Jounochi and I barley spoke on the walk to the bus stop. I grunted a,
"Come over," and that was it.
We sat on my couch, stiffly, until he leaned over and placed a kiss on my lips. "You okay?" he asked softly.
"I'm okay," I said tiredly. "Could be better..."
He moved his mouth to my jawbone. "How `bout I make you better?" He began to slowly unbutton my shirt.
"Mmmm..." I whispered, trailing my fingers through his hair. "You should call Otogi..." I mumbled.
He broke off, staring at me. "What I do with my body is up to me, not him!"
I tensed. "I just didn't want you to get in trouble, mutt," I growled.
Jounochi climbed off me, then sat back down on the edge of the couch. "It's up to me what I want to do."
I stared up at the ceiling. "It is."
"And Otogi doesn't own me."
"No, he doesn't."
"So if I fall in love with you, I fall in love with you."
"Yeah." I sat up. "Wait, what did you say?"
He didn't look at me. "I've always really liked you."
I rubbed his shoulders gently. "Even though I was a total prick?"
He leaned his head against my shoulder. "You just seemed...well, yeah, a prick. A jerk. And I didn't like being called a mutt. But at the same time, you had the prettiest eyes and..." He faltered. "Don't get mad at me."
"I won't," I said softly.
He took my hand in his, stroking it gently with my thumb. "I saw that you cared so much about Mokuba. And I thought that...if I didn't leave you alone...you'd finally...well... You know how you respected Yugi? I didn't want that. I kind of did, but I also knew you never would. I guess I just wanted you to trust me. And it felt like you sort of did."
I gave his hand a squeeze, now the one unable to look at the other. "I did. You said things to me that no one else would dare to say. You weren't afraid of me." I turned to look at him.
He smiled at me. "No, I wasn't." He leaned in and kissed me.
I broke from him. "This isn't going to be a fairy tale."
He shook his head. "Then what is it?" He stood up and leaned back at me, both hands on my shoulders. "I don't expect you to be over this all ready. But I need to know if I'm making a commitment to someone who won't ever be all there. I need to know if have a chance to ever be happy with you. And if I'm just a replacement for...whoever the hell is missing from your life!" He lowered his voice. "It's okay if we take it slow. I just need you to promise me I'm not just a possession of yours."
I looked down. "I don't know, Jounochi. I just..."
He leaned his forehead against mine, making me looking into his eyes. "Maybe you need to think about it a bit more."
I pulled him into my lap, holding him tightly. "And Otogi?"
"Don't let that bother you. It's my problem. It's not your concern, so just...keep out of it."
I jumped back, a little startled. "I didn't..."
He stood up. "I'm just tired of having to council you in your problems, okay? But what really gets to me is that you then pick me apart. I've been doing just fine before you even got involved in my life so keep out of it unless you want the whole fucking deal, okay?"
"Jou, what are you--?"
"Just shut up. I'm getting really tired of this. Otogi is my problem, so just keep the hell out of this, alright?"
"This isn't even about Otogi, is Jounochi?"
"No isn't. This is about everyone staying the hell out of my life, and then finding on thing and picking it apart until you think you know me. So I'm slutty and I'm stuck in some weird abusive relationship. So you think you can step in and tell me how to change it. I know what works for me. Otogi works for me."
"But you're not happy."
"But it works for me. Just like you and that stupid business. You weren't happy, but it worked."
"But you've taught me that being happy--"
"I haven't taught you shit, Kaiba. I've shown you the godamned mask I've had to display to everyone."
Jounochi's laughing and joking and playing the fool was all just a mask? And my emotionless ice queen personality was a mask. Do we all wear masks? I didn't know masks came in such two different forms. My heart suddenly ached for him.
I couldn't say it, though. The last thing he needed was pity, it seemed. I couldn't say anything, finally closing my eyes and slumping against the couch. "I'm so sorry," finally slipped out.
Jou slapped his hand across my cheek. "Listen here, asshole! I've had about enough of you feeling sorry for me! Look at you, you pathetic piece of shit! I am so fucking sick of you. Why don't you get it?"
