(Open on set. Bulbasaur is outside the glass yelling to Squirtle and Charmander inside.)
Bulbasaur: -king dead! And if you don't open the door and let me in, you're fired.
Squirtle: Well, we're not opening the door. How ya like that?
Bulbasaur: Then you're completely fired!
Charmander: Good! We didn't want to work here anyway!
Bulbasaur: Good! 'Cause now you don't!
Squirtle: Good! 'Cause we're leaving!
Bulbasaur: Good! 'Cause that's good!
Squirtle: Good!
Charmander: Pfft! Good! (She and Squirtle walk off the set)
Bulbasaur: Good! (Pause) Hey! Hey! (knocks on window) Dynablade! (knocks again) C'mere, buddy! C'mere. (Dynablade walks on set) Open the door.
Dynablade: No!
Bulbasaur: I have beans.
Dynablade: Somebody say "beans"? (Races to the door off-camera) WHO LIKES BEANS?!
Bulbasaur: Press, press the blue button.
Dynablade: Yellow!
Bulbasaur: No, not the yellow--
Dynablade: Yellow button!
Bulbasaur: No...not that one.
Dynablade: It's lemony! And lemony's better than...AGGGHHH!!!
(Dynablade gets hurled into space. Meanwhile, Charmander and Squirtle are in the airlock.)
Squirtle: Freedom!
Charmander: Yeah!
Dynablade: AGGGHHHH!!!!
Charmander: What do you wanna do?
Squirtle: Let's start a band!
Charmander: Yeah! We'll call it "Freedom"! I like that.
Squirtle: That sucks!
Charmander: But "freedom" rhymes with "We from," like "We from the land of rock!" (Squirtle closes the airlock door) What? It's good!
(Back to set, where Bulbasaur and Dynablade are now both stuck behind the glass.)
Dynablade: Bulbasaur...
Bulbasaur: Shut up. Hey! (knocks on glass). Mihoshi! Hey! (Mihoshi Kuramitsu walks on set)
Mihoshi: Did somebody just yell, "Mihoshi!"?
Bulbasaur: Hey, come over here, buddy. Yeah, open the door. (Mihoshi walks to the door off-camera) Press, press the blue button.
Mihoshi: Oh, the pretty one?
Bulbasaur: That's right.
Dynablade: But oh boy, do the yellow button!
Bulbasaur: No.
Dynablade: Yellow!
Bulbasaur: No.
Mihoshi: Agggghhh!! I went flying!!! (Mihoshi is hurled into space, where she flies past Ash Ketchum's house. Cut to inside, where we find Charmander and Squirtle. Squirtle is playing guitar while Charmander stands on the TV.)
Squirtle: Charmander, c'mon! Rip it up!
(Charmander jumps off the TV to reveal a keyboard hung around her neck. She plays a light melody to accompany Squirtle's metal guitar.)
Squirtle: I said to rock, not to suck! (singing)
(Back to set, where Dynablade, Mihoshi and Bulbasaur are all stuck outside the glass)
Mihoshi: Why don't you just Solarbeam in there?
Bulbasaur: No, this is what we'll do. (Dynablade and Mihoshi start walking toward the door) I will take on the form of steam and enter through the mail slot. Form of steam! Form of steam! (Dynablade and Mihoshi walk back on set) Form of steam. Form of steam. Form of steam. Form of steam. (Bulbasaur looks at Mihoshi and Dynablade) You've wasted all the steam!
(Meanwhile, Squirtle and Charmander are still jamming at Ash's house. Suddenly, the power goes out.)
Squirtle: Ya see that? Ya sucked all the lights out!
Charmander: No, I blew the fuse's mind.
Squirtle: God.
Charmander: Wait!
(Charmander suddenly disappears but Squirtle misses it because he turns his head)
Squirtle: God, you're dumb.
Charmander: Where'd I go?
Squirtle: Eh, let's just make some prank Calls. (Charmander reappears)
Charmander: Oh, I'm back.
Squirtle: Quit looking' at me.
(Back to set. Bulbasaur starts the show as Mihoshi passes in front of the camera.)
Bulbasaur: Greetings!
Mihoshi: And greetings to you, sir!
