Rainbow's End: 'Only The Good Die Young' 11/11
ONLY THE GOOD DIE YOUNG
26th December 8.27am
Dr. Schumann had just left, having chosen to deal with the case of this remarkable and brave young woman himself and Sam was finishing off with the people from the funeral home when his pager went off, with a message to get to work, a.s.a.p. A part of Sam wondered what had gone wrong and why he was needed while another part of him wanted to crawl into a hole and pull it in after him. He was thinking about calling in to find out when he was distracted:
"We're all done here now, Mr. Seaborn. Is there anything special you would like for her to be laid out in?" asked the woman from the funeral home. There was something strangely maternal and comforting that Sam saw in her, though specific details failed to register; it did not serve to clear his mind and focus it on the things at hand.
"I don't..." He went to the closet and flicked through a couple outfits. He pulled one out, not knowing if it was a good choice or not. "This is good, I guess." He shrugged.
"O.K. Thank you." She took the clothes from him gently and put her hand on his forearm. "We'll take her now and we'll get her all laid out and then you can come by and see her later."
"When...excuse me. When can I see her?"
"We could give you a call."
"I don't know where I'll be. I might not be able to have my cell on."
"O.K. Well, I think that you should be fine stopping by after about two o'clock. I'll make sure that she's ready for then."
"Thank you." Sam smiled weakly as he saw them begin to remove the body. It all seemed very surreal. So much so, in fact, that when the room had cleared Sam sat down on the sofa, pulling his feet up too and rested his head a few moments, completely forgetting about the page from the White House that told him to get there as soon as possible...
The Senior Staff were gathered in the Chief of Staff's office, where Leo McGarry was pacing up and down, very highly strung. Josh was sitting on the sofa next to C.J. while Toby sat on one of the chairs from around the table.
"Where is he?" Leo demanded. They had just received a message from France and Leo was eager to move on, things were about to be sorted, he could tell but he was worried that things would suddenly go wrong, that things could swell to create an international incident if they did not act immediately. To add to his tension there was also his disgruntlement created by the ruination of his Christmas break.
"I don't know, Leo." Josh said.
"He was paged?"
"Yeah. I had Donna do it."
"Margaret!" Leo bellowed while the others cringed. Margaret came into Leo's office.
"Yeah."
"Call Sam."
"Didn't Donna page him already?" Margaret asked, her brow furrowed as she tried to remember whether she should have done it and forgotten. She was certain she hadn't, though.
"She did, but he has not, as yet, decided to get his ass over here."
"O.K. Do you want me to call his home number or his cell?"
"I'll tell you what. Call them both. As many times as you have to until he either shows up here or answers his damn phone."
"Yes sir." Margaret said as she left the room to do her Leo's bidding. She couldn't help but feel a little sorry for Sam. All the assistants had something of a soft-spot for him and she felt guilty for leaving threatening messages for him at the behest of a very irate Leo.
"Something could be wrong. He could be sick again." Josh attempted to placate. "Maybe something's come up."
"Something that stops him from following an order from the Office of the President of the United States?" Josh shrugged.
"It's not like him, Leo," C.J. said, worried. "something must be wrong for him not to be in yet, not without even calling." C.J. was silenced by the glare the Chief of Staff afforded her.
"You know anything, Toby?" Leo asked, shifting his attention from the two Staffers on the sofa.
"It may be Alexandra."
"That's not happening yet, is it?"
"He told me that she was bad the other day. Christmas Eve he told me that he didn't think that she had long left."
"It can't be that Toby. Not long left doesn't mean just a day. I mean, it can't." C.J. said her voice showing some disbelief. Toby looked at a spot on the carpet, unwilling to commit to a further answer but with a very unsettled feeling in the pit of his stomach.
Sam stirred on the sofa and looked around for the time. He saw the clock on the VCR: 10.12. Sam sat bolt upright as he saw the time and thought back, he knew there was something that he should be doing, somewhere he should be. Then it hit him. He had been paged by the White House. They needed him to go in. Sam began to panic. He ran into his room and grabbed a suit from his closet and a shirt, grabbed them and went into the bathroom and had a shower. He threw on his clothes, grabbed his shoes from where he had left them two nights previously and left the house at full pelt, not even bothering to comb his hair.
10.54
"There's still no answer, Leo." Margaret said. "Neither his cell or his landline.
