffled as he crushed his mouth hard against mine. I have to admit that I have never been lovingly kissed by a man, but this was horrible. Then just as I thought it couldn't get much worse I felt his hand tugging at my shirt and a sound of a button popping from its place and skittering across the floor.
"Excuse me sir." Another voice interrupted.
"What d'ya want?" My abuser snapped and I looked up to see Vash and my heart swelled with joy.
"I don't think she has give you permission to do that." He pointed at me and I looked down to see about three buttons missing from my shirt. I blushed violently but could do nothing about it since the man was still holding on to me.
"So?" The man continued gruffly.
"Could you please let her go, it's way past her bedtime." Vash smiled and I thought I would melt.
"Who's gonna make me?" The ugly man snarled and Vash grinned nervously. "A wimp like you couldn't do anything to stop me." He laughed and I sighed from my place against the wall. "If you want her, come and get her." The man challenged and Vash sighed.
"Look, I'm tired and I want to go...please don't make this more difficult for me."
I was just thinking that we would probably be here talking all night when I realised that Vash pretty much had this guy's full attention. I moved slightly and stamped as hard as I could on his foot. The man bellowed angrily and swung round to hit me, missing me by centimetres as I ducked beneath his arm and hid behind Vash. In seconds he had grabbed my wrist and had dragged me out into the quiet street.
"You should never walk into a bar at night alone." He scolded as he led me back to the inn.
"Well if you hadn't left me and gone in there, I wouldn't have had to." I snapped back.
"I didn't ask you to look for me." He replied, his hand still on my wrist.
"You think I'm so heartless that I wouldn't care about your safety?" He really had no idea how I felt for him.
"You were worried? About me?" He was looking at me with complete shock and I nodded, "Of course broom head." I sighed, "When you never came back Millie and I thought of you, we had no idea whether you were dead, or hurt or...something." I sniffed and wiped my sleeve across my face. "We waited for a long time and after when we had to leave we travelled around and looked for you."
"Well you didn't lose your job." Vash smiled weakly and I could see the guilt in his aqua orbs.
"Vash you are more than a job to us...to me." Was this it? Could I possibly tell him the truth?
"I don't understand." He looked genuinely confused.
"Don't you get it you idiot?" I punched him in the chest "you were our friend too." Wait that never came out right - damn!
"I was coming back." He murmured.
No longer did I care about the cold or that my shirt was now very revealing, all I wanted were answers to why he never returned to me...why he broke my heart.
"Why didn't you?" I asked firmly.
"Let's go back to the inn, I'll tell you there." I nodded and grabbed his hand, me now leading him down the street to the inn. On arriving at the room I fumbled for the key and tried to steady my hand enough to be able to get the door open. As we stepped in I heard him close the door and dropped his hand reluctantly. He walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge, the old mattress squeaking slightly. I sat beside him and laid a comforting hand on his shoulder.
"I was on my way to see you and Millie after winning the fight with Knives, I actually got to the outside of the town and I saw the water from the well rising up into the air." He paused but I urged him on. "I saw both of you standing in the street, you looked so happy and carefree, I had never seen you like that before...so it made me think that maybe I was the cause for you to always be so stressed."
"Okay, so you annoyed me a bit but surely that can't be the reason." I sighed.
"No, Knives woke up before I could go any further, he told me he wouldn't be able to change and that he would continue killing." He paused and I rested my head on his shoulder.
"It's okay."
"I couldn't take him back to you when I heard him say that so I turned around and walked away..."
"So where is he now?"
"I took him far away, where he wouldn't bump into anyone but this only aggravated him, when he was sleeping I went into town to get some supplies thinking that he would sleep right through...but when I got back there was...was..." He drew in a deep breath to try and calm himself enough to continue on. "He committed suicide but not before taking the life another, probably someone passing by."
"There was nothing you could have done Vash." I comforted and wrapped an arm around him in attempt to give some comfort.
"But-" looking at his own tears made me feel like I was about to start crying as well.
"Rest now." I whispered and wiped the tears from his face. "I want to see the old you again." I said maybe a little too fondly.
"Old me?"
"The one who laughs and acts so idiotic all the time." I explained with a smile and was happy to see the comment bring the soft hue back to his eyes. I pushed him back against the pillow and tugged the blanket out from beneath his legs before wrapping it around him. For a moment I stood watching him as he began to relax and stroked the hair lovingly away from his eyes. Finally after all these years he was here right in front of me.
