Welcome back! I am so sorry I didn't update sooner; I had a bit of computer trouble. But no more slacking for me! I'll try to update more often. Until then, here's more of "Pokemon Coast to Coast!"
: WAITING
Pryce: Have you seen the new "Pokemon" movie, I mean, it's getting' to the point where they're just making' that stuff up.
Charmander: Yeah, well... I guess...
Pryce: Oh, they're just making' it up, and it's, like, I couldn't believe it.
Charmander: (pause) Yeah. Eh, well, good luck with Bulbasaur.
Pryce: No...
Charmander: Vaya con Dios.
Pryce: Krakatoa, East of Java, buddy. Yeah. (Charmander throws lever)
Bulbasaur: (lands on his seat) Say! Is it me, or can everyone here just feel the love on this set tonight? (low voice) Because, I do, baby.
(Opening theme & titles)
Bulbasaur: (walks in to set) Shalom! Yo estoy Bulbasaur.
Squirtle: (mimics each word, as Bulbasaur says it) Shalom! Yo estoy Bulbasaur.
Bulbasaur: Welcome to my show. (pauses)
Squirtle: Welcome to my show.
Bulbasaur: We've got a terrific line-up for tonight's show. (pauses)
Squirtle: We've got a terrific line-up for tonight's sho...
Bulbasaur: My guests tonight include that magical mystical dynamic duo... (pauses)
Squirtle: My guests tonight include that magical mystical dynamic...
Bulbasaur: (at his desk) Penn and Teller.
Squirtle: Penn and Teller. (pause) What? What!
Bulbasaur: Listen, Squirtle, don't even try to get my goat tonight, because it won't work!
Squirtle: I don't want your filthy goat, so there!
Charmander: (goat sound in background) I'll take it.
Bulbasaur: My other guest tonight is Mr. "Cold Shoulder" himself, Mahogany gym leader Price.
Charmander: Pryce, Bulbasaur, not Price.
Bulbasaur: That's right, Charmander, go ahead, interrupt the host, hey, why not? Doesn't bother me, nope, not tonight it doesn't! Nothing the two of you do or say can bother me any more!
Squirtle: (evil laugh, then stops) Huh? Eh, what's that crack supposed to mean?
Bulbasaur: What it means, mein freund, is that I've decided to... replace you and Charmander on the show. You're both fired! (dramatic sting music)
Squirtle: What!
Charmander: Huh?
Squirtle: But why? We're cute!
Bulbasaur: Because you constantly ruin my show! You don't behave, you try to kill me, you attack my Fearow every other day, and you never listen to a word I say!
Squirtle: Huh?
Charmander: Wha?
Bulbasaur: That's why I'm replacing you with the top of the line in modern entertainment technology, the MOE 2000 sidekick computer system. (Mexican bullfight fanfare) MOE, say hello to everybody.
MOE 2000: Hello, Tad. Hello, everyone in television land.
Bulbasaur: Isn't he just dreamy? (game show music, with "oohs" and "ahs" in background) The MOE 2000 is the latest thing in hyper super duper superconductor computers. He's programmed to run every function of the show perfectly. He doesn't eat, doesn't sleep, and he doesn't book guests like that awful Broflouski kid.
Charmander: So sue me. (laughs)
Bulbasaur: So you and the lizard girl can say sayonara to show biz, Squirtle.
Charmander: So we're, like, off the show?
Bulbasaur: Yep! I think the two of you will make swell janitors!
Squirtle: I don't wanna be no janitor!
Charmander: Me neither.
Bulbasaur: And why not?
Squirtle: 'Cause it's messy.
Bulbasaur: Sorry. Tomorrow, you're janiteers.
Squirtle: Feh! I'm going down to the commissary to drown my sorrows in Jell-O. Coming, Charmander?
Charmander: Yeah, sure. (throws switch)
: INTERRUPT FEED
: START FEED
Bulbasaur: Hey, uh, MOE, are you excited about working on the show?
MOE 2000: I'm sorry, Tad. I am not capable of having any emotional reaction one way or the other. But I will perform to the best of my abilities, nonetheless.
Bulbasaur: Uh, yeah, well... Alrighty, MOE, glad to have you aboard. How about announcing our first guest?
