No, I wasn't fine.
I was depressed.
Deeply depressed.
Enough to make my well-stocked medicine cabinet look very inviting.
I was just going for an Advil to get rid of my headache. But then I took another.
And another.
And another.
And another...
Until I stopped counting, just mechanically kept taking pill after pill until I was lying on the bathroom floor, curled up in a ball, sobbing.
"Please let this be it! I don't want to go through this anymore! I tried! Fuck, I really tried! But I just can't do it! I can't do it... No..."
I clutched at my head, sobbing. I couldn't feel much anymore, except my stomach seemed to be tying itself in knots.
"I just want to see Mokuba again! Please! Is that so hard to ask? God! If there really is a god, be merciful and let me see my brother! I just want to see my brother again..."
My cell started ringing. I pulled it out and clicked it on. I started to bring it to my ear, but my body jerked in an uncontrollable spasm, causing me to drop the phone. "NOOOOOO!!!" I sobbed as I began having something close to a seizure. "I can't die..." I groaned. "I gotta help...Yugi...on his...his home...home...homework..." I finally blacked out.
~~~
The next time I could feel anything, someone was holding me close. "It's okay," their warped voice said, dripping with something. Sadness? Concern? I couldn't even tell who it was. I blacked out again.
~~~
"Seto!"
"Seto!"
"Seto!"
I groaned, rolling over onto my back. "Hrmmm?" I opened my eyes.
"Seto!"
My eyes adjusted, letting me see who was calling my name. Short, turquoise hair. The color of toothpaste...
"Noa!" I yelled in surprise. "What are you doing here?"
"I'm just a memory, Seto. A small memory. In your mind. Or Soul Room. I'm not sure how it all works."
"Where am I? What's going on?"
"Your stomach's being pumped. Jounochi found you, choking on your own puke."
"Am I dead?"
"Why would you think that?" he asked, crossing his small arms over his thin chest.
I sat up uneasily. "Well...you're here. So I assumed..."
Noa waved his hand around. "Does this really look like death? Besides, I can't die. Our father wouldn't allow that. I keep 'living on,' one way or another."
"He wasn't my father, Noa."
"Funny, I think you inherited his business, *brother.* And look what you did to it; just give it away because your stupid little brother's dead. You really are weak, Seto."
"Shut up! You have no idea what it's like to have someone you care about die!"
He laughed. "I am dead, Seto. And I saw what it did to my father."
"God, when I asked to see my brother, I didn't fucking mean you!" I turned away from him, looking around the room.
How fitting. For a Soul Room or whatever. An office space. That's when I notice the chain on my leg, leading to the desk. Chained to me work. I nearly freaked out.
Noa laughed. "Remind you of daddy-dearest?" he said sarcastically.
"What the fuck do you want?!" I screamed, trying to get the chain off, pathetically.
"Watch your language, Seto, I'm only a CHILD."
"What the hell do you want?"
"Look around you, Seto," he said, waving his hand around. "Did Mokuba *really* mean that much to you? Then where is he? Hell, Seto, I'm here, and you couldn't care less about me. Father's here."
I stared where he was pointing. A picture, over shadowing everything in the room. Tears threaten to take shape in my eyes. I looked around for any sign of Mokuba.
There wasn't much in my room. It was mostly blue. Blue, the same shade as my eyes. A statue of the Blues Eyes White Dragon, a giant computer, an old comfortable pillow, several random Egyptian artifacts that made little sense to me, one even looking much like Marik's Millennium Rod.
On the bare wall, there was drawn out a large mural of Jounochi and Yugi, seeming to fight with each other. Parts were colored in, but not much, as if the artist wasn't sure who was more important. I didn't understand. Jou and Yugi weren't fighting over me; both of them couldn't care less about my attraction. Then I got it. It was my fight on which to like.
I turned to Noa. "It's like my subconscious."
"I suppose," he said, smiling smugly at me.
"Where's Mokuba? This can't be right, Mokuba should be here. What have you done?!"
"I haven't done anything, Seto, this is all you. You've pushed his memory aside because it hurts so much. See if you can find him."
"Find him?" I repeated. I stood up, looking around. I went to the far wall, where the battle continued to wage on, each gaining color in many places. I went over to the corner. "Mokuba?" I whispered.
He stepped out from the shadows. "Big Brother?"
A sob caught in my throat as I folding him up in a hug. I petted his soft, black hair. "Oh Mokuba..." I whispered, holding him close. "I missed you so much."
"He's just a memory, you know. That's all you have left, Seto."
"A memory..." I whispered. "A memory isn't so bad..." I said, hugging Mokuba closer.
"You can't stay in your Soul Room forever, Seto. Unless you really want that. I can strike a deal if you want."
"A deal?"
"You know what I want. Your body. You want to be dead so bad anyway and at least this way you get your brother. Come on, you win, I win, it all works out."
I glanced around the room. Then at into Mokuba's eyes. "I love you, Mokuba," I whispered. I glanced up at the mural. The more, it seemed, I wanted to stay, the more the colors began to fade. I turned back to look into Mokuba's eyes. "I love you, Mokuba," I repeated. "But you're just a memory. And I can't stay here forever."
