Rainbow's End: 'I'd Rather Leave While I'm In Love' 9/11
I'D RATHER LEAVE WHILE I'M IN LOVE
Sam arrived at his apartment in record time, despite a stop on the way. He was about to unlock the door and go in but it felt wrong, so he knocked and waited. He knew it would take Alexandra a moment to get to the door so he waited but he vowed to himself that if she wasn't there by a slow count to twenty he was entering anyway.
This contingency proved to be redundant, however as he heard the latch being drawn and the door opening. Alex was surprised to see Sam standing in front of her.
"Sam? I thought you were in California."
"Yeah. I need to talk to you about that."
"O.K." Alex looked doubtful, then she realised that he was still standing outside. "Sam? Do you maybe wanna come in?"
"Yeah. Thanks." He said. He walked in and sat down on a chair while Alexandra sat down on the sofa, where there was a book resting on the arm: 'Mansfield Park'. "You're reading that?" Sam asked nodding toward the book.
"Yeah. I think I've already finished every other book I own, some of them several times."
"I thought you refused to read that book."
"I did refuse to read that book when I was at high school."
"You know, you are the only person I know that could actually pass a Literature exam and do well without actually having read any of the books the exam was on."
"What can I say? It's a gift! Besides, I read some of the books."
"You read two plays and you read the Chaucer."
"I read The Great Gatsby too."
"You told me you read that before you studied it."
"I did, still read it though."
"Yes, but on the other hand you didn't read 'To Kill A Mockingbird', 'Paradise Lost', 'A Passage To India' or the aforementioned."
"I think you should know then, that I have now rectified that."
"Good." Sam took a deep breath. It was time to talk about something he didn't want to. "I asked Josh to cover for me, and Ginger and Bonnie when I was sick..."
"You were sick?"
"I was a little sick." Sam said quickly, trying to trivialise things.
"Oh no."
"Any how, I couldn't stop here, so I booked myself into a hotel and told them to cover for me."
"Why didn't you come home, Sam? You could've come here."
"I couldn't. You'd not long been out of the hospital after the transfusion and I couldn't...anyway, when I was at the hotel I lots of time to think and all I could think of was myself. You know, I wasn't going to come back."
"What?" Alexandra was surprised. "I thought you were taking meetings in California."
"That's what I asked Josh to tell you, well I actually told him Florida but he obviously got lost somewhere along the way..." Sam was gabbling.
"You mean you weren't."
"You have to understand, Lex. I was scared. I am scared. Really scared. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone and the thought of losing you hurt me so much. I thought it would be easier if I just left. Easier for me at any rate."
"Sam, you were just gonna leave?"
"I was. And I'm so sorry.
I'd rather leave while I'm in love
While I still believe
The meaning of the word
I'll keep my dreams and just pretend
That you and I were never meant to end
Too many times I've seen the rose die on the vine
Somebody's heart gets broken
Usually it's mine I don't want to take the chance of being hurt again
And you and I
Can't say goodbye
So if you wake and find me gone
Hey babe, just carry on
You see I need my fantasy
I still believe it's best to leave while I'm in love
Too many times I've seen the rose die on the vine
Somebody's heart gets broken, usually it's mine
I don't want to take the chance of being hurt again
And you and I can't say goodbye
So if you wake and find me gone
Hey babe, just carry on
You see I need my fantasy I still believe
It's best to leave while I'm in love
It's best to leave while I'm in love
I'd rather leave while I'm in love
['I'd Rather Leave While I'm In Love' by Peter Allen]
"And do you still feel like that?" Alexandra broached nervously.
"I should have told you what I was thinking, not just gone letting Josh and Ginger and Bonnie keep lying to you." Sam took another deep breath. "You know, if it hadn't been for Toby, I don't think I'd be here now. He found out what I was doing and he came to talk, came to kick my ass."
"Good for him."
"I don't know how he found out."
"I called the office, it was him that answered."
"Ah. Anyway, I said some things that I know upset him so if I can get on apologising and what an idiot I am to you then I can go do the same to him."
"You upset Toby? Sam, you must have said something really bad."
"I did. But I'm not here to talk about that right now. I'm here to try to make things better between us and admit what an ass I've been."
"Well, I'd get on with it, then." Alexandra looked at him expectantly.
"Oh. Yeah. I'm sorry."
"Good then. Let's move on."
"What?"
