CHAPTER 10

Remus's Mistake

The holidays were slowly drawing to a close, and Sirius and James found that their pile of homework was growing more intimidating in the corner with every passing hour. They had a potions assignment as well as the Defense Against the Dark Arts essay about werewolves.

"I can't believe it. Twenty-two pages to read out of the Potions book. Twenty-two!" Sirius sighed and plunged into the first book that Slughorn had assigned them. "I have a bad feeling about Slughorn and homework. He's worse than Professor McGonagall!"

"Well, at least we have Darsing to look forward to," James said hopefully, and started to write. "All right, let's start on the essay."

Sirius sighed again and picked up his quill, ready to begin the painful procedure.

"The adriaks and wolfsbane put together will make a love potion," James wrote down, squinting his eyes at the parchment. "The wolfsbane has hormonal triggers in it, and-"

"Can I copy that down?" Sirius interrupted.

"Go ahead. And adriaks have a mind controlling power. One sip of this and you are under a person's command. These two make an incurable love potion. The first thing that the drinker sees, he or she will fall in love with instantly. There. Now onto the lilas and Veela hairs --- lilas and Veela hairs make --- Polyjuice Potion, doesn't it?"

"I have no clue. You're the one writing this." Sirius pushed the Potions book aside and picked up Klein's book. "I'm going to do the Defense Against the Dark Arts assignment, all right? You can copy it. It can't be that hard."

"Deal," James said, sucking on the end of his quill.

Sirius opened the book to page 394, and came, once again, face to face with the monster. He shuddered and turned it to page 395.

He read the passage under the picture: Signs of Werewolves.

The werewolf is an easy creature to spot. The hard and difficult task is recognizing them in their human form. They are usually absent for long periods of time, mostly around the time of the full moon. An astrological chart can be found on page 216. Their noses are different than the true wolf, and their tail is tuft at the end. Also, their pupils of their eyes are very distinguishable from the surrounding part of the iris.

Sirius wrote his name at the top of the paper, and then began to write. 1. Noses are different than true wolf. 2. Tail is tuft at the end. 3. Pupils of their eyes are distinguishable. 4. Absent for long periods-

He paused and looked back at the book. Absent for long periods of time --- why did that sound familiar? He gave a chuckle and shook his head. Nah, it couldn't be.

The werewolf's howl is also very distinguishable from the normal and average howl of a wolf. It has the same tonal qualities as of the person.

5. Howl sounds like person's voice. He was done. Sirius shut the book and handed James his paper.

"You done with our essay?" he asked, standing up to stretch his legs.

"Almost," James said, biting his tongue between his teeth. A few seconds later he said, "There. Finished. Have a go at it. And change some of the words, it can't be exactly the same."

"Thanks." Sirius snatched the parchment and went to copying it down. But his mind was still racing. What if --- by some off chance --- that ---

He shook his head again and went back to his studies.

""""""""""

The Sunday the students returned was bittersweet. Everyone was very excited to be back with their friends and reunited, but they still had the lights of the Christmas tree dancing in their eyes, and they wished to return home as soon as possible.

Remus was already in the dormitory room, unpacking his things for the second time, when James and Sirius arrived. They were still talking excitedly about their adventures at the Potter house when they spotted him digging through his belongings.

"Hey, Lupin," Sirius said as he dragged his own trunk over to his bed to reclaim it, "how was your holiday?"

"Don't ask," Remus snapped, and he quietly sat down in his bed.

James walked over and sat down next to him. "Something you'd like to talk about, mate?"

Remus shook his head and turned away from James. "I appreciated you two visiting me on Christmas Eve. That was very --- nice --- of you."

"No problem," Sirius said as he opened his trunk. "How's your mum?"

"Worse," Remus said, and he stood, trying to escape James's stare. "I don't think she's going to make it any longer."

"What exactly's wrong with her, anyway?" James asked cold-heartedly as he pulled his robes out one by one.

Remus didn't answer, and James felt a pang of guilt well up inside of him.

"Hello, everyone," Peter said, entering the room. "How were your holidays?"

"Fine." James gave Remus one more sympathetic look, and then got up from his bed and headed for his own.

"""""""

The end of January was coming fast, and Remus knew what awaited him. The Whomping Willow, the long dark tunnel, the shack on the hill. His nightmares started to become even more vivid now, and he found himself tossing and turning, mumbling and groaning.