I managed to tear my gaze away from him and glance around the dark room, I had completely forgotten the fact that this dingy little room only had one bed and at this moment in time, that one bed was occupied by the gunman. Sighing I realised I was left with two choices, the floor or the floor. I smiled slightly at this situation I never thought I would find myself in and it was now in the heavy silence I realised just how cold it was. My breath had started to mist when I exhaled and I shivered, this night was not going to be comfortable.
"Where will you sleep?" Came the troubled question from behind me and I turned to see Vash lying on his side, half asleep yet still conscious enough to notice my problem.
"Just over there." He seemed sceptical so I added, "I'll be fine." He looked even more sceptical now and started to sit up again. I rushed back to his side and pushed him back with a stern look to 'stay put' and couldn't help but smile at his startled look.
"You need a good nights sleep." That was reason enough for my caring behaviour.
"So do you." He replied and I fell silent - I couldn't argue against the truth.
"Then what do you propose we do?" I asked, raising an eyebrow in question.
In that second I saw his eyes take on the glint of mischief and amusement and my heart faltered, he was already beginning to return to his old self. He leaned forwards whilst I was preoccupied with how pretty his eyes looked and grabbed my wrists. I gave a small squeak of protest before I found myself being pulled forwards to lay sprawled over him on the bed, my face just inches away from his own. Oh how inviting his mouth looked right at this moment; warm and gentle...he was something I thought a man could never be. I raised my eyes from his mouth to look into his own aqua orbs and felt my face heat up with embarrassment.
"W-what are you-" he placed a finger over my mouth and gently rolled me over so I was lying beside him rather than on top of him. He grabbed the blanket and wrapped it gently around me
"Please..." He whispered as he snuggled closer, his breath tickling my ear, "Stay with me."
At that moment in time I found it impossible to speak and instead I nodded and snuggled even closer, not caring that I was showing him affection. This might be my one chance to be this close to him, so why not go along with it?
"You must have been so alone..." I murmured, not really knowing what I was saying, "and I thought I was lonely...it seems stupid now when I think of your situation."
"Lonely? I didn't know you were lonely?" He sounded suddenly awake.
"Oh I know I had Millie, but somehow it wasn't enough..."
"Where is the big girl anyway?"
"She stayed behind with someone...a boyfriend actually."
"Ah I see." Vash smiled, "At least she was able to move on and be happy."
"Yes I agree." I nodded and tried to smile. "It was so nice to see her smile again, not one of those fake smiles but a true one." I paused and looked nervously up at him, "I guess seeing Millie with someone...and being so happy made me a little jealous." I couldn't believe I was telling him all this, but for some reason those kind, understanding eyes made me feel safe.
"You could have done it too?"
"Done what?"
"Found someone to settle down with, been happy and have a few genuine smiles of your own." He grinned and I laughed slightly, little did he know that I had already found the man I wanted to spend my life with.
"No, my life can't be that simple...my life has never been that simple. Even when I was a child living at home it seemed that nothing was going to go my way." Tears beaded in my eyes.
"Why what happened?"
At that moment something strange clicked inside of me, I needed to tell someone about my past and I wondered whether Vash could be that person.
"I don't want to burden you with my pathetic past." I muttered but he simply wrapped an arm around me and gave me a warm smile, which said more than words ever could.
"I was the youngest of two children living with my parents in a small village, my mother and father were very much in love and were envied by many. You might have said it was a perfect family except for one thing; my mother's job. She was an officer and being that meant she faced a lot of danger." I wriggled closer.
"One day she was called away on an important investigation. My father begged her not to go but she did anyway. The mission failed...and my mother died."
Vash tightened his grip around me and a few tears escaped from my eyes, "My father was heart broken and turned to drink. Every night he would come home totally drunk and destroy anything that reminded him of my mother. Of course he couldn't just dispose of me as easily as photographs. So instead he took his frustration and anger out on my sister and me, in the end we both ran away and left him. My sister is the only one in my family I talk to now."
"I finally understand." Vash whispered and I looked up to meet his gaze.
"What?" Now I was confused,
"Why you act so defensive around guys and why you never drink and get so angry when me and Millie used to get drunk."
"I suppose so."
"Meryl." I loved the way he said my name. "You know that I would never hurt you."
"Oh Vash." I smiled and rolled my eyes, "You wouldn't hurt a fly."
He laughed quietly and leaned forward to rest his forehead against mine.
"Vash."
"Hmm?"
