Mom, I'm Sorry
Disclaimer: Since I'm mostly working, I'll be doing one shot fics for a while. I do not own DBZ or Avirl's "Slipped Away" song. It sometimes fits into the story, but then at times it doesn't. Oh well, here it goes!
Summery: Chi-Chi believes that Cell killed Goku, and doesn't know what mistakes Gohan had made. Gohan tells her the truth, and he has to live the life as a killer as a son.
Five years since that awful day when one of the mightiest hero's fell at the hands of Cell. He, Son Goku, left behind a wife, a son, and a child he never knew he had by the name of Goten. Five years since that day Chi-Chi, the wife of Son Goku, believed that the vicious monster named Cell took away her loving husband, and caring father of his offspring. It was Cell's fault that Goku wasn't with her now, caring for their children, going fishing, having a picnic, or doing things to show love.
No.
It was Cell's fault, and Chi-Chi could never forgive him for what he did.
/Na na, na nana na na
I miss you, miss you so bad
I don't forget you, oh it's so sad/
Though tears could not bring her husband back, Chi-Chi stayed strong, but only for her children. She knew better not to cry in front of them, especially Gohan.
Chi-Chi's first born son, Gohan, watched as Cell killed his father. He was only eleven years old at the time, but she knew it scarred him deeply. He hid away his emotions when he told her the news. He apologized numerous times, but Chi-Chi only hushed him. He was just a boy, after all, and he just needed to be a kid. No more fighting, no more monsters, no more deaths.
/I hope you can hear me,
Cause I remember it clearly/
Gohan came down the stairs with bags under his eyes. It was like that every year of the anniversary of Goku's death. Gohan would not get any sleep for a while, and would hide his tears, just like his mother.
With emotions out of whack and the death weighing hard on Gohan, he managed to pull his seat back and sit in it. Chi-Chi watched as he brushed back his hair, and stare blankly at the table in front of him.
"Mom," he said with a shaky voice. Chi-Chi had her worry face on as she placed a warm hand on his shoulder. He looked up at her with tears dying to fall down. "There's something that I have to tell you...but you won't like it."
/The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same, oh/
"Oh Gohan," Chi-Chi said bringing herself close to hug her son. "Whatever you have to tell me, tell me. You know better not to keep things closed up for a long time. The more you close it up the more it's going to hurt you later on."
"I know," Gohan said as Chi-Chi let go of him. He sighed, afraid to say what he needed to say. "But it's going to hurt you."
"Don't be silly Gohan. Nothing can hurt me. I may be a woman, but I am strong mentally and physically. You've seen how I handled your father."
Chi-Chi choked on the words "father." This stung Gohan deeply for what he was about to say could change things in a heartbeat.
"Mom...about Dad." Gohan looked up at her, and saw her face. He noticed how her eyes were covered with tears that never fell. He looked down at his lap as his words were forced out of his mouth. "Cell didn't kill Dad, I-"
"What do you mean," Chi-Chi asked interrupting Gohan. He lifted up his face to see his mothers. He didn't want to hurt her, but it was really hurting him inside.
"I killed Dad."
/Na na. na nana na na
I didn't get around to kiss you, goodbye on the hand
I wish that I could see you again,
I know that I can't/
"W-what do you mean," Chi-Chi choked out. "Cell killed him, not you!"
"I killed him," Gohan shouted as he stood up from his chair. "I went super saiyan level two and I got too cocky for my own good! Dad told me to kill Cell while I still had the chance. I wanted Cell to suffer for all the people he killed! I didn't listen to Dad; I didn't listen to anyone besides myself!"
/I hope you can hear me
Cause I remember it clearly/
"Cell was about to explode and about to take this planet with him," Gohan continued. "If I had only listened to Dad at the time and killed Cell then maybe he would still be here, but he's not. He stepped in and used Instant Transmission to teleport Cell away. Cell exploded and took Dad with him."
/The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same, oh/
Chi-Chi stared at Gohan for the longest time. Gohan managed to sit down back in his seat, but didn't move his eyes away from his mother. He couldn't read her, and she couldn't read him.
