Rainbow's End: 'Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas' 10/11
HAVE YOURSELF A MERRY LITTLE CHRISTMAS
24th December
"Sam, shouldn't you be going now?" Toby called through from his office to Sam inside his own.
"Just tidying up a few things, Toby, then I'm gone."
"O.K. Good then." Sam finished throwing a few papers his desk into his briefcase, then his search progressed to the contents of his desk drawer. He ferreted through all the papers he encountered but stopped in his tracks when he reached the bottom drawer. He had just caught sight of the letter he had written months before; the letter to the beautiful and vibrant woman he had met in Lafayette. He looked at it a moment, then slipped it into his briefcase. His things all packed, he walked into the office next door to speak to Toby before he went home for Christmas.
Toby saw Sam come into the room and sit down on his sofa so he looked up to see what his Deputy wanted.
"Sam, everything O.K.?"
"I wanted to thank you."
"Thank me? For what?"
"For everything you've done for me this year. I know that I've not been in the best place...I wanted to say I appreciate what you've done. I got you something." Toby looked surprised.
"Why? I mean, Sam, I'm Jewish, I don't do Christmas."
"Well call it a thank you then." Sam put a beautifully wrapped something that he had rescued from his briefcase in front of Toby on his desk.
"Thank you, Sam." Sam leaned back on the sofa and made himself comfortable. "Sam? Shouldn't you be going?"
"I should but I want to talk to you."
"O.K." said Toby, his brow furrowed. "Everything's O.K. though, right?"
"It's close, Toby. It's not gonna be long. We both know that."
"You're ready?"
"As I can be. We just want to make this Christmas special."
"Good for you, making it special for her."
"She's making it special for me too, Toby."
"Well, sure, being together."
"No. I mean, when I was here late the other day, stuck in meetings about, well, some of them I'm not entirely sure, with any Tom, Dick and Harry who felt like putting in their ten cents worth, weighing in."
"You can't help but love 'Big Block of Cheese Day'", Toby interrupted.
"Anyway, when I got home she'd been busy all day. She had decorated. She'd been out and gotten a tree that she'd decorated. There were streamers and stars, I mean, I don't think that I have ever seen my place look so festive. There is mistletoe and holly, there's even a proper Christmas wreath on the door, (which I did object to, but Lex seemed to think it was a good idea), there are poinsettias all over. There's a crib scene on the mantel piece and scented candles and pot pourrie all smelling of spice. She even made mulled wine and egg nog. She went to a lot of trouble and we both want to have a proper Christmas."
"That's nice."
"It really is. She was exhausted when she'd finished but she wanted it to look nice, she wanted for it to be like Christmas. The best Christmas ever."
"And does it?"
"It really does."
"You'd better get home, then."
"I should."
"Enjoy your Christmas, Sam."
"You too." Sam said as he grabbed his briefcase, shrugged into his coat and left the Bullpen. "Merry Christmas everyone!" he yelled.
X X X
He let himself into the apartment.
"I'm home." He called. He took off his coat and hung it on the hook by the door, alongside Alex's winter coat. He kicked off his shoes and picked them up, carrying them into the sitting room. Alexandra was sitting on a couch in a warm jumper, snuggled into the corner. She looked very pale and fragile. "You O.K.?" Sam walked up to her and kissed the top of her head. "You're cold?" he asked seeing the way she was wrapped up.
"A little, I guess."
"I'll get you a blanket." Sam walked to the laundry closet and grabbed a blanket. He draped it over Alexandra and told her to budge forward so he could slip in behind her. She leaned back against his chest and nestled in his arms. "I would have been back sooner, but I wanted to give the thing to Toby."
"What did he say?"
"He didn't open it."
"I wanted to know if he liked it."
"Well, I'll find out for you next time I see him."
"You make sure you do."
"Wanna see if there's a movie on?"
"O.K." Sam reached behind him and grabbed the television's remote. He pointed it at the screen and hit a button, sending a surge of power to the set. Sam flicked through a few channels; past a couple of action flicks: 'Speed' and 'Swordfish'; a musical: 'Seven Brides For Seven Brothers' and a couple of old films: 'The Philadelphia Story' and 'Sunset Boulevard'. "I want to watch the one with the seven good looking men please, Sam." Alex said.
