Ladies and Gentlemen: For the first time in Fanfiction history, a fanfic celebrating Good Friday! Enjoy…
BEGIN TRANSMISSION
(Opening theme & titles)
Mihoshi: Greetings, this is Mihoshi, welcoming you to the first ever Pokemon Coast to Coast Good Friday celebration spectacular-mathon. Tonight, fellow Pokemon host Mewtwo, and funny woman Yuffie Kisaragi. And now, your friend and mine, that host with the most, Bulbaaaasaurrrr!
Bulbasaur: (walks in, coughing) Greetings, TV-watching citizens! I am Bulbasaur, and I'm tickled pink to be here!
Squirtle: Tickled stupid, you mean.
Bulbasaur: (stares at Squirtle, sniffs) Before we begin, let me introduce you to the director of tonight's festivities, that fabulous lizard girl herself, Charmander!
Audience: (applause)
Charmander: Hey, don't get up, really.
Bulbasaur: And, over here, we have my band leader, and my other co-worker, Squirtle, and the Original Way Outs! (Way Outs play a synthesized excerpt from "William Tell Overture") And we'd like to welcome you to... (takes deep breath) The first ever Pokemon Good Friday spectacular-mathon, uh, show.
Squirtle: Whoop de doodle do!
Bulbasaur: You know, kids, tonight is a special notch in the belt that is the Pokemon saga.
Squirtle: Ehhh, Bulbasaur, what are we celebrating, anyway?
Bulbasaur: Weren't you listening, Squirtle? It's our Good Friday celebration! (smile sparkles)
Squirtle: I never heard of anybody celebrating Good Friday before! It's dopey.
Bulbasaur: It's not dopey! It's Good Friday! That's a holiday, right? Darn tootin' it is! So, hap-hap-happy Good Friday it is, and shut up Squirtle, because you're not gonna rain on my charade.
Mihoshi: Well, I don't know what I'm doing here, either.
Squirtle: (looks around)
Bulbasaur: (looks around)
Mihoshi: (in recording booth, behind a window) They called me twenty minutes ago, shoved these notes in my hand, what do they expect? (Microphone feedback increases in volume) Bunch of morons!
Charmander: Uh, Mihoshi?
Mihoshi: Let 'em fire me, I don't care.
Charmander: Mihoshi?
Mihoshi: What?
Charmander: Uh, your mike's on, man.
Mihoshi: Ohhhhh, fluff! Nobody showed me how to do this! (Feedback increases again; Mihoshi finally turns microphone off)
Bulbasaur: Oh-kay! Let's get on with it, shall we? (Walks to desk, with new music) (Ding dong!) Say, I wonder who that could be?
Charmander: It's your first anniversary guest, Bulbasaur, funny lady Yuffie Kisaragi (she appears on control room monitor with an accordion)
Yuffie Kisaragi: I'm ready, honey!
Bulbasaur: Yuffie! Welcome back to the show!
Yuffie Kisaragi: Oh-h-h-h-h-h! Bulbasaur! I'm so excited!
Bulbasaur: Me too!
Squirtle: Oooh! Me too!
Bulbasaur: So, Yuffie, what have you been doing since I last saw you?
Yuffie Kisaragi: Oh! Bulbasaur, as you know, I rule the western hemisphere!
Bulbasaur: That's nice, must keep you busy.
Yuffie Kisaragi: (plays accordion and sings) I rule, I rule, I rule.
Bulbasaur: Uh, Yuffie...
Yuffie Kisaragi: Yeah!?
Bulbasaur: Stuff a sock in it, Kisaragi. (Yuffie dances with the accordion, to weird background sound) Yuffie, I've asked you to come back to celebrate Good Friday with me! Now, celebrate!
Yuffie Kisaragi: Ohhh...
Bulbasaur: Don't sing, Yuffie.
Yuffie Kisaragi: (plays accordion and sings) Happy Good Friday, happy Good Friday, happy Good Friday, Bulbasaur! Oh-h-h-h-h-h! (Spins around; Bulbasaur grimaces) Look at this! (Swings her accordion up with her chest, then sits down)
Squirtle: Must I?
Yuffie Kisaragi: I can make myself invisible. You cannot see me now! (Puts her hands in front of her face)
Bulbasaur: Uh, yes I can.
Yuffie Kisaragi: No-o-o-o-o! You cannot...
