Welcome Back! Once again, I'm sorry I didn't update earlier, but with school and all, who can argue? Special thanks to Vicious Mewtwo for giving me the idea for this fic! R&R! Please…
BEGIN TRANSMISSION
(Classical music plays in background)
(Scyther sits in a comfy chair)
Scyther: Good evening, I am Scyther, best of the bug Pokemon, bringing you a very special glimpse at an historic episode of Pokemon, Coast to Coast. Not many people know that in the early stages of this programme, there was a contract dispute, in which the outcome was the last-minute hiring of sub-standard hero Fox McCloud. I will be showing you many clips and out-takes from this fiasco tonight. I present to you now, the r-r-remains of Star Fox, Coast to Coast. Enjoy!
(Film count-down, with projector sounds)
(Opening Star Fox theme & titles)
Fox: What if I have to go to the bathroom during the interview?
storyteller51 (me): Relax, Fox, you'll be fine. Hey, stop worryin'. Now, I'd like you to meet the show's director, Charmander.
Fox: Hey, Charmander, good to have ya aboard.
Charmander: Yeah, well it's this, or back to earning minimum wage at a lab.
storyteller51: Harvey, this is Scyther, he'll be your band leader.
Scyther: I prefer "musical ar-r-r-ranger", if you don't mind? Any upright Pokemon with an extra wing or two can "tickle the ivories". (plays a classical piano excerpt) Anywho, it's a delight to meet you, Fox, charmed, I'm sure.
Fox: What's with this guy, is he gonna do this on the show?
Charmander: Uhhh, I gotta question.
storyteller51: Yeah, babe, shoot.
Charmander: Um, just exactly, um... What do I do?
storyteller51: I told you, you just push the lever up and down, okay?
Charmander: Up, down... (pushes lever up and down, control room monitor shows off-screen shot of the Arwing) Up, down... (pushes lever up and down, monitor shows Scyther in keyboard pod) Down... (pushes lever) Wait a minute!
(Beep!)
(Shot of empty set; Fox crashes through ceiling, feet dangling)
Fox: Uh, a little help up here.
(Beep!)
Fox: (flies down from above, lands on stage; speaks nervously) Um, good evening, um, welcome to the show, I'm, er, your host, uh.. (echo effect) STTTAAARRRRRRRRRRR FOOOXXXXXXXXX! (camera lens cracks, woman screams) Do I have to pay for that?
(Beep!)
Fox: Good evening everyone, um, I'm your show, Fox... hey, I'm sorry, sorry.
(Beep!)
Fox: I just flew in from the coast, and, and, and boy, are my arms... oh, Arwing, you wanted Arwing there? I mean, Arwing...
(Beep!)
Fox: Okay, okay, okay, okay. Eh, we do it again?
(Beep!)
Fox: Um, well... Hey, have you heard about this, grunge rock music the kids are into? It's, um, pretty weird...
Scyther: Yippity yappity yappity! My good man, what are you going on about?
Fox: Um, I'm trying to do my opening monologue.
Scyther: Opening monologue? It sounded more like you were delivering a eulogy! (laughs)
(Beep!)
Fox: (whispers) Should I start now?
storyteller51: Yeah.
Fox: Howdy, folks, let's say hello to our director, uh...
Charmander: Charmander!
Fox: My faithful Arwing. (It explodes) And our band leader...
Scyther: Musical di-r-r-rector, Scyther! Observe! (plays something classical on keyboard)
Fox: (sighs)
Squirtle: (off camera) You're pathetic, Scyther.
Fox: What was that?
Scyther: What was that?
storyteller51: Well, that's Squirtle...
Squirtle: Hello.
storyteller51: He's our backup, you know, in case something' happens to Liberace here?
Scyther: I wish my trainer Tracey was here!
(Beep!)
Fox: Oh, I'm stupid!
storyteller51: Yeah, just pick up where you left off, Fox, it'll work, just fine.
Fox: Um, tonight's guests are, um... Who are the guests, anyway?
Charmander: Ice and Tower, former American Gladiators.
Fox: Is that it? Oh well, ladies and gentlemen, tonight's guests, Tower and Ice.
(Monitor lowers with Tower and Ice, followed by dead silence)
storyteller51: Fox?
Scyther: Well, what are you waiting for, say something.
Fox: I will, just gimme a second. (pause) What should I say?
storyteller51: Anything you like, just, uh, just wing it. okay, Fox?
Fox: (pause) OHHHH, THE PRESSURE!
(Beep!)
Fox: Um, welcome, Ice and Tower, it's, it's great to have you here.
Ice: (laughs)
Fox: Ummmm...
Tower: How are you doin'? I mean, are you...
Fox: Well, not so great, actually, I've got my entire life riding on this show, and if it doesn't work out, it probably means the end of my marriage and my career.
Scyther: Oh, my, gape at me, I'm the pitiful tr-ragic Fox McCloud. I flit about in total depression! Oh, poor pitiful me! My world is an irventine pile!
Fox: Okay, that's enough. I can't work with this bug. He's getting on my nerves, and I don't understand a thing he says anyways.
storyteller51: Fox, Fox, calm down. Just do the show, okay?
Fox: Yeah, okay.
Scyther: My hatred for you... is delicious.
(Beep!)
Fox: So, what's your position, uh, on this grunge music?
Tower: I'd have to say my favorite event is the joust, um, it's a great feeling...
Scyther: I say, can't you do anything to squelch the cacophonous squawking of your mite-ridden toad sidekick?
Fox: Speak English, sissy.
Scyther: Might I suggest that the toad may provide more entertainment value if I lop its shrieking head off!
