My second fanfic! I don't own "Pokemon" or any other animes or shows I use, in case you forgot. Thanks to Vicious Mewtwo for showing me his consent!
: WAITING
Announcer: Last week, on a very special "Pokemon Coast to Coast":
(Bulbasaur and Squirtle in an operating room, with heart monitors beeping in background)
Bulbasaur: Get me 100 cc's of bolgerdrine, stat! Clear!
Squirtle: Still no pulse.
Bulbasaur: Clear!
(A blue Mustang is racing down the street, followed by a van. A truck collides with a parked car and rolls over. Two Charmanders appear on the screen in front of Bulbasaur)
Charmander 1: I'm Charmander.
Charmander 2: No, I'm Charmander.
Bulbasaur: W-, wa-, wait a minute...
(Scene changes, now in a tropical setting)
Bulbasaur: A stolen treasure map?
Squirtle: A stolen treasure map?
(Another multi-car crash, in slow motion)
(In the Oval Office)
Squirtle: The clock is ticking, Mr. President. You must make a choice!
Bulbasaur: (as the President) A stolen treasure map?
(Green smoke seeps from a box in a van, which then explodes)
(Squirtle and Bulbasaur in a kitchen)
Squirtle: I, I think I'm pregnant!
Bulbasaur: (stares back, with dramatic sting music)
(Charmander riding in the bus)
Charmander: (laughs evilly)
Announcer: And now, the conclusion.
(Special opening titles and theme, a la "Charlie's Angels", with Squirtle, Charmander and Bulbasaur in the title screen, with subtitles: "Pokemon Coast to Coast / © MIII Game Freak")
Announcer: Pokemon Coast to Coast, a Game Freak Production. With Bulbasaur (Bulbasaur), Squirtle (Squirtle), koochie-koochie girl Charo (Molly Hale), Charmander (Charmander), Mihoshi (Mihoshi Kuramitsu), Donald Duck (Donald Duck)
Adrienne Barbeau: Well, there we are...
Announcer: Adrienne Barbeau (handy man), and special guest stars Daffy Duck and from "Final Fantasy 7" Yuffie Kisaragi. Pokemon Coast to Coast will continue after these messages.
: INTERRUPT FEED
: START FEED
Announcer: (over dramatic music) Tonight's episode, "Hickory Dickory Dead". (screen subtitles: "Hickory Dickory Dead / Act I")
Bulbasaur: (walks in) Greetings! I'm Bulbasaur!
Announcer: Meanwhile, back at the set...
Bulbasaur: I can take it from here.
Announcer: I'm sorry.
Squirtle: You got Charmander?
Bulbasaur: Nope. Got something better. Mihoshi! You okay in there, buddy? Think we're about to start in a minute.
Mihoshi: (in control room) Is this on?
Squirtle: You got Mihoshi?
Bulbasaur: Yeah, what's wrong with that?
Squirtle: Nothing'...
Mihoshi: (click!) Is this on? (click!) (click!)
Squirtle: ... if you like crybabies.
Mihoshi: (click!) Is this on?
Bulbasaur: Yes, Mihoshi, go ahead.
Mihoshi: (click!) Bulbas- (click)
Bulbasaur: Yes, go ahead.
Mihoshi: (click!) Hello? (tap tap tap) Is this on? (click!)
Bulbasaur: Yes, Mihoshi, I can hear you!
Mihoshi: (click!) -at, you Bulbasa- (click!)
Bulbasaur: (clears throat and sighs)
Mihoshi: (click!) Hi Ki- (click!) (click!) (click!)
Bulbasaur: Mihoshi!
Mihoshi: (click!) -ing is broken. I thi- (click!)
Bulbasaur: No, it's, it's not broken, just keep the button pushed in.
Squirtle: It's the red button!
Mihoshi: (long pause) (click!) broken! (click!)
Bulbasaur: No, just keep the button pushed in!
Squirtle: It's the big button, it's...
(Mihoshi presses the wrong button, screen changes to Japanese test pattern)
Mihoshi: Whoops! Hello...
Bulbasaur: No, no, the other button, the other one. The other one!
Squirtle: It's the button, it's right in front of ya!
Mihoshi: (throws lever, screen returns to normal) Okay, I think I got it.