"Sam, if you want to be free I'll stand aside. It would perhaps be better for the both of us we finished this now. It was wrong of me to impose myself and my condition on you, I mean we hardly knew each other when we got the diagnosis; I shouldn't have asked you to commit to something that would soon enough be over...You've already done more than you needed to. I can't ask you to stop your life and put it on hold for me. I think you might be right, it would be best for both of us if we call it a day now, it's my fault and I'm sorry, so very, very sorry. I love you, Sam, so I'll let you go."
"Damn. You couldn't have told me that sooner." Sam joked, Alexandra looked up at him and he reached his hand out to her.
"Well if you'd told me how you felt; that you wanted to go..." She couldn't get was Sam was finding so amusing.
"No. I meant before I went shopping."
"Why? D'you get me chocolates?" Now she understood, Sam was making an affirmation: he had chosen to stay with her.
"No."
"Flowers?"
"No."
"Well, then, what..."
"I got you this." Sam's hand dipped into his jacket pocket and pulled out a small box. "I'd like to come back, if you'll take me?" He said.
"Sam? Of course I'll take you. I mean, if nothing else this is your apartment."
"No this is our apartment, and I want you to have this." Sam gave the box to Alexandra. She flicked some hair from her face and opened the box slowly. She was curious to know what was in there.
"Sam!" she exclaimed.
"It's an eternity ring." It was a gold ring inset with rubies. The rubies alternated with little open hearts, ruby, heart, ruby, heart, all the way around.
"I can see...I mean, why?"
"I did want to get an engagement ring but I thought that might be inappropriate given my recent...thing. I just wanted you to know that I love you, I guess, and that I'll always love you. Forever."
"That's very sweet Sam. But I can't take this."
"Sure you can." Sam thought for a moment. "This doesn't fall into the same category as getting you a five year diary would, does it?"
"No. God, Sam, no. I mean... I don't know what I mean."
"I got a ruby one 'cos that's your birth stone. The birth stone for July is ruby."
"You know that how?"
"I know these things."
"O.K."
"You'll wear it?"
"I would love to." To show her commitment to this particular cause she took it from the box and began to put it on the ring finger of her left hand, Sam stopped her and finished off placing the ring.
"And you'll take me back?" He smiled a smile that would melt anyone and was irresistible.
"I hadn't let you go." Sam took her in his arms and they held each other tightly.
I'D RATHER LEAVE WHILE I'M IN LOVE
Sam arrived at his apartment in record time, despite a stop on the way. He was about to unlock the door and go in but it felt wrong, so he knocked and waited. He knew it would take Alexandra a moment to get to the door so he waited but he vowed to himself that if she wasn't there by a slow count to twenty he was entering anyway.
This contingency proved to be redundant, however as he heard the latch being drawn and the door opening. Alex was surprised to see Sam standing in front of her.
"Sam? I thought you were in California."
"Yeah. I need to talk to you about that."
"O.K." Alex looked doubtful, then she realised that he was still standing outside. "Sam? Do you maybe wanna come in?"
"Yeah. Thanks." He said. He walked in and sat down on a chair while Alexandra sat down on the sofa, where there was a book resting on the arm: 'Mansfield Park'. "You're reading that?" Sam asked nodding toward the book.
"Yeah. I think I've already finished every other book I own, some of them several times."
"I thought you refused to read that book."
"I did refuse to read that book when I was at high school."
"You know, you are the only person I know that could actually pass a Literature exam and do well without actually having read any of the books the exam was on."
"What can I say? It's a gift! Besides, I read some of the books."
"You read two plays and you read the Chaucer."
"I read The Great Gatsby too."
"You told me you read that before you studied it."
"I did, still read it though."
"Yes, but on the other hand you didn't read 'To Kill A Mockingbird', 'Paradise Lost', 'A Passage To India' or the aforementioned."
"I think you should know then, that I have now rectified that."
"Good." Sam took a deep breath. It was time to talk about something he didn't want to. "I asked Josh to cover for me, and Ginger and Bonnie when I was sick..."
"You were sick?"
"I was a little sick." Sam said quickly, trying to trivialise things.
"Oh no."
"Any how, I couldn't stop here, so I booked myself into a hotel and told them to cover for me."
"Why didn't you come home, Sam? You could've come here."
"I couldn't. You'd not long been out of the hospital after the transfusion and I couldn't...anyway, when I was at the hotel I lots of time to think and all I could think of was myself. You know, I wasn't going to come back."
"What?" Alexandra was surprised. "I thought you were taking meetings in California."