"I'll fire his ass!" Leo said in a brusque manner. "I am going to fire his ass!"
"Leo..." Margaret attempted to soothe the savage beast.
"We contacted him hours ago, Margaret. Hours! What? He can't find a phone? He can't remember how to use one? He got lost..." Leo's tirade was interrupted by a ringing phone coming from Margaret's office. She left the Chief of Staff's office and went to her desk to answer it. She picked up the receiver and was caught in a brief exchange with the person at the other end.
"He is?...O.K. Thanks. I'll tell him." Margaret hung up the phone and went back into Leo's office, though not before taking a deep breath. "That was Toby."
"And?" Leo said impatiently, wishing that for once, just for once his assistant would get straight to the point. He figured that she was almost as bad as Donna for procrastination, then he thought again. As distracted as Margaret could be at times she could never procrastinate or digress as much as Donna did.
"Sam's in."
"Call Toby back and tell him to get Sam's ass in here right now."
"Sure." Margaret called back the White House Director of Communications. She returned a moment later.
"He said no."
"He said what?" Leo's voice was brittle a consequence of tardiness from Sam and insubordination from Toby. "I'll fire the lot of them. The whole of Communications." He muttered as he stalked off.
X X X
As soon as he arrived Sam went straight to Toby's office. Josh was in there, too. C.J. would be joining them in a few minutes once she had been to her office and been through the current press response with Carol should any questions come in.
"Sam, where've you been?" Toby asked.
"You know, Leo nearly had a coronary. In fact, I still don't think that it's entirely out of the question."
"I'm sorry." Sam apologised. "I'm sorry to be late. Something came up."
"Everything O.K. Sam?" Toby questioned.
"I think... no," Sam decided on a firm answer. "No. She died."
"She died?" Josh asked, he was answered with a glare from Toby.
"I'm so sorry, Sam. Do you want to sit down?"
"I don't know."
Josh, from his position on Toby's sofa grabbed Sam's hand and pulled him round to sit beside him. For his part, Sam was adamant that he was not going to cry anymore, at least he was not going to cry in the White House, he would wait until he was alone. The others had already worried too much about him.
Toby went out into the Bullpen momentarily, catching sight of Ginger he beckoned her over. He spoke to her quietly.
"Can you call Leo's office for me and tell him that Sam's arrived and then can you go get him a glass of water or something."
"Is he O.K.?" asked the Communications aide, very concerned.
"Alexandra died."
"Poor Sam."
"Yeah, if you could just, you know..."
"Sure." She nodded and set about the tasks Toby had just given her while he returned to his office. He was just about to go through the door when he caught sight of C.J. coming toward him across the Bullpen, her long legs covering the ground quickly.
"He's here." Toby told her just as they both reached his office door. He held her back as she was about to enter. "Alexandra died."
"She did? Oh no. Is he alone?"
"Josh is with him." C.J. nodded and entered Toby's office.
Toby did not enter straight away, Ginger had snagged hold of his arm, telephone in hand and quietly spoke to him, her hand over the phone's mouthpiece.
"Leo says you have to take Sam over there to see him right away."
"Tell Leo that he can't come."
"Yes sir," she said as she moved her hand from the phone and started talking to Margaret through the receiver. Toby turned round and entered his office. Shutting the door behind him, he stood in front of it, as if on guard to ward off any disturbances.
Josh and Sam were sitting next to each other on the sofa, Josh with his arm wrapped around his younger friend's shoulders. C.J. had perched herself on Toby's coffee table and put a hand on Sam's knee.
"I'm really sorry, Spanky. When did it happen?"
"One minute past midnight this morning. She got her Christmas." C.J. squeezed Sam's knee and Josh's grip of Sam's shoulders tightened.
"What the hell is...?" Leo shouted as he swept into Toby's office. Toby dodged out the way of the speeding Chief of Staff though managed to raise his hand to indicate that Leo should keep quiet in the process.
"She died in my arms. I held her as she died," Sam leaned into Josh and Toby waved Leo into Sam's office.
"She died."
"12.01 this morning," Toby confirmed.
"Ah, holy hell! Poor kid," Toby nodded. "I feel bad. Toby can you handle the thing?"
"It's done."
"O.K. Send him home or something, would ya." Toby nodded again and went back into his own office while Leo left the Bullpen.
