(Bulbasaur walks in to set. A large shark is lying on the floor behind him.)

Bulbasaur: Greetings! Welcome to the show.

Squirtle: Hey!

Bulbasaur: Tonight my guest is Corey Feldman.

Squirtle: Hey! (beat) What's with the shark?

Bulbasaur: That's been there... for over a year.

Squirtle: Oh. Well, I don't remember it.

Bulbasaur: Well, it was one year ago today I brought it in and said, "Here is the shark, I'll place it right here."

Charmander: (In the control room) What did I say?

Bulbasaur: You said you were so excited about this merger that you couldn't speak.

Charmander: Uh, what merger?

Bulbasaur: The merger between this talk show and that shark. I know I told you this.

Squirtle: (Beat)

Charmander: (Beat)

Squirtle: Well, I don't remember.

Bulbasaur: Look, that is Ol' Kentucky Shark, and he has been there. Okay, Squirtle and Charmander? Are we clear now?

Squirtle: Tch, yeah. (Bulbasaur walks toward his desk) You don't want me to play you to your desk?

Bulbasaur: (Stops walking) When have we ever done that? We've never done it that way! (Continues walking) And if you think you're gonna get sympathy from the shark, well then you won't. (Reaches his desk & sits down, glances toward Squirtle) Stupid. (Looks at the camera) Now, let's welcome Corey Feldman.

(Monitor lowers with Randy Travis)

Randy Travis: Hello.

Bulbasaur: Or Randy Travis, it, it really doesn't matter.

Randy Travis: Thank you. (Smiles)

Bulbasaur: Maybe it does matter. Eh, hello, Randy, do you know Ol' Kentucky Shark?

Randy Travis: Gosh, I don't know.

Bulbasaur: (Holds Ol' Kentucky up to monitor, who starts growling) Well, allow me! Ol' Kentucky Shark, this is Randy Travis. Randy Travis, Ol' Kentucky Shark.

Randy Travis: My pleasure.

Bulbasaur: (Drops Ol' Kentucky) See, Ol' Kentucky Shark is the brand new mascot of the failing liquor chain that bought us.

Squirtle: Ohhhh, so now there's a liquor store involved...

Bulbasaur: Look, in the heat of conversation, Squirtle, I may have said certain things I don't believe to be true.

Squirtle: So... you lied.

Bulbasaur: Are you slow? The alleged lie that you might have heard me saying, allegedly moments ago? That's a parasite that lives in my neck. (Randy grimaces) Mars will never put up with this.

Randy Travis: What planet are you from?

Bulbasaur: Planet of Hollywood. Boy, you can order a hamburger with predator braids. Ya ever been there?

Randy Travis: I don't, I probably have, but I don't, you know...

Bulbasaur: You'd know if you'd been there. Your guitar would explode in your hands.

Randy Travis: That's neat. Where do you get them clothes? (Sips coffee from his mug)

Bulbasaur: I don't know if you'd know 'em... Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn.

Voice: Up the chain!

Bulbasaur: They made 'em for me.

Randy Travis: Now that's a helluva deal.

Bulbasaur: Oh yeah, the tag says "Made in Malaysia by Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn".

Squirtle: Don't you think that's weird that the tag would say that?

Bulbasaur: And yet it does. (Growling sound in background) See? (Holds his cape up to Randy)

Randy Travis: You don't have cape houses in, uh, Pokeville?

(An Ursaring walks by outside, behind Bulbasaur)

Bulbasaur: (Looks at the Ursaring) What's that bear doing?

Squirtle: He's walkin' around.

Bulbasaur: He's probably going south, to mate with birds. (Turns to Randy) Bears are crazy, Randy. They'll bite your head if you're wearing steak on it.

Randy Travis: (Laughs) Yeah, oh yeah, that's, those are neat.

Bulbasaur: (Facing the windows, watching the Ursaring) Yup.

(Out by an open door, the Ursaring comes through the door, walking past Charmander.)

Charmander: How ya doing'?

(Back at the set)

Bulbasaur: This next question is brought to you by Ol' Kentucky Shark, of Kentucky Nightmare Liquor Corporation. You might remember him.

Randy Travis: Yeah.

Bulbasaur: He's the fish you met earlier.

Randy Travis: He's my friend, too, I like him.

Bulbasaur: Really.

Randy Travis: Oh, yeah.

Bulbasaur: All right. (Stands up, talks to Ol' Kentucky) Am I supposed to ask you this question, or you ask me? How's this work? (Ol' Kentucky continues lying there silently) Okay, I'll just jump in here. Randy, who wrote the extremely famous phrase, "A shark on whiskey is mighty risky. A shark on beer is a beer engineer"?