Bulbasaur: Yes I can! (Aims his Solarbeam at monitor)
Yuffie Kisaragi: No! His beams cannot harm me, no-o-o! (Bulbasaur stops charging, sighs; Yuffie shaking her head back and forth, singing) Hair dance, hair dance, don't be a square, dance! Hair dance! (Bulbasaur stares back silently. Yuffie's full face is now on monitor, puckering for Bulbasaur) (Smoooooch!)
Bulbasaur: Hmmm. Okay, I think it's time for Judy Jetson here to blast off.
Charmander: Gotcha. (Throws lever to send her away)
Yuffie Kisaragi: (still on studio monitor) Oh, you pig!
Bulbasaur: Aaah! Charmander!
Charmander: I know, I know. (She throws more levers, control room monitor changes several times, finally shows Mihoshi's booth)
Mihoshi: Uh, excuse me. Are we going to commercial now?
Bulbasaur: No!
Mihoshi: Oh, sorry, don't mind me. (Charmander throws lever, control room monitor shows static)
Bulbasaur: (Ding dong!) Aha! Our next guest! (sniff sniff sniff sniff) Hey! I smell evil!
Charmander: Bulbasaur...
Bellossom: (evil laugh)
Charmander: ... It's your evil ex-girlfriend.
Bulbasaur: Aaaaah! Can't talk, Belle, I have a hernia!
Bellossom: Hey hey, relax, baby, like, I'm not here to spread terror.
Squirtle: Rats!
Bellossom: I just wanted to swing by and check out the old Poke Pad. You know, I had a real blast the last time I saw you, Bulby. A real blast. (Evil laugh)
Bulbasaur: Yeah, I bet you did. You and that creepy Palmer Mills, pawing each other. Yuck!
Bellossom: Oh, forget that stud, Bulby Bear, I already did. I'm looking for some new action, you dig? Some new kicks, know what I mean, butterbean?
Bulbasaur: Not a whiff, Belle.
Bellossom: Then let me clue ya, Bulby. I want to be on the show again. (Evil laugh)
Bulbasaur: Oh no, no no no no no!
Bellossom: Okay Bulby, be that way. Now I'm glad I left that surprise for you in your Pokeball this morning. (Evil laugh) B'da b'da! (Evil laugh)
Bulbasaur: Oh, that was you, huh?
Bellossom: Well, I'll be in touch. Later, boys! (Blows kiss)
Charmander & Squirtle: (in unison) Bye, Belle!
Squirtle: I like your brother.
Bulbasaur: She's not my girlfriend!
Yuffie Kisaragi: (reappears on monitor) Look at my cheekbones!
Bulbasaur: Aaaaah! Charmander, break!
Mihoshi: (groans) Ten pounds of sausage in a five pound sack!
Charmander: Mihoshi!
Mihoshi: Oh, uh, coming up next, more stuff!
INTERRUPT TRANSMISSION
RESUME TRANSMISSION
Mihoshi: (sings) Welcome back! (Normal voice) Oooh! Hey! I nailed that one!
Bulbasaur: (Ding dong!) What now, Fox?
Charmander: Relax, man, it's Mewtwo. He's cool. (Mewtwo is on control room monitor, gives salute to Charmander)
Bulbasaur: Ladies and gentlemen, it's special Good Friday guest Mewtwo.
Mewtwo: I tell ya, it's really been great, to be here, Bulbasaur.
Bulbasaur: It's great to have you. Do you know this is the only Good Friday special this year, Mewtwo?
Mewtwo: Indeed. You should slap yourself on the back.
Squirtle: He should slap himself in the face. (Bulbasaur does; Mewtwo laughs, then starts to laugh evilly)
Bulbasaur: So, Mewtwo, did ya bring me anything special for Good Friday?
Mewtwo: Oh, I brought you many things. (Pause; Bulbasaur smiles at camera) I'm lying', man, what can I get ya, you don't even wear slacks or trousers or pants, or anything, you know...
Bulbasaur: Oh, that's okay, just as long as you don't sing me a stupid song or anything. (Mewtwo starts making gibbering noises, shaking his head back and forth)
Charmander: Look out, I think he's gonna sing!
Bulbasaur: He's not gonna sing, Charmander. You're... not gonna sing, are you, Mewtwo?
Mewtwo: Yes I am.
