"I long for you to hold me like your boyfriend does…"

200 MPH in the Wrong Lane

Sirius turned around in his seat and flashed a characteristically gaudy smile into the back seat of the old Ford Anglia he was driving. He had rescued it from the Forbidden Forest, and was not driving Ron and Harry around. Unfortunately, neither of them had noticed, because they were both too busy making out. Sirius sighed. He'd been around far too long to care that his godson was in a homosexual relationship with the red-haired boy. As long as they were happy together, he told himself, that was all that mattered. But he knew deep inside that all he really wanted was for Harry to love him. He never thought far enough into it to realize how much. Until that night.

They had all driven to Sirius and Remus's home in the country. Sirius had had to slap Harry's butt really hard to get him to stop snogging Ron long enough to move from the backseat into the bedroom. They spent the night together, like they had for the past five years in Hogwarts. But it was summer now, so they could to everything they ever wanted. And since Remus was out doing… well, whatever it was that werewolves do on the full moon, Sirius was left alone in the house to hear their joyful lovemaking through the walls.

Harry was a very vocal partner, Sirius learned quickly. Soon he was listening to Harry's groans intently while fixing the little problem they caused him to develop below the waist. Soon all three were reduced to sweating, satisfied piles of spent sex. Sirius had barely enough presence of mind to move back to his and Remus's bedroom before the other man got back the next morning.

However, the next morning, Harry woke up with a large fever and an even larger headache. Remus took Ron out into the forest, in an effort to keep him from disturbing his best friend. Ron clutched tightly to the older man, much more tightly than necessary.

"I hate spiders," he whimpered, "I hate them so much."

Remus looked down at the younger boy kindly. "Why is it that you hate them so much?"

Ron sighed, 'Well, I've always been scared of them ever since Fred and George took my toy bear and turned it into a spider. But now, it's more than that. I hate spiders because they were in that cupboard where Harry used to live. I hate them for what they tried to do to us in our second year. I just… I don't even know why I really hate them."

"But of course you hate them for being a part of the person you love's sad past."

Ron thought about that, but then he heasitantly uttered, "But I don't' think I really love him. Spiders are so associated with him in my memory, I hate them and they're like a part of him. So it's almost like I hate him, isn't it. I mean, I kinda do sometimes. Hate him…" he looked guiltily away. Remus had never known how similar they were, he and Ron.

"Shhh, Listen," he whispered gently, sitting the both of them down under a large tree in the forest. "Sirius hates that I'm a werewolf. He never says anything, and he tries to accommodate for it, but I can still tell he does. He knows I'm different. He knows I can be… totally ruthless and inhuman. It doesn't mean he loves me any less just because it's a part of me. It means he loves me more because he hates anything that makes me suffer."

Ron wept into the older man's coat. "No, that's not it at all. I really hate Harry. He hogs everything I've always wanted and takes the limelight away from me. And he takes people away from me. Everyone I love loves him more than me."

Remus sighed. "Now, you honstly don't believe that, do you? Your family loves him because he's your friend and your lover and he makes you happy. They wouldn't love him if you didn't."

"But I DON'T!" Ron screamed frantically, "I don't love him!!! He's taken my place as a Weasley son! I'm different from all the other Weasleys. He's more of a Weasley than I am. Which is why I don't' care if he takes my family. They deserve better than me, they deserve him, not me."

"Well," Remus pondered who he could've been talking about. "I don't know how you can have not seen this, but Hermione obviously likes you more than Harry. And I know your other friends…"

"Listen, I don't' give a damn about any of my so-called friends!" Ron shouted. "I don't' want them. I want someone else that belongs to Harry now more than he could ever belong to me. Leave me alone and let me suffer!" But the boy clung even harder to Remus's overcoat as he continued to weep, asking with his boy what his lips could not manage, 'Please don't let go. Never let go…'

Remus noticed this subtle body language. "Ron, can you tell me just who it is that you love and you think Harry's stealing?" He looked so concerned, that Ron blurted out what he'd never meant to tell anyone.

"I, I'm in love with you professor Lupin! I know you care so much more for Harry than for me, and you only put up with me because Harry wants you to, and that's; why I hate him!" he finished breathlessly. All he could do now was cry. Remus was shocked.

"You mean you've cared for me all this time?" Ron nodded pathetically. "I hate to be the one to break it to you, but Harry is not the person I care about. I loke you much more than I like him. He can be such a… girl sometimes. You know?" This provoked the hoped-for response, Ron's laughter. He continued, smiling. "I love to hear you laugh."

Ron giggled more, especially for Remus. He wanted so badly to ask Lupin if he meant it the same way he meant it, but instead of functioning to talk, his lips and tongue acted of their own accord and he brought himself up to the other man's face and kissed him fully on the mouth. It quickly evolved into something more, with both of them feeling it deep down. They remained under that tree for some time before falling asleep under the stars.

Sirius was feeling unusually awkward. He wasn't sure he could handle himself alone with Harry anymore. After last night's episode, he'd realized exactly how he wanted his godson to love him, and it was driving him mad. He didn't want to be a pedophile! He wasn't! But Harry… he was just so beautiful, and Sirius didn't know what he would do if the boy ever left his life. He say down next to him on the bed he was resting in, kissing his sleeping forehead to see if his temperature had gone down any. It had just a little bit. He pulled back from Harry's forehead, feeling a bit warm himself, before bending down again and whispering into Harry's ear, "I know you don't love me back in the same way, but I love you so much…"

Then, since he was asleep after all, Sirius saw no problem in letting his lips stray just a little bit further down to Harry's mouth. So this is what kissing Harry tastes like. But surely Ron had tasted even more of him… Sirius carefully readjusted the boy's head on the pillow so that he could slowly reach his tongue in… He got such a tremor up and down his spine, it was like nothing Remus had ever made him feel in a kiss. But Harry was off-limits. Sirius knew this well, but he just couldn't stop… couldn't get enough… until the boy's eyes opened and he saw his godfather's hair blurred up close to his eyes.

Harry's senses took awhile to coordinate themselves, but he finally registered what was going on. Sirius was kissing him. Passionately. Like he and Ron kissed. And to his surprise, harry liked it. Sirius pulled quickly away, obviously upset that he had been caught.

"Listen, Harry, I don't expect you to understand, but I just… I was…"

Before either could say anything more, Harry was doing back to Sirius what he had been doing to Harry. Kissing his fiercely, like kissing was oxygen. This time, it was Sirius who took awhile to register what was going on and accept it as okay. But eventually he did, and they lived his fantasy from last night over and over.

"It's okay," Harry whispered, "I do love you."

All four men were happy that night.

finis