Josh cocked his head in Leo's direction and Toby nodded discreetly. Ginger slipped into Toby's office with the glass of water Toby had requested and gave it to the Deputy. Sam tried to pull himself together a bit as he took slow sips of the cool water.
"What's going on?"
"It doesn't matter." C.J. said softly, any work seemed inconsequential.
"I was paged. What's going on?"
"It's a thing about France," Toby answered. "I've got it."
"You should go home." Josh said.
"I can't Josh, not at the minute."
"That's fine, Sam. Do you want to come and lay down in my office?" C.J. asked, glad that her office also had a couch.
"I can't stay here?"
"No." C.J. told him firmly. "Toby has to write the thing and if you stay here you'll only be tempted to help him. You can come to my office out of temptation's path and also, I can keep my eye on you." She smiled, very proud of her idea. Sam seemed a little reluctant to move away from Josh, so they moved as a unit to C.J.'s office while Toby settled at his desk to write the latest (and he hoped final) statement.
X X X
"Do you need anything, Sam?" C.J. asked. Sam shook his head resolutely and scrunched into the corner of C.J.'s sofa, his legs pulled right up to him. Josh rested a reassuring hand on Sam's knee, the one that was nearest to him.
They had given Carol instructions on the way in to only disturb them if it was Toby, Leo, Donna of Charlie looking for them.
"Do you wanna have a sleep or something?" Josh asked. He didn't know what he could do or say to help, any possible platitude he felt he could offer would be impotent. He noticed that C.J. also looked uncomfortable, unsure of how she should act. She pulled one of the visitor's chairs that were facing her desk and swivelled it to face the two men, sitting on its edge.
"I'm not a child." Sam grumbled.
"We know Spanky. It's just you can't have gotten much sleep. We thought you might be tired."
"I'm not." Sam fiddled with his shirt sleeve, which was poking out from his jacket sleeve. He felt a shiver run down his spine.
"You cold?" Sam shook his head pitifully. C.J. got up and perched herself on the sofa arm near Sam. She rested her hands on his shoulder and began working her fingers to try and ease some of the tension in Sam's neck. Sam leaned back gratefully. He needed the contact and the soothing movement of C.J.'s hands really was making him feel a little sleepy. He fought the tiredness, though yawned periodically.
After a while C.J. told Sam and Josh to scoot along the couch so she could fit at the end, next to Sam. Both did as they were told and C.J. slotted herself in. She somehow managed to coax Sam into leaning against her and put his feet on Josh's lap in attempts to get him to get some rest.
Sam was almost as adamant that he wasn't going to go to sleep as adamant as he had been that he wasn't going to cry but he didn't shy away from the comfort he could plainly see his friends were trying to offer.
They sat comfortably together until Carol knocked softly on the door.
"Message from Toby. He said it's done and he's on his way over to the President now."
"Thanks, Carol. Can you get them in, please?"
"Sure thing."
"You need a hand?" Josh asked. "Donna'll help."
"That would be good, thanks," Carol smiled.
"In that case, Joshua, you can go and set Donna off on that and Samuel here and I will go straight off to the Oval Office. You can meet us there."
"O.K. with you, Sam?"
"Yeah." C.J. stood up and then hauled Sam to his feet. Josh waited until Sam was up and clear of him before he stood up, then he followed C.J. and Sam out of the Press Secretary's office. He smiled to himself as he saw C.J. take a hold of Sam's hand, not letting go as they walked through the hallways of the West Wing.
X X X
Toby was waiting in the Outer Office of the Oval, being watched very closely by Mrs. Landingham, who did not seem impressed with his constant movement, the statement in a folder held closely to his chest. She stopped watching him so closely when she saw C.J. walk in leading Sam by the hand.
"Hi Sam." She said. "Would you like a cookie, Sam?"
"No thank you." Sam said.
"Yes he would." C.J. and Toby simultaneously. Mrs. Landingham smiled at Sam and C.J. indulgently, yet shot a glare at Toby who she felt was being too domineering as opposed to C.J.'s maternalism. "Would you like a cookie, C.J.?"
"I would like a cookie very much, thank you, Mrs. Landingham." C.J. reached into the cookie jar and took out a cookie for herself and another, which she promptly thrust into Sam's mouth when he opened it to protest.
