15. Recover(up).
A disturbing new study finds that new studies are disturbing...
~

It was difficult to move stealthily while towing an intravenous drip on a wheeled frame, but their conversation did not falter as I stopped outside the door of the hospital room, so I judged my efforts successful.

Either that, or Misato and Dr Akagi were too preoccupied to notice.

"I'm telling you Ritsuko, he knew how to fly that thing."

Oh bother.

"And you know that the Evas operate on intuition extrapolation…"

"Of wings? Shinji and Rei couldn't intuit that!"

"What exactly are you suggesting, Misato?"

"I don't know! I saw his report from the Marduke Institute when he was chosen as the Fifth Child – aside from a birthday, and an address in Germany, there was nothing."

"…That report wasn't released to the Operations division."

Misato sounded bitter. "Yeah, well, forgive me for getting impatient with crumbs and a blindfold when I'm trying to defend humanity."

"It's not me you'll have to justify yourself to."

"Seriously, Ritsuko? There's something genuinely off with one of our pilots, and you're hung up on protocol for—ow!"

"Misato!" For a moment, genuine concern registered in Dr Akagi's voice. "Take it easy, would you? You were badly hurt."

"Not as badly as Kaworu." The pain and effort in Misato's voice wrung at me even as her suspicions filled me with fear. "And he was fully mobile minutes after getting stabbed."

"Unit 09's entry plug has direct life support systems, powered by the S2 engine's generation of amino acids and stem cells. Preliminary examination suggests that they're programmed to automatically repair physical injury to the pilot."

"Right…"

"Misato, you need to calm down and stop exerting yourself. Section Two already submitted a full brief on Kaworu, the same as the other Children."

There was a pause.

"I'd be a lot calmer if you'd bring me that beer I asked for." I could picture her smile.

Akagi chuckled. "I told you, not until they reduce your meds."

"Not even a half-strength?"

"College-age you would be appalled."

It was Misato's turn to laugh, and I breathed a sigh of relief. Hopefully her suspicion had been allayed.

…But why was Dr Akagi defending me? If she was the one suppressing my powers – and I was sure the IV drip in my arm, personally administered by her, had intensified the block, then why…?

"Kaworu?"

I jumped – I had not heard Shinji approach. The movement jolted the needle in the back of my hand and I winced.

"Oh! I'm sorry – are you okay?" His hand hovered above my wrist.

"I am fine," I replied, with a smile for both him and Rei, who had appeared at his side. "I heard there would be a briefing in Misato's room, so I just came by now – I'm glad I'm not too late."

"You're right on time," said Lt Aoba from behind me.

"Should you be up and about, Kaworu?" asked Lt Ibuki worriedly.

I waved off her concern. "Unsatisfied curiosity would have been more uncomfortable."

"Well, let's get you inside, at least," Lt Hyuga said, and as he opened the door Rei took my arm in support. (Shinji had started to reach out from my other side, but faltered before making contact, his face flushed. I guessed that the memory of our almost-kiss was making him as nervous as it was me.)

The occupants of the room looked up as we entered.

"Oh good, you're all here," said Dr Akagi.

"Great, let's get started already!" said Misato, and tried to lever herself upright only to cringe in pain.

"Misato!" said Shinji.

Hyuga rushed to her side. "Major, the bed does that for you!" He retrieved the control and passed it to her, with a reproachful look.

"Oh yeah…" She accepted it sheepishly, and after a false start managed to raise the head of the bedframe so she was seated, rather than prone.

Satisfied that his guardian was finished unnecessarily straining herself, Shinji turned his attention to me. "Kaworu, here…" He arranged one of the visitors' chairs for me, and as Rei helped me seated myself Dr Akagi checked on my IV drip. I thought I detected satisfaction in her professional façade, but she said nothing, instead turning her focus to Aoba, who addressed the room.

"Matsushiro NERV has been shut down and all ranking officers taken into custody by the JSSDF," he said, "with most other personnel under house arrest, supervised by the regional government. It seems like they were in league with Mumbai from a while back, though we can't say for certain exactly when the alliance began."