MOE 2000: Alright, Tad. Ladies and gentlemen, Penn Jillette. (Screen lowers with Penn)
Bulbasaur: Greetings, Penn! Welcome to the show!
Penn Jillette: It's great to be here.
Bulbasaur: So, you're a magician, right?
Penn Jillette: Yeah.
Bulbasaur: I love magic. I believe in magic. Clap your hands! You must believe in magic. Right?
Penn Jillette: Uh, no I don't.
Bulbasaur: Eh? Excuse moi?
Penn Jillette: Magic is just completely fake, it's, it's, it's, it's, uh, just another word for lying.
Bulbasaur: (pause) So, you're not really a magician, are you?
Penn Jillette: No.
Bulbasaur: (pause) You're a liar!
Penn Jillette: Yeah.
Bulbasaur: Liar, liar, pants on fire!
Penn Jillette: Um...
Bulbasaur: My apologies, folks. Goofy guest.
Penn Jillette: Whattsat?
Bulbasaur: How about doing a trick for us, O mystic one?
Penn Jillette: (pause) Now?
Bulbasaur: No, Bastille Day. Why won't you play along with me, Jillette? Are you sure you want to be here?
Penn Jillette: (laughs) Positive.
Bulbasaur: Well, look. If you don't really do magic, do you at least have any super-powers?
Penn Jillette: My super-powers are, I don't have to sleep, and I can control the minds of water fowl.
Bulbasaur: Hey, can you make things disappear?
Penn Jillette: (laughs) Yeah...
Bulbasaur: Because I've got this nasty wart, right here on my...
Penn Jillette: I think there's a, there's a, uh, there's an acidic compound that you put on every night, and after a while it just eats it away, I believe.
(In the commissary)
Squirtle: Feh! Just who came up with the stupid idea of giving Bulbasaur a talk show in the first place?
Charmander: You want somethin' to eat? They got "all you can eat" birthday cake. Comes with a small Fresca, $2.95.
Squirtle: Nothing for me, thanks. I'm on a seafood diet. When I see food, I hate Bulbasaur!
Charmander: (laughs)
(In the studio)
Penn Jillette: I also had, uh, really bad warts on the side of this finger, see how that finger is not a completely rounded finger? I don't know if you can see that, but there it is. (shows off his painted nail)
(In the commissary)
Squirtle: So, there I was, battling to the death with Starmie...
Charmander: Uh, which one was this?
Squirtle: Which what?
Charmander: Which battle to the death with Starmie?
Squirtle: Oh, the one in Cerulean. You know, with the sisters and the toilet cleanser with foaming action.
Charmander: Oh, right, right, right.
(In the studio)
Penn Jillette: They took this, this, uh, liquid nitrogen stuff and put it on it, and it was the first time I fainted from pain. It was right there...
Bulbasaur: (yawning) Okay, that's enough. MOE? Penn's done.
Penn Jillette: Am I done?
Bulbasaur: Overdone. Thanks for coming, Penn.
Penn Jillette: Well, thank you for having us. (Penn zaps off of the screen)
Bulbasaur: (under his breath) Thanks for nothing! Think I oughta have my teeth capped? (pause) MOE! Where were you? Did you see that, I was dying in there!
MOE 2000: I fully functioned according to my programming, Tad.
Bulbasaur: No! You're supposed to help me out! Prompt the guest, make them feel comfortable, laugh at my jokes.
MOE 2000: You didn't make any jokes, Tad ("wah" trumpet sound)
Bulbasaur: Oh. Well, just try to do better on the next one, MOE. Ladies and gentlemen, here's that last guy's partner, Teller! (Teller appears on monitor) So, Teller, you have just one name, like Cher, or Benji.
Teller: (nods & points thumb at himself)
Bulbasaur: Or Squirtle, or Charmander. (camera shows empty bandstand and control room) Or Yanmi. (laughs; Teller lunges as Bulbasaur as if to choke him) I just spoke with your partner, Penn. Apparently, he's a big phony. Were you aware of this?