"It's very sad, Sam. I'm sorry." Sam nodded and stepped closer to C.J.
"No cookie for Toby?" C.J. asked raising her eyebrows. Mrs. Landingham shook her head. She beckoned C.J. forward and said something quietly to her that none of the others could here. Toby rolled his eyes while Sam maintained his grip on C.J.'s hand.
Josh came bounding into the Outer Office as the others were being ushered into the Oval Office. The President was waiting for them by the door. Toby handed him the folder straight away, a scowl on his face, which seemed to grow even more pronounced when Josh entered the room, his mouth full of cookie.
"Has she been withholding cookies from you again, Toby?"
"Yes, Mr. President, she has," The President grinned but stuck his head outside the door to talk to his secretary.
"Mrs. Landingham, you really shouldn't deny the Communications Director your cookies. He really does work very hard and I promise he won't break anything."
"Toby doesn't get a cookie Mr. President!" She said firmly.
"Well, just as long as we're clear on that, then." The President tweaked his tie and went back in the Oval. "Sorry, Toby, she's really made up her mind about you." Toby waved a hand; he really didn't care that much. Instead he went and stood by C.J.
"Has he been O.K.?" he whispered. C.J. nodded as she led Sam to one of the long sofas. The President went around to Sam's other side and sat down beside his young speechwriter, putting Toby's speech onto the coffee table. Toby sat on the other sofa next to Josh and Leo stood just at the end of that sofa.
"How are you doing, Sam?"
"Fine, Mr. President."
"I really am very sorry to hear your sad news. Leo told me, I hope you don't mind. Abbey sends her condolences, too. You're doing O.K.?"
"Fine, Sir."
"Is there anything he's not telling me, Claudia Jean?"
"We're doing O.K. here, Mr. President." C.J. assured him.
"O.K." The President turned his attention to Toby. "It's done?"
"Yes, Sir."
"Excellent." He picked up the folder that Toby had brought with him and flicked through it, reading as he went. "Good, Toby. This is very good. You're getting the Press in C.J.?"
"Carol's doing it now. Josh also donated Donna to get it done quicker."
"Excellent. I'll be on the podium at one. What's next?" When no one had anything else to contribute, Leo waved the Senior Staff into his own office.
Once they had reassembled in there, each of them fighting to sit next to Sam, so much so that Josh was nearly sitting on Toby's knee, until the older man harrumphed to a chair where he might at least be able to breathe.
"We gonna be ready for one?" Leo asked. "It's not that long."
"If the reporters can't get in," said Toby, "they miss the story; simple as that."
"We'll fax a written copy to anywhere that doesn't have a representative and they'll miss their audience with the President," Said C.J. "they'll be a little late getting it, but that's just hard cheese."
"You're saying people shouldn't be away enjoying Christmas with their families?" asked Josh temporarily forgetting. He shot an apologetic look at Sam.
"That's exactly what I'm saying, Joshua. Are any of us at home right now? No."
"It won't be a problem with an empty room?"
"It'll be fine. Less questions, too."
"We need the questions, C.J." Toby commented. "This is a victory, we need to let people know that we won and we are not going to stand for anything else in the future."
"D'you put that in your speech?" she asked.
"Yes, C.J. of course."
"We got it covered then." She dismissed Toby's concerns.
"O.K. then. Let's get this done," Said Leo. "we can get this wrapped up by New Year. Go."
X X X
13.00
The President took his place at the podium in the Press Briefing Room. C.J. stood just behind, ready to field questions, while the rest of the Senior Staff observed from the back of the room.
"Good afternoon. I am sorry to disturb your holidays but we have had some new and exciting developments that have led to the resolution of the diplomatic conflict between ourselves and the French.
"First thing this morning we received word from President Delacroix of France; he is taking full responsibility for the nuclear activity in the South Pacific near our own shores and those of our friends in the Federated States of Micronesia. The French President has admitted to us that the tests occurred with his full knowledge and consent, authorised directly by him.
"The threat of international sanctions against both him personally and the French government prompted his honesty and his desire to rectify the harms that have been done. He is tendering a Treaty to ensure that no such tests will occur in these waters again nor any others around our territories, a Treaty I hope Congress will feel able to ratify; our failure to sign the Nuclear Test Ban Treaty delayed this successful outcome. The French will also take responsibility for the environmental impact of these tests, instigating a programme to rejuvenate the water and to rectify all damage caused to marine life to date.