Randy Travis: (Scratches his chin, then laughs, then thinks some more) Uh...

Bulbasaur: Give up?

Randy Travis: Yeah, yeah.

Bulbasaur: The answer we're looking for, Randy, is Doctor Worm.

Squirtle: Who's Doctor Worm?

Bulbasaur: Nobody. So shut up.

Randy Travis: You're a good lookin' cowboy there, when you got on them...

Bulbasaur: (Stands up) Yes I am.

Randy Travis: You're a Poke cowboy, is what you are.

Bulbasaur: (Walks over to Squirtle's keyboard pod) Two, three, four. (Bulbasaur sings really off key accompanied by Squirtle's pounding on his keyboard) "Some people call me the space cowboy..."

Randy Travis: Do you have a second line in mind?

Bulbasaur: (Continues singing off-key) "Dumb people haul trash around…" (Stops singing) I'm still working on it.

Randy Travis: I think it's got some potential there, I'll...

Bulbasaur: That's good. (Starts walking back toward his desk) Because it's done. (Squirtle continues pounding on the keys) Squirtle... (Trips over Ol' Kentucky and falls) Damn shark! (Stands up, and is now face to face with the Ursaring. Ursaring growls at Bulbasaur, who backs away and hides behind Squirtle's keyboard pod) Squirtle, you must be secreting something that's attracting this bear!

Squirtle: I haven't done anything! (Looks at camera) Heh heh, except for this. (Secretes a yellow cloud) Merry Christmas!

Bulbasaur: Squirtle, take your gills outside!

Squirtle: Heh, okay. (Bounces away)

Bulbasaur: Phew! God, crack open a window!

(Bulbasaur has a flashback thought bubble, with Leopold "Butters" Stotch)

"Butters": (In the thought bubble) Wow, Bulbasaur, man, crack a window, will ya?

Bulbasaur: (Laughs) Crack a window, eh Randy? (He and Randy laugh) Crack open all the... Gaaa! (Ursaring leaps at Bulbasaur, he dodges)

(In the control room, Bulbasaur runs in)

Bulbasaur: Charmander, what's the bear doing here?

Charmander: (Sighs in disgust) Here, let me show you. (Throws lever, a video plays on her monitor, showing the Ursaring walking in the woods.)

Bulbasaur: Ah yes, my documentary.

(Music plays in the background, Bulbasaur narrates)

Bulbasaur: Bears and sharks always travel together. (The Ursaring stands by a stream and growls, baring his teeth, while a shark floats by on its back) Just look at them, walking through the wooded forest, paw in fin. (Ursaring and the shark walk by. The camera suddenly pans up to bare tree branches.) It's on account of their teeth (Ursaring and the shark start to growl and fight) that makes them "Nature's Best Friends" (Title appears in center of screen, as growling and fighting continue in background)

(Back in the control room)

Bulbasaur: (To camera) I made this for public television, but they told me it was stupid and grossly inaccurate. (Charmander throws lever, stopping the video) You been smoking?

Charmander: No!

Bulbasaur: I can smell it on you, Charmander. Crack a window, will ya? (Laughs)

(Back in the studio)

Squirtle: Hey, look at this! (Secretes a yellow cloud again) That's gonna carry all the way to the village. (Evil laugh)

Charmander: There ain't no village.

Squirtle: Choke on it, village!

Bulbasaur: Charmander, Squirtle's secretion will certainly wipe out the village's sandwich shop.

Charmander: There ain't no village. (Squirtle laughs, secretes another cloud)

Bulbasaur: The village! (Runs off)

Charmander: There ain't no village!

Randy Travis: (Now on the monitor) Hey, Charmander.

Charmander: Hey, Randy, I'm going outside. (Walks away from the console)

(Back on the set)

Bulbasaur: (Lands on his chair, carrying a six foot sub sandwich) I was too late. This is all that was left. Their six foot party sub. Their king, Randy, made it for me, while I waited. (Takes several bites out of the end of the sandwich, and talks with his mouth full) No one will ever know their way of life.

Squirtle: (From outside the studio, muffled by the glass) Hey, look over here. (Bulbasaur turns to look at Squirtle outside) Gimme that sandwich!

Bulbasaur: (Still talking with his mouth full) Squirtle, get back in here. I didn't give you permission to go outside!

Squirtle: Charmander's out here lighting poop on fire.

Charmander: (Runs by) I am not!