Fox: That's it! FIRE FOX! (streaks across stage toward Scyther, beats the living bejeebers out of him)
(film trailer, end of movie reel noise)
Scyther: I'm sorry... But seeing that again... Oh, please! Oh, please, go away!
INTERRUPT TRANSMISSION
RESUME TRANSMISSION
Scyther: And now, the conclusion of Star Fox Coast to Coast. And Mother, stop the VCR, your Sonny Boy's not in this part.
(Film count-down, with projector sounds)
Squirtle: (in keyboard pod, plays "Chopsticks") (to Charmander) Scyther's in the Pokemon Center. (evil laugh)
(Beep!)
Fox: So, what's it like being a Gladiator?
Ice: It's, uh, it's a lifestyle that's a lot of fun, being Gladiator and superhero among kids.
Fox: You actually consider yourselves superheroes?
Tower: Yeah.
Fox: Hah! You fight mere mortals. Superheroes fight villains, evil villains.
Ice: Actually, I do think we fight evil villains, don't we?
Tower: Well, we got some people, yeah, they're pretty doggone evil, I'll tell you that.
Fox: Yeah, right. Look out for Ted, the volunteer fireman. Woooo!
Tower: Are you challenging us?
Squirtle: Sounds like a challenge to me!
Fox: Listen, Squirtle, don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.
Squirtle: I don't like you now.
Tower & Ice: (laugh)
Charmander: (laughs)
Fox: Can't I get any respect around here? On my own show?
Tower & Ice: No, probably not
Charmander: No.
Fox: I demand respect, I'm Star Fox! (echo effect) STARRRRRRRRRR FOXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!
Squirtle: Yeah, whatever.
Fox: Ooooh, I hate you, I hate you all! (runs off)
Tower: Now, if he was a Gladiator, what would we call him? Like, Creampuff or something? (laughs)
Charmander: (laughs)
Squirtle: (laughs) That's rich!
Fox: (runs back) I heard that!
(Beep!)
storyteller51: Fox! Fox, pull yourself together! It's getting' late here, man.
Fox: Okay, okay, get off my back! (Holy Ra! Sun's going down! Must finish interview before my secret is revealed!)
storyteller51: Fox, while we're young, alright?
Fox: Um, okay. Y'know, my wife always wants me to do things around the house, like move stuff, y'know, open the pickle jar.
Tower: The pickle jar? (laughs)
Ice: The pickle jar.
Fox: Do you have that problem?
Ice: You know, this is what I tell people, a lot of people want me to open jars, help them move. These muscles are for show. (laughs)
Fox: (dozes off for a second)
Tower: Later, not! (laughs)
Ice: These things really don't work! (laughs)
Fox: Actually, my wife is thinking of leaving me.
Tower & Ice: (laugh)
Fox: I'm serious.
(Beep!)
Ice: Imagine about twenty thousand people watching you...
Fox: (nodding off as she speaks)
Ice: And it's very dark on the floor, and you can't see anything in front of you, and I tripped on a mat! (laughs)
Fox: (asleep at his desk)
Charmander: Fox!
Fox: (wakes up) Uh, here, here.
storyteller51: Fox, you all right?
Fox: Uh, wha? Oh, um, sorry, uh, low blood sugar.
storyteller51: Hey, can, can we get a peon to bring this loser some coffee?
Charmander: CREAMMMMMMMMM PUFFFFFFFFFFF!
(Beep!)
storyteller51: What do you mean you can't do this show at night?
Fox: (struggling to stay away) Without.. sun's.. rays.. Star Fox.. loses.. energy.
storyteller51: You gotta be kiddin' me! Rob 64 didn't say anything about this!
Fox: Wait.. 'till.. morning.. Star Fox.. be.. fine. (drops head on desk, falls asleep)
Squirtle: Well, thanks for coming, guys. Say good night, Fox.
Fox: (mumbles in his sleep) Uh, goodnight… Fox.
Ice: Thank you.
Fox: Goodnight...
Tower: Cream puff. (both laugh)
Charmander: I guess it's past his bedtime.
Squirtle: Let's cook him. I bet he tastes like beef. (laughs)
Fox: (talking in his sleep) I'll be good...
storyteller51: FOX!
Fox: (wakes up) Uh, oh, uh, are we done?
storyteller51: No, Fox, but you are.
Fox: What?
storyteller51: Fox, YOU'RE FIRED!
Charmander: (laughs)
Squirtle: (laughs) Yeah!
Fox: Look, you can't do this to me. I need this job! I'll do anything! I'll get a sunlamp, you don't understand, you can't fire me, I'm the Star Fox!
Squirtle: The Star Fox?
Fox: The Star Fox's alright, he's okay! Don't you know who you're dealing with here? The Star Fox, the Star Fox! STARRRRRRRRRRR FOXXXXX! (collapses on his desk, sobs, then falls asleep again)
Charmander: So, I guess we're cancelled, right?
storyteller51: Hey, good news, everyone! I just got off the phone with Ash, and everything's copacetic. Tomorrow, we start shooting "Pokemon Coast to Coast", with Bulbasaur! How about that, gang?
Squirtle & Charmander: (screams)
(Film trailer, end of movie reel noise)
Scyther: And so, Star Fox's tears flowed on and on. A little birdie told me he's now selling tent campers in Indiana. 'Tis true! I hear that if you say that Falco sent you, the propane tanks are free! Good night, all! Kiss kiss!
(Credits roll)
Fox: (very tired voice) Starrrrrrr Foxxxxxxx.... (head hits the desk)