"Monsieur Delacroix has personally expressed his regret to me and this country, an act that has taken courage, to be sure. We are once more proud to acknowledge our friendship with President Delacroix and with the French people. Thank you."
A sea of hands shot up. The Staffers at the back of the room could see no one who was not trying to draw the attention of C.J. Leo marvelled at the way she controlled the room, so confident and adept, so much so that he did not notice Margaret slip in behind him. She touched him lightly on the shoulder and handed him a piece of paper with a hand written message on it. Leo looked at it quickly and then took it immediately to the President, still at the front of the room. As the Chief of Staff walked towards the front of the room the cacophony of the reporters' shouts softened some, all wondering what could so important as to warrant the interruption by the White House Chief of Staff. The President glanced down at the note and indicated to the room that he wanted quiet.
"I have just here, received word that President Delacroix has officially offered his resignation and elections will be called with immediate effect. The resignation stems from growing public pressure over recent months about both international and domestic issues. We wish the people of France wisdom and insight as they elect a new leader and also strength, guts and courage in these difficult times and in the future so that they make the right choice in the selection of their new leader." Toby, Sam and C.J. cringed simultaneously from their different places.
"What?" asked Josh obliviously.
"He just said three things that mean the same thing." Said Sam.
"Oh. And that's a bad thing?" Toby started spluttering and Josh wasn't entirely convinced that he wasn't about to explode. Josh wasn't one hundred per cent sure but he had a sneaking suspicion, a small sneaking suspicion that he may have seen a tiny smile tug on Sam's lips.
X X X
After the President had left the Press Room, it was up to C.J. to construct something tangible from the carnage that was left. Every single member of the Press Corps had a hundred plus questions for C.J. to evade or answer. The pace was furious and led to a long, intense time behind the podium, compounded throughout the afternoon by the glut of phone calls that led to the constant ringing the ears of both C.J. and her staff.
By 8 o'clock the phone frenzy had calmed considerably so C.J. took the opportunity to slip away for a few moments, leaving Carol to take messages should any calls from stragglers come. She was weary and felt herself nearing the brink; the day had seemed overwhelming for her, she dared not think how it must be for Sam. She was shocked by Alexandra's sudden decline and consequent death, the sadness amplified by the buzz and the whir of the day and the mechanisms of politics, those she was usually contented to witness and partake.
They had taken Sam out to lunch to ensure that he had something to eat which left her drained. She felt like an outsider for the entire duration of the meal. She had not known what to say to Sam, she did not trust herself and there was an overwhelming sadness that rested upon her very spirit. Truth be told, the thoughts that had consumed her and the feelings that rode high within her had knocked her off balance, interrupted the flow of her chi, as it were. It had affected her in profound ways she could neither have anticipated nor explain.
C.J.'s progress in the Press Room was monitored throughout the day by Toby and Leo, each watching in their respective officers whilst combating their own tasks that came about from the day's events.
At 8.10pm, Toby closed the final pending file, threw it on his done pile and leaned into the back of his chair. He sighed long and deep and listened to the quiet of his office. His head was buzzing, he too had listened to the incessant ring of telephones from the Bullpen. He was relieved that they had slowed in frequency, his workload increased by Josh and Sam's absence and decided he needed to stretch his legs before returning to prepare notes for the State of the Union; he had any number of ideas zipping through his mind, all of which would prevent him sleeping, as if that would not prove to be elusive enough at any rate; nothing like the frenetic activity of the day to get the mind working.
He walked out of his office and through the Bullpen, a full compliment of staff present despite the holiday season, leaving instructions with Ginger to take messages and that he would deal with them on his return in a little while.
He walked out of the Bullpen and then turned out with great rapidity and marched back into his office. He grabbed his coat and checked the pocket to make sure his packet of cigarettes were in there, feeling the bulk the packet created, he put the coat over his arm the way a waiter would a towel and left the area once more.
On his journey through the hallways he passed by the open office of the door of Leo McGarry.
"Toby!" Toby stopped in his tracks and stuck his head into the Chief of Staff's office.
"Yeah?" Leo was behind his desk, pen poised.
"Yeah?"
"She did well."
"She did." Toby affirmed.
