Disclaimer: See previous chapters.
Jacen Solo walked the corridors of the Imperial Star Destroyer like a feral predator stalking among a herd of tamed beasts. Everything seemed foreign to him. Things that he had seen and used his whole life seemed like sickening abominations now. Some people greeted him warmly as a hero, only to step back from him involuntarily after looking into his eyes. Other people were more overtly frightened of him or shunned him. He hadn't decided which he disliked more.
His quarters were small and cramped. The walls seemed to press in on him. Even as his mind told him that this was not a trap or a cage, his body said otherwise. There was no one here that he could speak to, no one that seemed to understand. No one but Jaina, and his twin had been keeping her mind locked tightly away from his for the past three days since they had come aboard the Star Destroyer.
He was grateful to Jaina for coming for him, but his sister had changed at least as much as he had in the years since that mission to Myrkr. Even she was almost unfamiliar to him. She seemed to be somehow vacant, in a way that Jacen had never seen his twin act before. She acted normally, but she somehow seemed distant from it all. It worried Jacen almost as much as it worried him that he wasn't becoming reaccustomed to his former life.
That was why he had decided to go and talk to Jaina. That at least was still familiar. The knowledge that he could say anything to Jaina and she would understand had never changed. Maybe they could help one another.
"Jacen?" Her voice was still groggy with sleep as she opened the door to her quarters for him. She let him in without hesitation, but as she sank to a seat on her bunk, one of the few seats in the room, he noticed that her flight suit was dirty and rumpled, obviously slept in.
He didn't take a seat and instead chose to lean against the wall. It was the most relaxed posture that he had assumed in years when not consumed by total exhaustion. They stared at one another in silence for a while before Jaina finally asked, "Are you okay?"
He studied her face, contemplating how truthful he should be with her. Finally he decided to go with more or less total honesty. Jaina was after all, his twin. "It's different. Everything seems unfamiliar and almost wrong. I see the world that I grew up in through the eyes of the Vong. I can feel the people's distrust and their fear, and I think that they should be afraid."
She shook her head in a denial. "No, they shouldn't. They just don't understand."
Jacen launched himself off of the wall towards her in blink of an eye. "Jaina, I would have killed you."
Her reflexes responded just as quickly and she too sprung into motion. She met him in the middle of the room. "But you didn't. Uncle Luke could have killed Mom during his encounter with the cloned Emperor, but he didn't. Tahiri could have killed Anakin after she had been Shaped, but she didn't." She looked deep into his eyes. "I trust you, Jacen."
He looked back at her with the knowledge of what the Vong had done to him in his eyes. It made most people jerk away in terror. Jaina didn't flinch. "You can't frighten me away for my own good," she said quietly. "Not going to happen. I've done the same thing for years, Jasa, and it only brings more death and pain." She looked away from him, staring at some unseeable point beyond the wall. "Did you know that it's been over a year since I last saw Mom and Dad?" She didn't wait for him to respond to her question. "I saw them in a reception line for a diplomatic function that I had attended to get more monetary backing for Twin Suns. That was the first time I had seen them in quite some time. I let without saying goodbye. I don't when I last saw Ben or Uncle Luke. This war has consumed me and the people I care about the most." She looked back up at him and he could see the tears and grief in Jaina's eyes. "If Kyp's death taught me one thing, Jacen, it was to hold onto the people that you love and don't let go or push them away because some day they might never come back."
It was an unusual speech for his usually pragmatic sister. It lent it all the more weight. He nodded at her, accepting what she said without comment. He was almost silent for the rest of the time that he spent there. Jaina noticed but didn't comment on it, simply letting him be and enjoying having him back again. But for Jacen, even this had been changed, tainted, by his years in the hands of the Vong. Despite that, however, this was the most relaxed and free that he had been in years. Part of him reveled in the sensation and another part of him abhorred it as abomination.
He never told Jaina about the terrifying dreams and strange visions that had been haunting him.
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"I thought I'd find you here." The voice was soft and quiet, but it carried all the way up to where Jaina was sitting. She looked down abruptly, turning away from the stars that she had been staring at.
"Jag?" She stood up to jump down from the ledge that she was sitting on in the deserted cargo bay, but he quickly held up a hand to stop her.
He looked up at her stiffly and asked in that same quiet voice, "Give me a lift up?"
She nodded quickly, surprised by his request, but did as he asked and used the Force to gently float him up to her level.