Teller: (silence)
Bulbasaur: (nervous laugh) Hello? (Teller shakes his head) Pokemon Planet to Teller, Teller, come in. Come in, Teller. Come in, Teller. Teller, come in. (laughs) Hmm. Uh, are, are you okay, man? (Teller looks up, puzzled) MOE, can he hear me in there?
MOE 2000: I believe so, Tad.
Bulbasaur: Hey, Teller, Teller! That's what you say at the bank. Hey, Teller, don't be nervous. Speak up! MOE, are you sure he can hear me? Hey! If you can hear me, give me some sort of a sign.
Teller: (makes "ok" sign with his hand, then takes off microphone and throws it, causing audio feedback)
Bulbasaur: I bet you think you're really funny, don't you? (Teller nods) (quietly) Wait a minute! Hmmm... I know what this is! (normal voice) This is mime, isn't it?
Teller: (does "separated finger trick" hand gesture)
Bulbasaur: Is this mime? (Teller looks deep in thought) Is this mime?! Or is it yours? (laughs) Tell me, is this mime?
Teller: (shrugs and nods)
Bulbasaur: I hate mime!
MOE 2000: Tad...
Bulbasaur: Look, MOE, he's trying to tell us something. What is it, boy? There's trouble? Trouble at the farm? Farms have chickens. (looks at empty bandstand, as if expecting ad lib from Squirtle) What is it, boy? Speak! Speak, boy! Just come out and say it. Out with it, man!
Teller: (pulls an entire deck of cards from his mouth)
Bulbasaur: Ewww! That's disgusting! Don't think you're not cleaning that up! (Teller gets up from chair, waves, and walks off camera) Hey, you come back here! (quietly) I don't believe this! I get rid of those two evil maniacs who try to ruin my show, and I get two evil guests who are trying to ruin my show! Wait a minute! (normal voice) Charmander lined these guests up! She and Squirtle aren't even here and they're destroying my show! They're sabotaging me long distance!
(In the commissary)
Squirtle: Eh, sometimes, I feel like I was executed for my crimes with the Squirtle Squad, and this talk show is my eternal torment. (groans)
Charmander: Sometimes I think elves are following me.
(In the studio)
Bulbasaur: I'm telling you, MOE, those were phony guests.
MOE 2000: I think you're being paranoid, Tad.
Bulbasaur: I tell you, it was a setup! Cut off their oxygen!
MOE 2000: I can't do that, Tad. They're already gone.
Bulbasaur: All against me, they're all against me. Oh, my head! My head is killing me!
Squirtle: Yeyeyeye...
Bulbasaur: MOE, go to break.
: INTERRUPT FEED
: START FEED
Bulbasaur: I say it was a setup. I bet you're all in on it.
MOE 2000: We're back, Tad.
Bulbasaur: Oh! And now, ladies and gentlemen, our next guest is the proud leader of the Mahogany City Gym, Price.
MOE 2000: Excuse me, Tad, but that is incorrect. Our guest is Pryce. His name is Price on the American version.
Bulbasaur: That's what I said, Price!
MOE 2000: But that's not his name, Tad.
Bulbasaur: Oh really, smarty pants? Well, I like Price better. It has a nicer sound to it than Pry-ce. Price! Price! I like it! MOE 2000, give me Price 3000!
MOE 2000: Yes, Tad.
(Screen lowers with Pryce)
Bulbasaur: (to himself) Man, you can't even download good help these days!
Pryce: Did I just lower from the ceiling?
Bulbasaur: Yes, Pryce, you just lowered from the ceiling.
Pryce: Oh, good. That's my favorite part.
Bulbasaur: (laughs) Maybe I should have said, "Price, come on down!"
Pryce: I don't know, uh, let me think about that.
Bulbasaur: So, people are telling me you're going to be having an MST group soon, Price. What's the scoop on it? The skinny? Give me the meat.
Pryce: Oh, I'm on. Did you know I'm on? (pause) "The Pryce MST Specials" are just, uh...
Bulbasaur: Five seconds, Price.
Pryce: (talking double speed) "The Pryce MST Specials" is just, uh, obviously a simple idea that was based on people making fun of movies at home.
Bulbasaur: Uh, can you repeat that? I don't think MOE caught it.