"I don't think that's a good idea. I don't like the sound of all the competition! I think we should watch this one." Sam said flicking the channel up to 'Serendipity'.
"John Cussack? Excellent, that's even better!" Sam groaned but they decided to stick with the film. He needn't have worried though, it wasn't very long before Alexandra had fallen asleep in his arms.
Sam was pinned to the couch, so he watched the end of the film and then dozed off where he was. He woke up periodically but always managed to doze off, though he only slept lightly and sporadically.
At about 7 in the morning on December 25th, he felt Alexandra moving in his arms. She's was trying to extract herself but the movement did not wake Sam. What woke Sam was the movement that he could feel about him. He forced himself to wake up to see what was going on, his chest cold now from Alex's having moved. He blinked sleepily.
"Sorry."
"No. It's fine." Sam stretched.
"I needed the bathroom."
"That's O.K." Alexandra glanced at the clock.
"Shouldn't you be at work?" She sat next to him on the sofa.
"No. I have the day off."
"You do, well, that's great."
"Alex, do you know what day it is?"
"Thursday?"
"Al, it's Christmas day?"
"It is?"
"Yeah."
"You're kidding."
"No."
"O.K. I have a present for you."
"You do?"
"I do." She got up and walked slowly and painfully to the bedroom and retrieved something, neatly wrapped in shiny silver paper. She also rescued a couple of smaller boxes from various places around the room. Doing that spent much of the energy she had gained from the long sleep she had just had and she sat down on the sofa next to Sam, moving the blanket to one side. Grim determination got her through. "Go ahead. Open them."
"Really?"
"I want to see you open them."
"O.K." Sam carefully tore the paper making sure he didn't rip any of it. In one of the parcels was a wrist watch. It had a very elegant face and had Sam's monogram on the black face.
"Thank you." He said and leaned in to give her a kiss. Alexandra pulled away and thrust another package into his hands. Sam repeated the process with the other parcels until there was only one left. Sam had gotten a compass, for when he was on his boat, beautifully ornate and very practical too, Sam thought. There was a small teddy and an array of other things but what was in the last parcel intrigued Sam.
He ripped open the paper, unable to wait. Inside was a silver frame and in the frame was a shot of the two of them, taken on the 4th of July in happier times. On the frame there was an engraving: 'I am unworthy of your love'.
"It's perfect." Sam smiled. This time she accepted Sam's kiss and embrace but the moment was interrupted by a yawn that escaped. "I think you should go to bed." She smiled and nodded sadly. Sam helped her stand but she was exhausted and had difficulty moving, so he scooped her up and carried her into the bedroom. She was asleep by the time Sam had put her on the bed and pulled the comforter up over her. "Stay there. I'll go put dinner in the oven. Merry Christmas." He swept her fringe from her forehead and kissed the top of her head affectionately as he had done many times before then went out into the kitchen to try and negotiate the turkey and the oven.
He forced the bird in at all bizarre angles and finally achieved success, though he was doubtful about how well it would cook. Once the turkey was dealt with and the vegetables done Sam sat on the sofa and flicked through the usual Christmas films; 'Miracle on 34th Street' (both versions), 'White Christmas', 'The Christmas Shoes' (so sad he abandoned after only five minutes) 'It's A Wonderful Life' and several versions of 'A Christmas Carol'. He soon got fed up and was grateful when lunchtime came. Sam got up from the sofa and went to look in on Alex. Her breathing was shallow and her complexion ashen; Sam did not have the heart to disturb her, so went and made himself a sandwich. Dinner could wait. Alex was still asleep after dinner so Sam decided to use the time to read some of the reports he had brought home. He spread the pages over the coffee table and the sofa, the place looking like a bomb had hit it.
At about four in the afternoon Sam heard some movement coming from the bedroom so he got up and went to see what it was. Alex was fidgeting in bed trying to get comfortable, though she was unable to pull herself up properly.