"Thank you for listening, I didn't realise how much I needed to get that out in the open." I smiled.
"Maybe...we could help each other heal." He said, was he...blushing?
"Does that mean you will stay with me?" My heart tightened with hope.
"Only if you want me to."
"I do."
"Meryl." I looked up questioningly but got no words, only a soft and tender kiss keeping me from saying anything.
At that moment nothing else mattered to me, he had obviously intended the kiss to be fleeting and gentle but I needed him to continue it. I had waited for this for so long now and I wasn't going to let him escape now. I pulled closer, pressing my eager mouth more fiercely to his. I could tell he was shocked at my actions but I couldn't stop myself. Carefully I slipped my arms around him letting one rest on the back of his head so as to stop him from pulling away. I hoped my lungs could hold out a little longer.
His mouth was so inviting that I wished we could stay like this forever; I had been swept away on the cloud of oblivious love. Everything was perfect, and no longer did I feel the chill of night, it had been replaced by an overwhelming warmth that filled me from head to toe.
Then suddenly the controlled part of my brain kicked in and I felt suddenly very embarrassed about what I was doing. I was kissing him! I mentally slapped myself for being such an idiot and pulled back sharply.
"I'm sorry." I murmured, trying to hide the shame from my eyes.
"For what?" I wanted to disappear.
"Does being stupid come naturally to you?" I snapped, I was totally ashamed of how I had reacted to him.
"No but I don't see why you apologised."
"Because I shouldn't have done that." I whispered, now I craved for more, his lips had tasted so sweet and they had been so warm, gentle and loving. Could he have kissed me like that if I was just a friend?
"But I made the first move." He stated, "I shouldn't have taken advantage of you like that."
"Forget it, I'm too tired to think straight." I rolled over and shuffled away from him as far as possible. At once the heat from his body dissolved into nothing and I shivered. It was so cold that I wanted nothing more than to cuddle up in his arms.
"Meryl..." His voice was so soft I barely heard it.
"What is it now?" I yawned.
"Do you hate me now?"
"No, now go to sleep."
"Meryl."
"WHAT!"
"I'm cold." He sounded like a three year old and I rolled over to face him.
"Me too but if I can deal with it then so can-" he cut me off as his arms wrapped around me and pulled me flush against him.
"If you don't hate me can we stay like this?" He asked and I blushed furiously.
"U-um well..."
"Please, I won't do anything perverted again. I promise." He paused and grinned, "Unless you want me to that is." I glared at him angrily and he held up his hands in surrender.
"I guess I have no choice but to trust you." I said calmly and rested my forehead against his chest. I would not miss out on this chance to spend a night sleeping in his arms.
When I dream...I dream that morning would never come.
I woke to find myself strangely warm and comfortable, my entire body felt like it belonged to someone else. All weariness was gone from my muscles and I felt so safe and secure. 'This is nice' I thought, a grin spreading across my face. I was about to fall asleep once more when I heard the sound of breathing and the faint pounding of a heartbeat in my ear.
I swallowed and nervously looked up to see Vash's sleeping face, he looked so cute when he was asleep that I had to resist the urge to kiss him. He shifted slightly and his arms tightened momentarily around me.
'If I stay here and let him wake to find me in his arms he might be annoyed at me, he might laugh or' I stopped that trail of thought and sighed 'if he caught me moving away I would lose any chance of showing my affections and I also might hurt his feelings.' I was in a hopeless situation and his heartbeat kept reminding me of just how close we were.
I looked up at him and noticed that his eyes were no longer closed; he was looking straight at me with that bright gaze.
"Good morning." He whispered and stroked the rebellious hair that had fallen into my eyes.
"Morning." I whispered back, this was so unreal; any moment now I was going to wake up to the cold, harsh bite of reality. He smiled at me and got out of the bed before walking into the bathroom to leave me alone to ponder on these negative thoughts. Sighing I wriggled into the warm hollow that he had left behind and breathed in the scent of his shampoo on the pillow - oh god he smelt wonderful.
The sound of running water was soothing but I didn't sleep, I forced my eyes to stay open and heard him re-enter the room. I rolled over to catch a glimpse of him and sighed, he was so beautiful. He had changed into a loose pair of pants, which looked about ready to fall from his slim waist. His chest was bare, his scars sketching patterns of honour and love onto his skin. I knew how shy he was of them but didn't he realise they made him more desirable?
"Do you have any plans for today?" I queried and smiled at how he shifted uncomfortably.