(Ursaring approaches Bulbasaur, growling)

Bulbasaur: Shut up! (Ursaring jumps Bulbasaur, knocking him down) Ow! (Bulbasaur and Ursaring battle behind his desk, he pokes his head up) Shark, help... (Ursaring pulls him down again. The shark lies dormant on the studio floor. Bulbasaur finally stands up). This is B.S., man. I'm gonna go see Doctor Worm and re-evaluate this merger. (Ursaring jumps him from behind) Oof!

(Bulbasaur is in Doctor Worm's office, where a Dunsparce is in a small golden cage lying on a small pillow.)

Dunsparce: Be chicken malt lickin' daddy's head be tickin'.

Bulbasaur: Yes, I know.

(Back in the studio, Ursaring approaches Randy on the monitor, growling)

Randy Travis: (To the Ursaring) Hey, how ya doin', Tex?

Squirtle: Eh, that bear's a Yankee.

Randy Travis: Well, (bleep) him.

(Bulbasaur returns to his desk, Ursaring turns to attack him again)

Bulbasaur: That's right, I just talked to Doctor Worm, and he had some interesting things to say. (Ursaring continues to growl at Bulbasaur) You get away from me! (Ursaring growls face to face with Bulbasaur) Okay then! (Walks to other side of set) Randy, I'm just going to do the show from over here.

Randy Travis: Good luck.

(Ursaring lunges at Bulbasaur)

Bulbasaur: Oh no! (Ursaring grabs him and runs off stage; Squirtle, Randy and Charmander all laugh) Shark, help! (Ursaring finally drops Bulbasaur near an open door) Ow!

(Back in Doctor Worm's office)

Dunsparce: I'm so drunk I'm liable to do anything to you, boy!

Bulbasaur: Well...

Dunsparce: Now get outta here, before I put you in the worst headlock of your life!

(Back at the set, Ursaring is sitting in Bulbasaur's chair. Bulbasaur walks in front of his desk, and Ursaring rears and growls. He runs away to the other side of the set)

Bulbasaur: Charmander, we need more shots of the shark. Shake the camera; make it look like he's swimming. (The camera is facing the desk and starts bobbing up and down in a sea-sickness-inducing manor)

Charmander: Is that good?

Bulbasaur: Yeah, that's great. Where's the shark? Y'know?

Charmander: I dunno.

Randy Travis: Is he around somewhere?

Bulbasaur: God, I hope so, or that worm's gonna go crazy. Charmander... (Camera stops bobbing) Randy, will you entertain that bear for a few minutes while I go look for the shark?

Randy Travis: Oh, I think I probably overspoke. (Laughs)

Bulbasaur: Just wave some meat around Squirtle, where's the shark?

Squirtle: He's outside.

Bulbasaur: Ol' Kentucky, you shouldn't be outside there in that sun. You need to come inside and put on some sunblock and a wide brimmed... (Shark's head explodes) Oh no! (Charmander and Squirtle laugh hysterically) Charmander...

Charmander: No, no, it was not us. (Laughs)

Squirtle: But it is funny. (Laughs)

Charmander: Yeah! (Laughs)

Bulbasaur: (Runs to control room) Then how did it happen?

Charmander: Here, look at this (throws her lever, Bulbasaur's documentary starts playing on his monitor again. The shark and Ursaring are facing off to fight)

Bulbasaur: Ah yes, my documentary. (Narrating the documentary) Why do sharks explode? (Camera pans up to shark in a tree; it explodes with a bang) (Illustration of shark with firecrackers in its head, accompanied by the text labels "Brains" and "Sex Organs" with arrows) This is because sometimes their brains and sexual organs are made out of M-80's. (Dissolve to wooded scene with another shark) Sometimes, to attract mates, a shark will explode. (Shark explodes) (Several other sharks lying on the ground explode in sequence as the narration continues) And sometimes they explode just to attract giant Beedrill's.

(Back in the control room)

Bulbasaur: Well, no Beedrills are gonna get in here. Not in MY airtight fortress.

Charmander: Yeah, all the windows are cracked open.

Bulbasaur: Hey man, crack a window open! (Laughs until a giant Beedrill crashes into the control room floor.) Oh no!

(More Beedrills fly through the studio, past Randy, Ursaring and Squirtle)

Bulbasaur: To the creek!

(Bulbasaur, Squirtle and Charmander are now standing in a creek in the woods.

Bulbasaur: Let's talk about what went wrong with tonight's show. (Charmander sighs) Okay, first off, who invited Randy?

Charmander: You know, I, uh, I left my jacket back there.

(While they speak, a shark fin approaches in the water)

Bulbasaur: Charmander, it's gone. Long gone.

(Squirtle disappears with a splash. Bulbasaur looks at Charmander, and looks away)

(Credits roll very fast)