"You're stepping out?"
"For a minute."
"You're busy?"
"I have been."
"O.K." Leo nodded abruptly bringing an end to the conversation, then he reaffirmed: "She did well." Then turned his focus to the paper in front of him, which Toby took to signify the end of the conversation; moving off through the halls once more.
He decided he would stop by C.J.'s office to check up on her. He knew how frantic his day had been and figured that C.J.'s would have topped his tenfold, at least. He also knew that feelings were running high and there lunch with Sam had moved her deeply.
Toby arrived at C.J.'s office, greeted by a fraught looking Carol. Toby tried to see around her into C.J.'s office, though he saw no sign of the Press Secretary.
"She's stepped out, Toby."
"She's coming back?"
"I'm taking messages."
"Thanks."
Toby walked on to find C.J. He walked around the West Wing trying to locate her, checking the briefing room, the press room and the mess, amongst other places. When he had still turned up no sign of the Press Secretary, he decided that he would cut his losses and go out for that cigarette he had been craving so much for the past forty-five minutes, concluding that C.J. would not be found if she did not want to be and that she would come out of hiding when she was good and ready.
He left the building through the main lobby donning his coat and walked into the crisp, dark night. There was a covering of snow and Toby's footsteps crunched; the new snow compacting as Toby went. When he was halfway down the drive that led to the perimeter gate on Pennsylvania Avenue, he felt further flakes on their gentle descent. He saw their delicacy and pondered their complex patterns, then realised, much to his consternation, that his thought processes were beginning to resemble Sam's.
Toby's dark coat changed into a white blanket; he pulled it tighter around him to keep out the cold wind and to stop the damp crystals landing on his suit jacket. After a long walk down the drive and a covering of snow later he reached the gate and went through it onto the quiet street.
X X X
It was quiet on the street; the weather and the holidays keeping most people away. C.J. stood, her arms wrapped around herself to keep out the cold, her suit jacket taking the brunt of the weather in the absence of a coat. The white flakes landed on her hair and onto her jacket, melting into nothingness.
She stood looking up as the delicate flakes tumbled from the black sky, mesmerised. She was jolted by a voice from behind.
"Penny for 'em?"
"They're not worth a penny." C.J. said then she turned around and saw Toby looking fixedly at her.
"It's snowing." Toby stated the obvious.
"So I see."
"You did well, with the press." C.J. nodded. "And now you're out here in the middle of a snow storm with no coat."
"I didn't mean to come out here. It just happened."
"What, you fell out of the door and tumbled down the drive?" C.J. didn't say anything. Toby walked to stand next to her and they both stood there, looking out. "You O.K.?"
"Fine."
"You're thinking about Sam?" Toby guessed.
"How can he cope with all this? It's too much!"
"It is."
"Do you think he's O.K.?"
"Josh is with him."
"The question stands." C.J.'s attempt at humour was greeted by a small smile that graced Toby's lips, though it was obscured somewhat by his beard.
"You've been busy today?"
"Hardly had a moment to think."
Toby reached into his pocket and manoeuvred a cigarette from its packet. He popped it into his mouth hoping that the snow would not have a detrimental effect on the cigarette as he reached for his lighter, which he produced from the other pocket. He flicked the lighter and a flame appeared, the delicate flicker protected from the elements by Toby's hand. the small flame pierced the darkness and lit C.J.'s face. Toby could see the crystal sparkle of an unshed tear in the corner of her left eye. He felt deep compassion for his long time friend. He could see how moved she was. The worry she felt for Sam and the pity; especially the pity.
"I'm tired. It's been a long day."
"It has." Toby took a draw of the cigarette and then exhaled, gently releasing the smoke from his mouth.
"She was too young to die, Toby. She was just a girl." Toby could see that C.J. felt this pain deeply, knew she had been profoundly affected, yet he felt unable to put his hand out to comfort her as she had done him; he was afraid that he would betray his own feelings; his sadness, his concern and his pity. Pity; the overriding emotion that consumed them both; pity that Alexandra Johnston had to die; pity for Sam, that he had lost his true love; pity for themselves, that they had not been able to do more to help.
C.J. felt the rogue tear escape from her eye and brushed it away sharply; ashamed of her own self-pity. To try to alleviate all the emotions that longed to loose themselves on her, she reached toward Toby's cigarette.