I turned to Noa. "No way. I'll keep my body, thank you."
I bolted up, suddenly in a hospital room. Tubes were hooked up everywhere, including one I was breathing through. "What the fuck?!" I yelled, my voice muffled.
A few nurses rushed to me, fixing this and that, getting me to lie back down. A man, who I assumed was a doctor, approached me. "Just relax, Kaiba-san. We're taking care of you."
"Get me the fuck out of here!" I yelled, pulling different tubes and wires off me.
"Restrain him," the doctor said. "He's a danger to himself."
"Let go of me!" I screamed, as several male nurses held me down as a few women bustled around, strapping me to the bed. "No! No, you can't tie me down... NOOO!!!" I yelled, knocking one of the men in the jaw, before my arm was tied down.
I had a fear. My one true weakness after Mokuba. I can't stand to be tied down. Restricted in anyway. Sometimes even tight spaces get to me. Probably why my Soul Room wasn't that full. Like Noa...said...? "Daddy- dearest." Ironically, tight clothes soothed me and made me feel safe, secure.
The doctor leaned into me. "Just relax, Kaiba. We're going to take good care of you." He ran his fingers over my cheek.
I shrunk back from him. "You can't hold me here," I said through clenched teeth.
"You're a minor, Kaiba. I'm going to have to report you to the police. But don't let that worry you."
I fought against the leather straps. "What the hell are you talking about?"
"You attempted suicide. You obviously need to be taken care of."
"You can't hold me here!" I screeched.
He leaned in, whispering and smiling, "You don't own me anymore."
I pulled against the restraints. "You can't keep me in here!" I screamed.
"Just relax, Kaiba, everything is going to be just fine," he said in this fake sympathetic voice. He went over somewhere, where I couldn't see. Then came back, holding a needle upright.
"What is that?" I asked, beginning to panic.
"Just something to let you get some rest. Don't worry." He flicked his finger against the needle, then walked over to me. "Nothing to worry about, Kaiba."
I tried to pull away from him. "Don't come near me!" I screamed. "LEAVE ME ALONE!"
He pulled up my sleeve, and that's when I first realized I was wearing a hospital gown. Suddenly, I felt this sharp prick, then just...this wave of calm come over me. Then nothing.
***
For the record, I know Kaiba keeps bouncing back and forth from into character and out, but I figure he's aloud to in order to look more human and because he lost Mokuba. And this is my first *real* uke Kaiba.
I was depressed.
Deeply depressed.
Enough to make my well-stocked medicine cabinet look very inviting.
I was just going for an Advil to get rid of my headache. But then I took another.
And another.
And another.
And another...
Until I stopped counting, just mechanically kept taking pill after pill until I was lying on the bathroom floor, curled up in a ball, sobbing.
"Please let this be it! I don't want to go through this anymore! I tried! Fuck, I really tried! But I just can't do it! I can't do it... No..."
I clutched at my head, sobbing. I couldn't feel much anymore, except my stomach seemed to be tying itself in knots.
"I just want to see Mokuba again! Please! Is that so hard to ask? God! If there really is a god, be merciful and let me see my brother! I just want to see my brother again..."
My cell started ringing. I pulled it out and clicked it on. I started to bring it to my ear, but my body jerked in an uncontrollable spasm, causing me to drop the phone. "NOOOOOO!!!" I sobbed as I began having something close to a seizure. "I can't die..." I groaned. "I gotta help...Yugi...on his...his home...home...homework..." I finally blacked out.
~~~
The next time I could feel anything, someone was holding me close. "It's okay," their warped voice said, dripping with something. Sadness? Concern? I couldn't even tell who it was. I blacked out again.
~~~
"Seto!"
"Seto!"
"Seto!"
I groaned, rolling over onto my back. "Hrmmm?" I opened my eyes.
"Seto!"
My eyes adjusted, letting me see who was calling my name. Short, turquoise hair. The color of toothpaste...
"Noa!" I yelled in surprise. "What are you doing here?"
"I'm just a memory, Seto. A small memory. In your mind. Or Soul Room. I'm not sure how it all works."
"Where am I? What's going on?"
"Your stomach's being pumped. Jounochi found you, choking on your own puke."
"Am I dead?"
"Why would you think that?" he asked, crossing his small arms over his thin chest.
I sat up uneasily. "Well...you're here. So I assumed..."
Noa waved his hand around. "Does this really look like death? Besides, I can't die. Our father wouldn't allow that. I keep 'living on,' one way or another."
"He wasn't my father, Noa."
"Funny, I think you inherited his business, *brother.* And look what you did to it; just give it away because your stupid little brother's dead. You really are weak, Seto."
"Shut up! You have no idea what it's like to have someone you care about die!"
He laughed. "I am dead, Seto. And I saw what it did to my father."
"God, when I asked to see my brother, I didn't fucking mean you!" I turned away from him, looking around the room.