"Because you keep doing things like this, Jounochi Katsuya."
"Like what, Kaiba Seto?" he challenged.
I looked down, tears burning my eyes. "I'd like you to leave."
"I know you do. That's why I'm still here."
"Your purpose. Your purpose, what is it?" I asked in a shaky voice. Tears were rolling down my cheeks, but I fought the sobs. He couldn't see me crying with my body hunched over the way it was, but I'd be dead if I let out a sob. I was asking him to attack me. You never show weakness, you never show weakness, you never--
"Are you even listening to me?!" he screamed exasperated. He grabbed me by the shoulder, his nails digging into me, but I cold barley feel it. He pushed me back, to look in my eyes, but it was no use. I wasn't even there.
I was in my mind. I registered him screaming into my face, but I understood nothing. I gazed into his face, but saw nothing. Tears rolled down my face, but I felt nothing.
I began examining the things in the Soul Room. It wasn't as I left it. The entire mural was falling down, crumbling into ruins, leaving space to see the outside, which was only a gray void.
I found nothing the way I had left it. The picture of Kaiba-sama had grown much larger, dominating most of the room, covering any sorts of Egyptian or Duel Monsters memories. I was still chained--no. I was shackled to a desk.
Noa watched me look over the room helplessly. He had a smug look over his face, happy over what had happened.
"I've failed," I whispered, both in my mind and in the World.
"Of course you have," Noa answered. He began pacing the small length of the Soul Room, grinning amusingly.
"It's all my fault..." I whispered.
He leaned on the edge of the desk in a carefree way. "Well...you're wrong there. Certain things happen to trigger all this. You were just too weak, Seto. My father tried to train someone strong, so I could have a proper body. Sadly, he failed. You can't train someone who is naturally weak."
I threw my head down, in defeat. "Take the fucking body. I don't want it anymore."
He froze. "Seto?"
"Yes?"
He slide of the desk and edged over to me, bending down to my level. "Seto?"
"What?" I whispered, my voice getting weaker and weaker.
He got down on his knees and swiveled his head to look up at mine. "You're giving up?"
"I failed. I promised Mokuba I'd be his father."
"You can't control what happened to him, Seto."
"I know."
"Then how have you failed?"
"A father wouldn't forget. I've pushed him away and put my own wants before his--"
"For once in your life?"
"You don't understand. Your father built an entire memory of you just so you could still be there. And Mokuba...he's not even in my thoughts anymore."
Noa smiled, leaning his chin on his fist. "I have a big, old, lonely virtual world all to myself, Seto."
"I don't have--"
"Yes you do. And you can access the database easily. It'd be a bit costly, because, technically, you have to keep it on for at least twelve hours daily and keep extending the memory, but all of you and your friends have their personalities uploaded into a certain disk."
"Don't you think it'd be a bit traumatic to wake up in a virtual world?!"
"It's startling. But not traumatic. Since he's already been in there, he'll understand better."
"And how is he suppose to know what's going on? How's it like to explain to your brother he's dead so I've turned him into a Role Playing Character so I wouldn't get bored?!"
"You wouldn't have to. He knows."
"What are you talking about?!" I screamed and I suddenly fell forwards. The chains had vanished, the picture was gone, and the wall was slowly rebuilding itself, though blank. "What's going on?"
"You're knocking yourself out of your depression because I've offered hope. How long do you think I've been in here, Seto? Worming my way in? When your defenses are up, there's nothing I can do. When you're asleep, I have total control over this body. Everything's ready, I just need you to enter the damn access code and upload me and a few memories into the hard drive."
"What the hell are you talking about?! You've been hacking into my mind?!"
Noa giggled. "I suppose."
"Why?"
Noa shrugged. "You're my brother. As is Mokuba. I like Mokuba. He's nice."
"And me?"
"Potentially, you're nice, too."
"This isn't a trick for my body?"
"What would I do with your body? You're a freaking homo."
I shook my head. "I'll do it."
He snapped his fingers and I woke up.
"Kaiba?" Jounochi whispered.