"Stay where you are." Sam instructed and moved to help her move up the bed. "Are you hungry?"
"A little." She nodded. Sam could see she was frustrated as a rogue tear escaped from the corner of her high. Also in pain, too, Sam guessed.
"You're in pain."
"A little."
"I'll go make you some soup and bring you some Tylenol."
"Thank you." She smiled weakly. Sam squeezed her hand and went to the kitchen. A few minutes later he returned with a bowl of soup on a tray and a glass of water with a couple pills.
Alexandra hardly touched the soup but she drank the water and took the pills then leaned back into the mountain of pillows again. Sam took the tray with the scarcely touched soup into the kitchen and washed the bowl and moved to spend the rest of the afternoon in the bedroom with the files he had yet to read.
The turkey abandoned, Sam sat next to Alex on the bed and stretched out his legs so they were side by side. His glasses rested on the end of his nose as he sat there reading, pen in hand. Alexandra slept most of the afternoon but there were times when she was awake and could manage brief conversations.
Alexandra seemed a little better at about ten thirty at night and was talking quietly to Sam. He put the reports he was going through back into the briefcase and decided that he too would get into bed. They could spend the rest of the night lying close to one another. He went to the bathroom and took a quick shower and made his way to the bedroom, his wet hair in disarray. Before he got into the bed he went round and turned the phones off, keeping only his pager with him (which he had on vibrate mode). If something that urgent came up at work he knew that he would be paged and there was no point in leaving the phones on with their potential to disturb what would be a very private and personal time.
He got in beside Alex and they were both lying next to each other in bed by eleven but not before Sam had put on a CD of Christmas songs to play quietly in the background. The music gave the room a very intimate atmosphere. Sam took Alexandra into his arms as they laid back and talked comfortably and quietly when she was able and when she was not they simply laid there enjoying the intimacy of each others company and closeness.
"You know that I love you, right?" Sam said.
"Of course I do...Sam I wanted to thank you."
"Why? I haven't done anything."
"You stood by me and you didn't have to. The past few months that we've been together have probably been the happiest of my life. I feel bad, soon we're going to be apart from each other, I know it will have its own release, you're friends will be with you and I'll be with my Mom and Dad again...I never knew my Mom I mean, I never felt hard done by, my Dad was great, he gave me everything I could ever have needed but now hopefully...I'll get to meet my Mom and stay with her. For the first time ever, my whole family will be together."
"Don't talk like that, please."
"It's almost time for me to move on now, the last part of the journey's beginning..."
"Please," Sam took her hand and kissed the back of it, over and over.
"You gave up a lot to be with me, a large portion of your life for these past few months; you didn't leave me alone, I appreciate it."
"That's because I love you." Sam began to feel the tears building behind his eyes and he knew that Alexandra would not be that far behind.
"No Sam. A lot of people would have run at the first sign of trouble but you stood by me and for that I am very grateful."
"No one has ever made me feel as special as you've done. I've never felt like this about anyone else."
"I don't want to go, Sam. I don't want to leave you..."
"I don't want you to go. Lexie, I don't want to lose you."
"Move on. I don't want this to take over your life, I'll be gone."
"How can it not? I love you so much. You've been such a big part of my life."
"You've made me happy."
"Don't leave me."
"I don't want to." She gasped, she was feeling more pain.
"You want more Tylenol?"
"No. Please don't leave me alone."
"I won't. I'm going to stay with you." Sam held her tightly to him.
"It won't be long now."
"Don't talk like that. Don't leave me yet."
"You'll be free."
"I don't want to be. I don't want you to die. I'd give anything, anything at all for even just a little more time."
"Nothing can hurt anymore."
"There'll be no more pain. It'll all be gone. You'll be safe." Sam soothed, talking into her hair.
"Hold me." She rasped.
"I am holding you."
"Hold me tighter." Sam obliged as Alexandra struggled for breath.
"I'm here."
"Samuel Norman Seaborn, I love you."
Alexandra closed her eyes and Sam could feel her breathing get more and more shallow as she lay against him. He rocked her gently from side to side to soothe her, talking to her with comforting words, running his hand through her hair; keeping her close.