Bulbasaur: I'm Bulbasaur! And welcome to the big show! Tonight--
Mihoshi: And I'm Mihoshi. I'll be your director tonight!
Bulbasaur: Yeah, good. Well, I was just--
Mihoshi: Is it bad if a chicken bites you?
Bulbasaur: Did a chicken bite you?
Mihoshi: Well, no. But he's gonna!
Bulbasaur: Then go away from the chicken!
(Time passes)
Dynablade: Hello, my peeps! Peace out!
Bulbasaur: Dynablade, just shut up and play me to the desk.
Dynablade: But did ya know...!
Mihoshi: (facing the curtain and muttering to herself.) Then go away from the chicken...
Bulbasaur: Mihoshi! Is the guest ready?
Mihoshi: I don't know! I'm not in the control room! Unless this is the control room! Is it?
Bulbasaur: (sighs.) Dynablade, play me to the desk. (Walks to his desk)
Dynablade: (singing) Where'd he go? I don't know! Where's that Bulbasaur? Where'd he go? To the desk!
Bulbasaur: Thank you.
Dynablade: (high-pitched singing.) Da-da-da!! DA DA DAAAAAAAA! DA DA DAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!
(The guest monitor starts to drop, then gets stuck)
Bulbasaur: And now the monitor is actually lowering. Mihoshi?
Mihoshi: Oh! I'll fix it! (The monitor goes back up toward the ceiling.)
Dynablade: You should interview a dinosaur!
Bulbasaur: Forget it.
Dynablade: 'Cause I saw them once in a movie...'cause people don't see 'em!
Bulbasaur: Yep, we'll do that. Never.
Dynablade: They don't live here. (Bulbasaur stands up to talk to Jon Benjamin. The shot is cut off so we can't see their eyes.)
Bulbasaur: Jon, you ever notice the word "home" appears in a lot of songs?
Dynablade: They live on the dinosaur world.
Bulbasaur: People always going' home or coming' home.
Jon Benjamin: I guess you're right.
Bulbasaur: They never write songs about buying' a home, though, do they? That seems weird to me. (Falls off his chair)
Jon Benjamin: D'oh, Bulbasaur...
Bulbasaur: Hang on a second, Jon. (Bulbasaur jumps on top of the guest monitor and stomps it down to its normal position, prompting loud laughter from Dynablade.)
Jon Benjamin: Should a... Ha! Ha!
Bulbasaur: Jon.
Jon Benjamin: Yeah.
Bulbasaur: Have you seen that show, Jon?
Jon Benjamin: The Dr. Katz show, that's the show you're talking about?
Bulbasaur: No, not that show, Jon. The show I'm talking about has skeletal dogs.
Jon Benjamin: Oh well, tell me about it.
Bulbasaur: Well, it's got dog skeletons with the bones that dogs do have. You know, I mean, the ones they own. That are in their body. Under the fur.
Jon Benjamin: Is it that great?
Bulbasaur: Well, it hasn't aired yet, Jon, but I'm sure that it will.
Jon Benjamin: But you obviously haven't seen it.
Bulbasaur: That's what I sh...that's what I meant to say when I said I had seen it, is that I want to see it. That's what I should have said. (A phone rings)
Jon Benjamin: I am not taking calls right now. That's all there is to it.
Bulbasaur: But it's my phone, Jon. And it's 'ranging'.
Jon Benjamin: Let it ring.
Bulbasaur: But what if somebody's calling?
Jon Benjamin: Uh, take a message.
Bulbasaur: All right. (answers phone) What's your message? (Squirtle is in Ash's house on his phone)
Squirtle: Please! Help me! I am being attacked!
Charmander: And you're a woman.
Squirtle: And, uh, I'm a woman.
Charmander: Hang up. He'll be here any minute.
Bulbasaur: She'd be dead by the time I got there. (His phone rings again) Oh god. (answers phone) Greetings!
Charmander: Come to your house.
Bulbasaur: You know, from now on, could you call me before the attack? 'Cause otherwise you're just wasting my time.
Charmander: Oh no, see, uh, I'm a cable guy.
Bulbasaur: Cable?
Charmander: And I'm a woman.