Bulbasaur: (sighs) Good. You're clear on how the feeds work, right?
Mihoshi: (gives salute) 10-4 on that, Bulbasaur. Over and out!
Bulbasaur: Send in the guests.
Mihoshi: Now?
Bulbasaur: Yes.
Mihoshi: Who? I-i-is, is it that time?
Bulbasaur: Yes, it's that time.
Mihoshi: (throws lever) Uh, no... (throws another lever) let's see, uh... (throws another lever) Yeah, right...
Bulbasaur: Please welcome famous comedians, Daffy Duck and Yuffie Kisaragi. (Monitor lowers, showing another test pattern with a foreign language speaking) (in quiet voice) Okay, all right. Mihoshi...
Mihoshi: I can do that better. (throws another lever, screen shows a different test pattern)
Bulbasaur: Uh, y'know, folks, I ran into Daffy Duck just last year at a celebrity Pro Am down in Myrtle, Myrtle Beach last year. Myrtle Beach, right, Squirtle?
Squirtle: Pebble.
Bulbasaur: Pebble Beach, right.
Mihoshi: GOT IT!
Bulbasaur: Daffy Duck! (another test pattern on the screen)
Mihoshi: I, I, I thought I got it.
Bulbasaur: Mihoshi, what the heck's going on in there, buddy?
Mihoshi: (finally gets picture of Donald Duck) Guest coming up! Fresh off the griddle (throws lever)
Bulbasaur: (under his breath) Well, it's about time.
Donald Duck: (squawks on and on)
Bulbasaur: This isn't Daffy Duck.
Squirtle: Yeah, I know.
Bulbasaur: This is Donald Duck.
Squirtle: Right.
Bulbasaur: No, it's not right. It's wrong. Very wrong.
Squirtle: So?
Bulbasaur: I think we have a problem.
Squirtle: Houston...
Bulbasaur: Listen, Squirtle, can you operate the feeds?
Squirtle: Me?
Bulbasaur: Yeah.
Squirtle: Nnnno.
Bulbasaur: Well, super!
Squirtle: Problem?
Bulbasaur: Oh, shut up!
(Title graphic and dramatic theme music; subtitle: "Act II")
(Scene of a "Pokemon Master Quest" episode, with foreign language overdubs)
(Title graphic and dramatic theme music; subtitle: "Act III")
Daffy Duck: (on control room monitor) [Burp!] Sorry, I just had, like, a tuna sandwich, uh, slimy eggs in it.
Mihoshi: Yeah, I could tell, would you like a mint?
Bulbasaur: (walks in to control room) Mihoshi, what are you doing? Is Donald Duck here?
Mihoshi: Yeah, he's out there.
Bulbasaur: "He"? You gave me Donald Duck!
Mihoshi: Oops. Oh well, no biggie.
Bulbasaur: Yes, biggie! You screwed up the fe-... wait a minute. Who's this?
Daffy Duck: (points to Jim) That's my manager, the mighty Yuffie. (laughs)
Yuffie Kisaragi: (waves) Mighty Yuffie, of Earth.
Bulbasaur: And you're... Daffy Duck.
Daffy Duck: Yes, sir.
Yuffie Kisaragi: That is correct
Mihoshi: We were just having a lovely conversation about tuna...
Bulbasaur: Well, that's nice. Now, would you give me the right guests so I can do my job? You know, talk show host?
Mihoshi: Oh, sorry. (throws lever, sends Daffy and Yuffie to monitor on set. Bulbasaur walks out) You think you're so hot. I can twist you and punch you and hurt you so badly, I can...
Bulbasaur: (runs back in) I heard that! (walks out)
Mihoshi: I didn't say anything!
(Bulbasaur walks to set)
Daffy Duck: I, I tell you why you're so...
Yuffie Kisaragi: Look at the pics, look at Bulbasaur, man, when you talk.
Daffy Duck: Oh, that.
Bulbasaur: Well, looky there, Squirtle. It's Daffy Duck!
Squirtle: Wow! Everybody limbo!
Daffy Duck: Good evening, my good man.
Yuffie Kisaragi: Hey.
Bulbasaur: Howdy, Daffy. Did Mihoshi treat you in a pleasant, courteous and professional manner?