The stereo continued to play in the background as they lay together. Alexandra's breathing was becoming noticeably more shallow and costing more and more effort.
Christmas future is far away Christmas past is past Christmas present is here today Bringing joy that will last
Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Let your heart be light
Next year all our troubles will be out of sight
Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Make the yuletide gay
Next year all our troubles will be miles away
Here we are as in olden days
Happy golden days of yore
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Will be near to us once more
Someday soon we all will be together
If the fates allow
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough
And have yourself a merry little Christmas now
Sam could feel that Alex's breaths had dwindled and weakened until they had gone. Stopped.
He glanced at the clock: 0.01. It was Boxing Day. They had had their Christmas together.
Sam reached for her left hand under the covers and held it tightly, reluctant to let go. His fingers felt their way through her fingers until he found her ring finger; it was bare. Sam felt about frantically not wanting to let go of Alex for even a moment, now only a shell. As he searched he eased her off him and felt the tears run down his face. The more frantically he searched the faster the tears fell. He scrambled to the nightstand, desperate now, searching through the drawers until he found what he was looking for: the box complete with ring. He sat on the bed looking at it then threw the box against the wall, pulled his knees up to his chin and rested his head on them.
Someday soon we all will be together
If the fates allow
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough
And have yourself a merry little Christmas now
He wrapped one arm around his knees while the other ran restlessly through his hair. He used his sleeve to wipe away the tears that were on his face with a certain aggression but they were only replaced by new ones. He reached for Alex's hand again not willing to let go.
He did not know how long he sat there, all he could do was cry. So much so that he did not do any of the things he was supposed to before exhaustion overtook him and he fell asleep.
He awoke early the next morning, disorientated at first, awaking next to the body and began to call people; the funeral home, the Doctor, his parents. He was beginning to feel a little more in control.
Before anyone arrived from the funeral home Sam went to the box that sat there on the floor and opened it. He took the ring out and tenderly put it on Alexandra's finger.
"I love you." He whispered. Then everyone came at once and the haven of peace was shattered as the world slowed down.
HAVE YOURSELF A MERRY LITTLE CHRISTMAS
24th December
"Sam, shouldn't you be going now?" Toby called through from his office to Sam inside his own.
"Just tidying up a few things, Toby, then I'm gone."
"O.K. Good then." Sam finished throwing a few papers his desk into his briefcase, then his search progressed to the contents of his desk drawer. He ferreted through all the papers he encountered but stopped in his tracks when he reached the bottom drawer. He had just caught sight of the letter he had written months before; the letter to the beautiful and vibrant woman he had met in Lafayette. He looked at it a moment, then slipped it into his briefcase. His things all packed, he walked into the office next door to speak to Toby before he went home for Christmas.
Toby saw Sam come into the room and sit down on his sofa so he looked up to see what his Deputy wanted.
"Sam, everything O.K.?"
"I wanted to thank you."
"Thank me? For what?"
"For everything you've done for me this year. I know that I've not been in the best place...I wanted to say I appreciate what you've done. I got you something." Toby looked surprised.
"Why? I mean, Sam, I'm Jewish, I don't do Christmas."
"Well call it a thank you then." Sam put a beautifully wrapped something that he had rescued from his briefcase in front of Toby on his desk.
"Thank you, Sam." Sam leaned back on the sofa and made himself comfortable. "Sam? Shouldn't you be going?"
"I should but I want to talk to you."
"O.K." said Toby, his brow furrowed. "Everything's O.K. though, right?"
"It's close, Toby. It's not gonna be long. We both know that."
"You're ready?"
"As I can be. We just want to make this Christmas special."
"Good for you, making it special for her."
"She's making it special for me too, Toby."
"Well, sure, being together."
"No. I mean, when I was here late the other day, stuck in meetings about, well, some of them I'm not entirely sure, with any Tom, Dick and Harry who felt like putting in their ten cents worth, weighing in."
"You can't help but love 'Big Block of Cheese Day'", Toby interrupted.