Jon Benjamin: Can you tell her to call back?
Bulbasaur: I'll try. (Cut to Bulbasaur in "Dr. Katz"-style animation) But cable is important.
Charmander: There's some good stuff on right now. And, uh, you oughta be here watchin' it. (Bulbasaur takes off)
Jon Benjamin: Is he gonna come back, or is that definitely not...?
Dynablade: No.
Jon Benjamin: The guy that was right there.
Dynablade: He's gone?! (Music starts as Dynablade suddenly sports a giant Carmen Miranda-style hat of fruit.) Who likes beans?
Mihoshi: I like beans!
Dynablade: I love beans! Wooo woo woo!!
(Cut to Squirtle in Ash's house.)
Squirtle: Now what?
Charmander: Uh, he's comin' here, so we should probably go there. That works, right?
Squirtle: Eh, and crank call him here from over there.
Charmander: Yes! And as he picks up the phone, we'll jump out and kill him with zombies! (laughs as Squirtle stares.) What's wrong with that?
(Back to the Coast to Coast set)
Dynablade: (singing) I'm gonna strip! I'm gonna take off my clothes! I'm gonna undress! I'm gonna take off my--
Charmander: Knock it off! (slams a dissonant chord on the keyboard.) This ain't no "Kirby Super Star".
Dynablade: You coulda just turned it off.
Squirtle: Dynablade, put your feathers back on.
Jon Benjamin: There's nothing wrong with a beautiful body. I'm saying if you have it, you, it's there for a reason. Show it around.
Squirtle: Oh ho ho, we are so taking that TV.
(Back at Ash's house, Bulbasaur is watching a skeletal dog on TV)
Bulbasaur: These shows sure are something. I'm glad I'm watching them. (The phone rings. Bulbasaur answers.) Ketchum residence! Bulbasaur speaking!
Charmander: Come back here, to the studio.
Bulbasaur: Can you hold on a second?
Charmander: Uh, sure.
(Bulbasaur holds the phone away from his ear so he can pay attention to "Circus of the Barking Dead" on the TV.)
Charmander: Hello?
Bulbasaur: No, I'm here. I'm here.
Charmander: Look, you want your cable cut off?
Bulbasaur: No! Precious cable! I will give every hair on my body for it!
Charmander: Then get back to the studio!
(Bulbasaur zips back to the studio, where the guest monitor is missing.)
Bulbasaur: Mihoshi, where's my TV?
Mihoshi: I'm stripping!
Bulbasaur: Yeah, I know. Where's my TV?
Mihoshi: (has her shirt off.) The case of the missing TV.
Dynablade: (has his feathers off.) Fa-na-da-DAAAAA!!!
Bulbasaur: What's wrong with you? (cut to Squirtle at Ash's house, talking into the guest monitor.)
Squirtle: Look at these muscles!
Jon Benjamin: Wow, they're really bouncy.
Squirtle: What do you mean by that?
Jon Benjamin: Well, you know you're middle-age, and sometimes things settle.
Squirtle: How dare you say that to me!
Jon Benjamin: Sorry.
Charmander: Should I unleash the zombies?
Squirtle: Look, man, that's just, uh, very unrealistic.
Bulbasaur: (speaking on the TV) Readers of the world! One of you took my television! And I want it back! Mihoshi, tell me-- (The shot suddenly switches to Dynablade. Bulbasaur goes to the control room, where Mihoshi is still without her shirt on.) Did you get that?
Mihoshi: My navel can hold a quart of bean dip.
Dynablade: Somebody say beans? (Music starts and Dynablade again pops up wearing his giant Carmen Miranda fruit hat) Who likes beans?
(The shot in the monitor cuts to Squirtle)
Squirtle: So, Bulbasaur, we meet again! (laughs.)
Bulbasaur: Squirtle, someone stole my TV, and it wasn't me! 'Cause it's mine! You get me?
(Squirtle punches Jon Benjamin in the stolen guest monitor)
Squirtle: See that? We have your guest!
Bulbasaur: And my TV!
Squirtle: And we have many demands that are very unreasonable!
Charmander: And disorganized! We have to sort them out and prioritize! 'Cause some of the demands maybe aren't as strong as others, and still others aren't as outrageous so they go in a separate box and the what, uh...from the...uh...