He had just had a very real dream, in which he was running down the tunnel, being chased by Snorks. His head had been the moon, and behind him were the floating heads of James and Sirius, wide eyed, watching every move he made.

"How was your Christmas, Remus?" they asked in a zombie-like voice.

Remus had woken up in a sweat, and he hadn't been able to fall back asleep the entire night.

Finally, Professor McGonagall stopped him in the halls the day before the full moon and reminded him to be ready at four the following evening. He had obediently agreed, and now he was faced with the monthly terror only a few hours away.

"Hey, Lupin!"

Remus shot around on his heels to come eye to eye with James Potter. He tried to act friendly, but he just really wanted to be alone.

"Hey, what's up, mate?" James said, joining him on his walk to Herbology.

"Nothing much. And you?" Remus returned the gesture.

"Nothing really." James stopped, and Remus doubled round to see what was the matter. "Look, Remus --- I wanted to apologize for asking about your mum. And --- being sort of insensitive and all."

"Who set you up to this?"

"No one," James scoffed. "I do have a conscience, whatever you may think otherwise. Thank you very much. And I felt bad about making you all --- well, you know. Sorry. Truce?"

He held out his hand, and Remus smiled. "Sure," he said, and he shook with James.

"Oh, and you do know that if something was bothering you, you could tell me or the guys, right?" James's eyes were hopeful. This wasn't like him at all. Since when was he into "sharing" his feelings and discussing things?

"Yeah, of course," Remus said, very confused. The two of them continued walking to class, and Remus felt the stone drop back into his stomach.

"""""""""

"Checkmate," James said as Peter's face grew red. He had won for the fourth time in a row, and Remus and Sirius were growing quite tired of Peter's insisting on rematches.

"Let it go this time, Pete," Sirius yawned, and he sprawled back in his chair. "He's got you beat every time. You aren't ever going to be as good as James."

This just made Peter's face go to a dark purple.

"Hey, Lupin, you want to have a go against me?" Sirius offered, jumping off of the chair and pushing Peter out of the way. "Have you ever played before?"

Remus looked at the clock in the common room. It was four o' clock. Snorks would be coming any minute. He should just wait by the door and-

"Remus, you going to play or not?" James asked, standing up and offering him his spot on the carpet.

It wouldn't take that long. And he hadn't played for ages. He should let himself have a little fun before diving back into the nightmare. He shrugged. "All right."

Soon Sirius had beaten Remus very badly. Snorks still hadn't come. Remus had been listening for the cry of the Fat Lady all through the game. Nothing.

"Up for another?" Sirius asked, rubbing his knuckles on his shirt sleeve.

"Sure," Remus said, and instructed the white pawn to move forward two squares.

It was six o' clock when the boys finally put the chess game away and made their way into the dormitory room. It was then, just as Remus took a step up the staircase, that the Fat Lady finally uttered a scream.

"Oh my word!" she shouted. "Not you again, you fiend!"

Snorks was finally here. Two hours late. Remus didn't care, though. He couldn't get in here. Only Professor McGonagall had the password, and she was on the other side of the school. He wasn't going like a good little boy this time. He was going to wade it through. He was going to ignore it. He would fight his own monsters, and he would ignore him. It was the only way.

"Remus?" Snorks's voice was muffled behind the Fat Lady.

"Sir! Get your hands off of me!"

"Let me in, you old broad," Snorks demanded.

"Ah! My word!"

"Aren't you going to see your mum?" James asked, curiously looking back at the entrance.

"No," Remus said forcefully. "No, she'll be fine."

It was another hour until Snorks finally gave up and sought out Professor McGonagall for the password. By that time Remus was locked away in his room, dreaming of wizard chess with Peter's purple face on top of the pieces.

He woke around nine, to find himself perfectly normal. The moon was up and out, the sky was gleaming with stars, and there was no trace of anything different with Remus. He had found the solution. Ignorance! He had found the answers to his problems. Dumbledore, the doctor, his parents, they had all been wrong! He was perfectly safe in his own bed.

From downstairs, he heard the argument between Professor McGonagall and the Fat Lady, who felt as if she had been harassed and abused.

"I said dragon dung, you old bat!" Professor McGonagall snapped.