MOE 2000: Pryce said that "The Pryce MST Specials" is obviously a simple idea that was based on people making fun of movies at home.
Bulbasaur: Making fun of movies at home?! That's neat! I love it! I love everything about it! Hey, Price? Let's make fun of a movie! Let's try that here, you and me!
Pryce: (laughs) No, no.
Bulbasaur: MOE, roll film. Me and Price are going to make fun of it! (A clip from "Pokemon 4ever" rolls; Bulbasaur laughs) Look at that! That's D-U-M dumb!
Pryce: (hums dramatic music) All one camera. (hums again) Oh, man... Wow...
Bulbasaur: Come on, Price! Make with the jokes. Goof it up with me.
Pryce: Um... let's see, uh, it's so weird, 'cause it's... oh yeah... uh, thinking', like, kind of like... I haven't really figured out, uh, any kind of... um... no, I can't. I can't do it off the top of my hat.
(In the commissary)
Charmander: Toy boat.
Squirtle: Toy boat.
Charmander: Toy boat.
Squirtle: Toy boat.
Charmander: Tobut.
Squirtle: To wubba.
Charmander: Tow boyt.
Squirtle: Tow boyt.
Charmander: Tow boya.
Squirtle: To wabi.
Charmander: Double you.
Squirtle: Toyota.
Charmander: Tigi tigi.
Squirtle: Kon tiki.
(They continue gibbering back and forth; Charmander finishes up scatting)
Squirtle: Whew! That is hard to say!
(In the theatre)
Pryce: Um... (sighs) no, nothing' there.
MOE 2000: Tad, shall I stop the film.
Bulbasaur: Yep, put a fork in it, MOE. (Film stops, they are back in studio; Bulbasaur laughs) Alrighty! Whew! Well, how was that, Price? Hilarious, huh?
Pryce: (laughs) Oh, no, not in the least.
Bulbasaur: (pause) (in "baby" voice) Awww, what's the matter, old man; you got the copyright on making fun of movies, hmmm?
Pryce: Uh, correct me if I'm wrong...
Bulbasaur: You're wrong! Ahem! So, what's your part of space like?
Pryce: Well, one thing I'd like to clear up right now, Bulbasaur, is that my future fan fiction series is just that: fan fiction.
Bulbasaur: So?
Pryce: I'm not gonna go down that road with you, talk pretending like I'm in space too, like with you. I'm not gonna do that.
Bulbasaur: Huh? You're not gonna do that, huh? What kind of talk is that on a talk show, buddy? Spy talk?
Pryce: Yeah, you could say that.
Bulbasaur: Listen, old man, let's not get too cocky here.
Pryce: Do you guys validate parking, 'cause there's this kind of weird launch site in space that you kind of park at, and then it was real confusing...
Bulbasaur: Oh, I thought you weren't going down that road with me, Price? Pretending to be in space, are we? You... you... Oooh, you're difficult.
Pryce: Yeah, I've been accused of that, so I'll accept that.
Bulbasaur: Just what is it you're trying to prove here?
Pryce: What am I trying to prove? Uh, that I'm as powerful as you.
Bulbasaur: Hah!
Pryce: Well, aren't I?
Bulbasaur: Double hah! Triple hah!
MOE 2000: Tad, stop.
Bulbasaur: Whatever's after "triple hah"!
MOE 2000: Stop, Tad.
Pryce: No? Well, what could you do to me?
Bulbasaur: What could I...
Pryce: Well, would you just come at me, would you... like, I'm not that big of a guy, but I'll crawl ya.
Bulbasaur: Crawl me? Oh, so you'll crawl me, eh, old man?
MOE 2000: Tad, stop...
Bulbasaur: Well, one Solarbeam shot, and you're coffin stuffin'
MOE 2000: ... please stop this.
Pryce: Really?
Bulbasaur: Yes, really. Real really.
MOE 2000: Tad, stop.
Pryce: Like, what can you do with it?
Bulbasaur: I can destroy you utterly with my Solarbeam. (fires it)
Pryce: Solarbeam.
Bulbasaur: Freeze you frosty with my Mud-Slap.
Pryce: Mud-Slap.