"I...I have things to do..." I jumped up and started towards my main computer lab.
We sat on my couch, stiffly, until he leaned over and placed a kiss on my lips. "You okay?" he asked softly.
"I'm okay," I said tiredly. "Could be better..."
He moved his mouth to my jawbone. "How `bout I make you better?" He began to slowly unbutton my shirt.
"Mmmm..." I whispered, trailing my fingers through his hair. "You should call Otogi..." I mumbled.
He broke off, staring at me. "What I do with my body is up to me, not him!"
I tensed. "I just didn't want you to get in trouble, mutt," I growled.
Jounochi climbed off me, then sat back down on the edge of the couch. "It's up to me what I want to do."
I stared up at the ceiling. "It is."
"And Otogi doesn't own me."
"No, he doesn't."
"So if I fall in love with you, I fall in love with you."
"Yeah." I sat up. "Wait, what did you say?"
He didn't look at me. "I've always really liked you."
I rubbed his shoulders gently. "Even though I was a total prick?"
He leaned his head against my shoulder. "You just seemed...well, yeah, a prick. A jerk. And I didn't like being called a mutt. But at the same time, you had the prettiest eyes and..." He faltered. "Don't get mad at me."
"I won't," I said softly.
He took my hand in his, stroking it gently with my thumb. "I saw that you cared so much about Mokuba. And I thought that...if I didn't leave you alone...you'd finally...well... You know how you respected Yugi? I didn't want that. I kind of did, but I also knew you never would. I guess I just wanted you to trust me. And it felt like you sort of did."
I gave his hand a squeeze, now the one unable to look at the other. "I did. You said things to me that no one else would dare to say. You weren't afraid of me." I turned to look at him.
He smiled at me. "No, I wasn't." He leaned in and kissed me.
I broke from him. "This isn't going to be a fairy tale."
He shook his head. "Then what is it?" He stood up and leaned back at me, both hands on my shoulders. "I don't expect you to be over this all ready. But I need to know if I'm making a commitment to someone who won't ever be all there. I need to know if have a chance to ever be happy with you. And if I'm just a replacement for...whoever the hell is missing from your life!" He lowered his voice. "It's okay if we take it slow. I just need you to promise me I'm not just a possession of yours."
I looked down. "I don't know, Jounochi. I just..."
He leaned his forehead against mine, making me looking into his eyes. "Maybe you need to think about it a bit more."
I pulled him into my lap, holding him tightly. "And Otogi?"
"Don't let that bother you. It's my problem. It's not your concern, so just...keep out of it."
I jumped back, a little startled. "I didn't..."
He stood up. "I'm just tired of having to council you in your problems, okay? But what really gets to me is that you then pick me apart. I've been doing just fine before you even got involved in my life so keep out of it unless you want the whole fucking deal, okay?"
"Jou, what are you--?"
"Just shut up. I'm getting really tired of this. Otogi is my problem, so just keep the hell out of this, alright?"
"This isn't even about Otogi, is Jounochi?"
"No isn't. This is about everyone staying the hell out of my life, and then finding on thing and picking it apart until you think you know me. So I'm slutty and I'm stuck in some weird abusive relationship. So you think you can step in and tell me how to change it. I know what works for me. Otogi works for me."
"But you're not happy."
"But it works for me. Just like you and that stupid business. You weren't happy, but it worked."
"But you've taught me that being happy--"
"I haven't taught you shit, Kaiba. I've shown you the godamned mask I've had to display to everyone."
Jounochi's laughing and joking and playing the fool was all just a mask? And my emotionless ice queen personality was a mask. Do we all wear masks? I didn't know masks came in such two different forms. My heart suddenly ached for him.
I couldn't say it, though. The last thing he needed was pity, it seemed. I couldn't say anything, finally closing my eyes and slumping against the couch. "I'm so sorry," finally slipped out.
Jou slapped his hand across my cheek. "Listen here, asshole! I've had about enough of you feeling sorry for me! Look at you, you pathetic piece of shit! I am so fucking sick of you. Why don't you get it?"
"Because you keep doing things like this, Jounochi Katsuya."