How fitting. For a Soul Room or whatever. An office space. That's when I notice the chain on my leg, leading to the desk. Chained to me work. I nearly freaked out.
Noa laughed. "Remind you of daddy-dearest?" he said sarcastically.
"What the fuck do you want?!" I screamed, trying to get the chain off, pathetically.
"Watch your language, Seto, I'm only a CHILD."
"What the hell do you want?"
"Look around you, Seto," he said, waving his hand around. "Did Mokuba *really* mean that much to you? Then where is he? Hell, Seto, I'm here, and you couldn't care less about me. Father's here."
I stared where he was pointing. A picture, over shadowing everything in the room. Tears threaten to take shape in my eyes. I looked around for any sign of Mokuba.
There wasn't much in my room. It was mostly blue. Blue, the same shade as my eyes. A statue of the Blues Eyes White Dragon, a giant computer, an old comfortable pillow, several random Egyptian artifacts that made little sense to me, one even looking much like Marik's Millennium Rod.
On the bare wall, there was drawn out a large mural of Jounochi and Yugi, seeming to fight with each other. Parts were colored in, but not much, as if the artist wasn't sure who was more important. I didn't understand. Jou and Yugi weren't fighting over me; both of them couldn't care less about my attraction. Then I got it. It was my fight on which to like.
I turned to Noa. "It's like my subconscious."
"I suppose," he said, smiling smugly at me.
"Where's Mokuba? This can't be right, Mokuba should be here. What have you done?!"
"I haven't done anything, Seto, this is all you. You've pushed his memory aside because it hurts so much. See if you can find him."
"Find him?" I repeated. I stood up, looking around. I went to the far wall, where the battle continued to wage on, each gaining color in many places. I went over to the corner. "Mokuba?" I whispered.
He stepped out from the shadows. "Big Brother?"
A sob caught in my throat as I folding him up in a hug. I petted his soft, black hair. "Oh Mokuba..." I whispered, holding him close. "I missed you so much."
"He's just a memory, you know. That's all you have left, Seto."
"A memory..." I whispered. "A memory isn't so bad..." I said, hugging Mokuba closer.
"You can't stay in your Soul Room forever, Seto. Unless you really want that. I can strike a deal if you want."
"A deal?"
"You know what I want. Your body. You want to be dead so bad anyway and at least this way you get your brother. Come on, you win, I win, it all works out."
I glanced around the room. Then at into Mokuba's eyes. "I love you, Mokuba," I whispered. I glanced up at the mural. The more, it seemed, I wanted to stay, the more the colors began to fade. I turned back to look into Mokuba's eyes. "I love you, Mokuba," I repeated. "But you're just a memory. And I can't stay here forever."
I turned to Noa. "No way. I'll keep my body, thank you."
I bolted up, suddenly in a hospital room. Tubes were hooked up everywhere, including one I was breathing through. "What the fuck?!" I yelled, my voice muffled.
A few nurses rushed to me, fixing this and that, getting me to lie back down. A man, who I assumed was a doctor, approached me. "Just relax, Kaiba-san. We're taking care of you."
"Get me the fuck out of here!" I yelled, pulling different tubes and wires off me.
"Restrain him," the doctor said. "He's a danger to himself."
"Let go of me!" I screamed, as several male nurses held me down as a few women bustled around, strapping me to the bed. "No! No, you can't tie me down... NOOO!!!" I yelled, knocking one of the men in the jaw, before my arm was tied down.
I had a fear. My one true weakness after Mokuba. I can't stand to be tied down. Restricted in anyway. Sometimes even tight spaces get to me. Probably why my Soul Room wasn't that full. Like Noa...said...? "Daddy- dearest." Ironically, tight clothes soothed me and made me feel safe, secure.
The doctor leaned into me. "Just relax, Kaiba. We're going to take good care of you." He ran his fingers over my cheek.
I shrunk back from him. "You can't hold me here," I said through clenched teeth.
"You're a minor, Kaiba. I'm going to have to report you to the police. But don't let that worry you."
I fought against the leather straps. "What the hell are you talking about?"
"You attempted suicide. You obviously need to be taken care of."
"You can't hold me here!" I screeched.
He leaned in, whispering and smiling, "You don't own me anymore."
I pulled against the restraints. "You can't keep me in here!" I screamed.
"Just relax, Kaiba, everything is going to be just fine," he said in this fake sympathetic voice. He went over somewhere, where I couldn't see. Then came back, holding a needle upright.
"What is that?" I asked, beginning to panic.
"Just something to let you get some rest. Don't worry." He flicked his finger against the needle, then walked over to me. "Nothing to worry about, Kaiba."
I tried to pull away from him. "Don't come near me!" I screamed. "LEAVE ME ALONE!"
He pulled up my sleeve, and that's when I first realized I was wearing a hospital gown. Suddenly, I felt this sharp prick, then just...this wave of calm come over me. Then nothing.
***
For the record, I know Kaiba keeps bouncing back and forth from into character and out, but I figure he's aloud to in order to look more human and because he lost Mokuba. And this is my first *real* uke Kaiba.