"A lot of both branches' records have been destroyed," added Ibuki. "Our computers took over their MAGI-02 without too much trouble, and we're combing for any recoverable data, but it's slow going."

Aoba continued, "What we do know is that Lieutenant Singh's attack on Unit 00 in Kaworu's activation test was directed by General Watanabe during her visit to Tokyo-3, in order to gain our confidence. It was codenamed Operation Kobayashi Maru, and the malicious program Singh 'tried'—" (he crooked two fingers on each hand around the word) "—to upload was similar to what we've now found traces of in Unit 09 during primary examination."

Shinji started. "I thought we deleted the programming when we took over at Matsushiro?"

"We cut the external connections," I elaborated, "and reset the armour controls, cycling down to basic intuitive parameters."

Misato looked begrudgingly impressed. "So you didn't have the parasympathetic translator support? And you were able to stabilise mobility coordination by yourselves?"

Rei nodded. "Three pilots working together provided mutual reinforcement."

"It was a bit like that time with Asuka in Unit 02, with the Pacific fleet," said Shinji, smiling in remembrance. "Or the dancing against the seventh Angel."

"Dancing?" I was intrigued – I had had a report of their engagement with Israfel, but the musical aspect of the combat had not been emphasised. "Is there a record of this?"

Shinji looked alarmed. "I hope not!" he said, as Ibuki giggled.

Misato admitted, "There is so much video."

"Oh no … it was so goofy…"

"It wasn't goofy! It was very impressive." But she was smiling in the way she always did when teasing him.

Rei spoke up in his support, "The second battle against the seventh Angel demonstrated both technical skill and strong empathic connection between pilots Ikari and Soryu."

"…The second battle, yeah," Hyuga apparently couldn't resist emphasising, and Shinji buried his face in his hands.

Again the limitations of SEELE's briefings to me were suggested. "Not the first battle, though?"

"There's video of that, too," Misato assured me, apparently too overcome with glee to maintain her distance towards me. I grinned at her.

"We're getting off topic," said Akagi firmly, though the corner of her mouth twitched, and Aoba cleared his throat as the rest of us composed ourselves.

"Uh, as I was saying, there are traces of Lieutenant Singh's program in Unit 09, but they're well isolated, and the MAGI are in the process of decrypting and destroying them."

"It looks like their control of the Eva was compromised anyway," Hyuga added, "since when it activated, instead of going straight to Tokyo-3 it attacked the observation platform – and Kaworu."

"Why did it do that?" Shinji burst out. His hands clenched, white-knuckled.

I remembered Adam within me crying out at General Watanabe's assault, and realised that the vocalisation by Unit 09 had been in key, resonant with it. Somehow my parent had summoned their shadow, the Lilim's servant, to serve their own purpose – to save me, or rather, to save us both.

Perhaps they had been assisted by the dummy plug clone's desire to confront me, which was only able to be realised before I died by bringing me to it through the Evangelion – but whether the clone had originally wanted to steal my soul, or fuse with me, or something else entirely, I couldn't have speculated.

…Maybe it had been lonely?...

Either way, when our minds were linked by Unit 09, the result was beyond anything my clone could have expected – through me, it experienced that most unpredictable, most uncontrollable of human catastrophies: love. Having no heart of its own, it was indefensibly overwhelmed by what was in mine, to the point of mimicking the self-sacrifice I had chosen (and would, in an instant, choose again) for the sake of Shinji.

For just a moment of its existence – the final moment – one of my empty-vessel copies had not been so empty after all.

Thank you, I thought, and wished it could have heard me.

Dr Akagi was speaking, and I brought my attention back to my present company. "It's impossible to interpret the actions of an Eva in berserk mode. The attack may have been an organic response to Mumbai's programming, or possibly it was aiming for the Commander – which, considering it then directly attacked and killed her, seems likely."