"Like what, Kaiba Seto?" he challenged.
I looked down, tears burning my eyes. "I'd like you to leave."
"I know you do. That's why I'm still here."
"Your purpose. Your purpose, what is it?" I asked in a shaky voice. Tears were rolling down my cheeks, but I fought the sobs. He couldn't see me crying with my body hunched over the way it was, but I'd be dead if I let out a sob. I was asking him to attack me. You never show weakness, you never show weakness, you never--
"Are you even listening to me?!" he screamed exasperated. He grabbed me by the shoulder, his nails digging into me, but I cold barley feel it. He pushed me back, to look in my eyes, but it was no use. I wasn't even there.
I was in my mind. I registered him screaming into my face, but I understood nothing. I gazed into his face, but saw nothing. Tears rolled down my face, but I felt nothing.
I began examining the things in the Soul Room. It wasn't as I left it. The entire mural was falling down, crumbling into ruins, leaving space to see the outside, which was only a gray void.
I found nothing the way I had left it. The picture of Kaiba-sama had grown much larger, dominating most of the room, covering any sorts of Egyptian or Duel Monsters memories. I was still chained--no. I was shackled to a desk.
Noa watched me look over the room helplessly. He had a smug look over his face, happy over what had happened.
"I've failed," I whispered, both in my mind and in the World.
"Of course you have," Noa answered. He began pacing the small length of the Soul Room, grinning amusingly.
"It's all my fault..." I whispered.
He leaned on the edge of the desk in a carefree way. "Well...you're wrong there. Certain things happen to trigger all this. You were just too weak, Seto. My father tried to train someone strong, so I could have a proper body. Sadly, he failed. You can't train someone who is naturally weak."
I threw my head down, in defeat. "Take the fucking body. I don't want it anymore."
He froze. "Seto?"
"Yes?"
He slide of the desk and edged over to me, bending down to my level. "Seto?"
"What?" I whispered, my voice getting weaker and weaker.
He got down on his knees and swiveled his head to look up at mine. "You're giving up?"
"I failed. I promised Mokuba I'd be his father."
"You can't control what happened to him, Seto."
"I know."
"Then how have you failed?"
"A father wouldn't forget. I've pushed him away and put my own wants before his--"
"For once in your life?"
"You don't understand. Your father built an entire memory of you just so you could still be there. And Mokuba...he's not even in my thoughts anymore."
Noa smiled, leaning his chin on his fist. "I have a big, old, lonely virtual world all to myself, Seto."
"I don't have--"
"Yes you do. And you can access the database easily. It'd be a bit costly, because, technically, you have to keep it on for at least twelve hours daily and keep extending the memory, but all of you and your friends have their personalities uploaded into a certain disk."
"Don't you think it'd be a bit traumatic to wake up in a virtual world?!"
"It's startling. But not traumatic. Since he's already been in there, he'll understand better."
"And how is he suppose to know what's going on? How's it like to explain to your brother he's dead so I've turned him into a Role Playing Character so I wouldn't get bored?!"
"You wouldn't have to. He knows."
"What are you talking about?!" I screamed and I suddenly fell forwards. The chains had vanished, the picture was gone, and the wall was slowly rebuilding itself, though blank. "What's going on?"
"You're knocking yourself out of your depression because I've offered hope. How long do you think I've been in here, Seto? Worming my way in? When your defenses are up, there's nothing I can do. When you're asleep, I have total control over this body. Everything's ready, I just need you to enter the damn access code and upload me and a few memories into the hard drive."
"What the hell are you talking about?! You've been hacking into my mind?!"
Noa giggled. "I suppose."
"Why?"
Noa shrugged. "You're my brother. As is Mokuba. I like Mokuba. He's nice."
"And me?"
"Potentially, you're nice, too."
"This isn't a trick for my body?"
"What would I do with your body? You're a freaking homo."
I shook my head. "I'll do it."
He snapped his fingers and I woke up.
"Kaiba?" Jounochi whispered.
"I...I have things to do..." I jumped up and started towards my main computer lab.