"Gohan," she whispered as she fell back in her chair. "Why didn't you tell me this?"
Gohan turned his head away.
"I didn't want you to know that your son killed your husband," Gohan replied turning his head away from his mother. "I didn't want to hurt you."
/I had my wake up
Won't you wake up?
I keep asking why
I can't take it
It wasn't fake
It happened you passed by/
Chi-Chi stood up from her seat and walked away. Gohan had his head bent down as she walked by him. He felt a teardrop land on his shoulder, and heard a few hit the floor. Gohan kept his tears in; it was his mother who let them all out.
"All this time," she mumbled to herself as she slowly swayed up the stairs. "My son...killed my husband...killed his father..."
/Now you're gone, now you're gone
There you go, there you go
Somewhere I can't bring you back/
Gohan stood up from his seat, and waited until he heard the door shut. He was lucky that Goten was over a friend's house, or else he would ask questions like why. Gohan didn't know why, he can't remember why, he only asked why.
/Now you're gone, now you're gone
There you go, there you go
Somewhere you're not coming back/
Gohan himself soon walked up to his room and shut the door lightly. He could hear his mother crying, screaming, and spilling out things no one could understand. Her child, her first born child, a murderer, a killer, a disgrace.
/The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same
No/
Gohan pressed his back on his door, and brought his knees close to his chest. Even though his eyes burned with salty tears he never released them. Piccolo taught him that crying showed weakness, and he showed his weakness when his father took Cell away from his mistakes. He was sixteen years old for heaven's sake! He was too old to cry.
After a couple of hours passed both Chi-Chi and Gohan stayed in their rooms. Chi-Chi stopped crying, but Gohan didn't move from his contempt state. He could hear his mother running a muck making as much noise as a heard of elephants. He didn't know what she was doing; he just knew that it was safer in his room.
'Out of all the days to tell her,' Gohan thought as his head was buried in his knees. He slowly lifted up his head, but only for his eyes to look around. 'I had to choose the anniversary of Dad's death. Mom's in her most vulnerable state right now, and I just made it worse. I wonder what she thinks of me now? Oh Dad, why didn't you come back when you still had the chance?'
Gohan sighed as he placed his head back on his knees.
'I think too much. I should stop thinking for one day, and hopefully everything will be normal again. It would only be normal if Dad was here again.'
Gohan sighed as he stood up from where he sat. His back was pressed against the wall as he looked out his window. The sun was behind the trees as the sky was orange, purple and blue. Gohan walked towards the window to look at the colored sky.
/The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same/
"Dad," Gohan choked as he sat on his knees on his bed. He moved closer to the window until his knees were touching the wall. Gohan's window was big so it was easier to see everything around him, but when morning came the sun lit up the entire room. Not fun for a teenage saiyan to wake up to. "See how miserable Mom and I are now when you're not here? We asked you to come back with the Dragonballs, and you said no. There are no more monsters Dad; they weren't always after you."
Chi-Chi slowly opened Gohan's door to peek inside to make sure he was okay. In reality she wanted to make sure he didn't hurt himself, or kill himself for that matter. She knew it took guts and courage for Gohan to tell her the truth. She should have handled it better then calling her own son a murderer. She didn't think about the pain her son has carried for five long years.
'I should talk to him,' Chi-Chi thought when she opened the door. She only opened the door a crack when she heard her son talking.
"Okay, maybe Radditz was after you but if he didn't then we wouldn't know about our heritage," Gohan continued. "Vegeta and Nappa, they only came because they knew of the Dragonballs from Radditz's scouter. They came for the Dragonballs, not you." Gohan took a deep breath and looked up at the ceiling. His tears were dying to fall down his pale cheek, but he pulled them back before they could fall. "Frezia knew nothing about you on Namck. We were there to get the Dragonballs to wish everyone from Earth back, especially Piccolo. Frezia came to Earth because you didn't finish him off when you had the chance. The androids..."
Gohan blinked when a sudden flash of lightening struck in his head.
"When you were a kid...you didn't finish off Dr. Gero either."
"Gohan," Chi-Chi cried walking in the room. If he went any further then there was a possibility that her son just might...