This time he didn't stumble as he regained his footing on the solid durasteel. They stared at one another in uncertain silence. Jaina, as usual was the first to break their self-imposed silence. "What are you doing here?" Her tone wasn't defensive, but rather resigned. They would have to continue working together professionally, at least until they reached Bastion and went their separate ways. There was no reason to make it more difficult than it had to be.
"I needed to see you. I wanted to talk to you, Jaina."
She looked over at him in surprise, all thoughts of their professional dealings gone. "What's left to say?" she asked quietly. "I think we covered everything before."
He shook his head. "Not everything, Jaina. You left before I had time to think," he explained softly. "Cem and I had a chance to talk and I think everything's going to be okay."
She looked back out at the stars. He had just given her the confirmation that she hadn't wanted to receive, "So you'll be going back to Chiss space soon then?"
"No. Cem and I have decided to keep the Spikes in the Known Regions for a while longer. She'll continue to report back to CEDF Intelligence about my actions, but this time, at least, I'll know what she's reporting. That should buy us some time to decide how we're going to deal with the situation with our family. I want to find a way out of CEDF and Cem wants to get out, too. She's tired of being CEDF's pawn."
"Jag," she cut in, interrupting him, but he silenced her, putting a finger to her lips. A shiver ran down her spine at his light touch.
"She told me everything," he said quietly, "And it doesn't matter, Jaina." He looked at her fully, meeting her beautiful brown eyes with his own. "I love you. I know what happened with Cem and how you were when it happened. I'm not happy about it, but I'm not going to let that get between us. Not after everything that we've been through."
He stepped closer to her as she wrapped her arms tightly around his neck and he smiled broadly as she leaned up to kiss him. As the kiss ended, she didn't pull away from him. Instead she tucked her head in, laying it against his chest as he held her to him closely. "I love you, too," she whispered softly, unable to believe the turn that things had taken. It seemed, for one shining moment, as if everything was perfect.
In the next instant the entire Star Destroyer seemed to lurch, sending them stumbling. Jag caught them quickly, staying as far away from the edge as possible until they had fully regained their balance. It was Jaina, however, who noticed it first, just as the alarms began screaming. They had been pulled out of hyperspace.
Jacen Solo walked the corridors of the Imperial Star Destroyer like a feral predator stalking among a herd of tamed beasts. Everything seemed foreign to him. Things that he had seen and used his whole life seemed like sickening abominations now. Some people greeted him warmly as a hero, only to step back from him involuntarily after looking into his eyes. Other people were more overtly frightened of him or shunned him. He hadn't decided which he disliked more.
His quarters were small and cramped. The walls seemed to press in on him. Even as his mind told him that this was not a trap or a cage, his body said otherwise. There was no one here that he could speak to, no one that seemed to understand. No one but Jaina, and his twin had been keeping her mind locked tightly away from his for the past three days since they had come aboard the Star Destroyer.
He was grateful to Jaina for coming for him, but his sister had changed at least as much as he had in the years since that mission to Myrkr. Even she was almost unfamiliar to him. She seemed to be somehow vacant, in a way that Jacen had never seen his twin act before. She acted normally, but she somehow seemed distant from it all. It worried Jacen almost as much as it worried him that he wasn't becoming reaccustomed to his former life.
That was why he had decided to go and talk to Jaina. That at least was still familiar. The knowledge that he could say anything to Jaina and she would understand had never changed. Maybe they could help one another.
"Jacen?" Her voice was still groggy with sleep as she opened the door to her quarters for him. She let him in without hesitation, but as she sank to a seat on her bunk, one of the few seats in the room, he noticed that her flight suit was dirty and rumpled, obviously slept in.
He didn't take a seat and instead chose to lean against the wall. It was the most relaxed posture that he had assumed in years when not consumed by total exhaustion. They stared at one another in silence for a while before Jaina finally asked, "Are you okay?"
He studied her face, contemplating how truthful he should be with her. Finally he decided to go with more or less total honesty. Jaina was after all, his twin. "It's different. Everything seems unfamiliar and almost wrong. I see the world that I grew up in through the eyes of the Vong. I can feel the people's distrust and their fear, and I think that they should be afraid."
She shook her head in a denial. "No, they shouldn't. They just don't understand."
Jacen launched himself off of the wall towards her in blink of an eye. "Jaina, I would have killed you."