"May I?" Toby nodded and took it from his mouth, handing it to her. He resisted making a comment about the fact that she was, at all other times, adamantly anti-tobacco and early on the bandwagon to criticise Toby's addictions to all that's good and true: cigarettes, cigars and alcohol. Toby rubbed his thumb and forefinger together back and forth, their nervous movement now uncurbed by the loss of the solid entity that curbed their movement.
C.J. took a long drag on the cigarette, inhaling deeply. Toby saw that it grounded her a little, it helped keep her calm and drew her mind away from all that disturbed it.
Toby thought it bizarre that one small stick could have such a profound effect, grateful that it was once more in his possession as C.J. handed it back to him.
Toby looked at C.J. The amount of snow that had settled on the tall woman was increasing at an astounding speed. He popped the cigarette back in his mouth, clamping his jaw firmly around it while he shrugged out of his long black coat, patterned by nature with patterns of white. He popped the coat around C.J.'s shoulders, the inability to make physical contact gone now that they had shared a moment together, mutually understood and profound.
Toby bought his hand up to the small of C.J.'s back an gently propelled her in the direction of the gate, now with the drifts of white around it from the snow fall, the top of the ornate iron work white too. He took the half- smoked cigarette from his mouth and threw it on the floor, stamping on it viciously. In a moment the stub was covered over with a coating of fresh snow. Nothing escaped the all-encompassing grip of the winter weather.
"Our kid'll be O.K.?" C.J. asked.
"Our kid'll be fine." Toby confirmed. There was no way that they would ever let him be anything but.
Sam was exhausted by the time he arrived home at 7pm. He had gotten away from the White House at three and Josh, Toby and C.J. had insisted that he go with them to get something to eat, then Josh took him to see Alexandra.
He waited outside for Sam and then wouldn't hear of any alternative to him driving Sam home, though to be fair, Sam did not put up much of a fight. He did draw a line though, when Josh suggested he come in and tuck him into his bed and insisted that he was not a child, though he did not object when Josh came in anyway and brewed them both some coffee. They drank the brew and sat in companionable silence until about 9 o'clock, at which point Josh, at Sam's insistence that he was indeed fine and that he would be O.K. by himself, left Sam alone in his apartment.
As he sat on the sofa he saw a bit of paper sitting on the side table. He snatched it up to look at it. It was the letter he had written. He read it and he thought about her; his Alexandra and he cried into the night.
Tuesday 6th January
It had come at last. The day of the funeral had arrived, delayed by both the Christmas and New Year's holidays. Josh had taken it upon himself to play Sam's personal protector for the day, arriving at his apartment first thing in the morning. He had grovelled at Leo for the whole day off work, though C.J. and Toby had only managed to get the time for the funeral itself.
The President had written Sam a beautiful note (and done so himself), also from Abbey and the girls, expressing their profoundest sympathies and heartfelt wishes. He regretted that he was unable to attend but he wanted the funeral to be a private affair to allow Sam time to grieve.
Sam had convinced his Mom and Dad not to fly over from California and Leo had said that he would be unable to go. There was also a card from the Press Corps and another from Lord John Marbury (sent via 'Gerald'), amongst others.
X X X
There was only one wreath on the casket, a simple combination of white roses and white lilies that were from Sam. The request had been made that instead of getting flowers people make a donation to the Child Leukaemia Foundation. As Sam and Josh followed the casket into the chapel they saw that it was about half full. Toby and C.J. were sitting at the front with Charlie Young, whom the President had sent on his behalf. Behind them were Jenny and Mallory McGarry, there to support Sam and also to act as representatives of Leo. There were a collection of people that the couple had known from within the White House and some people who had worked with Alexandra. There was Congresswoman Wyatt sitting next to Toby and representatives from Jeff Breckenridge's office nearby too. Sam noticed Kim Dryden at the back of the Church as well as Ainsley Hayes; many of the people there were present to support Sam and mutual acquaintances of the couple, rather than people who specifically knew Alexandra.
When it came time for the eulogy, Sam stood, against Josh's urging and his own better judgement. He walked to the front lectern and took a piece of paper from his suit pocket and began to read it clearly and calmly with solemnity, though not without passion:
"Dear Alexandra,
"I would like to thank you for the most wonderful time, I think even of my whole life. Our meeting was nothing short of serendipitous, I can only suppose that fate was smiling on us both. What I wouldn't give for the opportunity to spend more time with you; time we could both enjoy, as we did today, time when there's just the two of us.