"Sadly, the password has been changed."

"You can't change the password. Only the Head of the House can! And that is me. And I order you to let me in!"

"No, you obviously don't know the password, so how could you be the Head of the House?"

"Because you changed it!"

"A password is a password."

Remus smiled to himself. They would be there all night, trying to get in. In the morning, he would come out well rested, and unscathed. It would be a miracle! For he, Remus Lupin, had found the cure to his curse.

It was nine o' clock when Remus checked his clock again. Professor McGonagall was still at it, and he was still Remus. The moonlight was starting to peak in his window, now. It had moved out of sight, and now had appeared in the pane next to his bed. The hairs on the back of his neck twitched.

9:05. The sunset had swept across the little space between the window and his blankets, and it was now creeping farther from his body, inch by inch. Remus braced himself. His muscles were already convulsing, or was it just that he was shivering?

His graying hair stood on end.

9:06. Professor McGonagall and the Fat Lady were still shouting at each other.

All of a sudden, it hit him. Like a wave of cold ice, Remus's eyes grew wide and his body grew limp. He tried to stop from screaming. It wasn't a miracle! It wasn't gone! He was still here! He was still alive! Ignorance couldn't kill him!

"James," Remus whispered, trying to keep control of his voice. His mind was falling, falling into the darkness again. The hair on top of his head began to crawl down his back, and his tailbone was lengthening. He felt a growl echo in his throat.

"No," he wailed, "no, no, no! I'm not --- a --- monster --- I'm not a-"

The room was vanishing. He saw the forest again. The forest that he had visited so many times. That man that had hidden along the trees was now a dog. No, not a dog --- a wolf. He was a wolf! A large, savage wolf! His father had warned him! He --- He lunged at Remus! He bit him! He-

Remus howled and thrashed in his bed. The moonlight was caressing him. Laughing at him.

"Remus?" a tired James said from across the room.

"HELP ME! MUUUM!" he cried, trying to hold onto his voice.

"What's going on?" Sirius snapped to attention, and Remus could hear Peter awaken as well.

"Could someone shut that lout up?" Darryl groaned from behind his eye mask.

"Wake up!" James said, throwing a pillow at him. "Come on, Remus. It's just a dream."

If only it were that easy. If only it were true.

"I DON'T WANT TO DIE! I DON'T WANT TO-"

"Peter, go get Professor McGonagall." James's voice was becoming faint.

Peter nodded, and ran out of the door. He was back in seconds with a flustered looking professor, and he pointed at Remus, who was convulsing harder than ever.

The pain! The pain! God, someone stop the pain! Let him die!

"AAAAAHHH!" he screamed again.

"Everyone out," Professor McGonagall ordered in a demanding tone. The four remaining boys ran out of the room, and into the hallway. "Potter, go get Dumbledore and tell him to meet us in the infirmary."

The door slammed behind the professor, and she was now alone with Remus, who was still twitching. He could slow it down. He could slow the process down. He had to try.

Blood. He could smell it.

It was his own!

"Mr. Lupin, are you still here?" Professor McGonagall's voice said, quivering with fright.

"DON'T TAKE ME!" Remus screamed. "DON'T TAKE ME! I FOUND A CURE! IF I JUST-"

"Mr. Lupin, listen to my voice. Listen to me, all right? Can you do that? Can you still understand me?"

Remus replied in a half-scream, half-howl. The fur was growing. The fangs were appearing. The claws were already in place. Remus rolled off of his bed, and he could see the dorm room. Everything was perfectly laid out in front of him. It was day again, almost. But oh, no. The wolf reigned at night. Only night.

"Mr. Lupin," Professor McGonagall repeated.

The wolf stopped. Remus looked at Professor McGonagall. That's who it was. It was his teacher. He was a student here at Hogwarts. He hadn't let Snorks in --- but who was Snorks ---?

"Help me!" he wailed, and fell down to the floor. Blood.

"We have to get you down to the infirmary." Professor McGonagall's voice. Yes, it was the professor. He was sure of it. But what was a ---

He lunged at her, and she was thrown back in a mix of amazement and terror. He set his fangs to bite in, but she took out her wand and pointed it between the wolf's eyes.

"Stupefy!" she screamed in horror.