Daffy Duck: I, I hated him.
Bulbasaur: Oh, you did?
Daffy Duck: Yeah.
Bulbasaur: What was the problem?
Daffy Duck: She had an annoying little voice. I wanted to smash her, with my foot. (laughs)
Bulbasaur: Well, uh, we're, we're in a transitional state...
Mihoshi: (over intercom) Hi, everybody! Listen up!
Bulbasaur: Mihoshi!
Mihoshi: Bulbasaur! Clean up on aisle eight! (laughs)
Bulbasaur: Mihoshi!
Daffy Duck: She gets annoying.
Mihoshi: This intercom thing is a pip!
Bulbasaur: Would you excuse me for a moment?
Yuffie Kisaragi: Okay.
Bulbasaur: (runs off)
Mihoshi: (still laughing) Owww! You're squeezing my arm!
(Title graphic and dramatic theme music; subtitle: "Act IV")
(Dynablade from (Kirby: Right Back at Ya!) and Bulbasaur in a kitchen)
Dynablade: Bulbasaur, I think I'm pregnant!
Bulbasaur: (stares back, with dramatic sting music)
(Title graphic and dramatic theme music; subtitle: "Act V")
(Yuffie is playing "air guitar" to toy guitar music)
Bulbasaur: (laughs) That's pretty keen! You guys are quite the talented people!
Daffy Duck: We're big fans of, uh, the musical part of your show.
Bulbasaur: You like the Squirtle, do you?
Daffy Duck: Oh yeah, oh yeah.
Yuffie Kisaragi: Love Squirtle.
Bulbasaur: Well, what do you know? Hey, Squirtle, did you hear that, buddy?
Squirtle: "Buddy"?
Bulbasaur: Looks like you've got some fans.
Squirtle: Bite me, Daffy! (Daffy and Yuffie stare back at Squirtle) I bet you think you're evil now!
Yuffie Kisaragi: We love evil.
Squirtle: Really! Well, aren't we the pretty ones!
Yuffie Kisaragi: Yes.
Bulbasaur: Squirtle, they're fans of yours!
Squirtle: Well, that's what they expect!
Bulbasaur: You're twisted.
Squirtle: Yep.
Bulbasaur: Well guys, I'm going to give you a break. I'm going to let you play a song for Squirtle! Ladies and gentlemen, Daffy Duck!
(A clip from "Yankee Doodle Daffy" is shown, in which Daffy performs "I'm Just Wild About Harry")
Squirtle: Well, that was stupid.
Bulbasaur: Squirtle!
Squirtle: Well, it was.
(Title graphic and dramatic theme music; subtitle: "Act VI")
(Quick! Turn off your monitor for ten seconds!)
(Title graphic and dramatic theme music; subtitle: "Act VII")
Yuffie Kisaragi: Hey, could, (laughs) hey, could we smoke a cigar, or is it gonna mess with the oxygen in here?
Bulbasaur: And just where pray tell did you get those grubby things? Did Mihoshi give them to you?
Yuffie Kisaragi: (to Daffy) You want a cigar?
Daffy Duck: No, you go ahead, man.
Bulbasaur: Char- Er, Mihoshi!
Mihoshi: What?
Bulbasaur: Did you give the guys cigars?
Mihoshi: Well... yes.
Bulbasaur: And why did you do that?
Mihoshi: Well, my daddy always said, "There's nothing like a good stogie to clean the pipes." Y'know?
Bulbasaur: No, I don't know. Here I am, on this anti-smoking campaign, doing telethons, dressing as a clown and visiting children's hospitals, donating time and money out of my own schedule, and then here you come, (doing Mihoshi imitation) "Here, fellas, smoke up!"
Mihoshi: But... but I was just being hospitable.
Bulbasaur: Hospitable? Hospitable? MIHOSHI, YOU'RE FIRED!!
Mihoshi: Oh, pooh! (Bulbasaur walks to control room) St-st-stay away from me! I'm a police officer!
Bulbasaur: Tell me where Charmander is.
Mihoshi: I don't know what you're talking about.
Bulbasaur: Don't play dumb.
Mihoshi: No! Please! Don't hit!