"I don't ever remember having felt like this, just from one short moment, one peaceful perfect moment; it's as if in a dream, a fantasy. I think of all the opportunity ahead of us and wonder what could be, all of those 'perhapses', how sweet they could be, how special.
"To be the victim of cliché, I feel that my life has been made richer, simply from having met you. You are a bright, intelligent person and you are beautiful too. I love your hair, I love your eyes but most of all I love your smile, no matter how grim I know that face could light up any room, make any situation look so much brighter; bring hope.
"I wanted to thank you; I suppose. Thank you for the time you shared with me; thank you for the happiness you have brought me in even this short a space of time; it's as if I belong; as if we belong. Together. For the happy memories we have created, for special moments like this I am eternally grateful.
"I wish to thank you for all of that and more than I think you'll ever know. I will never forget this day; I'd like to think that we could be together forever.
"Love Sam.
"This is a letter I wrote the day I met Alex, she pervaded my thought so. I never gave it to her and she never knew how much of an impression she made on me that day, not really. That she never read this is perhaps something I will always regret; it was written only as fallacy, a folly whose poignancy, I hope, is now apparent and echoed by all who hear it today. That these memories of a wonderful girl...woman, coincide with your own feelings about her; the things that made her special become the special memories that we all share and take with us, from this place. Alexandra Johnston, I will keep you in my heart for always."
Sam went and sat down next to Josh and felt C.J.'s hand on his shoulder and heard Toby mutter something about a lack of verbs, (just to show that he cared).
"That was beautiful, Sam," C.J. whispered.
The cremation was quick and was followed by a wake at Sam's apartment, Josh never letting his friend out of his sight, even for a moment.
A sea of faces, many of whom Sam would not remember when he looked back, came up to offer their condolences, to give him a hug or a kiss on the cheek and to squeeze his arm, so he knew he wasn't alone.
When everyone had gone, having given Sam their best wishes and told him that he was in all of their thoughts, he got Josh to drive him to Chesapeake Bay.
Josh stayed in the car while Sam went out and looked over the ocean. He took the ashes with him and flung them into the wind. They fluttered about, almost like confetti. He had the ring back again. They had given it back to him with the ashes. He looked at it momentarily then drew his arm back and threw it into the ocean.
As the ring sailed from Sam's hand, it glinted in the setting sun until it slipped into the water and sank out of sight.
Sam's face glowed orange with the sun shining down on him, it seemed to Josh from the car almost as a divine light. As if Alexandra were making contact with him from wherever she had gone, as if she were filling him.
Josh sat in the car for a while as the sun disappeared, to be replaced with darkness and the wind got up. He could see it whistling through the trees. He got out of his car and went down to stand by Sam who was looking over the ocean at the water that had gone from blue to orange to a deep green.
"You O.K.?" Josh asked as he went and put his hand on his friend's shoulder to get his attention
"Yeah." They both stood out looking toward the ocean; the only two people about. Josh kept his hand on Sam, standing just behind his friend, both of them looking on and remembering.
A hand above the water
An angel reaching for the sky
Is it raining in Heaven?
Do you want us to cry?
And everywhere the broken-hearted
On every lonely avenue
No one could reach them
No one but you
One by one
Only the good die young
They're only flying too close to the sun
Life goes on without you...
We'll remember forever
And now the party must be over
I guess we'll never understand
The sense of your leaving
Was it the way it was planned.?
And so we grace another table
And raise our glasses one more time
There's a face at the window
And I ain't never, never saying goodbye
One by one
Only the good die young
They're only flying too close to the sun
Crying for nothing
Crying for no one
No one but you...
(Excerpt from'Only The Good Die Young' by Queen. This version transcribed from the Original London Cast Recording of 'We Will Rock You').
"Come back to the car, Sam." Josh said as he felt his friend begin to shiver.
"Yeah." Sam said, letting Josh turn him and lead him back, his arm wrapped around Sam's back.
"You all done here?"
"I am."
"Come on then, buddy, let's take you home now. Let's take you home." Josh started the car and they left the Bay, both with sadness in their hearts but now looking towards the next chapter.
THE END