"I was going to find someplace to eat, you can come too if you like."
"Okay."
"But hurry up I'm starved." He said as he shrugged into a shirt.
Nodding I went into the bathroom and got changed as quickly as possible in case he got bored and decided to leave without me. I needn't have worried though for he was still waiting patiently for me when I came out. Together we walked out into the small town, which was filled with so many busy people. I was a little upset that Vash hadn't mentioned the kiss from last night and I figured that it was probably something he wanted to forget.
We found a restaurant that looked quite nice and quickly found a seat at a small table. After ordering I began to go into more detail about what had been happening in the past year or so, also filling in more information about Millie. I noticed him smiling and wished that I could capture that moment; it was such a perfect smile. He leaned forwards in his chair slightly and I felt giddy at his closeness, the memory of last night recreating itself in my mind.
"So Millie finally found true happiness."
"Seems so." I replied, not wanting jealousy to overtake me again.
"What about you?"
"I'm happy." I stated.
"So there is nothing in life you want? A husband or a change in lifestyle?"
"Ha." I felt sick with grief, "I need someone to love me in return before I can have a husband."
"Does that mean you do love someone?"
"That's none of your business." I diverted my gaze praying that he didn't notice my blush.
"Do you?" He rested a hand on mine and I felt a panic rise within me. Why the hell did he care about my personal life...he couldn't be...jealous could he? Without thinking I opened my mouth and spoke, "I...yes I do." I covered my mouth with my hand to stop myself from saying anything else. I felt his shocked gaze on me and stood up. "I have work to do, I'll see you later. If you need to get to the room ask at the front desk." With that I dashed out of the restaurant, not daring to look back.
The day seemed to go much too quickly and before I knew it the suns were heading down to nestle amongst the sand. As I carried some forms back to the inn I wondered where Vash was. Maybe he had already left and I would return to a cold and empty room. These thoughts were dashed as I opened the door to find him sitting on the edge of the bed looking a little lost in thought.
His head snapped up to look at me; his eyes were filled with apology. "About earlier" he began "I didn't mean to pry."
"I know, and I'm sorry." I smiled slightly and sat down beside him.
"So do you really love someone?" He asked with an amused smirk, which did nothing but irritate me.
"Is it so hard to believe? I do have a heart you know, even if I don't always show it."
"I know you do, so..."
"So?"
"Tell me about this guy then."
"Why do you care all of a sudden?" My tone hinted on annoyance.
"Because I want to make sure he is right for you." He grinned and I rolled my eyes.
"Well...he is a traveller which is perfect because I don't really like staying put either. He is kind, sweet, caring but also a bit of an idiot." I paused and hoped he wouldn't realise that the man I had just described was him.
"So have you told him how you feel?"
"No."
"Why not?" He was looking at me with a strange expression on his face.
"Because...I'm a coward, I'm too afraid of being rejected or losing him as a friend. I...I don't want to be alone anymore." My voice was almost a whisper.
"I understand how you feel." Vash said wrapping an arm around my shoulder affectionately.
"You do?" I glanced up into his eyes - they were beautiful.
"Yes, better than you know." He sighed and closed his eyes. "Meryl...I don't think this man would hurt you if he is what you say he is. Even if he doesn't have such strong feelings for you he will understand. That I can promise you." I nodded and rested against his shoulder feeling suddenly exhausted physically and mentally.
When I dream...I dream I was brave.
Shivering slightly I rolled over and found something warm beside me. I snuggled closer to the source of comfort, letting my hands crawl up to rest against it along with the side of my head. As I lay in the warmth I heard the steady sound, which took me a second to distinguish as a heartbeat. At that realisation I tried to pull away but two strong arms held me in place. What was he playing at?!
"You're cold." He murmured as an explanation and pulled the blanket further around me.
"Thanks."
"Don't mention it."
"Vash..."
"Yeah?" I looked up into his face and felt the familiar ache in my heart.
"I have to leave in the morning."
"W-why? Is it because of me?"
"No silly, I have to go back to headquarters to file my reports."
"Oh." He reached up and brushed his fingertips against my cheek.
"Vash..." I felt tears form in my eyes.
"What's wrong?"
"About what we were talking about last night." My voice was barely a whisper.
"Yeah."
"That person...the man I love...is you." I paused and felt a pain deep inside of me. Now no amount of pretence could save me from total despair when he rejects me. He had remained silent so being me I filled the gap.