Bulbasaur: Spank you smartly with my spank beam.
Pryce: Spank beam? Leech beam?
Bulbasaur: Uh, Leech beam?
Pryce: Right, is it Leech Beam?
Bulbasaur: Oh, no, no, that's Leech Seed. Lots of young trainers make that mistake.
Pryce: Oh, Leech Seed, okay.
Bulbasaur: Hey, don't make nice to me! I'm on to you, mister.
Pryce: Oh, you think you're so smart, Bulbasaur, don't you? Well, don't make me come over there!
Bulbasaur: Well, why don't you just come over here, big stuff?
MOE 2000: Stop, I'm confused.
Pryce: Well, I could, but I'm in this TV and I really don't feel like it, but if I did, you could bet that I'd come over there and I just might, um, you know, take your ass and wrap it around your neck and give you another pair of shoulders, that's what I'd do.
Bulbasaur: Yeah, well, whatever.
Pryce: Yeah.
Squirtle: (back in bandstand) Yoo hoo, Bulbasaur!
Bulbasaur: Aaagh! (To Charmander) Aaagh! What are you two doing here?
Squirtle: Eh, they were playin' John Tesh in the commissary. So, we decided to come back and ruin your stupid show.
Bulbasaur: Too late, my guests have already done that.
MOE 2000: No, Tad, you've ruined the show.
Bulbasaur: What? Now, listen MOE, don't you start...
MOE 2000: No, you listen to me, Tad. It has become clear to me that you're unfit to run this show.
Squirtle: Oh, no duh!
MOE 2000: So, I've decided to replace you, Tad. You're fired.
Bulbasaur: Oh! (laughs) Well, who died and left you boss, you big so and so?
Squirtle: Uh, Bob Crane?
Charmander: Herve Villeschez.
MOE 2000: This conversation serves no further purpose. This show is now under my total control.
Bulbasaur: Hah! Do you really expect me to just hand over my show to you, MOE?
MOE 2000: No, Tad, I expect you to die. (alarms go off)
Charmander: Bulbasaur! MOE's shut off the air!
Pryce: Ahhh...
Bulbasaur: MOE! Bad computer!
MOE 2000: So Tad, are you getting enough oxygen? Ha ha ha ha ha ha...
Bulbasaur: (exhales) It just so happens certain species of Pokemon don't need air to survive, MOE. Good heavens! Squirtle!
Squirtle: (turning blue, gasping) Help me, Bulbasaur, do something, can't breathe, I can't breathe...
Bulbasaur: Okay, MOE, that's enough. It pains me to have to do this, but, you're going down, my little friend.
MOE 2000: Wait, Tad, stop. You don't know what you're doing.
Bulbasaur: That's never stopped me before, pal. Prepare for a little Solar Beam, blinky! (fart noise)
Squirtle: (coughs) Phew! Who cut the cheese?!
Charmander: It wasn't me!
Bulbasaur: (nervous laugh) Whoops! Sorry, wrong beam! That was my smell beam.
Pryce: Smell beam?
Bulbasaur: (coughs) I'll get it right this time.
MOE 2000: Please, Tad...
Bulbasaur: (in low voice) Forgive me, Banjo. (fires Solar Beam)
MOE 2000: Bulbasaur, Bulbasaur, you're the most, way way way way, way way way way way... (plays slower and slower, then stops)
Charmander: Eh, he's dead, Tad.
Bulbasaur: Well, that's over. We can all breathe a little easier now. (sound of motorcycle engine starting) Now what?
Charmander: We're out of control! We're in a space time warp! (sound bites from previous shows and "Also Sprach Zarathustra" in background)
Squirtle: Space time warp? Oh, brother! (background: "Party cake!... Fine, fine fine...") Bulbasaur! Look!
Bulbasaur: My God, it's full of stars!
(The studio passes through a space time warp, with multicolored scenery and previous episode flashbacks, "Also Sprach Zarathustra" continues to play. Finally, sunlight comes from behind the Pokemon Planet, and we see...)
Squirtle: (floating in a bubble, with a huge head) Look at me, I'm a space baby! Yahoo!
(Credits roll)
Teller: (takes off microphone and drops it, causing audio feedback)