Looking at my hands, I declined to mention that Unit 09's fatal assault on General Watanabe had been my own impulse – for what amounted to murder, albeit in the defence of others, I could expect at the very least to be court-martialled and imprisoned, if not executed. The spectre of a pilot utilising an Evangelion to harm humans was feared by all, and understandably so – the only reason such power as wielded by the Evas was permitted to exist, was that it be used solely against the enemies of all humankind, the Angels.

…And of course, I was now an Angel who had directly killed one of the Lilim. Was I still so different to my siblings?...

"In a way, we could consider ourselves lucky the fallout wasn't worse." At Akagi's comment, the lieutenants collectively winced.

"I think getting eaten by an Eva qualifies as 'worse'," said Misato drily.

"We're all so glad you're okay, Kaworu," said Ibuki earnestly, and her colleagues voiced their agreement.

I roused myself from contemplation to smile at her. "We have that in common."

After a moment, Misato asked, "What info do we have on Unit 09's piloting system?"

"Not much," said Akagi. "Obviously there's no body in the plug, and assimilating Kaworu into its system and patching his injuries overwrote whatever personal and bio-physiognomical data had been previously incorporated." She turned to me. "Are you sure you don't remember anything from when you were first brought into the entry plug?"

I shook my head. "I regained consciousness only once it had sealed off my chest wound, and the plug was empty."

She nodded, looking frustrated, and I wondered – if she was genuinely unaware of my history as SEELE's pilot – why exactly she was poisoning me.

Unless it was not my activities amongst the Lilim she was concerned with…

"Kaworu, you okay?" Shinji asked quietly, and I shook myself. "You just went really pale."

I forced a smile. "How could you tell?"

He frowned, and I made an apologetic expression for my unwelcome frivolity. "I am fine. Thank you for caring."

He ducked his head and muttered, "Always," and my heart soared.

"So now we've got four Evas," Misato was musing, "two of them with S2 engines."

"Don't get ambitious, Major Katsuragi," Dr Akagi cautioned wryly.

Hyuga declared, "I for one welcome our new beer-skolling overlord," and Misato shook her finger at him mock-sternly.

"I'd have to get the pilots to cooperate with my ambitions."

"Will there be a steak dinner?" Shinji asked, making her laugh.

Aoba was frowning, however. "Is having Unit 09 likely to draw more fire from the other branches? They could see us as even more of a potential threat."

"I think we passed that point a long time ago," said Misato, with a wince as she shifted in her seat. "But it's not like it would make anyone feel better if we dispersed the Evas to different branches, even if we could risk that before the final Angel appears. Our primary responsibility is still defending the Geofront, after all."

I kept my expression carefully neutral, while trying to observe Dr Akagi from the corner of my eye.

Ibuki made a frustrated noise. "I almost wish it would just turn up already!" she blurted, then clapped her hands over her mouth. "Ah! I mean – I didn't mean that—"

Akagi's face had barely flickered, and now she touched her arm reassuringly. "We know what you mean," she said, and Ibuki gave her a grateful look.

"Yeah, the waiting around is its own kind of tough," Aoba agreed.

"That's the old military saying – 'hurry up and wait'," said Hyuga, cheerily folding his arms.

Misato's complexion had taken on a grey tinge. "Yeah, well, you can all hurry up and wait somewhere else. If I don't see a nurse with some drugs inside thirty seconds, I'm going to get more dangerous than any Angel."

The lieutenants laughed and Akagi rolled her eyes, but Shinji looked contrite.

"I'm sorry Misato, I didn't realise…"

"Apologise with beer!" she suggested.

"…No."

Hyuga passed Misato the cable with the call button. "This thing brings drugs, I hear."

"See, this is why you're my favourite," she joked, and he blushed and hurried from the room.

"Well that's unprofessional," Akagi commented, packing up her papers and notes.

"Don't you have a favourite?" Ibuki asked her, with an attempt at lightheartedness that failed to conceal her nerves.

"Maya, are you suggesting I'm unprofessional?" Dr Akagi's voice was severe.

