BEGIN TRANSMISSION
(Bulbasaur, Charmander and Squirtle in commissary, sipping coffee)
Bulbasaur: They've invented E-mail!?
(Opening theme & titles)
Mihoshi: Well, hello there, this is Mihoshi. Welcome to Pokemon Coast to Coast. Tonight, South Park veterans Kyle Broflouski, and his partner in fun, Stan Marsh. Mmmmomma! Mmmomma, get in the cellar! Close all the shutters and chain down the cows! There's a comedy twister comin'! Here's Bulbasaurrrrrrrrr!
Bulbasaur: (walks in) Greetings, earth people, and welcome to a show from outer space! (last word echoes) I'm Bulbasaur. Joining me tonight are comedians Stan Marsh and Kyle Broflouski. Charmander, I hear we have an extra special feature for the audience tonight.
Charmander: Are you referring to the "Space Time Quiz Fun 9000"?
Bulbasaur: And who's that with, Charmander?
Charmander: Your host, Bulbasaur.
Bulbasaur: I'm not lying when I say I'm really excited about this new feature. But we'll save that for later in the show. Let's get to know our contestants, shall we? (Drum roll & big band intro from Way Outs. Bulbasaur walks to desk; Stan and Kyle are on the monitor as it lowers) Welcome to the show, citizens.
Stan Marsh: Thank you very much. Mr. Saur.
Kyle Broflouski: Thank you ever so much.
Bulbasaur: You're welcome.
Kyle Broflouski: Is it, what, is it Mr. Saur, or can we just call you Bulba?
Stan Marsh: Or B. Saur?
Bulbasaur: The Native Americans call me "Broken wind clap like thunder".
Stan Marsh: Okay.
Kyle Broflouski: Alright.
Bulbasaur: But you may call me Mr. Saur.
Kyle Broflouski: Yeah, Mr. Saur.
Bulbasaur: Now, which of you is which?
Stan Marsh: Oh, uh, I'm Stan Marsh... (points at himself)
Kyle Broflouski: And I'm Kyle Broflouski. Did I say my name right?
Stan Marsh: Yeah, dude.
Kyle Broflouski: God, it's a tough name to say.
Bulbasaur: How long have you had it?
Kyle Broflouski: I just got it. Uh, Kyle Broflouski.
Stan Marsh: It, it sounded good.
Kyle Broflouski: But you know how I said it, I said "Kyle BOflouski".
Bulbasaur: Don't worry about it, Bo. Charmander can fix it in the edit.
Kyle Broflouski: Hello, Charmander. I, just cut that out for me, will ya? Thanks, pal.
Charmander: Too late, "pal".
Bulbasaur: Ever been interviewed by an anime character before?
Stan Marsh: Uh, this is my fifth, si- no, never.
Kyle Broflouski: And I have never, ever, this is a real treat for me, and I've never even been to outer space before this. Unless you count some, uh, parties that we had on the show. (laughs)
Stan Marsh: (laughs) Right on! (they give each other "five")
Bulbasaur: I know what you mean. At Pokemon night school, we once had a mixer that lasted until ten PM.
Squirtle: Oh no, not the night school story!
Bulbasaur: I had fourteen cups of ginger ale, and wet my...
Squirtle & Charmander: STOP!
Bulbasaur: What, I let one go. I'm not ashamed, I was young.
Squirtle: You were in your mid-twenties in Pokemon years!
Bulbasaur: I was quite the cut-up. I bet you two were class clowns.
Kyle Broflouski: I, Cartman used to be the class clown, I used to just laugh at him.
Stan Marsh: But I was literally a clown, in the first pilot, I went into school with the grease paint, the wig, and the floppy shoes, and a (makes "horn honk" hand gesture & sound).
Kyle Broflouski: A sad clown.
Stan Marsh: Yeah, sad, and I would go (sad voice) "Did somebody order a clown?"
Bulbasaur: So, what are your superpowers?
Squirtle: Who, me?
Bulbasaur: No, Stan and Kyle.
Squirtle: Well, quit lookin' at me!
Stan Marsh: I have the power to tell when people are in trouble, very far away, up to, like, twenty miles away. But I don't have any other powers, so I have to run, or get a cab, or...
Kyle Broflouski: Or just feel bad.
Bulbasaur: That's weak. Kyle, how about you?
Kyle Broflouski: I crave, sweets.
Bulbasaur: Is that it? Those are measly little sissy powers! I can knock out Team Rocket with a single Solarbeam.
Kyle Broflouski: God bless you, man. If we could, we would, but all we can do is make one or two people giggle a little bit.
Bulbasaur: And those one or two people will be giggling their way to Armageddon while you two jokers do your little "ha ha" act!!
Kyle Broflouski: (stunned silence, then laughs) What could I do? You invited me on this show!
Squirtle: Blast him!
Bulbasaur: (aims his Solarbeam at the boys) Alright, hunker down!