"Anyway, when I got home she'd been busy all day. She had decorated. She'd been out and gotten a tree that she'd decorated. There were streamers and stars, I mean, I don't think that I have ever seen my place look so festive. There is mistletoe and holly, there's even a proper Christmas wreath on the door, (which I did object to, but Lex seemed to think it was a good idea), there are poinsettias all over. There's a crib scene on the mantel piece and scented candles and pot pourrie all smelling of spice. She even made mulled wine and egg nog. She went to a lot of trouble and we both want to have a proper Christmas."
"That's nice."
"It really is. She was exhausted when she'd finished but she wanted it to look nice, she wanted for it to be like Christmas. The best Christmas ever."
"And does it?"
"It really does."
"You'd better get home, then."
"I should."
"Enjoy your Christmas, Sam."
"You too." Sam said as he grabbed his briefcase, shrugged into his coat and left the Bullpen. "Merry Christmas everyone!" he yelled.
X X X
He let himself into the apartment.
"I'm home." He called. He took off his coat and hung it on the hook by the door, alongside Alex's winter coat. He kicked off his shoes and picked them up, carrying them into the sitting room. Alexandra was sitting on a couch in a warm jumper, snuggled into the corner. She looked very pale and fragile. "You O.K.?" Sam walked up to her and kissed the top of her head. "You're cold?" he asked seeing the way she was wrapped up.
"A little, I guess."
"I'll get you a blanket." Sam walked to the laundry closet and grabbed a blanket. He draped it over Alexandra and told her to budge forward so he could slip in behind her. She leaned back against his chest and nestled in his arms. "I would have been back sooner, but I wanted to give the thing to Toby."
"What did he say?"
"He didn't open it."
"I wanted to know if he liked it."
"Well, I'll find out for you next time I see him."
"You make sure you do."
"Wanna see if there's a movie on?"
"O.K." Sam reached behind him and grabbed the television's remote. He pointed it at the screen and hit a button, sending a surge of power to the set. Sam flicked through a few channels; past a couple of action flicks: 'Speed' and 'Swordfish'; a musical: 'Seven Brides For Seven Brothers' and a couple of old films: 'The Philadelphia Story' and 'Sunset Boulevard'. "I want to watch the one with the seven good looking men please, Sam." Alex said.
"I don't think that's a good idea. I don't like the sound of all the competition! I think we should watch this one." Sam said flicking the channel up to 'Serendipity'.
"John Cussack? Excellent, that's even better!" Sam groaned but they decided to stick with the film. He needn't have worried though, it wasn't very long before Alexandra had fallen asleep in his arms.
Sam was pinned to the couch, so he watched the end of the film and then dozed off where he was. He woke up periodically but always managed to doze off, though he only slept lightly and sporadically.
At about 7 in the morning on December 25th, he felt Alexandra moving in his arms. She's was trying to extract herself but the movement did not wake Sam. What woke Sam was the movement that he could feel about him. He forced himself to wake up to see what was going on, his chest cold now from Alex's having moved. He blinked sleepily.
"Sorry."
"No. It's fine." Sam stretched.
"I needed the bathroom."
"That's O.K." Alexandra glanced at the clock.
"Shouldn't you be at work?" She sat next to him on the sofa.
"No. I have the day off."
"You do, well, that's great."
"Alex, do you know what day it is?"
"Thursday?"
"Al, it's Christmas day?"
"It is?"
"Yeah."
"You're kidding."
"No."
"O.K. I have a present for you."
"You do?"
"I do." She got up and walked slowly and painfully to the bedroom and retrieved something, neatly wrapped in shiny silver paper. She also rescued a couple of smaller boxes from various places around the room. Doing that spent much of the energy she had gained from the long sleep she had just had and she sat down on the sofa next to Sam, moving the blanket to one side. Grim determination got her through. "Go ahead. Open them."
"Really?"
"I want to see you open them."
"O.K." Sam carefully tore the paper making sure he didn't rip any of it. In one of the parcels was a wrist watch. It had a very elegant face and had Sam's monogram on the black face.