The wolf was paralyzed. He and Remus dropped to the ground, and Remus was forgotten yet again.

""""""""""""

Sirius, James, Peter, and Darryl ended up camping out on the sofas. They were asleep when Professor McGonagall, along with Professor Snorks and Madame Pomfrey, whisked Remus out of his dormitory room and through the Fat Lady's portrait. Sirius couldn't remember his dream vividly, but he could see that illustration on page 394 in his mind when he woke up the next morning.

"Where are you going?" James yawned. "It's a Saturday."

"To the hospital wing," Sirius said, putting on his shoes. "To see Remus."

But the answer Sirius wanted did not come at the entrance of the infirmary.

"I'm sorry, he's not seeing any visitors today."

James seemed indignant. "Why? What happened? Is he okay?"

Madame Pomfrey, blocking the entranceway with her body, shook her head. "I told you, no visitors. Now go off. It's Saturday. Have fun. Build a snowman, get into trouble. Go. He'll be back as good as new on Monday. Get! Get!"

And with that, she shoved Sirius and James back into the hallway. From behind them, they could hear screaming.

"""""""""""""""""""""

Remus was lying in a white bed. He could tell now. He had just woken from a vivid dream. It was one where he was in his dormitory, and he had transformed in front of everyone. Professor McGonagall had come ---

He blinked. Professor McGonagall was sitting in a chair at the foot of his bed, her hair in a tussle and bags under her eyes. He had never seen her so frazzled in the seven months he had been at Hogwarts. Over his bed stood Headmaster Dumbledore, wearing a grim expression on his face.

"Sir, what happened?" Remus asked stupidly.

Professor McGonagall let out a sob, and she started to cry into her emerald green cloak.

"Mister Lupin," Dumbledore said, sitting in the vacant chair next to the head of the bed, "do you recall anything from last night?"

Remus blinked again, and everything came in clearer. It hadn't been a dream. It had been real. He stared at Professor McGonagall, who wouldn't look at him. She was still sobbing into her gown.

"Faintly," he said, very distant and very ashamed. He had attacked a teacher.

"You transformed in your dormitory. You wouldn't let Snorks in to fetch you. When someone finally did let us in, it was too late. Do you know the dangers that you put upon not only yourself, but on others as well?"

"I'm sorry," Remus said, and sat up. "I'll go pack my bags."

"Now wait a minute, Mister Lupin," Professor McGonagall collected herself for a moment, and wiped her eyes on her hem. "You are not going anywhere."

"What?" Remus asked, looking at her, "But I-"

"You made a mistake," Professor McGonagall said, standing to her feet and gaining strength every minute, "and don't interrupt, Albus." Dumbledore was also rising to his feet. "I forgive him for anything he may have done. The children were smart enough to vacate the room. Nothing happened. Nothing will happen. As long as Mister Lupin continues to use the tunnels and the shack, there is no reason that we should expel him for one small incident."

Remus looked hopefully at Dumbledore, who had that glint back in his eye. Dumbledore smiled. "I agree wholeheartedly with you, Minerva." He turned to Remus. "Now, Remus, this is a warning. You will let Snorks in promptly at four o' clock every month, and you will proceed with our plan. Do not, under any circumstances, be in any human contact when you transform. If you do so, you will be expelled."

"I understand," Remus said, and Dumbledore smiled again before turning away from him. "Wait, Headmaster," Remus continued, and Dumbledore faced him again, "I just remembered something. Snorks --- he was two hours late. I had been waiting for him --- he didn't show up until six o' clock."

The old wizard's face fell, and he frowned. "Well, I will have to speak to him as well, won't I?" he said, and then he exited. Professor McGonagall was still sitting there, staring at Remus. Remus felt a wave of guilt rush over him.

"Professor, I'm really sorry-"

"Don't apologize, Mister Lupin," she said, and stood again to follow Dumbledore out of the room. "You had no control over the wolf. That was obvious. I said that I forgave you."

She took her leave, and Remus shouted to her back, "I know you said that, but --- do you really?"

Professor McGonagall stopped in her tracks, and without turning to look at him, replied, "Yes, I forgive you."

"Do you forgive the wolf?"

There was another pause, and then a long sigh. "Show me that he can change, and someday I may forgive him as well."

And then she was gone, leaving Remus to his thoughts.