Squirtle: Just give us two weeks!
Announcer: Two weeks later
(Squirtle lands in the control room holding a tape, which Bulbasaur grabs)
Squirtle: Here.
Bulbasaur: Thank you.
Squirtle: You're welcome.
Dynablade: You're welcome! No, you're welcome! No, you're welcome! (Bulbasaur cuts Dynablade off by playing the tape in the control room monitor. He searches through the tape.)
Squirtle: Keep going'.
Bulbasaur: Okay, Aunt Grabby, here it comes.
(A movie preview-style screen pops up with a warning :)
The following preview has been approved by all the people in the storyteller51 offices.
This motion picture has been rated U due to unreasonable demands.
Announcer: They came from different worlds, then they kidnapped Jon Benjamin and took him to someone's apartment. And that's when they made...Unreasonable Demands!
Squirtle: I want a pet I can love, but I don't want to take care of it!
Charmander: Okay. We rollin'?
Announcer: Only one thing can stop them, and that thing doesn't exist. Yet.
Jon Benjamin: Well, I just...
Squirtle: You get nothing!
Jon Benjamin: Would you let me go on? I mean, why interrupt?
Charmander: 'Cause we're rude!
Jon Benjamin: Can I have my sucker back?
Announcer: Unreasonable Demands!
Squirtle: We get it, or he gets it! Or you get it! Ya get it?
Announcer: Get it - this Christmas! Unreasonable Commands! This film is not yet rated.
(Graphic on screen reads: This film is not yet rated.
Dynablade: I'm going' to the movies!
Mihoshi: Me too! (Both she and Dynablade exits)
Bulbasaur: Wait a minute! Computer, zoom in. (Computer zooms in on painting of Golden Gate Bridge on Ash's wall.)
Automated Voice: Enhancing. Enhancing complete.
Bulbasaur: That's the bridge I painted. It's like they filmed this tape recording in an exact replica of my owner's house. Wait a minute! They must be in the house! But wait a minute...
Automated Voice: Yellow.
Bulbasaur: How'm I gonna get in there?
Automated Voice: Block.
Bulbasaur: Wait a minute. I have the keys. Perfect!
(Cut to Charmander in Ash's house.)
Charmander: Maybe what we oughta do, is we die, and then we come back as zombies.
Squirtle: Just give the whole zombie thing a rest, all right?
Charmander: But zombies don't rest, see? That's the beauty. They feast on living brains.
Bulbasaur: ATTENTION! (He is standing outside his apartment speaking through a megaphone.) I HAVE THE KEYS! IT IS MY APARTMENT!
Squirtle: Oh no, the keys!
Bulbasaur: IF YOU'RE WATCHING MY CABLE, PLEASE DESCRIBE WHAT'S ON!
Squirtle: What about our unreasonable demands?
Bulbasaur: YOU DIDN'T LIST ANY. LOOKS LIKE YOUR MOVIE IS GOING DIRECTLY TO VIDEO. VIDEO PRISON!
Squirtle: Oh yeah? Well, we're sending Benjamin out in pieces!
Bulbasaur: THAT'LL BE FINE. JUST DON'T TOUCH MY TV, OKAY? OR YOU'RE --KING DEAD! (Clears throat) SO, UH, WHAT ARE YOU ALL WATCHING?
Squirtle: Hang on. It's, it's on, but we're not watching it.
Bulbasaur: YOU'RE WASTING IT! I'M COMING IN! (He enters Ash's house, where Charmander and Squirtle are standing with lampshades on their heads.) Hmm. These aren't my lamps. These have feet. This must not be my apartment. (Jon Benjamin laughs from the guest monitor, which is also under a lampshade.) I'd better go get a new apartment.
(Cut to Burial Ground Apartments - Now Renting. Bulbasaur is standing inside a cursed apartment with a toaster, a boot, a scary photo, a book called "Matt's Mind" by Maiellaro, another book called "The Spells of Love" by Willis, a fork and other various items swirling around him.)
Bulbasaur: I'm not going to let them get me. I'm not. I'm not gonna let them get me.
(Credits roll)