Her reflexes responded just as quickly and she too sprung into motion. She met him in the middle of the room. "But you didn't. Uncle Luke could have killed Mom during his encounter with the cloned Emperor, but he didn't. Tahiri could have killed Anakin after she had been Shaped, but she didn't." She looked deep into his eyes. "I trust you, Jacen."
He looked back at her with the knowledge of what the Vong had done to him in his eyes. It made most people jerk away in terror. Jaina didn't flinch. "You can't frighten me away for my own good," she said quietly. "Not going to happen. I've done the same thing for years, Jasa, and it only brings more death and pain." She looked away from him, staring at some unseeable point beyond the wall. "Did you know that it's been over a year since I last saw Mom and Dad?" She didn't wait for him to respond to her question. "I saw them in a reception line for a diplomatic function that I had attended to get more monetary backing for Twin Suns. That was the first time I had seen them in quite some time. I let without saying goodbye. I don't when I last saw Ben or Uncle Luke. This war has consumed me and the people I care about the most." She looked back up at him and he could see the tears and grief in Jaina's eyes. "If Kyp's death taught me one thing, Jacen, it was to hold onto the people that you love and don't let go or push them away because some day they might never come back."
It was an unusual speech for his usually pragmatic sister. It lent it all the more weight. He nodded at her, accepting what she said without comment. He was almost silent for the rest of the time that he spent there. Jaina noticed but didn't comment on it, simply letting him be and enjoying having him back again. But for Jacen, even this had been changed, tainted, by his years in the hands of the Vong. Despite that, however, this was the most relaxed and free that he had been in years. Part of him reveled in the sensation and another part of him abhorred it as abomination.
He never told Jaina about the terrifying dreams and strange visions that had been haunting him.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----
"I thought I'd find you here." The voice was soft and quiet, but it carried all the way up to where Jaina was sitting. She looked down abruptly, turning away from the stars that she had been staring at.
"Jag?" She stood up to jump down from the ledge that she was sitting on in the deserted cargo bay, but he quickly held up a hand to stop her.
He looked up at her stiffly and asked in that same quiet voice, "Give me a lift up?"
She nodded quickly, surprised by his request, but did as he asked and used the Force to gently float him up to her level.
This time he didn't stumble as he regained his footing on the solid durasteel. They stared at one another in uncertain silence. Jaina, as usual was the first to break their self-imposed silence. "What are you doing here?" Her tone wasn't defensive, but rather resigned. They would have to continue working together professionally, at least until they reached Bastion and went their separate ways. There was no reason to make it more difficult than it had to be.
"I needed to see you. I wanted to talk to you, Jaina."
She looked over at him in surprise, all thoughts of their professional dealings gone. "What's left to say?" she asked quietly. "I think we covered everything before."
He shook his head. "Not everything, Jaina. You left before I had time to think," he explained softly. "Cem and I had a chance to talk and I think everything's going to be okay."
She looked back out at the stars. He had just given her the confirmation that she hadn't wanted to receive, "So you'll be going back to Chiss space soon then?"
"No. Cem and I have decided to keep the Spikes in the Known Regions for a while longer. She'll continue to report back to CEDF Intelligence about my actions, but this time, at least, I'll know what she's reporting. That should buy us some time to decide how we're going to deal with the situation with our family. I want to find a way out of CEDF and Cem wants to get out, too. She's tired of being CEDF's pawn."
"Jag," she cut in, interrupting him, but he silenced her, putting a finger to her lips. A shiver ran down her spine at his light touch.
"She told me everything," he said quietly, "And it doesn't matter, Jaina." He looked at her fully, meeting her beautiful brown eyes with his own. "I love you. I know what happened with Cem and how you were when it happened. I'm not happy about it, but I'm not going to let that get between us. Not after everything that we've been through."
He stepped closer to her as she wrapped her arms tightly around his neck and he smiled broadly as she leaned up to kiss him. As the kiss ended, she didn't pull away from him. Instead she tucked her head in, laying it against his chest as he held her to him closely. "I love you, too," she whispered softly, unable to believe the turn that things had taken. It seemed, for one shining moment, as if everything was perfect.
In the next instant the entire Star Destroyer seemed to lurch, sending them stumbling. Jag caught them quickly, staying as far away from the edge as possible until they had fully regained their balance. It was Jaina, however, who noticed it first, just as the alarms began screaming. They had been pulled out of hyperspace.