"That's what I asked Josh to tell you, well I actually told him Florida but he obviously got lost somewhere along the way..." Sam was gabbling.
"You mean you weren't."
"You have to understand, Lex. I was scared. I am scared. Really scared. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone and the thought of losing you hurt me so much. I thought it would be easier if I just left. Easier for me at any rate."
"Sam, you were just gonna leave?"
"I was. And I'm so sorry.
I'd rather leave while I'm in love
While I still believe
The meaning of the word
I'll keep my dreams and just pretend
That you and I were never meant to end
Too many times I've seen the rose die on the vine
Somebody's heart gets broken
Usually it's mine I don't want to take the chance of being hurt again
And you and I
Can't say goodbye
So if you wake and find me gone
Hey babe, just carry on
You see I need my fantasy
I still believe it's best to leave while I'm in love
Too many times I've seen the rose die on the vine
Somebody's heart gets broken, usually it's mine
I don't want to take the chance of being hurt again
And you and I can't say goodbye
So if you wake and find me gone
Hey babe, just carry on
You see I need my fantasy I still believe
It's best to leave while I'm in love
It's best to leave while I'm in love
I'd rather leave while I'm in love
['I'd Rather Leave While I'm In Love' by Peter Allen]
"And do you still feel like that?" Alexandra broached nervously.
"I should have told you what I was thinking, not just gone letting Josh and Ginger and Bonnie keep lying to you." Sam took another deep breath. "You know, if it hadn't been for Toby, I don't think I'd be here now. He found out what I was doing and he came to talk, came to kick my ass."
"Good for him."
"I don't know how he found out."
"I called the office, it was him that answered."
"Ah. Anyway, I said some things that I know upset him so if I can get on apologising and what an idiot I am to you then I can go do the same to him."
"You upset Toby? Sam, you must have said something really bad."
"I did. But I'm not here to talk about that right now. I'm here to try to make things better between us and admit what an ass I've been."
"Well, I'd get on with it, then." Alexandra looked at him expectantly.
"Oh. Yeah. I'm sorry."
"Good then. Let's move on."
"What?"
"Sam, if you want to be free I'll stand aside. It would perhaps be better for the both of us we finished this now. It was wrong of me to impose myself and my condition on you, I mean we hardly knew each other when we got the diagnosis; I shouldn't have asked you to commit to something that would soon enough be over...You've already done more than you needed to. I can't ask you to stop your life and put it on hold for me. I think you might be right, it would be best for both of us if we call it a day now, it's my fault and I'm sorry, so very, very sorry. I love you, Sam, so I'll let you go."
"Damn. You couldn't have told me that sooner." Sam joked, Alexandra looked up at him and he reached his hand out to her.
"Well if you'd told me how you felt; that you wanted to go..." She couldn't get was Sam was finding so amusing.
"No. I meant before I went shopping."
"Why? D'you get me chocolates?" Now she understood, Sam was making an affirmation: he had chosen to stay with her.
"No."
"Flowers?"
"No."
"Well, then, what..."
"I got you this." Sam's hand dipped into his jacket pocket and pulled out a small box. "I'd like to come back, if you'll take me?" He said.
"Sam? Of course I'll take you. I mean, if nothing else this is your apartment."
"No this is our apartment, and I want you to have this." Sam gave the box to Alexandra. She flicked some hair from her face and opened the box slowly. She was curious to know what was in there.
"Sam!" she exclaimed.
"It's an eternity ring." It was a gold ring inset with rubies. The rubies alternated with little open hearts, ruby, heart, ruby, heart, all the way around.
"I can see...I mean, why?"
"I did want to get an engagement ring but I thought that might be inappropriate given my recent...thing. I just wanted you to know that I love you, I guess, and that I'll always love you. Forever."
"That's very sweet Sam. But I can't take this."
"Sure you can." Sam thought for a moment. "This doesn't fall into the same category as getting you a five year diary would, does it?"
"No. God, Sam, no. I mean... I don't know what I mean."
"I got a ruby one 'cos that's your birth stone. The birth stone for July is ruby."
"You know that how?"
"I know these things."
"O.K."
"You'll wear it?"
"I would love to." To show her commitment to this particular cause she took it from the box and began to put it on the ring finger of her left hand, Sam stopped her and finished off placing the ring.
"And you'll take me back?" He smiled a smile that would melt anyone and was irresistible.
"I hadn't let you go." Sam took her in his arms and they held each other tightly.