Bulbasaur: Tell me where Charmander went, and I won't!
Mihoshi: But I can't! Squirtle told me not to tell.
Squirtle: I did not!
Mihoshi: He, he said he would get his swarm of angry henchmen...
Squirtle: I did no such thing.
Mihoshi: He said he was going to...
Bulbasaur: Squirtle doesn't have a swarm of henchmen.
Mihoshi: He doesn't?! (Squirtle laughs) Oh, you liar you!
Bulbasaur: You give me no choice, Mihoshi. I'm going to count to three.
Mihoshi: But... but...
Bulbasaur: One two THREE!
Mihoshi: (crying) Okay, okay! Charmander's on a bus!
Bulbasaur: A bus!?
Mihoshi: To Jacksonville! That's all I know! (sobbing) Just, just don't hurt me! Don't hurt me! (sobs louder)
Bulbasaur: Calm down, you big baby!
Mihoshi: Don't touch me!
Bulbasaur: Squirtle, take over the show. Don't escape, okay?
Squirtle: Oh, I won't.
Bulbasaur: I've got some heat to seek.
Squirtle: What?
Bulbasaur: Well, uh, you know what I'm talkin' about. (runs off)
Squirtle: (to Mihoshi) Pansy!
(Title graphic and dramatic theme music; subtitle: "Act VIII")
(Scyther and Bulbasaur in a kitchen)
Scyther: Bulbasaur, it has come to my attention that I am pregnant!
Bulbasaur: (stares back, with dramatic sting music)
(Title graphic and dramatic theme music; subtitle: "Act IX")
(Squirtle is in Bulbasaur's chair, talking to Daffy and Yuffie)
Squirtle: Wanna go outside?
Yuffie Kisaragi: (laughs) What would happen?
Squirtle: You'd explode.
Yuffie Kisaragi: Uh huh.
Squirtle: Come on. It's fun.
(Title graphic and dramatic theme music; subtitle: "Epilogue")
(Charmander riding in a bus)
Charmander: (singing) "Everybody's talking' at me, I don't hear a word they're sayin', just..."
Bulbasaur: (sits next to Charmander) Going somewhere, little Timmy?
Charmander: (surprised) Waaa!
Bulbasaur: It was the perfect plan, wasn't it?
Charmander: Look, if you're trying to wear me down, so I'll confess something I didn't do, I won't do it.
Bulbasaur: I just want the truth.
Charmander: Hey listen, the truth is, I know nothing about the plane crash, or the whereabouts of Umberto Malzone!
Bulbasaur: You think he's gonna protect you? You fool. You're useless to him now! Men like him don't hang, Charmander! Men like him watch their own neck.
Charmander: You're kidding.
Bulbasaur: I don't feel like kidding today, Charmander. I need to know. Are you going to leave me? (dramatic sting music)
Charmander: Nah.
Bulbasaur: Okay.
(Dramatic "wrap-up" music, similar to "Dragnet")
Announcer: (Charmander still) After the Jacksonville incident, Charmander was returned to her post as director of the show, given a spanking, and told never to escape again. (Mihoshi still) Mihoshi Kuramitsu was also swatted lightly across the fanny for her role in the Daffy Duck debacle. (Bulbasaur still) Bulbasaur resumed his duties as host of the popular fan fiction series, and was later to be spotted that very evening with gal pal Chikorita. (Passenger 12 still) Upon Bulbasaur's arrival, Passenger 12 choked on a 'Cracklin Tatah'. Witnesses quoted him as saying, "Man, there's a 'Cracklin Tatah' choked in ma throat." (Squirtle still) Squirtle eventually led Daffy Duck to the outer air lock, where he and Yuffie Kisaragi were heard to say, "Shouldn't I put on a suit or something?" (Daffy Duck still) Daffy Duck exploded in deep space. (Donald Duck still) Quark quark quark. Quark, quark, quark…
(Credits roll over following lines)
Announcer: The story you have just heard is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent. Speaking of names, I have a kitty named Fluffy. Sometimes Fluffy scratches the sofa, and I say, "Down, Fluffy, down, or Fluffy get no din-din." Sometimes Fluffy urp in the corner. Fluffy knows better than that. Cats are fun. I like them.
(Dramatic theme music)