Kyle Broflouski: Charmander, uh, Squirtle, what is the story here?
Charmander: Take your medicine!
Squirtle: Blast the other guy too!
Bulbasaur: I can't, he's wearing glasses.
Squirtle: Eh, when has that stopped ya?
Charmander: Go ahead, let him blast ya. It's really not that bad.
Kyle Broflouski: Hmmm. Whattya say, give me a laser shot? Take me out?
Bulbasaur: Oh, you want it now.
Kyle Broflouski: Would ya?
Bulbasaur: It kinda stings, are you sure?
Kyle Broflouski: Yeah.
Bulbasaur: Where do you want it?
Kyle Broflouski: Take me out right in the face, dude, middle of the face.
Stan Marsh: I don't want it, what do I gotta do?
Squirtle: Keep your glasses on, four-eyes.
Bulbasaur: Here we go. (blasts Kyle)
Kyle Broflouski: (yells, then gasps) Oh, holy, ho, gigi! Alright, one more.
Bulbasaur: Another one?
Kyle Broflouski: Yeah. All set.
Stan Marsh: Do I, do I want one of these?
Kyle Broflouski: I don't know, dude, if you like to feel good, I don't know, you tell me.
Bulbasaur: (blasts Kyle again; he yells) Ah well, to hell with the glasses, one for you. (blasts Stan)
Stan: Ow, no, I said no, I said no, please!
Bulbasaur: (stops) Oh, okay.
Stan: Damn!
Kyle: Oh, mmm, it clears the sinuses.
Stan: Dude! You like that?
Kyle: I can breathe. I can breathe for the first time in my life, and (sniff sniff) (to Stan) you stink!
Stan: I can't believe you could...
Kyle: You stink, dude!
Stan: Well, I can't breathe! (talking with stuffed nose) You gave him my clear sinuses.
Bulbasaur: Oh no.
Kyle: And I have the brain of a hippie now!
Stan: You gave him my brain of a hippie!
Charmander: And there's a swarm of bees flying around in my stomach.
Bulbasaur: Stop trying to improv, Charmander.
Charmander: No, I mean it! They're stingin' my insides! Ow, ow ow, ow! (walks away from monitor; Stan, Kyle, and Bulbasaur laughs)
Bulbasaur: Ah, tell me, fellas, what makes you laugh?
Kyle: Um, tickling, when I'm tickled.
Bulbasaur: Really?
Stan: People fall down. Big people fall down.
Kyle: Yeah.
Stan: Adult people fall down. That make me funny. Laugh. Ha ha.
Bulbasaur: So you're telling me if I walked over across the set, and fell down...
Squirtle: Do it!
Stan: Would you do it for us?
Kyle: Would you do it for us, but act like you're not gonna, act real confident, and then fall down.
Stan: Don't tip it, let's watch.
Squirtle: Yes, let's all watch.
Kyle: Alright, here we go.
Bulbasaur: (off camera) (hums, then noise of him tripping, yelling, and falling down)
Stan & Kyle: (laughs)
Bulbasaur: (laying on floor in front of his desk) Oh…
Kyle: Did you hurt yourself?
Bulbasaur: (still laying there, pain in his voice) Uh, yes, yes I did. Did, did you like it?
Stan: Yeah, dude!
Kyle: Well, if it hurt, yes.
Squirtle: Do it again!
Charmander: (laughs) Yeah! And this time, run across the floor with some scissors!
Squirtle: Yeah, yeah! And, and put a bunch of pencils in your mouth.
Bulbasaur: I don't know... Sounds kinda dangerous.
Squirtle: You think it would be, but it's not.
Stan: You know our motto, "If it hurts, do it."
Bulbasaur: Uh, okay. Squirtle, help me up. Charmander, bring the scissors out here.
INTERRUPT TRANSMISSION
RESUME TRANSMISSION
Squirtle: (makes noises)
Stan: (makes noises & gestures back at Squirtle)
Squirtle: (laughs) Oh yeah!
Bulbasaur: Stan, are you talking' to Squirtle?
Stan: Well, yeah, Squirtle and I used to hang in kindergarten.
Squirtle: Yeah, I pant's him in gym class.
Stan: Buddy!
Squirtle: Ho ho, I gotcha!
Stan: Yeah!
Squirtle: I hear you!
Bulbasaur: You're lying! Squirtle never went to school! I've got records on him since birth, and Squirtle has never...
Stan: (angry) All right!
Bulbasaur: (grimaces at Stan)
Squirtle: Blast him!
Bulbasaur: (clears his throat) We're back with Stan Marsh and Kyle Boflouski. So now, which of you is the straight man, and which of you is the wacky sidekick?
Stan: Uh, he's straight, and I'm gay. Wait! What did you ask?
Bulbasaur: I said, which of you is the straight man, and which of you is the wacky sidekick?
Stan: You're talking about, oh, comedy. Oh, shoot.