"Thank you." He said and leaned in to give her a kiss. Alexandra pulled away and thrust another package into his hands. Sam repeated the process with the other parcels until there was only one left. Sam had gotten a compass, for when he was on his boat, beautifully ornate and very practical too, Sam thought. There was a small teddy and an array of other things but what was in the last parcel intrigued Sam.
He ripped open the paper, unable to wait. Inside was a silver frame and in the frame was a shot of the two of them, taken on the 4th of July in happier times. On the frame there was an engraving: 'I am unworthy of your love'.
"It's perfect." Sam smiled. This time she accepted Sam's kiss and embrace but the moment was interrupted by a yawn that escaped. "I think you should go to bed." She smiled and nodded sadly. Sam helped her stand but she was exhausted and had difficulty moving, so he scooped her up and carried her into the bedroom. She was asleep by the time Sam had put her on the bed and pulled the comforter up over her. "Stay there. I'll go put dinner in the oven. Merry Christmas." He swept her fringe from her forehead and kissed the top of her head affectionately as he had done many times before then went out into the kitchen to try and negotiate the turkey and the oven.
He forced the bird in at all bizarre angles and finally achieved success, though he was doubtful about how well it would cook. Once the turkey was dealt with and the vegetables done Sam sat on the sofa and flicked through the usual Christmas films; 'Miracle on 34th Street' (both versions), 'White Christmas', 'The Christmas Shoes' (so sad he abandoned after only five minutes) 'It's A Wonderful Life' and several versions of 'A Christmas Carol'. He soon got fed up and was grateful when lunchtime came. Sam got up from the sofa and went to look in on Alex. Her breathing was shallow and her complexion ashen; Sam did not have the heart to disturb her, so went and made himself a sandwich. Dinner could wait. Alex was still asleep after dinner so Sam decided to use the time to read some of the reports he had brought home. He spread the pages over the coffee table and the sofa, the place looking like a bomb had hit it.
At about four in the afternoon Sam heard some movement coming from the bedroom so he got up and went to see what it was. Alex was fidgeting in bed trying to get comfortable, though she was unable to pull herself up properly.
"Stay where you are." Sam instructed and moved to help her move up the bed. "Are you hungry?"
"A little." She nodded. Sam could see she was frustrated as a rogue tear escaped from the corner of her high. Also in pain, too, Sam guessed.
"You're in pain."
"A little."
"I'll go make you some soup and bring you some Tylenol."
"Thank you." She smiled weakly. Sam squeezed her hand and went to the kitchen. A few minutes later he returned with a bowl of soup on a tray and a glass of water with a couple pills.
Alexandra hardly touched the soup but she drank the water and took the pills then leaned back into the mountain of pillows again. Sam took the tray with the scarcely touched soup into the kitchen and washed the bowl and moved to spend the rest of the afternoon in the bedroom with the files he had yet to read.
The turkey abandoned, Sam sat next to Alex on the bed and stretched out his legs so they were side by side. His glasses rested on the end of his nose as he sat there reading, pen in hand. Alexandra slept most of the afternoon but there were times when she was awake and could manage brief conversations.
Alexandra seemed a little better at about ten thirty at night and was talking quietly to Sam. He put the reports he was going through back into the briefcase and decided that he too would get into bed. They could spend the rest of the night lying close to one another. He went to the bathroom and took a quick shower and made his way to the bedroom, his wet hair in disarray. Before he got into the bed he went round and turned the phones off, keeping only his pager with him (which he had on vibrate mode). If something that urgent came up at work he knew that he would be paged and there was no point in leaving the phones on with their potential to disturb what would be a very private and personal time.
He got in beside Alex and they were both lying next to each other in bed by eleven but not before Sam had put on a CD of Christmas songs to play quietly in the background. The music gave the room a very intimate atmosphere. Sam took Alexandra into his arms as they laid back and talked comfortably and quietly when she was able and when she was not they simply laid there enjoying the intimacy of each others company and closeness.
"You know that I love you, right?" Sam said.
"Of course I do...Sam I wanted to thank you."
"Why? I haven't done anything."