"I mean I know you don't feel the same and personally I don't blame you." I proceeded on getting out of his arms, which proved easy. "I mean for one thing I always hit you - but you can't blame me for doing it - and I'm not exactly pretty." I was out of the bed by now and moving over to my suitcase. "I work too much and the life I lead is not exactly something to boast about." I knelt down checking that my suitcase was closed properly. "Plus you don't need any more complications in your life, it just wouldn't be fair." I laughed somewhat hysterically "why the hell did I even fall for someone like you?" I knew why...because he was Vash, and being Vash was all that mattered. "Well look at the time, I better go. Bye." With that said I leapt for the door and darted out of the building.
Surprisingly I found I couldn't cry, maybe it was because I had run out of tears, I didn't know. The town was already starting to wake up, with the children heading out with their parents and shops being opened for another day of business. I wondered what time the bus would be arriving in town and quickened my pace towards the bus stop. At arriving there I checked the time - ten minutes - and sat down on a bench to wait impatiently. I just hoped I could get away before the shock of my words died down and allowed him to run after me.
At least I had told him this time, finally I might be able to move on with my life and at least he was safe and sound. I looked up and felt relief wash through me at seeing the bus making its way slowly along the road. It was early.
"Meryl!" He had seen me and I stood up to wait for the bus to pull to a stop. Why was it taking so damn long to get here?
"Meryl please don't go...I love you...please don't leave me." Had I heard him correctly? Whirling around I came face to face with the man more important to me than my very existence.
"W-what did you just say?" I asked as he grabbed my arms and pulled me to him.
"I said..." he paused to catch his breath. "I love you Meryl Stryfe." My heart exploded from the emotions filling me and tears of disbelief, shock and joy flowed from my eyes.
"Do you mean it?" I asked stupidly and he nodded as he led me away from the bus stop so as I wouldn't be tempted as the doors swung open. He held me so tight that my feet didn't even touch the ground and I encased his neck with my arms.
He leaned forward and our lips met, first it was soft and light as a feather; a row of small, shy kisses. Our eyes stayed locked throughout and my mouth burned with intense passion. I leaned forwards, pressing my mouth eagerly against his. He reacted just as hungrily pulling me closer still so that our heartbeats locked and beat together as one.
I let my lips part slightly to entice him further and he took the bait without hesitation, brushing his tongue against my lower lip before deepening it further. I had never been kissed so lovingly in my entire life and the whole experience was fantastic. Vash sighed lightly and pulled away reluctantly so we could catch our breath and lowered me to the ground. My legs wobbled and I had to clutch his arm to remain standing.
It was then that we noticed everyone watching us and I blushed furiously under their gaze. I sneaked a look at Vash so see a glimmer of embarrassment in his own eyes. He squeezed my arm comfortingly and led me away.
"That was your fault!" I hissed.
"What?" He was giving me that innocent look again.
"Kissing me like that in public." I elaborated.
"Hey, if I remember correctly you were the one who insisted that tongues get involved." He grinned and I was tempted to hit him.
"I missed my bus." I told him in mock anger.
"Oh well." He shrugged, "I guess we will have to find some way to pass the time until the next one." He grinned mischievously "So?" He looked into my eyes.
"You pervert." I joked and he made a great show of looking offended.
"I was talking about finding a bakery somewhere." His eyes shone, "What else did you think I was talking about?" My blush deepened and I scowled at him, I secretly hoped he would never stop teasing me.
"Well let's go." He said and lifted me up into his arms.
"Hey! Where are we going?"
"I think donuts can wait, I like your idea better."
"I didn't tell you what I was thinking." I pointed out.
"I know how your mind works Miss Meryl." He began walking faster and I looked up at him from my place in his arms.
Now when I dream...I dream of the love I have finally found.
The End
Angel: You make me sick!
Knives: Not as sick as you make me!
Angel: Yeah well I don't care!
Knives: Me either.
Angel: I'm not talking to you.
Knives: That's sooo mature.
Angel: la laa laaa not listening!!
Vash: -lying on the sand with Kuroneko looking extremely bored- how long do you think they are gonna keep this up?
Kuroneko: Nyaa!
Legato: I'd say another hour or so.
Vash: Ahh! Where the hell did you come from...and what happened to your face?
Legato: I got bundled by all these crazy fan girls back in town.
Vash: wow...scary!
Legato: -nods-
Note: Well this one was much happier than my other fic. So if you want to you can leave a review and I'll write more fics for you as soon as I get hit with another bolt of inspiration
'Love and Peace'