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Chapter 5: Raven's War
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Raven
It all started with a simple accident…my mother's tea cup…anger…thoughtless words were said…I never thought they would be the last straw, the final strike, the death blow…I never meant it..but god…I was so angry…I don't even remember what I did after he ran to his room….GOD DAMN IT……WHY?!.. WHY DID HE DO SOMETHING SO IGNORANT AND SELFISH?! HE FREAKING WELL KNOWS I LOVE HIM!!….there I go again…I can't help it…sitting here stroking his hair….I can't stop thinking about it…the stab in my heart when I saw him…..lying there…bloody..pale…shaking..crying…it won't stop playing in my head……over and over again…..
CRASH!!!
…….I think about it know…it's stupid…I don't need a freaking piece of porcelain to remember my mother….
"I DON'T EVER WANT TO SEE YOUR FACE AGAIN BEAST BOY"
….why? Of all the things I could of said…done… I had to get angry and say that… the minute the words left my mouth…I regretted it….I knew I had done damage when I saw the light leave his eyes and tears replace it….but I didn't think at the time the damage was so great…..I never could of guessed how wrong I was…
….After I blew off some steam, I went to go apologize….. I knew from the minute I got to his door something was amiss.. he never plays his music aloud… I never knew he liked H.I.M…. I knocked…no answer…I figured he couldn't hear me…so I opened his door…..
……..oh god here it comes again……the wave….my eyes..my vision…my muscles….breaking……………….. breathe…just….ohgoddamnit…….darkness……all…I can hear is a heart beat….slowing……
BREATHE!!
SCREW YOU I WANT TO DIE!!!
NEVER!! I WILL NOT CEASE TO EXCIST!!
BULLSHIT! YOU KNOW AS WELL AS I DO HE'S DEAD!! YOU WANT TO DIE!!
NO!!! HE IS ALIVE I FEEL HIM BREATHING!! WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?!
I AM YOU!!!
THE HELL YOU ARE!!
YOU CAN NOT DENY IT!! YOUR HEART IS SLOWLY CREEPING TO A STOP AS WE SPEAK!! I AM ALWAYS GOING TO BE YOU!!
NO!! I WILL NOT FAIL!! I'VE FAILED BEASTBOY BUT I WILL NOT EVER FAIL HIM AGAIN!! I AM NOT GOING TO FREAKING DIE AND YOU ARE GOING LEAVE TO ME ALONE AND NEVER BOTHER ME AGAIN!! DO YOU FREAKING UNDERSTAND ME?
I FKING LOVE BEASTBOY AND I WILL NEVER HURT HIM AGAIN!! EVER!! NOT EVEN AFTER OUR BODIES TURN TO WORM WOOD!!
FREAKING ANSWER ME YOU FAGGOT PIECE OF SHIT ON THE GROUND!!!!
…...Silence…
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….the heartbeat skips…a breath…it speeds up…
I'm falling…falling again…my senses have returned…I can feel his hair…why am I warm? A blanket? Who?…. starfire's gone….she shouldn't of…..I should thank her…..my legs….why can't I feel my legs?!..
"OH MY GOD NO!PLEASE GOD NO!! PLEASE BEAST BOY WAKE UP!"
no…it's coming back…why is my mind torturing me?… Is it against me?…
"BEAST BOY PLEASE WAKE UP!! I'M SORRY!!! OH GOD I'M SORRY!! I LOVE YOU BEAST BOY DON'T DIE ON ME!!!!"
well here it is…. The scene where I find him.. lying there…in his own blood, crying, shaking, and bleeding…. A mere shadow of the strong ,humorous boy I love so much…. How many times have I seen this?…over and over again it's stuck on a mental loop… Am I doomed to see this over and over again?… Am I trying to tell my self something? I mean I'm feeling better after getting it off my chest…. wait…I remember… my psychology books…what was it… coping?…I think that's it…it's my mind trying to patch it's self up… god… I should of known it! HA!..
….What's this?…
..my legs…. I can.. feel my legs…am I getting better?….I'm not really sure… but god damn.. I am exhausted….My eye lids feel like anvils…
"Beastboy you better wake up soon damn you…"
...ugh… my vision's going….look's like I'm going to sleep weather I like it or not….
I just hope for once…I can dream a happy dream…
….darkness……
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