Bulbasaur: Of course I am! (buzz!) What was that, are the muffins ready?
Charmander: No, you idiot, it's time for the stupid game show segment!
Bulbasaur: You're right, Charmander. (game show theme music in background) It's time for (echo effect) Space Quiz Time Fun 9000. (his face is framed with marquee lights and the words "SPACE TIME QUIZ FUN 9000") With your host, Bulbasaur. (music finishes; his smile sparkles) I ask you a question, but be careful. If you get it wrong, you get blasted. If you get it right... you get blasted.
Squirtle: I like this game.
Bulbasaur: Squirtle, you're a contestant, too.
Squirtle: (stares back wide-eyed)
Bulbasaur: Ready, guys? (cheesy organ music plays in background, with timer ticking; Stan and Kyle confer; bell rings)
Kyle: No.
Stan: We're gonna say "no".
Bulbasaur: I haven't asked you a question yet. (music & timer start again, Stan and Kyle confer; bell rings)
Kyle: Al-, also Franklin Roosevelt.
Bulbasaur: Wrong. (blasts Kyle; he yells a little) Okay. Next category.
Kyle: Next, uh, Mom's homemade recipes, for 300.
Bulbasaur: Mom's homemade recipes for 300 it is. What is the main ingredient in my mom's delicious cheeseburger pie? (music & timer start again, Stan and Kyle confer; bell rings)
Stan: Jägermeister.
Bulbasaur: (buzz!) Right! It's ketchup! (blasts them)
Kyle: (yells) Ah, dude, you get addicted to that, you know what I mean?
Squirtle: No.
Bulbasaur: Squirtle, I have a tattoo. What is it of, and where is it?
Squirtle: I don't..
Bulbasaur: Wrong! (blasts him)
Squirtle: (looking crisped, in a new way)
Bulbasaur: I got it in Panama City over spring break. Spring break, whoo! (burp!) Ooh, pardon me. You guys wanna see it?
Kyle: Yeah.
Bulbasaur: Hang on a minute... (Bulbasaur is off-camera; unzipping sound, with grunts and groans)
Stan: Oh..
Bulbasaur: There! (Stan and Kyle gasps disguised)
Stan: Sick, dude!
Bulbasaur: (showing an indeterminate part of his body to Stan and Kyle) It's a cute little panda, swinging from a branch.
Squirtle: (low-throated laugh)
Charmander: That's a hairy panda.
Stan: Not, not good.
Kyle: Put the skin back on, thank you.
Bulbasaur: (puts his skin back on; cheesy organ music starts up again) Boys, we're out of time, thanks for stopping by.
Stan: Thank you, Bulbasaur!
Kyle: Thank you, thank you, hit me!
Stan: (making echo sound effect with his hands) Bullbaaaasaaauurrrrrr!
Bulbasaur: You want one for the road?
Kyle: Hit me, dude. One for the road.
Bulbasaur: Okay, here it comes. (charges Solarbeam, Stan and Kyle brace themselves; Bulbasaur doesn't fire) Psych!
Stan: Aw, what a bummer!
Kyle: (disappointed) Nothing'!
Stan: He messed with your head!
Bulbasaur: Double-psych! (blasts Kyle)
Kyle: (yells) Thanks.
Bulbasaur: (blasts Stan)
Stan: (puts his hands up) Oh, come on, man!
Squirtle: Do me too.
Bulbasaur: You hate these.
Squirtle: No I don't.
Bulbasaur: Yes you do.
Squirtle: C'mon! Give it to me!
Bulbasaur: No, now it's getting out of hand.
Squirtle: Come on! Come on!
Bulbasaur: I'm not blasting anyone anymore
Kyle: Aw, Bulby, Bulby old pal!
Squirtle: Oh, come on! Come on, do me!
Charmander: Do me too!
Squirtle: You've never been blasted!
Bulbasaur: Oh, yes she has. (blasts Charmander)
Charmander: Yeow! (falls backward as ray blasts through control room monitor; she lands flat on her back) Oh yeah! That's the one!
Squirtle: You're purposed ignoring me!
Bulbasaur: Yes I am. Bob, one more?
Stan: I don't want this to end on a bad note.
Bulbasaur: (blasts Kyle extra long)
Kyle: (yells a lot)
Squirtle: (in background) Jerk!
Kyle: (gasping) Oh, I love you, I love you...
Stan: Me?
Kyle: (still gasping) No, Bulby. Bulby, I love ya. Do it again, what the...
Bulbasaur: Sick little puppies.
Kyle: Come on, my friend, (yells) I need it, I need to feel it, (yells) I'm gettin' a jolt, (yells)
Charmander: (still lying on his back in control room) Oh, Bulby. (laughs)
Kyle: I love you, man, I'd do anything for you, man.
Stan: (making "cut" gesture) Can we cut?
(Credits roll)
Kyle: What could I do? You invited me on this show!