CHAPTER 4 Human Male, Who Would Of Thought
Five hours after the Xindi hale Captain Archer order all senior staff to get some rest. T'Pol was finally able to return to her room for some much needed meditation and to await Commander Tucker. She was looking forward to this evening's neuro-pressure session as much as he usually was. She needed to talk about today and thank him for all his help. She wanted to hear how happy he was that things were starting to go well. She knew her decision to wait until tomorrow to see Dr. Phlox could be detrimental. She still wasn't completely sure how the bond was affecting her but there were some things she liked about the changes and as hard as some of it had been she did not want them to end. Commander Tucker had been so patient with her this afternoon and she was looking forward to what he would call "moral support". But mostly she wanted to touch him. She had decided earlier she would let him kiss her tonight. Only one kiss, with a little Vulcan superiority thrown in to keep him wondering. She was starting to forget what his lips tasted like and was missing the flavor…'Human male, who would have thought'…
She was meditating and should of had a since of inner calm but didn't. She knew the relief she needed would be found only in his presence. Finally her door chimed and she was barely able to reconstruct a facade of calm before calling for him to enter…'she couldn't help but think that she was becoming one of them'… She was expecting him to smile at her while pulling his shirt over his head so they could begin. The tips of her fingers were already tingling to touch him. So the scowl on his face came as quite a surprise but not as much as the calm way he said… "Ah…Sub- Commander I …I didn't come for a session ta'nite. I'm sleepin' much better and I have been takin' up a lot of your time lately. So I think it would better if we put them on hold for a little while. You know just goin' back to bein' colleges and leavin' it at that".
T'Pol had been around humans enough to know he considered her a close friend and that he was ending that friendship for some reason. She also knew that he was …'braking up with her'… as he'd put it. The words were barely said when he turned to leave without waiting for her to speak. He was acting as if she'd have nothing to add to what he was saying. That she wouldn't care one way or another.
So she stopped him by saying…" Are you forgetting that I offered you my help? I find our sessions relaxing"…then admitted just to make him stay…" I find your presence relaxing also" .It was obviously the wrong thing to say.
He turned red so quickly she thought he was going to pass out. She could tell he was trying to calm himself down but his next words were still hissed from between his teeth…" You don't understan' humans T'Pol. I'm angry right now and need some time to cool off. Let's just leave it at that…OKAY!"
She couldn't agree. She needed him with her tonight. She hadn't seen him this angry with her in a very long time and wanted to know what she had done…"No, it's not okay. I can think of nothing I have done to make you become so emotional".
The only change when he continued talking was to raise his voice over hers " Not understandin' how I'm feelin' because your Vulcan is one thing but how can you act like you don't know what I am talking about? How can you be so cold"?
He started laughing then… "Cold, look at who I am askin' for warmth, friendship, a Vulcan. Let me explain it to you. You may think humans sleep around but we don't just hop in the sack with our friends for the experience. I can't be angry with you for being curious about humans, I haven't been the best example when it comes to human alien relationships but I can be angry about, you sleepin' with me when you obviously care for Jon".
She tried to protest but he just kept on talking…" I saw you this afternoon. That was you carin' for someone. You may not have realized it but can you honestly tell me you don't have feelin's for him
T'Pol just stood their looking at him. He was right she did; but didn't understand what her affections for Captain Archer had to do with their relationship, with their intimacies. She knew human males were territorial with there mates but hadn't known that they expressed jealousy over their mates having friends. She hadn't even decided on how or if they should become bondmates and they were already having problems because of their cultural differences. She couldn't stop her affections for the captain, shouldn't have to, he had helped save her life and sanity repeatedly. He was also one of the main reasons she was still aboard enterprise. Without his backing Vulcan High Command would have removed their embarrassment from public view long ago.
She also hadn't meant to hurt him by stopping their sexual relationship. It had been logical to initiate intimacy then, for two reasons. First… to make sure he lost interest in Corporal Cole. Second… to see if they were compatible. And they had been incredible in the physical since but not emotionally and it had… concerned… her. She knew she wouldn't be able to give him the emotional support he wanted and thought with more time he come to understand and except that. Except her as she was, but that wouldn't happen if a sexual relationship continued, so she ended it. She thought he would understand her having interest in another cultures mating habits, sense he had experienced repeated problems with it and he did but things still weren't working out the way she had thought. Why did things with humans…With Him… have to be so illogical?
She realized he had stopped talking and was waiting for her responded. So she did the human thing, what she thought would help the situation…she ignored his question and apologized…" It wasn't my intention to distress you. I would like to remain…as you would say…friends".
He seemed to take an eternity to form his response…"Do you care for Jon, T'Pol".
She had affection for Captain Archer but didn't feel things in the same ways Commander Tucker did. She didn't think he would understand the difference; understand that most of the emotions she had felt were his…so simply answered… "Yes"… then waited for him to continue.
She didn't like what he said, …"I see... well there isn't more to talk about then is there. As for being friends, I will… as you would say…take the matter under advisement". He started for the door but before he reached it stopped and spoke again…"I just need some time to decide T'Pol"…and he was gone.
She waited for the door to chime again, for him to come back. When he didn't she slowly started backing towards the window in her room, running her hands across her face. For the second time today she was crying but it wasn't only with grief. She thought she felt her heart sink. She wanted him to come back, wanted him in her life but had to get control of herself first. She had to find a way to stop the emotions she was experiencing so she could think clearly. She asked herself why she had ever liked these changes?
After T'Pol finally calmed she crawled back to her meditation table and relit her candles.
After four hours of meditation…of reviewing her many mistakes… she finally understood everything that had happened. Commander Tucker hadn't wanted apologies he wanted an explanation for her behavior. She had been wrong to think he wouldn't understand her connection to Captain Archer. She hadn't taken into consideration how much he had grown or his treatment of her. He always listened to what she had to say and even if he didn't agree…even if he made bad jokes…he tried to reach a compromise. Their ability to reach compromises was one of the reasons she had started to consider him for her bondmate. As illogical as it was, the way he fought with her to reach them was another. She should have been more forth coming about many things. Especially about what she thought they could become. She started it incorrectly and ended it even worse.
She obviously knew less about forming relationships with humans then she thought. And that was nothing. She had thought about asking for help but Vulcans shouldn't need help. She should have anyways. She knew she would find contentment with him as her bondmate. But neither of them were ready to bond for life. She would ask for help when they were. For now she would concentrate on becoming his friend again.