Bulbasaur: Ohhh brother.
Squirtle: Sing! Sing, you fool! Sing like a maniac!
Mewtwo: Okay. (takes a deep breath, then shouts) POKEMON COAST TO COAST, POKEMON COAST TO COAST, POKEMON COAST TO COAST, GET SOME PANTS, AGH AGH AGH AGH AGH! (Bulbasaur sighs) Could you buy the sincerity of that? Yeah, I, it really worked for me.
Squirtle: Hmmmm, it had a good beat, and I could beat you to it. I give it a 75. (Holding a sign with "75")
Mewtwo: I'm tellin' ya, I'm gonna get up, and I'm gonna dope-slap that pest.
Charmander: Fine! Fine!
Bulbasaur: Be my guest, Mewtwo! Dope-slap away!
Mewtwo: Squirtle, I'm gonna dope-slap ya!
Squirtle: (mocking) O-o-o-o-h, I'm so frightened!
Mewtwo: (Glares at Squirtle; then at Bulbasaur) How did you get a show with an amphibian?
Squirtle: I'm a tur-, er, Water-type!
Mewtwo: Apparently, in, somewhere in show business, you shoulda went paper instead of scissors.
Squirtle: Yeah, look who's talking, the talk show arsonist!
Mewtwo: I'm serious, I will, I will clean that turtle's clock so fast!
Bulbasaur: Squirtle!
Mewtwo: You just tell him that, I, I, I personally put two of the Bugaloos in the hospital.
Bulbasaur: I think he heard you. (Mewtwo gives an exaggerated wink) Um, look, man, I apologize about Squirtle.
Mewtwo: Alright.
Bulbasaur: I try to make him behave, but...
Mewtwo: (looks to his right) Hey Lugia! Is that enough community service for ya? (Looks front and nods)
Bulbasaur: (sighs) Any last words of wisdom for the little people at home?
Mewtwo: Yeah. (Pounds fist into his palm) You gotta make your own fun, Bulbasaur.
Bulbasaur: Great.
Mewtwo: You gotta make your own fun.
Bulbasaur: I tried to make my own fun, look what it got me! Happy Good Friday to me! Whoop de doo. Charmander, are we done?
Charmander: Uh, we still got that cheap clip thing.
Bulbasaur: That's right! This should be great, folks. It's a sparkling career retrospective to me! Bulbasaur! Roll 'em!
Charmander: (throws lever, countdown begins)
(Title screen shows: "OUR MAN BULBASAUR/ THE DIRECTOR'S CUT", followed by numerous "Pokemon" cartoon clips of him getting blasted, pounded, frozen, slammed, by numerous enemies)
Charmander & Squirtle: (Laughs)
Bulbasaur: That was no sparkling tribute! That was terrible! That was... yuck! What in the name of Vic Tayback was that?
Charmander: A montage.
Bulbasaur: (French voice) Montage! French, hah? Well, that explains that, no, Charmander? (Normal voice) Those French, they ruin everything! I mean, you give them an entire Disneyland, and they can't even make a dime off it. Even Team Rocket couldn't screw up a Disneyland! Hmmm! I tell ya, one day I oughta do somethin' about them French.
Squirtle: (French voice) I dare you! I double dare you!
Bulbasaur: Okay, I will! See if I don't! (Runs off)
(Cut to Fearow flying)
Bulbasaur: (on Fearow) Ruin my anniversary, will ya?
(Night scene of Paris, Eiffel Tower in center)
Voice: (with French accent) Look out! It is zee Bulbasaur! (Solarbeam blasts city)
Bulbasaur: Take that, you cheese eaters!
(Blasts city again, crisps Eiffel tower; blast city around Arc de Triomphe, city is in flames, people are screaming)
Squirtle: (French voice) Well, zat ees zat! Au reservoir, mon-sewers!
Charmander: Bon soir! (Throws lever, clip of Bulbasaur being slammed into the ground reappears on monitor; title: Fin)
(Credits roll; with French accordion music in background)
Mihoshi: (in French voice) You've been watching the Pokemon Coast to Coast Good Friday Spectacular-mathon, celebrating Christianity whatchamacallit. From all of us here, to all of you, bon oui, what you say, a good night.
Mewtwo: (evil laugh)
Next Week on Pokemon Coast to Coast:
The Origin of Raymond