"No ma'am!" She looked aghast. "Not at all – I would never—"

"I know you would never," said Dr Akagi, "and that's why you're my favourite." Ibuki blushed and dashed away, in much the same manner as Hyuga.

Aoba sighed, "I guess that leaves me with Commander Fuyutsuki," and slunk from the room as Misato laughed.

Shinji hesitated a moment, then crossed over and carefully hugged her. "I'm so glad you're okay."

Misato returned the embrace warmly, though not without a wince so slight that it was easy to miss. "Same to you, kiddo."

Rei assisted me to stand, and helped me arrange the intravenous drip for easy towing and also as a support; while doing so, together we blocked Dr Akagi from entering my space, through with a plausibly deniable level of casualness.

Shinji had just joined us at the door to the room when it slid open, and the nurse Misato had summoned was frowning at me.

"Nagisa, you shouldn't be moving around," they scolded.

"I was just returning to my room to rest," I assured them.

A dubious expression met my claim. "Well, good. And proper rest, mind – no more visitors today."

Shinji tried to protest, but was glared into submission. He gave me an apologetic smile. "I'll come by tomorrow, okay Kaworu?"

"I look forward to it," I said, and was rewarded with his blush.

He and Rei helped me back to my room and into my own bed, where they bade me farewell and a swift recovery – Shinji hesitated for a moment before following Rei from the room, and I wondered wistfully whether he had been considering hugging me as he had Misato. Bother. Maybe next time … and maybe more than a hug…

Though the door slid closed behind them, I was still able to overhear their voices as they receded down the hall.

"Hey, Ayanami, did you have plans for dinner?"

"Plans? If I become hungry I will eat food."

"Uh, that's … good, I guess. Um, do you want to come over to my place? I've gotten used to cooking for more than one person, but with Asuka gone and Misato in hospital…"

"Yes, thank you."

"Great! And – if you like – I was thinking of calling Asuka sometime tonight…"

"Yes, thank you."

The happiness in Shinji's voice, and the cool acceptance of Rei's, somehow matched perfectly.

Suddenly feeling as lonesome as my poor clone, I wished I could join them, or call Asuka myself, but was forced to admit – as I leant back against the pillows – that fatigue and pain had caught up with me.

I closed my eyes, only to open them a moment later and find myself elsewhere.

Instead of the hospital bed, I was cradled in a pilot's seat; instead of my room in the ward, I looked around to recognise Cage 6 at Tokyo-3 NERV. Somehow, I was in Evangelion Unit 09.

I glanced down, but could not see my body – was this a vision? A projection?

Experimentally I thought about moving the Evangelion's arm, and to my shock its hand twitched – restrained by the cage structure it couldn't actually move, but I felt the muscles contract in response to my direction.

Ordinarily, remote operation of an Evangelion would have been entirely simple for me – born from Adam, the same matter, I could synchronise with it easily as long as there was no dominant soul, and without my clone in the entry plug, Unit 09 lacked even the facsimile of one.

However, with Dr Akagi's sabotage, even this trivial exercise of metaphysical power was beyond me – or so I had thought.

"No, this is different," I murmured, and felt Unit 09's blank attention stir in response. "Is this because you took me into yourself? Did my mind and soul imprint on you as strongly as they did on your previous pilot?"

The mass-production Evangelions were not unique individuals like Units 00, 01, and 02 (even Units 03 and 04 had had no personality to speak of, having not incorporated human souls during their development) and I detected no true sentience sharing its space with me. Perhaps this was why its connection to me had endured the physical distance – a human work would always reflect its creators, and there was no stronger human wish than to bond with and be recognised by others.

I had once pitied, even scorned, the Lilim for their loneliness, but now as Unit 09's will submitted to my own I appreciated it – perhaps even understood it.

When I woke the next morning, discussions amongst the NERV crew were of the startling, and apparently spontaneous, micro-movements exhibited by Unit 09, proving that my vision had been true.

And I realised that I now had a way to defend myself and those I cared for – and that also was a fundamentally human wish.