"You never cleaned up your messes when you were my age," Gohan said as he lowered his head. Chi-Chi stopped in the middle of the room.
'Let's see how far he gets with this,' Chi-Chi thought standing in the middle of the room. 'He still doesn't know I'm here. He's just like his father sometimes.'
"You wanted to make sure my messes were cleaned up so I wouldn't have to suffer of fighting the same monsters over and over again," Gohan said as the truth finally sunk in. He lifted his head once again and looked out the window. "You didn't want me to make the same mistakes you made when you were a kid. Frezia came back because you didn't destroy him; Dr. Gero came back because you didn't finish him off, which made him create Cell. Heh, so it's your fault that Cell was created so you tried to clean up your mess you made a long time ago. Why do I still feel to blame about your death?"
"Because you and your father made the same mistakes," Chi-Chi said finally speaking. Gohan turned his head around to see his mother walking towards him. He didn't realize that his mother was listening to him, or that she was in the room for that matter. "Your mistake was not finishing off Cell when you had the chance. It was your father's mistake for not stopping Cell's creator when he had the chance."
"And it was his choice to stay dead," Gohan whispered to himself. Chi-Chi blinked.
"He what?"
Gohan swallowed a lump in his throat. He knew that tone in her voice.
"Since Dad was already brought back with the Earth Dragonballs once," Gohan said tapping his fingers against one another. "Well, we were going to use the Namck Dragonballs to bring Dad back, but Dad said he wanted to...stay dead."
"So...why are you blaming yourself?"
Gohan turned his head away from his mother.
"Because I could have defeated Cell when I still had the chance," Gohan said shutting his eyes. His mother placed her hand on his shoulder for comfort. "Dad probably didn't want to come back because of me, even though we all make mistakes. sighs I guess that's a burden I'll have to carry for the rest of my life."
"We all have burdens we have to carry," Chi-Chi said holding Gohan close to her. "Some burdens more painful than others."
"I miss him."
"I miss him too Gohan. You know in the end, we will all get to see him again. It may take a couple of years, more years for you than me, but in the end we'll always be together."
Gohan nodded in agreement. He hated when his mother was right.
"Hey Mom," Gohan asked as he looked at Chi-Chi.
"What is it Gohan," Chi-Chi said in her loving, mother voice.
"Do you think...well, will my burden ever go away?"
"Only if you want it to."
"And if I don't want it to?"
"Well then a trip to our psychologist will help you with that one!"
Gohan smiled.
"My burden may never go away," Gohan said pulling himself away from his mother. Chi-Chi raised an eyebrow. Gohan smiled at her and hugged her. "But I always know that I have people in my life I can love."
Chi-Chi hugged her son back, and began to cry.
"Oh Gohan! Once you love someone besides family, like a girlfriend, make sure you give me plenty of grandchildren!" Gohan's eyes went wide. His mother hugged him tighter, and kept him in a tight parent hug. "You'll do that for me, right?"
Memories of him flying into a tree, falling out of a car, being dropped on the head, being put in the oven, getting kidnapped, being dropped from a very high building, screaming when his dad set his room on fire, and other memories that want you to curl up into a ball while sucking your thumb went through Gohan's mind. All those memories were created by his father.
"Mom," Gohan said in a shaky voice.
"Yes Gohan," Chi-Chi said.
"Will I be like Dad with my own kids? You know all the stuff Dad did to me?"
"Well...yes I guess so."
"My kids will be permanently scarred!"
Chi-Chi held Gohan close as he began to cry. That's another burden Gohan will have to carry once he has kids of his own.
/I miss you/
Okay, I'm not the greatest when it comes to endings! I'm just trying to add some laughter to a depressing story.
Once I get home and don't fall asleep on the couch, LOW MANS LYRICS, FOR THE SAKE OF MY CHILD, AND STRANGER WILL BE UPDATED! I know it's taking forever but I finally have a life...a working life! I shouldn't really be proud of that...I shouldn't brag about it either...at least it pays well!
Review if you like. I'm not expecting much from a Gohan/Chi-Chi fic.
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