"You stood by me and you didn't have to. The past few months that we've been together have probably been the happiest of my life. I feel bad, soon we're going to be apart from each other, I know it will have its own release, you're friends will be with you and I'll be with my Mom and Dad again...I never knew my Mom I mean, I never felt hard done by, my Dad was great, he gave me everything I could ever have needed but now hopefully...I'll get to meet my Mom and stay with her. For the first time ever, my whole family will be together."
"Don't talk like that, please."
"It's almost time for me to move on now, the last part of the journey's beginning..."
"Please," Sam took her hand and kissed the back of it, over and over.
"You gave up a lot to be with me, a large portion of your life for these past few months; you didn't leave me alone, I appreciate it."
"That's because I love you." Sam began to feel the tears building behind his eyes and he knew that Alexandra would not be that far behind.
"No Sam. A lot of people would have run at the first sign of trouble but you stood by me and for that I am very grateful."
"No one has ever made me feel as special as you've done. I've never felt like this about anyone else."
"I don't want to go, Sam. I don't want to leave you..."
"I don't want you to go. Lexie, I don't want to lose you."
"Move on. I don't want this to take over your life, I'll be gone."
"How can it not? I love you so much. You've been such a big part of my life."
"You've made me happy."
"Don't leave me."
"I don't want to." She gasped, she was feeling more pain.
"You want more Tylenol?"
"No. Please don't leave me alone."
"I won't. I'm going to stay with you." Sam held her tightly to him.
"It won't be long now."
"Don't talk like that. Don't leave me yet."
"You'll be free."
"I don't want to be. I don't want you to die. I'd give anything, anything at all for even just a little more time."
"Nothing can hurt anymore."
"There'll be no more pain. It'll all be gone. You'll be safe." Sam soothed, talking into her hair.
"Hold me." She rasped.
"I am holding you."
"Hold me tighter." Sam obliged as Alexandra struggled for breath.
"I'm here."
"Samuel Norman Seaborn, I love you."
Alexandra closed her eyes and Sam could feel her breathing get more and more shallow as she lay against him. He rocked her gently from side to side to soothe her, talking to her with comforting words, running his hand through her hair; keeping her close.
The stereo continued to play in the background as they lay together. Alexandra's breathing was becoming noticeably more shallow and costing more and more effort.
Christmas future is far away Christmas past is past Christmas present is here today Bringing joy that will last
Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Let your heart be light
Next year all our troubles will be out of sight
Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Make the yuletide gay
Next year all our troubles will be miles away
Here we are as in olden days
Happy golden days of yore
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Will be near to us once more
Someday soon we all will be together
If the fates allow
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough
And have yourself a merry little Christmas now
Sam could feel that Alex's breaths had dwindled and weakened until they had gone. Stopped.
He glanced at the clock: 0.01. It was Boxing Day. They had had their Christmas together.
Sam reached for her left hand under the covers and held it tightly, reluctant to let go. His fingers felt their way through her fingers until he found her ring finger; it was bare. Sam felt about frantically not wanting to let go of Alex for even a moment, now only a shell. As he searched he eased her off him and felt the tears run down his face. The more frantically he searched the faster the tears fell. He scrambled to the nightstand, desperate now, searching through the drawers until he found what he was looking for: the box complete with ring. He sat on the bed looking at it then threw the box against the wall, pulled his knees up to his chin and rested his head on them.
Someday soon we all will be together
If the fates allow
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough
And have yourself a merry little Christmas now
He wrapped one arm around his knees while the other ran restlessly through his hair. He used his sleeve to wipe away the tears that were on his face with a certain aggression but they were only replaced by new ones. He reached for Alex's hand again not willing to let go.
He did not know how long he sat there, all he could do was cry. So much so that he did not do any of the things he was supposed to before exhaustion overtook him and he fell asleep.
He awoke early the next morning, disorientated at first, awaking next to the body and began to call people; the funeral home, the Doctor, his parents. He was beginning to feel a little more in control.
Before anyone arrived from the funeral home Sam went to the box that sat there on the floor and opened it. He took the ring out and tenderly put it on Alexandra's finger.
"I love you." He whispered. Then everyone came at once and the haven of peace was shattered as the world slowed down.